You Dented My Feelers/My Feelers are Bent

[MissQuote]

I had a friend becak in 6th grade that used this expression (you dented my feelers) often, mostly as a joke, when someone did something that hurt her feelings. I've always thought it was an excellent phrase, back then for the whimiscal nature of it, and now as a sort of funny, if not perfect, analogy for when emotions are overwhelming the ability to think or process things properly.

Like an ant whose antenae have been slightly maimed who then sort of fumbles around because the information it encounters is all distorted, and perhaps because of this it reacts inappropriately towards different situations (whether that be overreaction, underreaction or completely beserk to towards things that needed no attention at all) in it's anty world.

What I am getting at, something I have noticed about myself is a tendancy to become completely and utterly overwhelmed with emotion, to the point of getting a little hysterical about things, over something very small and of no importance whatsoever, or perhaps only minor importance and certianly not something that necessarily deserves any emotion at all, when there are intense situations in my life that I am unable to understand or solve with logic or reason, or that information that I could use to understand why something is happening is with held..

I may not externally freak out over the big problem, rather try to understand it the best I can (which is far more thoroughly than many others and the main way I cope with things) and I probably am not having melt downs over every small thing that comes my way, but every now and then (in this sort of unsolvable big problem situation) some ridiculous little thing witll happen and I will completely lose it.

This "losing it" isn't always crying or anger type either, it could be hysterical laughter over something that is only mildly humorous for example.

After writing all of that it sounds now like maybe it is just typical human reaction?

I suppose from a normal perspective it would be assumed that I was stuffing my emotions, but I am not sure how appropriate that approch is in regard to me (though it may have merit). What I see as actually happening is sort of the opposite, my emotions are completely overwhelming everything due the tools I need to process them being unavailibe (understanding in factual terms).

I guess I should just lay out the facts of my specific problem, so it doesn't seem like I'm going too far out into hypothetical land, and so you all can understand clearly the intenseness I am refering to (and I am not writing this fishing for emathetic comments "I'm sorry" etc., as we all barely know eachother they would likely be forced and uncomfortable and trying to figure out how to respond to them would be just as uncomfortable on my end as well for the same reason, though I guess it is ok for empathy if anyone feels moved at all, I don't want to tell anyone what to say or not say):

A person in my family is dying, most of everyone else is coping with it by "being there" for eachother, which is good and I can participate in as well, but my own coping with it is difficult because of all of the "why's" in my head- I desperetly want to understand the scientific facts behind the specific form of the disease in order to be able to process those "why's". Unfortunately these sort of needs are seen as rather cold, and as my husband demandingly put it "intrusive" as in "why are you so intrusive" (which I don't hold agaisnt him for being upset and saying, because he is probably right) So I am basically resolved at this point to keep my mouth shut and accept my role as being support to my children and my husband and his family as best I am able.

And, an example of "losing it" would be last night when I was on another forum I frequent and a member quoted me then made a sort of blanket statment about annoyance over my sort of comment, that was not specifically directed at only me, what I said was just the example, and I sort of freaked out emotionally. I was literally in tears sitting at my fucking computer, and I told her off a little bit, when really I normally wouldn't have been phased much, if any, by the comment and I certianly wouldn't have told her off or even wanted to. The comment realated in no way whatsoever to the real life stuff going on and didn't remind me of it in any way.

Anyway, I'm just sort of analyzing all of this and wondering if I am just crazy or if any of this makes sense so far?

Is this something anyone else has expierenced, all the stuff before I gave my specific situation I mean, and if so what conclusions did you come to?

 

[ElvenVeil]

hmm.. what hits me is that you may not give your feelings the attention that they demand. That can result in over reacting in other situations.
If that is the case , then your goal is to discover what you have burried beneath your skin, get it out, and should very well solve this problem. (assuming you think it is a problem that you start crying in front of your pc...)
( I don't have any links or similar to support what I am saying.)

 

[Black Rose]

I was literally in tears sitting at my fucking computer, and I told her off a little bit, when really I normally wouldn't have been phased much, if any, by the comment and I certianly wouldn't have told her off or even wanted to.

I remember when that happened to me.

Fe Fi conflict (INFJf).

Don't worry, it not your fault, emotions don't have to be bad.

 

[MissQuote]

hmm.. what hits me is that you may not give your feelings the attention that they demand. That can result in over reacting in other situations.
If that is the case , then your goal is to discover what you have burried beneath your skin, get it out, and should very well solve this problem. (assuming you think it is a problem that you start crying in front of your pc...)
( I don't have any links or similar to support what I am saying.)

This makes sense.

Rereading the whole thing I'm not even sure what I was talking about/getting at, I think by the time I got to the bottom my train of thought had shifted gears from where it was in the begining.



I am overall a pretty passionate person, it is generally focused on things that I've decided desrve my being passionate about them, so I'm just contemplating what is behind the times everything goes completely haywire, wondering if it is somewhat common of everyone, or of people that think similarily as me, or if it is just a personal thing I should figure out.

I remember when that happened to me.

Fe Fi conflict (INFJf).

Don't worry, it not your fault, emotions don't have to be bad.

