What does snafupants have in his pants?

[Synthetix]

What's in there? Hitler? Tanning lotion? Babe Ruth? A pack of Newports?

I need more ideas

 

[Puffy]

Hmm. Only one way to find out.

*goes to unzip*

Spoiler

HOLY SHIT! Quick, put it away man, put it away.

*relief*

In short, I'd rather not know.

 

[Synthetix]

Tin foil, Ronald Reagan, pterodactyl fossils

 

[duke of new york]

A collection of GRE vocab study guides.

 

[eagor]

Jimmy Hoffa's finger, or maybe a hotpocket? but what flavor?

 

[warryer]

My grandma lost her cat a couple weeks ago can you check if its in there? Grandma will make you 2 apple pies and knit you your choice of a wolf or eagle sweater. The cat answers to Snickers.

 

[eagor]

My grandma lost her cat a couple weeks ago can you check if its in there? Grandma will make you 2 apple pies and knit you your choice of a wolf or eagle sweater. The cat answers to Snickers.

that's almost tempting enough to fight off Jack Nicholson

 

[Oedipus]

Nothing, he's just pleased to see you.

 

[Melkor]

Well I almost found out when he suggested I explore them in the interest of scientific discovery.

But I seen past his wicked tricks!

 

[SpaceYeti]

Probably keys, a wallet, his phone, and iTouch (Angry Birds in Space, yo!), and some chap-stick, if he's much like I am.

 

[Jennywocky]

String or hands.

(And no fair taking them out!)

 

[Cognisant]

Hands would be useful.

Spoiler

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Ants...and a giant anaconda.

[bIMGx=250]http://i.imgur.com/TKrwh.jpg[/bIMGx]

 

[Cognisant]

That's the worst Photoshop I've ever seen.

I've done better with MSpaint in under 5min.

 

[snafupants]

My grandma lost her cat a couple weeks ago can you check if its in there? Grandma will make you 2 apple pies and knit you your choice of a wolf or eagle sweater. The cat answers to Snickers.

I do, indeed, have Snickers in my trousers. Tell grandma that I'd prefer the eagle sweater. That's quite a bounty with the two apple pies. I feel lavished.

I detect a certain trepidation in unleashing Mr. Snickers with this photoshopped snake afoot though. Well, Snickers has not responded to any stimuli for a few hours so that might not be a huge issue.

Seeing all of the comments has truly been a quaint and unnecessary honor. I am, as Oedipus suggests, extraordinarily happy to see everyone. There's, perhaps, a certain prick and billow to my happiness.

 

[Reluctantly]

A hot dog without a leash.

 

[perkins]

In his pants pockets: All of those missing socks.
Underneath his pants: Another pair of pants.

 

[Pyropyro]

Hmm. Only one way to find out.

*goes to unzip*

Spoiler

HOLY SHIT! Quick, put it away man, put it away.

*relief*

In short, I'd rather not know.

Now I can't sleep

 

[BigApplePi]

Did anyone say, "legs"?

Legs.

 

[Synthetix]

What a creative and thoughtful answer, you must have been a grade A student in your special ed class :3

 

[BigApplePi]

LOL.

 

[BigApplePi]

Alternate answer: Every pair of pants (I don't know why they come in pairs) has three holes ... big ones. There is an optional hole for the fly. Therefore the answer is (best guess)

Nothing.

Those holes are way too big to hold anything.

 

[Peripheral Visionary]

Someone should contact Geraldo Rivera to do a televised special for the Fox network:

Behind the Zipper: Mysteries of the Snafu Pants Revealed!

