You Are Not Special

[downsowf]

This guy's commencement speech has been getting attention lately in the news. People have criticized him for not being inspirational and for being too critical. I disagree and think this guy speaks the truth and gives teens a much needed reality check instead of inundating them with constant affirmation to stroke their egos. Here's the speech:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lfxYhtf8o4&feature=player_embedded



Thoughts?

 

[Turniphead]

Thought it was pretty positive...

 

[downsowf]

Thought it was pretty positive...

I did too, but in (American) culture, it has been the prevailing view that boosting a child's self -esteem and preaching that every single person is exceptional is preferable to telling people the truth. Most people aren't going to make a lot of money or go on to live notable lives. Telling a kid they could be anything they want and that they are special does them no service. I remember watching a documentary where Americans were lagging behind in math and science significantly compared to other nations. But what the American students scored highest in compared to other nations was self-esteem. So this speech, compared to other speeches, was different in tone. Other commencement speeches undoubtedly tell students that they are exceptional and the next Bill Gates is somewhere in our midst.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

So because I am being what I want to be, I am special? Brilliant! I always knew this. :P

Love the youtube clip, by the way.

 

[Cognisant]

There are more of me out there?

Well there's a scary thought

 

[AlisaD]

Encouraging kids to find passion, live well and read books is bad Really?

Damn, Americans are weird

 

[~~~]

A lot of people don't really like be told it straight. From memory positive reinforcement only really works if it is based on truth.

 

[The Gopher]

crisis (ugghh) *shivers*

 

[Architect]

That was wonderful.

 

[Systems]

That was amazing.

 

[Jennywocky]

Thought it was pretty positive...

So far I haven't actually run across the negative reviews, the news stories I've read have all reported positive responses. (I think many in the culture feel like kids today have too much, and get coddled too much, and think they need to have their perspectives reframed a bit.)

Didn't see the video but I actually read the whole commencement speech, as opposed to just soundbites, and I think the actual address is very positive -- more positive than just the snippets of smackdown make it sound. He really does frame everything very well and explain where he's coming from, and his entire goal is to set the graduates up to actually see their lives as meaningful and something they can use to contribute to the rest of the world.

Yes, they are each unique and have something to contribute -- just like everyone else. No one is special in that regard. So we can respect and help each other and focus on what our contributions will be rather than what we might think we deserve from society because we're "special." And anything worth doing is worth doing well and with investment.

Hardly controversial.

Encouraging kids to find passion, live well and read books is bad Really?

I know. What a bastard.

 

[perkins]

"Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."

I liked it.

 

[Architect]

The concept of the importance of man has gone through its cycles. A few millennia ago the rulers set up the game so they were thought of as special, and commoners lives were held pretty cheaply. Only 50 years ago it was generally thought noble to throw your life away for your country, which maybe isn't much different.

In the 1800's arose the idea (damn Romantics!) that man was special. Probably due to the development of technology and culture to a point where people didn't have to grub in the dirt so much, so could feel good about themselves. They also came up with the poisonous idea that some people are particularly special, namely artists and musicians, that they were touched by the gods somehow and had a special gift. Culturally the idea persists in musical circles today, but I've had world famous composers assure me that it is simply a craft that isn't a particularly special skill (I agree).

The past few decades, maybe due to our inundation of the Celebrity and all their foibles, we've seen a democratic decline in the idea. This speech embodies that sentiment. Unfortunately we've also seen the rise of the ugly, where some slob dressed and acting like a pig is as good as anybody else.

 

[intpz]

I like this guy. Perfect speech for ENTPs/INTPs. Great dude.

 

[lungs]

i liked it.

the only part that rubbed me the wrong way is that even though he's making general statements that are true for most people there are bound to be some kids in that group who have parents who are abusive or neglectful or have had shit lives and he's like, "listen up, shits, you've been spoiled and told you're special," and thinking about how there have been some kids who have received the opposite treatment makes me uncomfortable.

overall though i think it IS something that most young people need to hear more of.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I disagree with his scientific rants about how indistinctive every thing is compared to the whole universe. That's one perspective, the one of figure and form, he over emphasized his point which came off as arrogant.

