Your life goals? Dreams?

[onesteptwostep]

Sorta wondering what other INTPs (other typologies are welcome) are planning for their future, or wish they will achieve.

I want to be an international architect, traveling the world, designing just about anything. My interests are in skyscrapers, suburban houses, urban planning and religious buildings. I think my defining moment would be when I get the Prizker Prize (Nobel Peace prize for architecture) when I'm like 60 or something. I also really look forward to when reunification happens on the Korean penninsula; there's going to be so many projects... :L

But with the economy at a slump right now, I'm not so sure.. lots of dreams went down the drain via 2008~2009.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Goals are things I work on, the rest is just dreams that I thought I could achieve but ended up doing nothing with them.

Core goals:
Fluent proficiency in at least three foreign languages, currently ~0.7+0.3+0.1 out of 3.
Mastering skills I care about.
Independence of as many things as possible, most importantly money and work.
Creating a software company.
Working on a secret project X.

 

[Architect]

I want to be an international architect, traveling the world, designing just about anything. ...

But with the economy at a slump right now, I'm not so sure.. lots of dreams went down the drain via 2008~2009.

I'm predicting that the present non-depression depression will end in about 4 years. That will place it in line with previous Great Deleveragings, and other indications are lining up on that too. Note that the eventual bottom in interest rates will probably occur some years after that point (perhaps not, things are a little different this time). At any rate you should be preparing now for the economy years from now when you'll be ready for it. Don't use hindsight or you'll lose a decade.

Beyond that I'd gently suggest you have stars in your eyes on the architecture dream. If you said "I like architecture so much I'd be happy doing parking lots the rest of my life for a chance to be one" then I'd say you're an architect. When you say "I want to be ... traveling the world ... designing anything ... when I get the Prizker Prize" then I'd opine you don't have a chance. You're already outclassed by the ones who would be happy doing parking lots, just for a shot to do it at all.

 

[Yellow]

I want to be a potter someday. It is an expensive hobby. It has been almost 10 years since I've sat at a pottery wheel but everyday I think about it. I feel the clay spinning in my hands. That wet, slimy feeling of the porcelain as I raise it into whatever shape I want. I hope to have a wheel or two, a low-fire and high-fire kiln, some basic equipment, ample minerals for glaze experimentation, vast amounts of porcelain clay, and solitude. My only fear is that by the time I have the means to make that my life, I will be too old and delicate to handle that level of physical work.

I also want to grow an expansive apple forest with apple trees grown from seeds collected throughout the world (and specifically in western Asia). I realize that none of them will be edible, I have just always been enthralled by the extreme variations contained within the apple's gene pool.

 

[computerhxr]

My dream has always been to help people on an aggregate level.

My medium for the first part of my life has been through computers and the "internet". My new medium is the human computational network. I want to be the "intelligent designer" of the future.

I'm predicting that the present non-depression depression will end in about 4 years.

I came to a similar conclusion so I'm curious what tools or data that you used to make this prediction?

 

[Brontosaurie]

make art and music the way i think it should be

sort out some somatic issues

 

[TheManBeyond]

I would like to listen my songs on the radio, record a videoclip for them as well.
I would like to make the art for it.
I want to improve a lot in my composition skills.
I want to be able to say i don't envy Hello Sleepwalkers.

 

[Analyzer]

Freedom to think and pursue happiness

 

[Perfectly Normal Beast]

grow enough drugs.

create utopia.

 

[Anktark]

create utopia.

I will race you to it.

 

[Perfectly Normal Beast]

I will race you to it.

oooh good, competition - motivating.

how far along are you with your schemes?

 

[Anktark]

oooh good, competition - motivating.

how far along are you with your schemes?

I think I ought to have the whole picture nailed down in a couple years, so that's when the implementation part will begin. Starting with resource acquisition of course. Not gonna market or reveal anything to the public to make the transition more natural. I believe such things should seem as an obvious choice and not "well this way will be better if only..."

 

[Cavallier]

I have never had much in the way of life goals. I have general environmental conditions that I try to obtain and maintain: A roof over my head that is actually mine, space enough to keep away from other people when I want/need, a sense of independence, and not being shackled with so much responsibility that I don't have time to read.

 

[vladmirus]

If I could earn a living with my art, I would achieve a goal.
If I could finally better my German, I would start working on a goal.
If I could travel the world for my Performances, I would need to cry in absolute joy.
If I could buy or duplicate Bran Castle, then I can die in peace..... After a couple of years of bliss.