Las Vegas oddsmakers would go gangbusters on what might be unearthed. Internet bloggers speculate any of the following:

The Lost Monet
Glenn Miller
Every plastic pen that ever vanished
The Missing 18 Minutes
Emelia Earheart's compass
The Mary Celeste
Judge Crater
Dark Matter
JFK autopsy photos
David Crosby's septum
The Real Da Vinci Code
The Tomb of Nefertiti
D.B. Cooper
The Amber Room
Sylvester Stallone's Dignity

 

[snafupants]

Someone should contact Geraldo Rivera to do a televised special for the Fox network:

Behind the Zipper: Mysteries of the Snafu Pants Revealed!

Las Vegas oddsmakers would go gangbusters on what might be unearthed. Internet bloggers speculate any of the following:

The Lost Monet
Glenn Miller
Every plastic pen that ever vanished
The Missing 18 Minutes
Emelia Earheart's compass
The Mary Celeste
Judge Crater
Dark Matter
JFK autopsy photos
David Crosby's septum
The Real Da Vinci Code
The Tomb of Nefertiti
D.B. Cooper
The Amber Room
Sylvester Stallone's Dignity

I would never let that blockheaded hack journalist in my pants.

Too funny. The David Crosby crack was hilarious. Tom Petty (a.k.a., Skeletor) looks the same way.

Perhaps you purposefully omitted the Rosetta Stone, remnants of Noah's Ark, the bullet that killed John Lennon, answers to M-theory and the inscrutability of black holes, Gnostic texts from the Nag Hammadi library and the Shroud of Turin.

Oh, Stallone's dignity is completely gone.

D.B. Cooper...that's an interesting case. I hadn't heard anything about that before.

 

[Jennywocky]

Jimmy Hoffa's finger, or maybe a hotpocket? but what flavor?

"Whatever Happened to Jimmy Hoffa's Finger??" flavor.

D.B. Cooper...that's an interesting case. I hadn't heard anything about that before.

Yeah, they thought they had a lead on it within the last year but it didn't pan out, I think.

Of course, they hadn't yet heard of your pants.

 

[snafupants]

"Whatever Happened to Jimmy Hoffa's Finger??" flavor.


Yeah, they thought they had a lead on it within the last year but it didn't pan out, I think.

Of course, they hadn't yet heard of your pants.

Indeed, the pants are still at liberty.

That John Doe story is nuts. The whole shebang was pretty audacious and well-planned.

The crime happened forty years ago and the guy's perhaps yukking it up on a golf course in Barbados right now. Stunning.

 

[Jennywocky]

The crime happened forty years ago and the guy's perhaps yukking it up on a golf course in Barbados right now. Stunning. [/FONT]

I hope he pulled it off. It would make me happy to imagine that.

Still, I fear it could just be another disappointment (with his bones probably rotten in a crevice somewhere), like with the resolution to BTK. For so many years, I read the accounts of his murders back in the 70's and 80's, thinking he was really a smart, self-controlled mastermind who methodically planned and carried out his crimes... wondering how we might crack the case... then found out in the mid-2000's that he was just some petty, anal sourpuss who wasn't nearly as smart or as well-planned as he came across, and who was so arrogant he didn't even realize how using a computer disk could track him straight back to his church where he was actually a lay leader. I'm glad he got caught, after what he did, but... wow, what a douche.

 

[snafupants]

I hope he pulled it off. It would make me happy to imagine that.

Still, I fear it could just be another disappointment (with his bones probably rotten in a crevice somewhere), like with the resolution to BTK. For so many years, I read the accounts of his murders back in the 70's and 80's, thinking he was really a smart, self-controlled mastermind who methodically planned and carried out his crimes... wondering how we might crack the case... then found out in the mid-2000's that he was just some petty, anal sourpuss who wasn't nearly as smart or as well-planned as he came across, and who was so arrogant he didn't even realize how using a computer disk could track him straight back to his church where he was actually a lay leader. I'm glad he got caught, after what he did, but... wow, what a douche.

I hope so too. We probably project our own elaborate fantasies onto these cases. For instance, I have this dim hope that the Alcatraz Island prisoners got away, why? What is it about society that makes us salivate at the idea of subverting it?