The latter half of the video is where I do agree with him though, as he urges achievement, exploration, and authenticity over baseless ego boosting. Self-esteem, when it's not backed by anything, just serves to inflate the ego. Self-esteem affects self-confidence and initiative, so it's not inherently a bad thing to have a lot of it, but it is highly mood-dependent and with no foundation, self-esteem is more trouble than it's worth.

Having actual accomplishments, skills, and traits to reference as examples can validate & solidify self-esteem & self-confidence and take away the vulnerability to moods; it also helps to have self-respect.

 

[MichiganJFrog]

My high school graduation speaker gave me the best piece of advice I've ever received: Always make the other person feel like he/she is smarter than you. With 30 years to reflect on it, I now take this statement to mean you should acknowledge the other person's gifts and talents as you do your own.

 

[intpz]

My high school graduation speaker gave me the best piece of advice I've ever received: Always make the other person feel like he/she is smarter than you. With 30 years to reflect on it, I now take this statement to mean you should acknowledge the other person's gifts and talents as you do your own.

That may be a good advice, but the purpose of your interpretation would be to be nice to other people. It is a nice thing to do, but some people are so annoying... Ever noticed that? Or so stupid... That's annoying too.

While it's nice to be nice to others, it isn't so pleasant for yourself to keep being nice to someone who's annoying the shit out of you every single second you spend interacting with him. The best solution for that is to not to communicate with people like that, but the trouble is, most people are like that.

 

[crippli]

Nice speech. I would have preferred if he said I am instead of you are though. It¨s a bit presumptuous to speak for everyone I think. Could have been an alien there, if it was the only one, it would for sure have been special.

 

[Jennywocky]

Nice speech. I would have preferred if he said I am instead of you are though. It¨s a bit presumptuous to speak for everyone I think. Could have been an alien there, if it was the only one, it would for sure have been special.

Uh.... the tradition for commencement speeches in this country is to speak to the graduates directly (i.e., using "you" consistently, he's talking right to them).

So I don't think it was out of line, although it's unfortunate that perhaps the Ambassador from Andromeda-5 might have felt slighted and immediately upon acquiring some privacy transmitted a message of annoyance and butthurt back to his contacts on the home planet, so that even as we type this there is a full armada of space battle cruisers speeding toward earth with the goal of reducing this backwards little planet of unspecial creatures to rubble and makeshift PEZ.

Have a nice day, and don't forget your towel.

 

[Hadoblado]

My high school graduation speaker gave me the best piece of advice I've ever received: Always make the other person feel like he/she is smarter than you. With 30 years to reflect on it, I now take this statement to mean you should acknowledge the other person's gifts and talents as you do your own.

This is good advice.

 

[pjoa09]

Nice

 

[MichiganJFrog]

That may be a good advice, but the purpose of your interpretation would be to be nice to other people. It is a nice thing to do, but some people are so annoying...

This is true. My problem is I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt long after it's painfully obvious to everyone else that I should stop doing so. At the same time, many otherwise highly competent people have no idea how annoying they can be. We all have this blind spot, me included. Given enough time, however, some people may gain some insight into certain behaviors that cause others to withdraw from them.

 

[MichiganJFrog]

This is good advice.

Thanks. I have to remember, though, that this particular speaker was a reformed con artist, so he may have meant his message to be taken literally. I stand by my interpretation, however.

 

[intpz]

This is true. My problem is I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt long after it's painfully obvious to everyone else that I should stop doing so. At the same time, many otherwise highly competent people have no idea how annoying they can be. We all have this blind spot, me included. Given enough time, however, some people may gain some insight into certain behaviors that cause others to withdraw from them.