 

[Polaris]

To free myself of the shackles of anxiety and depression. 80% of my time is spent in either one or both of these states, I wish to change the ratio significantly. As soon as I reach a goal it all comes back to me and I must push forward again. I have recently come to suspect that it is anxiety/depression that are the underlying drivers of these obsessions. If I finally reach my initial goal, what will I be left with?

It makes my head implode.

 

[BrainVessel]

To have a very well paying career in the arts so I can always be doing something that makes me feel ok while being enabled to use my earnings from doing so to help people.

But overall just being content so: independence, relative happiness, time for hobbies

 

[8151147]

I used to want do certain goals like tribute to open source software community, develop the communism movement, create new progamming language(like Ruby and Python, or lua), continue the work of Alan Turing about AI, and many "hard core" stuff yeah..

But now I realize what I actually want is indepence, and freedom.

 

[Absurdity]

Don't really have goals, just exploit interesting opportunities as they arise.

 

[onesteptwostep]

I'm predicting that the present non-depression depression will end in about 4 years. That will place it in line with previous Great Deleveragings, and other indications are lining up on that too. Note that the eventual bottom in interest rates will probably occur some years after that point (perhaps not, things are a little different this time). At any rate you should be preparing now for the economy years from now when you'll be ready for it. Don't use hindsight or you'll lose a decade.

Beyond that I'd gently suggest you have stars in your eyes on the architecture dream. If you said "I like architecture so much I'd be happy doing parking lots the rest of my life for a chance to be one" then I'd say you're an architect. When you say "I want to be ... traveling the world ... designing anything ... when I get the Prizker Prize" then I'd opine you don't have a chance. You're already outclassed by the ones who would be happy doing parking lots, just for a shot to do it at all.

Good advices.. I'm not sure how to respond to the second half though, haha. I guess humility and passion is important. I'm just fascinated with the intricaties of architecture though. It includes law, reigonal culture, aesthetics, engineering, weather, politics, scheduling, economics, managment, philosophy, art, psychology.. I think it's just a fascinating mix of the humanities and science. There's so many topics you can branch off from it that you really have to be a polymath, diverse in an incredible amounts of fields.

 

[Kuu]

I think my defining moment would be when I get the Prizker Prize (Nobel Peace prize for architecture) when I'm like 60 or something.

You must be young to be enthralled by the mirage of starchitects and to aim for the fool's gold that is the Pritzker.

What better prize can one desire than the opportunity to create a great collaborative work that betters the lives of many for generations, sensible to the users and the place, even if it is to be misunderstood and jeered upon by the shallow interests of profiteer investors, flashy publishers, petty academics and their meaningless trophies?

What better prize than that feeling when one steps from the shadow into the light and stops to feel the breeze and hear the echoes in a place of one's own making, to feel as one feels when standing under the great eye of the Pantheon, or to finally see the landscape opening vast as one reaches the last steps of the Sun's Pyramid, or the contemplative ponds and birds of the gardens of the Alhambra. To stand there and know you've made this. To feel that the glass and steel and concrete laid by you could perhaps match those timeless temples, not in size but in greatness, and that your work too may last over a thousand years.

To free myself of the shackles of anxiety and depression. 80% of my time is spent in either one or both of these states, I wish to change the ratio significantly. As soon as I reach a goal it all comes back to me and I must push forward again. I have recently come to suspect that it is anxiety/depression that are the underlying drivers of these obsessions. If I finally reach my initial goal, what will I be left with?

Peace? Freedom?

 

[Auburn]

To free myself of the shackles of anxiety and depression. 80% of my time is spent in either one or both of these states, I wish to change the ratio significantly. As soon as I reach a goal it all comes back to me and I must push forward again. I have recently come to suspect that it is anxiety/depression that are the underlying drivers of these obsessions. If I finally reach my initial goal, what will I be left with?

Ow... I've known a few people like this, and it seems that after a while, however legitimate the reason for anxiety and depression was initially, the chemical disposition of the brain retains that signature. If the brain *developed* being depressed for long enough, then thoughts flow through those psychic circuits even if the time were to arrive when everything is fine.

I've seen l-tryptophan supplements work very well for this. I'm quite wary of messing with brain chemistry, but tryptophan (the precursor to serotonin) is found naturally in food and is the reason why chocolate lifts mood. =P It's otc, non-addictive and from my experience, taking supplements daily simply gives one back control over their psyche - rather than being shackled to one's heart-dynamics. I hope this helps, maybe..

