Why can't I find any mention of intelligent pursuit on dating websites?

[somfoolishfoole]

I'm not being fussy here. I litterally look through hundreds of girls on dating websites and I'm just looking for ANY mention of ANY intellectual pursuit being a part of their lives. Yet hundreds of profiles go by and all you see is "I love my family", "I love getting OTP", "I love travelling", "I love excersise", "I love smoking weed".. other than those interests... you see almost nothing else.

Where are all the girls who would say "I like science", "I like intelligent conversations", "I like pondering philosophical things", "I like psychology".. ANYTHING!?

I have been with like 20+ girls in the past, I gave them all a chance and they just bored me to tears.

I'm not being fussy.... I just have this 1 single criteria. They can be as ugly as all hell, I don't care. They can be destitute, uneducated formally, a stoner, a smoker, an alcoholic, any sexuality, any height, any weight, any ethnicity, any reasonable age, anything as long as they are smart enough to teach me something that I don't already know.

I really don't feel like it's a big thing I'm asking for. Just a tiiiny bit of intrigue about the fascinating universe we find ourselves in.

 

[The Gopher]

Pity they can't be crippled.

 

[somfoolishfoole]

Pity they can't be crippled.

Touché. Not something I'm willing to bring into my life. Sue me.

 

[ApostateAbe]

I'm not being fussy here. I litterally look through hundreds of girls on dating websites and I'm just looking for ANY mention of ANY intellectual pursuit being a part of their lives. Yet hundreds of profiles go by and all you see is "I love my family", "I love getting OTP", "I love travelling", "I love excersise", "I love smoking weed".. other than those interests... you see almost nothing else.

Where are all the girls who would say "I like science", "I like intelligent conversations", "I like pondering philosophical things", "I like psychology".. ANYTHING!?

I have been with like 20+ girls in the past, I gave them all a chance and they just bored me to tears.

I'm not being fussy.... I just have this 1 single criteria. They can be as ugly as all hell, I don't care. They can be destitute, uneducated formally, a stoner, a smoker, an alcoholic, any sexuality, any height, any weight, any ethnicity, any reasonable age, anything as long as they are smart enough to teach me something that I don't already know.

I really don't feel like it's a big thing I'm asking for. Just a tiiiny bit of intrigue about the fascinating universe we find ourselves in.

Girls put on their profile whatever maximizes their odds of getting emails from desirable men. The long and the short of it is that men generally don't find intellectualism attractive in women. Men may even find it a turn off. Not you, but other men. Don't blame the women. Here is what you need to do: join Mensa, and go to the Annual Gatherings. Find your women there. See you in Boston in July.

 

[Fukyo]

any sexuality

lolwhat

You're not looking hard enough?

I doubt what you're saying. Internet is the ultimate domain of nerdy people, among them girls. There have got to be tons of them on OKcupid... I'm willing to guess there are specific online dating sites that cater to nerds and intellectuals. Google is your friend.

 

[somfoolishfoole]

Girls put on their profile whatever maximizes their odds of getting emails from desirable men. The long and the short of it is that men generally don't find intellectualism attractive in women. Men may even find it a turn off. Not you, but other men. Don't blame the women. Here is what you need to do: join Mensa, and go to the Annual Gatherings. Find your women there. See you in Boston in July.

I never thought I was any good at IQ tests.. but I didn't do too badly.

Thanks for completing the Mensa online test. You got 28 of 33 questions correct, and therefore have a very good chance of successfully completing the Mensa entry test.

 

[somfoolishfoole]

lolwhat

You're not looking hard enough?

I doubt what you're saying. Internet is the ultimate domain of nerdy people, among them girls. There have got to be tons of them on OKcupid... I'm willing to guess there are specific online dating sites that cater to nerds and intellectuals. Google is your friend.

New zealand is too small. even when I go on ok cupid and remove all filters (apart from proximity, age and gender) I still only get about 15-30 girls. Filtering those results just means you get zero search results.

I have tried niche dating websites. You join them, make a long ass profile, then discover there is 1 female in your locale.... and she is 40.

