You slay prostitutes and bathe in their blood.
You suck badly at sales jobs and customer service.
Wait...I am going into a customer service job. O.o It is for an MIS department so the thinking portion IS there. Hopefully I can deviate from the norm and actually do decently at it.
When during an argument you find all the flaws in your own arguments before they do.
Not only that; but as a God you were so bored that you hoped you wouldn't figure it out, so as to occupy yourself for as long as possible.
- When you break the speed limit while driving and check for cops in a paranoid manner the entire trip...
- ...And while checking for cops you think up logical excuses to use 'just in case' you get pulled over...
- ...And by the time you reach your destination you realize that you have yet to decide on a logical excuse because you keep finding flaws (that no one else would notice) with the ones you have been making.
- When you see a message you want to respond to you take an extra hour to post it because you want to make sure it's perfect and that you've thought of everything beforehand. Sometimes leading to the material never being posted because you forgot about it.
- When you second guess your spelling prowess on simple words and look them up before finalizing so you don't feel you'll be judged.
- When people ask you for advice, you preface it with a disclaimer so you feel justified when what you say upsets them.
- When you know how you want your drinks mixed. You know that your perfect margarita is 2.5 oz good Reposado tequila, 1 oz Gran Marnier, 2 oz lemon-lime Gatorade (it's the perfect sour mix. Not too sour, not too sweet, not overpowering. You can still taste the tequila and liqour), 0.5 oz lime juice, very well stirred (at least 100 rotations @ ~120 rpm), then strained over fresh rocks (stays ice cold much longer). Or whatever your perfect mix is.
- When you use music / tv / audiobooks to help you sleep (by drowning out the incessant bull____ that's constantly going on in your head).
- If you are annoyed that "incessant" and "constantly" are used in the same sentence to convey the same meaning.
- If you find that your conversational style is more influenced by screenplays than actual interpersonal experience. (Aaron Sorkin's dialogue in my case)
- If you can, and often do, spend 45 minutes chain smoking and pacing in your driveway in the wee hours of the morning constructing arguments relating to drug policy / economic policy / the USSC's gross abuse of the Commerce Clause / religion OR use that time to have a fake conversation in your head where you are explaining the details of a passion / hobby of yours to an imaginary listener. And consider this time well spent.
- You love Jeremy Clarkson, but you know you're really more of the James May sort.
- You think the line between right and wrong is black on one side and white on the other (no "shades of grey"), but the line itself is extremely squiggly (highly dependent on circumstance).
You can ace a test on multivariable calculus while half-asleep, but you can't figure out how to turn on your shower when you're fully awake.
I use lefty-loosy righty-tighty, and yeah the other side could be turning right as you turn left but it is pretty clear that your hand is turning left whenever you unscrew something.
You've been told that you need to learn to lie.
No, because only one part of your hand is turning left. The other side is turning right. And 90 degrees from that a side is turning towards you, and 180 degrees from that, a side is turning away from you... You see, it doesn't work.
When you frequently have meetings with your parents with them frustrated with how you behave.
I had one today, apparently they hate that Im in my own world inside my room, and don't interact with them, and that I look too cold/isolated.