Thanks

 

[ElvenVeil]

Well.. It is not common.. at least it is not a trait that everyone have.
I have never experienced what you are telling here , but I think it would make sense if this reaction could be found in certain types. Animekitty suggests that it is an INFJ reaction? If so , then perhaps reading more carefully through the INFJ personality descriptions may help you reach some sort of truth about yourself

 

[cheese]

Built-up stress lowers the ability to deal with anything. When people are stressed their patience wears thin. It's common to everyone. I don't think it's unusual at all, I see it everywhere. If your ability to process emotions is generally a little low (eg you're not aware of them when they happen, or you experience delayed impact, or you brush them aside or deny them, etc), or you're unable to process for some other reason (not having enough information, like you said, or even just being in a very emotionally taxing situation) then build-up may be more frequent or more intense, leading to disproportionate outbursts. But what you described sounded fairly normal to me. You're stressed, and you have mini breakdowns. The stress may come about because you have unresolved emotions, or because your life is extremely taxing at the time. But neither are unusual. Perhaps it seems odd to you because your tools for dealing with things seem different to others? (Using information to move past emotional situations.) But it's just another way of dealing with the same thing, and the outcome is the same if not dealt with, I think.

 

[Wizardry]

I had a friend becak in 6th grade that used this expression (you dented my feelers) often, mostly as a joke, when someone did something that hurt her feelings. I've always thought it was an excellent phrase, back then for the whimiscal nature of it, and now as a sort of funny, if not perfect, analogy for when emotions are overwhelming the ability to think or process things properly.

I like it.

Like an ant whose antenae have been slightly maimed who then sort of fumbles around because the information it encounters is all distorted, and perhaps because of this it reacts inappropriately towards different situations (whether that be overreaction, underreaction or completely beserk to towards things that needed no attention at all) in it's anty world.

Yep.

What I am getting at, something I have noticed about myself is a tendancy to become completely and utterly overwhelmed with emotion, to the point of getting a little hysterical about things, over something very small and of no importance whatsoever, or perhaps only minor importance and certianly not something that necessarily deserves any emotion at all, when there are intense situations in my life that I am unable to understand or solve with logic or reason, or that information that I could use to understand why something is happening is with held..

Maybe your brain is attempting to divert attention away from the intense situation to something petty as a means of escaping the intense situation?

I may not externally freak out over the big problem, rather try to understand it the best I can (which is far more thoroughly than many others and the main way I cope with things) and I probably am not having melt downs over every small thing that comes my way, but every now and then (in this sort of unsolvable big problem situation) some ridiculous little thing witll happen and I will completely lose it.

This "losing it" isn't always crying or anger type either, it could be hysterical laughter over something that is only mildly humorous for example.

Laughter is a good way of relieving stress. Perhaps its your bodies way of trying to heal itself.

After writing all of that it sounds now like maybe it is just typical human reaction?

Well, you are human so you have human reactions. There really is no norm for "proper" behavior. You don't seem odd to me anyhow.

I suppose from a normal perspective it would be assumed that I was stuffing my emotions, but I am not sure how appropriate that approch is in regard to me (though it may have merit). What I see as actually happening is sort of the opposite, my emotions are completely overwhelming everything due the tools I need to process them being unavailibe (understanding in factual terms).

Understandable. You are a river fish used to clear water but then people expect you to live happily in a swamp. I don't like swamp water either.

I guess I should just lay out the facts of my specific problem, so it doesn't seem like I'm going too far out into hypothetical land, and so you all can understand clearly the intenseness I am refering to (and I am not writing this fishing for emathetic comments "I'm sorry" etc., as we all barely know eachother they would likely be forced and uncomfortable and trying to figure out how to respond to them would be just as uncomfortable on my end as well for the same reason, though I guess it is ok for empathy if anyone feels moved at all, I don't want to tell anyone what to say or not say):

Empathy doesn't have to come out of being close or knowing another well. We are all humans going down the human path so we should support each other. I do feel some empathy for your situation.

A person in my family is dying, most of everyone else is coping with it by "being there" for eachother, which is good and I can participate in as well, but my own coping with it is difficult because of all of the "why's" in my head- I desperetly want to understand the scientific facts behind the specific form of the disease in order to be able to process those "why's". Unfortunately these sort of needs are seen as rather cold, and as my husband demandingly put it "intrusive" as in "why are you so intrusive" (which I don't hold agaisnt him for being upset and saying, because he is probably right) So I am basically resolved at this point to keep my mouth shut and accept my role as being support to my children and my husband and his family as best I am able.

The other people are hurting so to them its natural to comfort each other. I don't get comfort the same way as other people and you don't either. When I was in a similar situation I wanted to understand the "why's" too but mostly because I don't trust current doctors. Research and technology change so fast and they don't have time to keep up to date. I like to look for other possible treatments and I require enough knowledge to feel like I'm not completely ignorant on the matter. So the rest of the family is crying and I'm studying anything and everything I can so I can HELP the PERSON. Other people lose sight of the person and get too focused on themselves and how THEY feel. It usually feels like I should be actively doing something to help. Any of that seem familiar?

And, an example of "losing it" would be last night when I was on another forum I frequent and a member quoted me then made a sort of blanket statment about annoyance over my sort of comment, that was not specifically directed at only me, what I said was just the example, and I sort of freaked out emotionally. I was literally in tears sitting at my fucking computer, and I told her off a little bit, when really I normally wouldn't have been phased much, if any, by the comment and I certianly wouldn't have told her off or even wanted to. The comment realated in no way whatsoever to the real life stuff going on and didn't remind me of it in any way.

You had a moment. Its cool.

Anyway, I'm just sort of analyzing all of this and wondering if I am just crazy or if any of this makes sense so far?

Makes sense to me.

Is this something anyone else has expierenced, all the stuff before I gave my specific situation I mean, and if so what conclusions did you come to?

Not to worry about it. You operate how you operate and other people operate in their own way. You are not them, they are not you. It is unrealistic to think that we should all be the same and communication is key. We all have to deal with our own personal challenges.