I drink alcohol, or I take an overload of smoking breaks. I've been doing so for years now. And I still can't cope with them. I'm not meaning to say that is their responsibility, but it is. We humans are build to be social. Everything you think is social. To then be surrounded by those with an incapability or refute to understand you as your sentences are simply to profound, leaves you utterly hopeless. Without giving it even the slightest effort, I transcend common knowledge. My actions are never understood by others because of this. My intentions are never understood because of this. And even if I would gladly exploit myself through sheer stupidity, inter-subjectivity is still not reached.
But this isn't even the bad part. One of the bad parts is that people relay responsibility onto me. I am told to formulate myself better. I am told to not breach people their personal boundaries. I am told not to disturb the peace that was never there. I am told that I am weird. I am told that I am stupid. I am told that I am not social enough. I am told to behave like others.
But what are those words worth? My actions, by definition, are more thought through and more socially rationalized than anyone could ever comprehend. It is a certainty that I am not common. It is a certainty that I am highly intelligent.
And whilst reading this you probably are somewhat like: "Ah I understand." Or, "Hmm this is not completely true."
But don't feel disinclined. Statistically, by very high odds, you too are bothering me. The common INTP on this forum, when being an antagonist, rationalizes my rationalization whilst not truly understanding me. If you don't understand something, don't debate it. Your rationalization could be irrefutable, but it may not, or more likely probably wont, apply. I've been saying this on this forum for months, yet very few seems to regard it.
Even the reasons that are being given to my banning, could not be further from irrational. But let's just say that is my opinion, just to fuzz the buzz.
And then comes valuing life. I could not be less afraid of death than I am now. Everything you value in life, is by definition, directly or indirectly, social. And by nature, a person has needs. The need to have a girlfriend. The need to be afraid of death. The need to love. The need to be loved. The need to be successful. The need to be accepted. The need to be left alone. An excessive amount of needs, that merely serve that to spend your time. Characterized by an illusion of happiness. No person could escape all one's needs. Without needs, one could not think. But I have no needs. I regard needs purely for filling up the time of my life. I can't accord most needs either. No person alive, or more properly said, no person that I have ever met... Would want a constant reminder of their own stupidity. It has gotten me in a stage where I don't even talk with family anymore for their sake. I now and then respond to what they are saying, but nothing more.
Appreciation, Acceptance, etc. Those things are never reached. For instance on this forum... I have tried to explain principle of MBTI numerous times. Yet I still see posts popping up that are filled with ignorance. I can't make a lot of impact on people their understanding, as I simply transcend that. So what can I do? It is one of the questions I am constantly asking myself all day of my life. I even made a thread: "How to deal with life?". Yet presumably, again, no-one has understood my question the way I do. No-one ever does. That is the lack of inter-subjectivity. When the lack of inter-subjectivity is because you are stupid and others are not, then it is graceful. When you are the intelligent one, it is a sin. Ignorance is bliss.
As of late, the only thing that keeps me alive is asking myself the combination of questions: "What do I want?" "What can I want?" What will I do?". Those questions may seem easy, as they are, for an ignorant mind. Me, and those whom know what I am talking about, will understand. Those questions accept a confrontation most people deny their entire lives. For me, it is the only escape I have.
Throughout my whole life I have only met 1 person that is considerately an equal. But our dedication differs by miles (She is an ENTJ). I understand that person, and that person would understand me. But for what is it worth, if our interests lies elsewhere? There is also a 20 year age gap between us; so there is that aswell.
(Because by transcending other people their understanding of you, will decease predictability. Can you see the irony? haha)