 

[Pyropyro]

In no particular order:
* Find a girl and get married
* Migrate to somewhere where I (or my family) won't get shot because I want to change things for the better
* Get a PhD or law degree
* Have a house with a lawn where I can conduct my experiments in.

 

[cheese]

I hear you there, Polaris. I also think Auburn makes an excellent point. I've occasionally noticed underlying even the underlying anxiety and depression is the feeling of *habit*. It's just that sometimes, I'm distracted enough not to fall into that habit, or have enough energy (when I'm being particularly healthy) to pull myself out of it. Occasionally, there's no draw at all, and those times are amazing because there's absolutely nothing to struggle against, even if the 'bad thoughts' come.

One of my life goals/dreams is to really beat this stuff, and then help others beat it too. In the meantime, get better at not sucking. I basically want to overcome all the stuff holding me back, and I want to help others the same way*. It's like a puzzle I want to solve, but actually important.

*Yeah, I'm definitely leaning towards being a self-help type. So one of the many flaws I want to fix (PROBLEMS I WANT TO SOLVE BECAUSE IT'S AN EXCITING PUZZLE) is how to actually help, not just spew advice at people. Even if helping means shutting up and staying away. I think the excitement more typical INTPs experience in computer programming, I experience regarding understanding and mastering the self. I see a huge array of problems and I want to solve them. It ties together Ti and Fe for me. Every good or bad thing I experience feels to me like a piece of the Grand Puzzle. In all but my darkest moments the silver lining has been that I'll one day be able to use this to help someone else. It almost feels like my life has been a series of karmic events - starting out hard and unsympathetic, and gradually being introduced to more and more shittiness so I learn to stop hurting other people by being such an unyielding heartless judgybee. (I hope it doesn't go too much further because there are some things I really, really don't want to have to experience/become in order to learn!)

Anyway, it makes life interesting for me. Ti seems like a very flexible tool you can direct at anything.

 

[PhoenixRising]

I think the excitement more typical INTPs experience in computer programming, I experience regarding understanding and mastering the self. I see a huge array of problems and I want to solve them. It ties together Ti and Fe for me. Every good or bad thing I experience feels to me like a piece of the Grand Puzzle. In all but my darkest moments the silver lining has been that I'll one day be able to use this to help someone else. It almost feels like my life has been a series of karmic events - starting out hard and unsympathetic, and gradually being introduced to more and more shittiness so I learn to stop hurting other people by being such an unyielding heartless judgybee. (I hope it doesn't go too much further because there are some things I really, really don't want to have to experience/become in order to learn!).

I can relate so much to what you say here. I've found throughout my life that one thing that motivates me most is what I've referred to as self-perfection.

Spoiler

Self-Perfection: The impetus toward understanding and beautifying the Self, this is part of the drive in self-creation (growth). Mastery over the Self, refinement and expansion of existing traits, as well as adoption of traits that are seen as resonant, useful and beautiful.

In reality, changing one's self isn't all about becoming the things you wish to be, it means first facing and overcoming the things that you don't want to be, things that are often difficult to accept. I think, over time our psyche seeks out what we need to learn in order to improve. The journey to this knowledge and through to the resolution is much like a birth, though, it can be nearly crushing until we manage to learn and emerge on the other side as a new and improved being.

It's curious how you mention that you see the point of your own journey as being a capability to aide someone else. I actually held that same sentiment for most of my life.. in my case though I ended up realizing that my impetus to help others was ultimately about self-gratification - especially in the sense that I felt unworthy of existence and so felt better about making my progress about someone else. Ultimately, though, I found that the reality was that I was growing for myself, that's what the psyche seems to do when it has tangles to resolve, with or without our conscious consent. I also realized that my journey, although similar to that of some others, was unique to me and unlikely to be directly helpful to anyone else. But, I think that one's own journey to wholeness and self-improvement can allow them to be more efficient when assisting others. It is only when one is healthy and balanced within them self that they can bear part of another's burden without faltering.

[Best of luck on your journey, btw ^^]

 

[EyeSeeCold]

To live life to the fullest, not in the sense of hedonism but being able to life a life where my roles and obligations actually coincide with what I want to do, achieve, and find desirable. I don't know if I have a dream, I guess I would like to see less competition relating to survival in the world and more contribution towards progress of all kinds.