When I started interacting with people other than my family members, I started noticing when they get bored when I talk too much. Later on, I started thinking more about relationships than people in general and various other subjects, as I was interacting with people, not like before, I think 10th grade (not sure). Basically, I tend to be quite careful when interacting with people.

For some reason though people like to talk to me. Most of them anyway. I'm not good looking, I'm an asshole most of the time, and yet they like talking to me. By an asshole I mean I tend to avoid boring situations as much as possible, and I like honesty, unlike most people. If I'm asked if I like a new haircut and I don't like it, I say so, I don't lie that it looks good. A poor example probably.

 

[MichiganJFrog]

If I'm asked if I like a new haircut and I don't like it, I say so, I don't lie that it looks good. A poor example probably.

I usually try to just make a joke out of it. If I can exaggerate how uncomfortable the question makes me, I can often get a laugh. Same thing if I lie in such a way that people know I'm lying. I just try to spare other people's feeling in a believable manner.

 

[downsowf]

The latter half of the video is where I do agree with him though, as he urges achievement, exploration, and authenticity over baseless ego boosting. Self-esteem, when it's not backed by anything, just serves to inflate the ego. Self-esteem affects self-confidence and initiative, so it's not inherently a bad thing to have a lot of it, but it is highly mood-dependent and with no foundation, self-esteem is more trouble than it's worth.

Having actual accomplishments, skills, and traits to reference as examples can validate & solidify self-esteem & self-confidence and take away the vulnerability to moods; it also helps to have self-respect.

I agree. Nothing wrong with having self-esteem. In fact, I would argue self-esteem and self-confidence is a necessary component for any individual to be able to be productive, take risks, and make one's way in the world. Self-esteem derives from experiences and situations that shape how you view yourself while self-confidence refers to how you view your abilities. In this way, focusing on the things you are proficient in correlates to an increase in your self-esteem. However, teens deriving self-esteem based on the external validation from others who constantly dote on them because they want them to feel good about themselves will have a humbling experience setting forth in a world where you are only as good as your next accomplishment. I believe this kind of self-esteem produces a view in the individuals who are the beneficiaries of such doting that results in an unhealthy self-entitlement, since gaining unearned validation sets up unhealthy/unrealistic expectations. Again, validation based on accomplishments: perfectly fine. Validation based on a false sense of exceptionalism: not doing the teens a favor.

 

[intpz]

I usually try to just make a joke out of it. If I can exaggerate how uncomfortable the question makes me, I can often get a laugh. Same thing if I lie in such a way that people know I'm lying. I just try to spare other people's feeling in a believable manner.

Yes, indeed. It depends on whom I talking to, I guess. Quite often I make jokes, often kinda sarcastic jokes, and often make people laugh. I had in mind people I know for a longer period of time, like the family for example.

 

[MichiganJFrog]

I had in mind people I know for a longer period of time, like the family for example.

Crap, yeah, that's different. Jokes don't generally pan out, do they? I'm guessing you'd have to put your Ne in service of your Ti in family situations, or something. Gather information, check it out if at all possible, internalize it and analyze it. I'm finding that a detached kind of niceness seems to work well in extracting information from recalcitrant family members. It's still exhausting though, all this reading between the lines and divining hidden meanings.

 

[intpz]

Crap, yeah, that's different. Jokes don't generally pan out, do they? I'm guessing you'd have to put your Ne in service of your Ti in family situations, or something. Gather information, check it out if at all possible, internalize it and analyze it. I'm finding that a detached kind of niceness seems to work well in extracting information from recalcitrant family members. It's still exhausting though, all this reading between the lines and divining hidden meanings.

I do agree completely. I'm a few steps ahead mostly though, if situation calls. Not always though. Sometimes, when I don't communicate much, there seems to be a lot of backroom talk going on about me. But if I do, I usually notice that something was said or concluded in a conversation with someone about me. Or them. Or something else entirely, just an example, with which I guess I went too far.

P.S. Does someone else sometimes acts odd late in the night, somewhat like on drugs?