why can't we be who we want to be?

[Ex-User (8886)]

I want to be more extraverted, social, outgoing, have more friends, more energy, be more emotional and can better express my emotions, feelings.
But... I don't really enjoy it. All theese things make me tired, depressed, lower my energy. When I meet new people, first feeling is to run away to more confortable and peacefull place.
Is it possible to change yourself to who you want to be? I don't want just accept who I am. I have too high requirment to myself.

 

[redbaron]

So you want to enjoy what you don't enjoy? Well that's silly. Why don't you just enjoy what you already enjoy?

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

How to be a bowman if I am blind and I hate shooting arrows?

I can use my other senses and I can hate myself for disliking the shooting of arrows. But this will not solve the underlying issue, that I wanted to better a path to myself, not better myself to a path.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

what if everyone are bowmen, archery is the most important thing, and I need to do this, because instead everyone will say I am useless?

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

what if everyone are bowmen, archery is the most important thing, and I need to do this, because instead everyone will say I am useless?

If there is only one thing to be good at in this world and this is archery, then you are blind, reluctant and clearly in an infrerior position to compete, fortunately, usually, there are numerous ways, chances, to live without using skills you don't like.

Another thing is that you should be able to decide for yourself if you are useless, not others. Others may judge by what they know about you, usually not much and superficial. A large group will judge you only by the qualities they find relevant, dismissing all other qualities.

The question is, what is important to you, not to them. Are you useless in your life? Cannot you make yourself to do things you really want to do?

If you enjoy studying, can you study, are you good enough to sustain it?

What are the things you most enjoy and what do you lack to enjoy them?
What are the things that you most enjoy improving in yourself?
What are your shortcomings that prevent you from doing the things you enjoy?
These shortcomings, low discipline/determination, time management, orientation, whatever else you find relevant, improving these areas is likely to bring you closer to the things you find yourself enjoying the most.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

Can we live without others?

 

[Cavallier]

I want to be more extraverted, social, outgoing, have more friends, more energy, be more emotional and can better express my emotions, feelings.
But... I don't really enjoy it. All theese things make me tired, depressed, lower my energy. When I meet new people, first feeling is to run away to more confortable and peacefull place.
Is it possible to change yourself to who you want to be? I don't want just accept who I am. I have too high requirment to myself.

What?

what if everyone are bowmen, archery is the most important thing, and I need to do this, because instead everyone will say I am useless?

Ah, gotcha.

You can never make anybody happy by trying to be something you aren't. Especially yourself. It's time to find people who don't want you to be a happy, energetic, and bubbly extrovert. They do exist I swear.

If you can't find any right now then you have to cultivate a way of accepting who you are while surviving in a world where extroverts seem to rule. It's possible. Introvert's Advantage is an interesting book that you might find helpful.

 

[walfin]

Well I wanna be the man to dominate the whole fucking world. But that ain't gonna happen just by snapping my fingers.

You gotta accept that you mayn't be who you want to be. Yet. Be patient and your time will come. Or perhaps by that time arrow-makers will be more highly valued than the bowman.

 

[pernoctator]

what if everyone are bowmen, archery is the most important thing, and I need to do this, because instead everyone will say I am useless?

They aren't, it isn't, they won't.

 

[The Void]

Can we live without others?

yes with some food and air and stuff like that....

 

[The Void]

I want to be more extraverted, social, outgoing, have more friends, more energy, be more emotional and can better express my emotions, feelings.
But... I don't really enjoy it. All theese things make me tired, depressed, lower my energy. When I meet new people, first feeling is to run away to more confortable and peacefull place.
Is it possible to change yourself to who you want to be? I don't want just accept who I am. I have too high requirment to myself.

You become what you pretend to be.
Try pretending.
You become what you think.
Think you are already 'extraverted', here and now.
Absorb the identity. Mix with it.
You fail, start again, forget you failed.
If you have desire and truly invest your energy in it, you can make it succeed.
If you have too high requirement, then lower, a thousand steps journey starts with one... unless you know teleportation.
Check wether you have contradictory desire.
You cannot sell the cake and eat it too, unless you sell it to yourself.
Accept yourself for who you are.
Whats the problem?
Where is the problem?
There is nothing to fight, nothing to conquer.
If you fight against your nature, your nature will fight against you.
Accept it, it will be defeated.
Accept, surrender, let go = stop giving a duck.
Then calmly direct your will, to change the flow, to change the nature, while
always being in acceptance with it.
Sounds paradoxical. But that is how it works.
Nature is twisted.

 

[The Void]

what if everyone are bowmen, archery is the most important thing, and I need to do this, because instead everyone will say I am useless?

If you are normal introvert and all that, then why try be what you are not forcefully?
Why care for what everyone wants?
They don't experience as 'you'.
Most of them are weak enough to face the peace of void, and being alone without feeling lonely. All the smiles, and laughs, and party are to balance the immense inner void filled of loneliness and sorrow.
People wanted me to be more extravertish.
I became more introverted instead.
Fak everyone.

 

[nanook]

i believe this thread isn't about introversion and changing your type, it's about moving from conformistic self esteem and purpose to rational self esteem and purpose and further. to greater personal freedom. in my opinion it's impossible to transform alone, you need support from friends who share the vision. not just any friends who like you in the wrong way. your superego is programmed in conformistic manner, your ego has already grown to rational values. if your ego were louder in your brain (stronger, more energy) than your superego, then the problem would not arise, you would simply act out from the rational ego, instead of remaining suppressed. but that's not the case, apparently. i don't believe we can shift the power out of our own resources. an accu can't load itself up. but it can open up to the energy that is around, when it's the right kind.