 

[ApostateAbe]

I never thought I was any good at IQ tests.. but I didn't do too badly.

Thanks for completing the Mensa online test. You got 28 of 33 questions correct, and therefore have a very good chance of successfully completing the Mensa entry test.

Great. Find your local group, call the coordinator, and take the test.

 

[somfoolishfoole]

Great. Find your local group, call the coordinator, and take the test.

It's in Auckland. That's a plane ticket away. I'm not going to catch an aeroplane ride every month for a social gathering... unless... is it really worth it?

does top 2% IQ really correlate to intelligence? I'm not so sure it would have anything to do with being intelligent or having intrigue in knowledge.

 

[ApostateAbe]

It's in Auckland. That's a plane ticket away. I'm not going to catch an aeroplane ride every month for a social gathering... unless... is it really worth it?

does top 2% IQ really correlate to intelligence? I'm not so sure it would have anything to do with being intelligent or having intrigue in knowledge.

You can go to Auckland just to take the test. I suggest going to the Annual Gathering in the USA every year. I went to the one in Texas last year, and it is the kind of thing that makes my whole life worth it. It is thousands of eccentrics getting together just to have fun. Imagine everyone in this forum and everyone in the INTJ forum getting together, except more women.

 

[redbaron]

Smart women in your age bracket probably don't have that much difficulty meeting men, and so aren't on dating sites. Which means you'll probably have to meet women in real life!

Or kill yourself, that's easier than socializing. Cheaper too.

 

[Kuu]

on dating websites

A lot of young women with intellectual interests hide those interests. And a lot of women with intellectual interests also might not be too keen on participating in "dating" websites. Hell, I live in a city of 4 million and I get around 20, 30 results. If I filter by other criteria I end up with a handful. Woe is me! But in meatspace I've met countless girls of various interests: biotechnology, chemistry, mechatronics, film and photography, literature and philosophy, psychology, classical music, mathematics, political science, journalism... granted not all have personalities I can get along with, and the field is much narrower if one is looking for a partner, but they're certainly out there and not on dating websites.

I just have this 1 single criteria. (...) anything as long as they are smart enough to teach me something that I don't already know.

BS. I'm pretty certain you have other aspects in consideration, likely even more important than learning new stuff. I think if you genuinely want to just learn something new, you wouldn't have trouble finding several.

Aren't there universities with literature, engineering, computer science, history departments? Aren't there libraries, art galleries, cinemas, museums? I thought you were a marvellous social dude who everyone likes in person. You can surely go to these places and strike up a conversation with the girls that you find and learn a thing or two.

Maybe they just don't respect anyone around them intellectually, including you. Fancy that!

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

In last month I looked through about 1500 profiles of girls (with some filters). There was only one intellectual girl with everything what can be interesting for INTP (including appearance). Unfortunetly she told me I don't meet her needs. I'm now depressed because of my failure, but I want tell you, there are interesting people, but they're rare as: 1/10 000

 

[somfoolishfoole]

I'm starting to wonder if the fail lies in over trusting first impressions. I started chatting to some girls who only vaguely resmbled mild intelligence and I've been quite surprised thus far.

 

[The Gopher]

Yeah you may need to get past the starting small talk to realise some people actually are intelligent just they don't proclaim it on the street corners. That or they study specific fields that most people in general conversation won't be interested in.

 

[Cherry Cola]

I think you need to practice spotting implicit signs of intelligence in the profiles. It is likely that the women who do like the things you list simply don't say so on their pp because they don't want to come off as weird.

But I dunno, there's no easy solution to this problem, I guess you just have to be willing to try and fail many times.

 

[somfoolishfoole]

I think you need to practice spotting implicit signs of intelligence in the profiles. It is likely that the women who do like the things you list simply don't say so on their pp because they don't want to come off as weird.

But I dunno, there's no easy solution to this problem, I guess you just have to be willing to try and fail many times.