 

[Polaris]

Ow... I've known a few people like this, and it seems that after a while, however legitimate the reason for anxiety and depression was initially, the chemical disposition of the brain retains that signature. If the brain *developed* being depressed for long enough, then thoughts flow through those psychic circuits even if the time were to arrive when everything is fine.
I hope this helps, maybe..

You actually understood what I was talking about, and that is enough for me.

As Cheese explained, overcoming the things that hold you back -- but the catch is should I overcome these things, what will I be left with to push me forward? I don't wish to stagnate, I don't want to get too comfortable, because it's a trap.

 

[Direwolf]

Become a geologist
Travel to 5 countries
Make a family

 

[Auburn]

You actually understood what I was talking about, and that is enough for me.

I did? ^^ ..that's good to know.

As Cheese explained, overcoming the things that hold you back -- but the catch is should I overcome these things, what will I be left with to push me forward? I don't wish to stagnate, I don't want to get too comfortable, because it's a trap.

..and I think it's wise to listen to your body's sense. If it tells you it's not time to stop, there's probably a good reason for it. But, just from my own experience, I know that there can come a time when one can release themselves from struggle, and find ways to grow/evolve that are not motivated by a psychological pressure that requires resolution.

Reaching for the sky.... the oxygen
not because you are drowning and gasping for air,
but because you are standing on flat ground
and simply want to touch the stars

 

[onesteptwostep]

I guess there's a commomly themed principle but not many people have manifested that into concrete careers. Interesting.

@Kuu

You're an architect, right? If you are how long have you been in the field?

 

[IfloatTHRUlife]

I struggle with the idea of a dream or goals. For the past 5 years of my life i pushed toward what seemed to be the thing that would make me happy. I had moved to New York City from the town where i grew up. I found a work environment that satisfied me despite being stressful. I had met many people who i consider good friends.

The problem is that i had not done all this out of my own motivation. I was motivated to move there and try to pursue a well paying career to make a girl happy. I began to want kids, a nice home, to travel.. many things i never wanted before. I fell into hard times after i got screwed over by the man i worked for and my ex had to support me. After a little while she had changed her mind, she didn't want a family any more. She wanted to be single, have fun and hang out with guys she worked with.

Now i have returned to my home in the woods with no hopes, no dreams, and little to help me cope with any of this besides smoking sweet sweet mary jane.

That is my story of how an oblivious INTP can cling to an idea of happiness and have it come back to not only bite him in the ass, but destroy everything he worked toward up until said ass biting.

On the bright side, I do have some fairly interesting ideas for advanced methods of space travel.

 

[QuickTwist]

Thats called getting older. At least for me.

 

[IfloatTHRUlife]

Appppparently my reply didnt send, and im too lazy to try to recall everything i said but in short i said something along the lines of.. I accept that what i have been through is not as bad as some breakups i have seen so i take it as a learning experience and that i am better off not being with someone who wants to be somebody they are not. Also said that regarding dreams, i seek not dreams nor setting goals, but motivation. For someone like me, setting specific goals can be very restricting without some driving force. I would much rather find a means of motivating myself towards doing better things and letting goals set themselves. That may be the way i went about my relationship, but despite the outcome, the motivation i had and the things i did with that were quite satisfying. So.. best 2 out of 3 eh?

 

[QuickTwist]

I had a bad break up to. It literally (not using hyperbole here) drove me crazy -catatonic. I was diagnosed with a mental illness called Schizoaffective disorder. Although it has been severely limiting to what I can accomplish on a day to day basis I still remain that I want to have goals and I typically try to set realistic ones that can be achieved with some effort to be sure, but the important thing for me is to be able to actually see success in what I do so as to give me a sense of self worth that I can look back on and give myself credit for the work that it took to accomplish said goal. I hardly believe many people can envision what credibility there is for my wanting to still set goals given that most people are not deep thinkers and even less are empathetic, but I still don't want to label myself as a victim because even though in hindsight 20/20 I feel responsible for that horrible break up it probably had nothing to do with me but a change in life made by both parties. I am also a hopeless perfectionist who doesn't do anything half-assed as long as I am motivated to put effort into what I am doing which is usually 110% until I either lose interest or realize that what I wanted to accomplish in the first place is far too unrealistic for me to accomplish. Again I still remain that it is better to set goals and strive for excellence even though I am terrified of failing.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

To live life to the fullest, not in the sense of hedonism but being able to life a life where my roles and obligations actually coincide with what I want to do, achieve, and find desirable. I don't know if I have a dream, I guess I would like to see less competition relating to survival in the world and more contribution towards progress of all kinds.