 

[Cherry Cola]

It's kinda like wanting to be 10cm taller. Or wanting to be a cat. Basically you can't change some things and that's a thing that will always be a thing. If things were different then they would be different but they're not.

I don't see why you'd single out your personality like this, it's a well known fact that there are introverts and extroverts and that neither can turn into the other. If you're an INTP you will never excel at the things you list. You can learn to not feel like you need to run away though, you just have to be able to be in social situations and still be yourself, you needn't partake as if though were you an extroverted mingly charmer. Set realistic goals and take things in small steps.

What you don't want to do is be fatalistic like you're being now, you're reinforcing a view of your situation which is not constructive in the least. This whole thread seems to be made for that purpose, you probably knew what people were going to reply and now you're thinking none of it is gonna help. Feels like you're looking for a miracle, there isn't one.

Growing as a person isn't easy or painless, it takes time. But telling yourself that you'll never make it and asking whether you can live without other people wont help you. Of course you can live without other people, just move into the bush and live of the earth, what would be the point of doing that though? You get no mental stimulation, you may feel more at peace but you'll also be stupider; you wont learn new things and you wont have anything to look forward to.

 

[Turniphead]

Maybe this is the healthier route to cultivate:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eccentricity_(behavior) ?

Eccentrics may or may not comprehend the standards for normal behavior in their culture. They are simply unconcerned by society's disapproval of their habits or beliefs.

---

Many individuals may even manifest eccentricities consciously and deliberately, in an attempt to differentiate themselves from societal norms or enhance a sense of inimitable identity; given the overwhelmingly positive stereotypes (at least in pop culture and especially with fictional characters) often associated with eccentricity, detailed above, certain individuals seek to be associated with this sort of character type. However, this is not always successful as eccentric individuals are not necessarily charismatic, and the individual in question may simply be dismissed by others as just seeking attention.

As long as this isn't constantly happening?

But why would the "eccentric" care if others thought they were seeking attention?


I read in a book somewhere, that eccentrics are pretty much born that way, and it's not necessarily possible to become one, but... *shrug*

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

Feels like you're looking for a miracle, there isn't one.

I only need someone who will tell me what to do. As a child I was wonderful: eccentric, self-confident, more clever than everyone else in my age, had good friends. I had strong nature. But my fucking parents destroyed me telling that I had to be nice, gentle, often shouting at me and was giving me a lot punishments, because I was noughty and "not normal child". Now I fear everything... I'm trying to return my nature, but this will be long trip, as you said.

Maybe this is the healthier route to cultivate:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eccentricity_(behavior) ?

I really want to be more eccentric. However, I don't know how. Maybe throught acting - isn't INTPs have acting skills?

Why care for what everyone wants?

Because I need people to be happy. I met nice ENTP, but she's worried about my social skills. And I feel not comfortable in the world as outsider. My ego tells me that I should be someone different, because person who I'm now, isn't happy. But change is horrible difficult and perhaps impossible. So I'm writing here, as I hope other may have same problem, maybe know answers.

 

[Cherry Cola]

I only need someone who will tell me what to do. As a child I was wonderful: eccentric, self-confident, more clever than everyone else in my age, had good friends. I had strong nature. But my fucking parents destroyed me telling that I had to be nice, gentle, often shouting at me and was giving me a lot punishments, because I was noughty and "not normal child". Now I fear everything... I'm trying to return my nature, but this will be long trip, as you said.

Alright that fucking sucks : /

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

People wanted me to be more extravertish.
I became more introverted instead.
Fak everyone.

Basically, fak fak fak with a flak.
If not everyone then most of them, if not most then some, if at all.

I really want to be more eccentric. However, I don't know how. Maybe throught acting

Because I need people to be happy. I met nice ENTP, but she's worried about my social skills. And I feel not comfortable in the world as outsider. My ego tells me that I should be someone different, because person who I'm now, isn't happy. But change is horrible difficult and perhaps impossible. So I'm writing here, as I hope other may have same problem, maybe know answers.

I wouldn't support creating an illusion of oneself for the purpose of satisfying needs and expectations of a person you have recently met.

You mention feeling inconvenient, projecting to be someone different. Think about what you need in life, if it is to satisfy others to satisfy yourself then it is possible, but this relies on the others to provide you with happiness. You are creating a dependence with the enviroment of the person you wish to become. I would rather ask how independent you really are, can you change your life right now? Are you still going to school? The more independence the better when attempting to change.

Did you already start lying? Did you take any responsibilities that this persona would accomplish while you normally are unable, or hate to do it?

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

I slowly understand. So you say all I need is just a little of acceptance... Well, maybe I'm not that bad as I think I am.

Some courage and I'll be happy.

Thank you guys, I have needed this thread. Now I know what to do.

 

[PmjPmj]

Other people have already made the point (probably) but I thought I'd offer my two English pence as someone who has been through this.

Basically, it all comes down to maturity and self understanding. Now, I'm not suggesting you're immature or have a lack of self knowledge; merely, I'm putting it to you that as you journey through this life, you become more and more comfortable in your own skin. You begin to respect yourself for who you are, letting the perceptions / demands of others wash over you. You become stronger.

You're fine. Being proud of who you are is a destination at which you must arrive. You will get there in your own time.