I think that is the first time you have posted something on one of my topics that was not a personal attack. Thank you . I'm sorry for the negative tone of this post. Just wanted to point out that we a heading in a better direction here. Probably helps that I'm finally starting to understand what I've been doing all this time to piss people off. What I realised is that, although I've known for a while that I am narcissistic at heart, it doesn't pay to consciously show it. What I did NOT realize is that I was subconsciously showing it. I am now trying to fine tune what I say and how it could be read.

I realize this post may agitate you if interpret it a certain way.

 

[pernoctator]

I'm not being fussy.... I just have this 1 single criteria. They can be as ugly as all hell, I don't care. They can be destitute, uneducated formally, a stoner, a smoker, an alcoholic, any sexuality, any height, any weight, any ethnicity, any reasonable age, anything as long as they are smart enough to teach me something that I don't already know.

Then why are you using dating websites?

 

[Base groove]

In last month I looked through about 1500 profiles of girls (with some filters). There was only one intellectual girl with everything what can be interesting for INTP (including appearance). Unfortunetly she told me I don't meet her needs. I'm now depressed because of my failure, but I want tell you, there are interesting people, but they're rare as: 1/10 000

Call me crazy, but doesn't that actually imply a rarity of 1/1500?

 

[Cherry Cola]

I think that is the first time you have posted something on one of my topics that was not a personal attack. Thank you . I'm sorry for the negative tone of this post. Just wanted to point out that we a heading in a better direction here. Probably helps that I'm finally starting to understand what I've been doing all this time to piss people off. What I realized is that, although I've known for a while that I am narcissistic at heart, it doesn't pay to consciously show it. What I did NOT realize is that I was subconsciously showing it. I am now trying to fine tune what I say and how it could be read.

I realize this post may agitate you if interpret it a certain way.

Hey NP, I didn't see anything wrong with this thread anyway, I mean this IS an issue with dating sites. It's like you gotta picture the way the girl you want would write her profile based on what she's looking for which is another thing you have to picture.. and yeah not easy.

It's not like you are pathologically narcissistic either, I'm sorry if I made you out to seem like some kinda sicko. I've got a sister who IS a pathological friggin narcissist, she's a pain in the ass (mean, selfish, passive aggressive, overtly critical of everyone else yet can't handle any criticism, only nice when she needs something from you) and I think living with her has made me wary of narcissism so that I can spot it in others easier than I would've without that experience.

While you don't seem to be near her level you made some warning bells ring in my head. In any case I wont be pushing that again, I already said enough and perhaps too much.

 

[TimeAsylums]

Pity they can't be crippled.

i imagine they have a lot more time to dedicate to intellectual pursuits instead of doing boring stuff like sports

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

Call me crazy, but doesn't that actually imply a rarity of 1/1500?

Without filters it would be as I said. With some filters (like religious [most of girls in my country[edit: say they] are catholics]) would be as you say.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Call me crazy, but doesn't that actually imply a rarity of 1/1500?

I see the logic in this.

Without filters it would be as I said. With some filters (like religious [most of girls in my country are catholics]) would be as you say.

I think that if you apply filters then you have less, so from 1:10 000, after filtering the results you get less and less so it is 1:100 000 etc.

Most of the girls in Poland are non-practicing catholics, "catholic" only by the name and baptism.

I didn't realise it was you, because you changed the avatar.

OP: You don't look in the right places. If not dating sites then topic-specific sites where nerds reside and produce content.

If you want someone specifically from New Zealand, going outside and contacting people that way is viable.

It is also possible that you will not recognise them as intelligent, due to the things pointed out and discussed in other threads with your person as a topic.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

Most of the girls in Poland are non-practicing catholics, "catholic" only by the name and baptism.

This is exactly what I meant.
btw, I didn't know you're from Poland

I didn't realise it was you, because you changed the avatar.

I like changing avatars and everything nearly as often as @TheHabitatDoctor

 

[Duxwing]

Exacerbating the above problems is a statistical one. Consider how many people surround you, P. If you live in a developed country, then you people likely are evenly distributed between ages 0-80. Further consider the range of ages that you are willing to date, R. You therefore have P*R/80 people from whom to select a partner. Finally consider your desired partner's type, the demographic proportion whereof will narrow your selection by values ranging from ten to one-hundred fold. The likelihood of finding your partner, even by these generous definitions, therefore is between P*R/800 or P*R/8,000.