I think I was in a bad mood or something when I typed this...

When I was younger I wanted to "make games", I remember being moved by the negative ending of Syphon Filter 2 to the point that I wanted to be able to remake the game and prevent it. I always knew I wanted to do something with computers but never could get into programming. Around my mid/late teens I had poetic impulses and was writing hip hop verses and tried to sample music, I still loop interesting parts of music that I notice just to wonder.

Everybody wants to live life in full self-sufficiency and socio-economic freedom I'm not different there, but I'm already anticipating my mid-life crisis and I'm hoping to resolve my spiritual-emotional self such as doing the things I'd like to do as soon as possible(witnessing snow and snowboarding, jet skiing, dune buggy riding, traveling especially to the US east coast and pacific northwest, wild exploration in general) and finding someone who's compatible(and inspiring) as a longterm SO, as well as involvement in some kind of active cause(immediate nuclear family, personal business, charity etc) to give my life meaning.

Everything seems to hinge on my financial prosperity and education though which are short term goals for now I suppose, fulfilled within the next 5-10 years hopefully.

 

[JPS]

I want to be independent and self-reliant, both spiritually and economically; that much I know.

I'd like to live as ascetically as is fitting for me, and I'd like to become a writer of stories, essays, and aphorisms.

I'd like to be able to develop and cultivate myself as a person. By this I mean to say that I want my ideas to come alive within me. It's as if I want to make myself into a form of artistic expression: I'd like to embody my truths.

Possibly I'd like to find somebody similar to me to spend the rest of my life with; somebody who asks questions and tries her best to answer them.

As one can probably see, few of my life goals are concrete. Most, if not all, are vague and inchoate.

 

[OrLevitate]

Everybody get up it's time to slam now

 

[dark+matters]

My dreams are always changing. I guess right now, some of my dreams include finishing my sci-fi novel series and writing a much shorter literary novel series, getting a screenwriting agent, writing a book about acting, writing down a couple of my ideas about psychology and sociology in a scholarly manner, completing my BA and moving on to a PhD or to law or business school, and learning to get as good at digital painting as I was on paper (way better, ideally, but that doesn't sound realistic). I'd also like to learn another language, live in another country for a couple years, live in New York City for a couple of years, and buy a house for retirement.

Fish. I want to own a ton of plants and aquariums when I settle down into old age- especially orchids. Maybe help underprivileged children, independent filmmakers, and contribute to other charities I believe in, too. But these things all seem very, very far away...

 

[nanook]

When i was four years or so i realized that i was different and that i have no place in this world, so i kept life and dreams separate, i would dress up as cowboy, but not act like one in real life, my father would have killed me. For a while i thought i would grow up to become more normal around 18, like my gears would suddenly transform and fall into their proper place, so i had some fleeting normal dreams, like owning a skate shop, without being convinced by them. But in puberty it became apparent that i would only grow to become even more of a misfit and all wordily dreams became impossible. For a while even dreams of social relationship where impossible and i was very suicidal. But then i realized that i have a small relationship potential. Some people can almost tolerate me as i am, i even had a first girlfriend for two years, at 23. I also began to develop dreams of psychological healing that have since mutated into dreams of awakening. My concrete goals have always been a failure. So far i wasn't even able to loose weight, although i am closer than ever.

 

[dark+matters]

But in puberty it became apparent that i would only grow to become even more of a misfit and all wordily dreams became impossible. For a while even dreams of social relationship where impossible and i was very suicidal. But then i realized that i have a small relationship potential. Some people can almost tolerate me as i am, i even had a first girlfriend for two years, at 23. I also began to develop dreams of psychological healing that have since mutated into dreams of awakening. My concrete goals have always been a failure. So far i wasn't even able to loose weight, although i am closer than ever.

We like you, nanook.

 

[nanook]

aaw, a touching concept. thanks

 

[cheese]

Yeah, nanook. I find your posts amazing. I wish I could pay you to write. Please stick around.

 

[Cherry Cola]

yeah nanook u rock, no jk

 

[onesteptwostep]

Woo it's been six months since the opening of this thread~

It's fun to reread what you wrote and recollect sometimes.

