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Accused Rebellion?

citrusbreath95

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O.K. so this is a simple question, I was just wondering if any of your parents accused you of being rebellious. I find it quite frustrating, as I don't have the idea of wanting to be rebellious it if just forgetfulness, or not being focused... but if my parents tell me to do something a lot of the time I am just not focusing, or forget it, and they assume I do it purposely as an act of rebellion. So I was wondering, if this happens/happened to anyone on this forum a lot with parents, or people in general?
 

Trebuchet

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Never. But my parents are both INxPs so I guess they understood me pretty well, and I never had anything to rebel against. Sure, we disagreed on things, and argued, but they never thought I was rebellious.

Parents, when they disagree with their children, find it extremely stressful. When their kids were younger, they didn't think for themselves as much, or need to assert their independence, or have such detailed analyses of why their parents are wrong. They label it rebelliousness, because that is considered a normal phase (and therefore nothing to worry about), and because it provides an explanation (even if it isn't correct).

Parents have so many fears for their children. They fear for their safety if they rebel, because they might to something dangerous, like hang out with the wrong crowd, or try drugs, or whatever. They fear that they are losing a connection with someone they care about. They fear that they are bad parents, or that others will judge them to be bad parents.

I don't think INTPs are particularly rebellious. If you don't feel rebellious, I am sure you aren't. It must be extremely frustrating to be accused of something that isn't true, and to feel so misunderstood. I haven't the faintest idea what you should do about it, except talk to them, and try to understand their point of view. (You don't have to agree with it.) I certainly wish you luck.
 

systembust

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O.K. so this is a simple question, I was just wondering if any of your parents accused you of being rebellious. I find it quite frustrating, as I don't have the idea of wanting to be rebellious it if just forgetfulness, or not being focused... but if my parents tell me to do something a lot of the time I am just not focusing, or forget it, and they assume I do it purposely as an act of rebellion. So I was wondering, if this happens/happened to anyone on this forum a lot with parents, or people in general?


Yeah, I got this constantly while growing up. Like you, I never had any intention of being rebellious, and I never considered myself to have a chip on my shoulder or anything. I am generally very much a laid-back personality, like many here, I'm sure.

I do think it is a very understandable phenomenon: as an INTP, I need to be secure in the (relative) logical soundness of my actions, and when someone is granted more or less absolute authority to make me take actions which I may find incompatible with my own reasoning, it's only natural for there to be a clash. Also, the vast majority of people, parents included, make the vast majority of their decisions based on their emotions. It never quite sat right with me to take an action someone has determined, simply because they're angry, etc.

While I totally believe in the value of respecting one's elders, I really do think it is ingrained in us to be autonomous in our decision-making and I think this phenomenon is one manifestation of that. Interesting post, I'd never really fully considered this connection.
 

Silent_Rebel

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That is the reason that I have this name (Silent_Rebel). One day in study hall I had nothing to do so I just sat there and kinda drifted off into my own little world. After the bell rang at the end of class my teacher pulled my aside and told me that she knew what I was doing. She "knew that I was being a silent rebel" according to her. It was a very strange experience. My mother has also called me passive agressive a few times because I forget things so much.
 

le roi

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i can relate. i have an innate need to challenge norms that others didn't. i figure it has to do with being an intp.
 

Chimera

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My mum has said I'm strong, determined, and stubborn, but not rebellious. Whenever we get into a disagreement, we can talk it out.
My dad thinks I'm rebellious, impudent, disobedient...you name it. But then again, he's the one that tells me to do something and expects me to do it RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT OR YOU'RE IN TROUBLE AND I'M GOING TO GET REALLY ANGRY AND--
You know the type.
(Does it make me a rebel if sometimes I actually like pushing his buttons and watching him get angry at nothing? I swear, it's pretty entertaining...)

Eh. I like stirring up trouble, or breaking away from the sheep, but it's more of a hobby than a lifestyle.
 

Renk Fasze

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I think XXXJ parents tend to assume rebellion if their children don't line up with their ideas/ideals/whatever.

My parents always thought i was the one 'rebelling'.

They would question me on a regular basis and they thought, seemingly to them, i was the black sheep finding all the trouble to get into.

Like you said though, when i 'rebelled' it was usually because i completely spaced what they had asked me to do - i was easily consumed with whatever else i was doing or thinking of. I very quickly drifted off into heavy thought/something or other. I don't think i ever purposed to go against their will, i just drifted and forgot about the world around me because i was so focused on what was at hand for me.

Funny, i did some really awesome stuff when i drifted off and 'rebelled' in my parents eyes.

Id be willing to bet you may do the same thing.
 

citrusbreath95

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Funny, i did some really awesome stuff when i drifted off and 'rebelled' in my parents eyes.

Id be willing to bet you may do the same thing.


Yep you bet right, if I space out on my mom though it's especially hard as she's ESFJ, and whenever she says something she is constantly questioning me, it's an olympic act if you can space out when she's talking but apparentely I do, but yeah I do some really awesome things when I drift off, I think of some pretty cool things I never considered before, I may figure out how to solve a problem from earlier this day, endless
 

citrusbreath95

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That is the reason that I have this name (Silent_Rebel). One day in study hall I had nothing to do so I just sat there and kinda drifted off into my own little world. After the bell rang at the end of class my teacher pulled my aside and told me that she knew what I was doing. She "knew that I was being a silent rebel" according to her. It was a very strange experience. My mother has also called me passive agressive a few times because I forget things so much.


ha ha! I can't stand teachers like that, luckily my teachers pretty much leave me alone, I probably just majorly jinxed myself!:)
 

EditorOne

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I got called "Rebel without a Clue" by my managing editor when I was a young reporter. Does that count? :)
 
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