EditorOne
Prolific Member
There are times in almost every INTP life when you can either disappear by schmoozing and socializing, or stand out by standing alone in a deliberately organized crowd and say nothing. If you want to stop standing there and having people ask you "what's wrong?" because you aren't doing the thing that most other humans do when there's a party, an office celebration, anything where a crowd is involved and you HAVE to be there, here's a plan. Bear with me, because it works. Keep in mind that every time you get an answer, you listen carefully and pick the topic that seems to elicit the most complicated or heartfelt response. Then just stay with it.
Pick anyone.
Walk over, stick out your hand, and say "Hi. I'm Bill" (or whatever your name is
) "and your name is?" They can hardly refuse to say, can they?
You get an answer. You repeat it. "Jim? OK, Jim." Two times, say it, you might remember it later.
Then a choice. "So, Jim, where do you live?" or "So, Jim, where are you from?" "Where do you live?" is a relatively pointless question if you're at a social event at a university. And where people are from offers an opportunity for questions like "why did you move?" or whatever.
Then bounce off that. "Does the rest of your family enjoy living there?"
Then "What kind of work do you do?"
And then "What do you do when you're not working?"
If you run through that list - name, home, family, job, pastimes - and don't get a spark, don't worry: You've probably met another INTP, which is fine. Now the two of you can stand there and pretend, with great relief, to be doing what everyone else is glad to do, schmooze.
However, usually you get some sign of animation with one question. Then just keep asking questions on whatever set it off. After the person winds down, tell them "Jim, I'm glad I walked over to talk to you," shake hands, and go on to the next person.
Sounds dreadful, but actually many people welcome anyone who will take the burden of conversation initiation off of them, and often people expect this kind of interaction whenever there are strangers in an assembled crowd. It's apparently "normal." I'm taking an extrovert's word for it, of course.
The trick is to let them talk about themselves and their interests. You can go through the whole thing without having to answer any questions about yourself, and at the end of it the person you've talked to will think you're wonderful.
The byproduct is that somewhere in the process, you may find out something interesting, rather than mundane. Then you've got something to think about. You've charged your own batteries, just not in the usual way.
I'm not advocating doing this for the sake of doing it. I'm offering it up -- learned painfully at my weekend seminar for my new occupation -- for the occasional INTP who worries about social ineptitude when forced into a situation that almost demands interaction. This formula will get you through the night.
Name, home, family, job, pastimes.
Pick anyone.
Walk over, stick out your hand, and say "Hi. I'm Bill" (or whatever your name is
) "and your name is?" They can hardly refuse to say, can they? You get an answer. You repeat it. "Jim? OK, Jim." Two times, say it, you might remember it later.
Then a choice. "So, Jim, where do you live?" or "So, Jim, where are you from?" "Where do you live?" is a relatively pointless question if you're at a social event at a university. And where people are from offers an opportunity for questions like "why did you move?" or whatever.
Then bounce off that. "Does the rest of your family enjoy living there?"
Then "What kind of work do you do?"
And then "What do you do when you're not working?"
If you run through that list - name, home, family, job, pastimes - and don't get a spark, don't worry: You've probably met another INTP, which is fine. Now the two of you can stand there and pretend, with great relief, to be doing what everyone else is glad to do, schmooze.
However, usually you get some sign of animation with one question. Then just keep asking questions on whatever set it off. After the person winds down, tell them "Jim, I'm glad I walked over to talk to you," shake hands, and go on to the next person.
Sounds dreadful, but actually many people welcome anyone who will take the burden of conversation initiation off of them, and often people expect this kind of interaction whenever there are strangers in an assembled crowd. It's apparently "normal." I'm taking an extrovert's word for it, of course.
The trick is to let them talk about themselves and their interests. You can go through the whole thing without having to answer any questions about yourself, and at the end of it the person you've talked to will think you're wonderful.
The byproduct is that somewhere in the process, you may find out something interesting, rather than mundane. Then you've got something to think about. You've charged your own batteries, just not in the usual way.
I'm not advocating doing this for the sake of doing it. I'm offering it up -- learned painfully at my weekend seminar for my new occupation -- for the occasional INTP who worries about social ineptitude when forced into a situation that almost demands interaction. This formula will get you through the night.
Name, home, family, job, pastimes.
Wait a minute. 