Let's see.. I've gotten nowhere closer in achieving my goals (still waiting to go back to school) but I learned a crap load in other related fields. I've sort of went full Ne-Ti rocketship mode the last few months. I'm also sort of aggravated right now because my parents are pushing me towards some type of career in ministry but knowing my NT temperament I won't last long (not to mention organized religion is slowly dying, although I think there's an interest in spirituality more these days). It's also fun to see my friends suffer from living as single, young adults. LOL. Okay well maybe it's an ass thing to brood over.

Anyway, trying to sort out priorities right now. My dream of being an international architect still hasn't changed.

/rantishblog

 

[ActiveMind]

It's definitely hard to achieve big dreams when the obstacles getting there seem so insurmountable. But if you face the truth about whatever it is we want to do, it's ultimately our minds that prevent us from achieving whatever goals or dreams we have.
Guys like Jacque Fresco and Peter Joseph and their ideas make a lot of sense to me. As a natural problem solver I always felt like I come up with better ways to do things than to 'suck it up' or 'work hard' like everyone else. I want to be something like an inventor or a future designer in some way. I'm interested in coming up with an efficient system that feeds, clothes, and houses people as an institution, while also changing standards of labor, as in not forcing people to work 40 hours a week in order to enjoy and/or improve their standard of living.
Where would I even start?

 

[Haim]

A dream is a thing that have an end and then what?
You can call the things I want to do as dreams,just to put it in words.

1.make a great game which I define as a game whose genre
can't be defined,the first of it genre.
2.new tools/ideas to Improve the way we can express ourself .
1-2.A game that can make you think be creative and have many unique action/decisions possibilities or do what the fuck you want.
In order to do it a good A.I is most likely needed.
3.Make a gaming company with the main goal to make good new games.
Not dumbed down,not effected by PR,advertising and little effect from the audience/demographic,a good game that will sell because it good.

 

[TheManBeyond]

to get the widest list of haters and see them spontaneously combusting on rage hahahah

 

[Ocofan]

not to mention organized religion is slowly dying
/rantishblog

Out of curiosity which country do you live in? I always assumed most people on the forum lived in the U.S. and that Christianity was a steady powerhouse within it?

I don't think I have any concrete dreams or goals. I don't really have a passion in life, which makes finding out what to do with it disconcerting; most likely influencing my lack of motivation / laziness. There are some hobbies I'd like to explore like fishing, a language, generic things etc.

 

[dark+matters]

I also want to achieve a sense of mastery and joy in having concentrated on something for a very long time. I feel that way a little bit about some things, and it makes me happy. I'd like to deepen and broaden those experiences to the point of eliminating all insecurity (impossible, but that is the aspiration that might be realized in little bits and pieces). This feeling of security in understanding something in depth doesn't necessarily have to be in my profession. I just want to be able to know, privately, that I know the in's and out's of something to a degree that makes me feel all warm and squishy inside. I would be especially happy if this helped me to think clearly and make sense of this world. I don't know why moments in which I can do that make me feel like everything is going to be okay, but they do.

I also think I want to keep a really beautiful vivarium wherever I live, with one or two types of set-'em-and-forget-'em, hardy reptiles. I think I would enjoy raising the plants and the little hatchlings.

Aaaaand, I keep thinking of making some sort of YouTube series someday (or whatever similar medium will be available if someone manages to do the whole "YouTube" thing better in the future). I think I might like to tie some videos in with the book about acting that I would like to write. And the video series will be exactly like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-x068o6Wtw4

 

[Aeroflot]

Too many things to list. Tis never going to happen.

 

[al.otakupunk]

Everything. I want to do and be everything. But sadly, that's impossible... luckily I've narrowed it down to a few bullet points:

- Create and program my own video game. A really good one, with a unique storyline, a wide open sandbox, and over 100 hours of gameplay.

- Write a novel. A fantasy or sci-fi (or both), with a little bit of mystery and adventure thrown in. And maybe a little horror.

- Write and draw my own comic. Possibly a dark Magical Girl story, but if not, a tale with similar elements to my dream novel.

- Write and draw my own animated series. See above.

- Start a band and travel around the world spreading anarchism, intellectualism, anti-capitalism, equal rights, art, and music.

- Before any of that, however... overcome my mental troubles and figure out who I actually am underneath all the angst and emptiness and miscellaneous crap.