Im INTP or INTJ, havent gotten around to pinning it down yet.
Never smoked or drank all through most of high school, was sorta like a status of being able to say I'm straight edge. Then came one day where something extremely bad happened, and I was just depressed day after day. My best friend was a stoner, I'd be the guy looking up how to safely make explosives without dying (chemistry, was bored of fireworks). Also actually got into electronics engineering that im still into, because i decided i knew enough and needed to start working on a way to set things off safely and cheaply. All tutorials online were poor quality so i set out to learn to build my own encrypted mission critical transciever, having no real advanced electronics knowledge at the time lol. Now know how yo build computers n shit, but,due to depression and anxiety,AND not going through college, cant get a job outta it lol. Anyways, point is tho, very different from my stoner friend, hed try and push stuff on me since the dawn of time. Straight edge me, stoner him, sciencey me, failed math foundations twice him. And that depressed period in my moms attic he pulls a big bottle of wine off the top of my moms fridge thats been there forever lol, obviously going to be missing. Figure screw it,i dont wanna think today, tried to get drunk on wine lol. Just nasty did nothing. But that broke my straight edge status, and after that, didnt care, bring on the cocaine n hookers. Did try a few more times to get drunk outtacuriosity. 8th of a bottle of vodka, not enough, even 12 shots on his birthday nope, although i did walk home buzzed. Wasnt til a year later on MY birthday that he and some junkie thats cheated me but im still nice to because why not lol, finally get drunk and my friend was just the happiest person in the world. I was hanging on doors and swinging on them, I remember at one point being in the rafters of the garage waiting to pounce down lmao. Rolling in the streets, we walked around town that night, wake up, my keys are gone. I have like a 2 pound keyring so that my keys DONT get gone. Beltloop ripped. So i wake up to the (joking) news that the landlord called the cops because the yard was trashed/vandalized (we mighta taken some political campaign signs n left em there lol). and checkfor my keys see the broken beltloop like howd that happen. Go driving all around town looking for my keys (girlfriends car). Finally find em just outside my house they got caught on the fence and i didnt notice lol. But then came experimentation with alcohol and its abikity to help me socialize (i have severe social anxiety disorder), and a time i quit drinking when my body was going numb,finally satisfied knowing im probably drunk and it still does shit for my ability to be social (proba ly a good thing). I'm against alcohol morally n stuff, only recently have I ever started to understand why people do it instead if pot or something.
Then came 2018, the year i finally got discharged outta the military (showed interest in high school at a stand, wanted a backpack n stuff, was too shy to say no when he started messaging me lolol, 8 year contract). So I was free to try pot finally. Best bro is playing phill collins as thats an inside joke that i look like him apparently. Get high/stoned for the first time and wow was it different than i was imagining. Body felt lime i was on fire, insides felt like dying, wanted it to be over. but aside from that it was really unique like my conciousness, and my body were delayed, i was having trouble just sitting there still, so my head was moving around in little circles a bit, and my head would move normally, but my "conciousness" would "teleport" all around my head, with like a refresh rate of 2Hz, as a separate entity. I remember starig at my friends stoned face, just the biggest "you like crabby patties dont you squidward" face except hes all the way across the room and his face is zoomed in and all i see is a portion of his face up close taking up my whole field of view. Then suddenly it switches to me looking at my own stoned smile from an outside view. Thinking back on this i always thought it was my reflection in my phone but i probably had a camera app open lol, to explain his face zooming in like that. Didnt wanna be awake was a bjt intense not expected, so im laying there glued to the bed, arms n body so heavy and limp, staring at the cieling tiles and their patterns. Any time i closed my eyes id enter a virtual mental world based off of what im looking at or thinking of prior, it sucked too like blink too slow and youre gone in another world. Entered a world made of cieling tile gridlines. Finally comes time to take me home, im blinking as rapidly as i can to try and stay mentally present with him, apparently i had my arms clenched to my body and was rockig back n forth lmao. Finally get home, try to shower, not sure if i spent like 10 seconds or 10 minutes washing my hair because eyes closed and bam was jn another world for a while. (funny story, another time at my girlfriend's house, spent 10 minutes slowly falling to the floor, panicking about it xD, was told it was like 10 minutes, felt way shorter to me). Between then and getting to bed the only significant thing was entering a world where there was just me in a void space and some dragon spiraling sround me like some trippy tool video lol.
Tried again later, and found that mixing alcohol, and doses, and kinds, and intake methods, gives unique experiences. So trying to experiment kinda slowly over time as i got time. Really interested in a scientific approach as its the only thing ive ever had give any indication it can help with social anxiety disorder. Helped in 3 ways one night but might have been placeeebo or how u spell it. gotta confirm this still, then see about how to use it as a tool to recovery. Also, noticed if i play the piano, songs i played as a kid, it legit feels 100% like you went back in time and are viewing from little you's point of view as little you plays piano. Unique and super cool to experience that. Plus the 2nd time getting high was a super potent brownie, at warped tour lol. Well i kinda regret it, was staring back at the empty moshpit like its gonna eat me, kinda crouched down. While turning back locked eyes with a girl, purple sparkling contacts in with pentagrams around the irises, and makeup and clothing/hair color and such to compliment it all, was amazed and instantly decided im gonna paint her face some day, call that painting "starstruck". lol.
Also its kinda great as it helps me be happy, and just let loose, be human again. When thats been a struggle since the dawn of time. Kinda sucks that only it can do that, but i view it as s tool. Really nice when you and your girlfriend whom you lovevery much, do it together lol, everything is just so great even walking lol, which you need help with sometimes.
One other thing to mention is that only after grying things more regularly, do I ever have the understanding of why people turn to it because of depression.
Anyways, on the topic of intp and pot, thats my experience. Schitzophrenia runs in my family maybe, my uncle has it hardcore like hes not even there the old him is gone. Not schitzophrenic yet no signs of it im aware of. BUT everyone I know rhats been using it since they were little, Id consider not the smartest, though thats a bit unfair of a judgement being an INTP, but ones failed to complete algebra (out of ability not effort), and ones an honors student but with practically zero science/math understanding and is highly emotion driven. The rest are nust my friend's friends which involve people selling themselves on the street for drug money (dudes lol), and hippies that dont shower and just neex a staff to dress like jesus for halloween. He leaves his hoodie and it stinks up the entire room lol. Save the planet tho. And all sortsa odd people, first time i met his roommate she anf her boyfriend were having sex on the couch when we walked in, i didnt know it but theyre high on ecstasy andstuff. But they hang out with us later and are super friendly lol, and this is one of the few times i be social, so im like " wow, so this is how friendly people are!". Her boyfriend kept insisting ai join his band lol. They call me Butters sometimes and it fits.