Your lacking a partner is unsurprising because if finding a partner were easy, then everyone would have one and you would not have posted this thread.

-Duxwing

 

[TimeAsylums]

Your lacking a partner is unsurprising because if finding a partner were easy, then everyone would have one and you would not have posted this thread.

circulus in probando?

 

[Pyropyro]

I suggest going with ApostateAbe's plan. You already crossed out one of your criteria if you attended the Mensa events. Even if you don't find a suitable partner then you can still learn from another culture when you visit the States.

As for the price for taking the exam and visiting the event, well you're going to spend money on developing yourself and getting a partner anyway so why not invest now?

 

[Black Rose]

http://youtu.be/mBc_a3upCdA

 

[somfoolishfoole]

http://youtu.be/mBc_a3upCdA

there is not a single person within 200 kilometres of me. I have to catch a plane just to go on a date for this site

 

[hurricanejane]

I know that this isn't your exact situation either, but you may find it interesting at the least.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wG_sAdP0U

 

[ApostateAbe]

there is not a single person within 200 kilometres of me. I have to catch a plane just to go on a date for this site

There is your more significant obstacle to your love life. Hard to score while living like the Unabomber.

 

[Spocksleftball]

Until I met my current girlfriend, I assumed that most women were just emotional leaches sent as a plague to torture my soul with meaningless emotional drama. Good ones are out there, but the intellegent ones don't advertise themselves--duh, they are intellegent.

Just remember: attractive and intellegent is rare in all forms. Ad stable and now your are asking for the moon.

 

[bemused]

Unfortunately, if you're looking for a cultured woman, you're probably not going to find very many crawling sites like ok cupid.

 

[pernoctator]

He's not looking for a cultured woman. He's looking for a fat ugly sexually confused binge smoking alcoholic with intellectual pursuits.

 

[Cognisant]

Just give up I say.

Focus on other things, live as full and happy a life as you can and if you're lucky your perfect girl will find you and probably be attracted to you because you are living well.

If you want intelligent conversation have friends, if you want emotional support drink beer and get a dog, if you want to get laid then chat up a vapid girl or just hire one, and if you get broody and want kids then adopt, why do you need someone else to complete your life?

 

[pernoctator]

Well, three of your four solutions involve someone else.

 

[Cognisant]

A single specific someone else I mean.

No man is an island but nor does that mean every man needs a girlfriend/wife.

Edit: An ideal relationship with the ideal girl would of course be ideal, but that's not likely to happen and what the years that go by before even a worthwhile relationship is found, are they just waste? What if you never find yourself in an ideal relationship, what if it's later in life that your s.o. leaves you single again, what if you just can bring yourself to continue living on the hope that you might be happy someday?

 

[Puffy]

Cultivate yourself, discover your passions, if you're working towards your optimisation then you're more likely to meet the people most relevant to that while working towards it anyway.

I've basically been always single; while naturally regarded as a curse in teenage years I've come not to see it as an intrinsically bad or good thing, but a situation with its own opportunities and freedoms to take advantage of. Personally, relationships without a strong mutuality/synergy (emotionally, creatively, intellectually) are more of a drain to me than being without them.

In relation to what you've discovered about internet dating: Tis why I'm basically a hermit.

Spoiler

 

[redbaron]

How much do you study or talk about science? How do you know others aren't just as bored by you?

 

[QuickTwist]

My suggestion: get out into the real world and meet people. Find a group of friends and join there group. They will satisfy all your needs for social interaction. Try to find one with both males and females. You will find comradery with the males and will possibly start a romantic relationship with one of the females if you feel you need that type of companionship.

If you don't care for my advice perhaps this is a sign that you just want to complain about your minor problems in life and feel telling complete strangers is the best way to do that. If this is the case you could not be further from the truth.

 

[Spocksleftball]

He's not looking for a cultured woman. He's looking for a fat ugly sexually confused binge smoking alcoholic with intellectual pursuits.

hillarious! +1

and low self esteem?