If I were you, I'd put a camera somewhere that records you and your interactions with the customers, and then you can show your higher ups how they were being dicks to you... and also ask people to see it and what they think about how you acted, what you did wrong.
Also, saying "you're sorry" / "you understand their problem/feelings" to someone who is pissed usually doesn't work, in my experience: it can easily be interpreted as insincere, standard answer to shut them up (and it most likely is). You might as well be saying "Yeah, yeah whatever".
Try "how can I fix this for you?" (this gives them what they want, problem fixed... they don't care if you are sorry, they want their shit fixed. You are irrelevant). Also, saying you're sorry isn't really yielding.
Or perhaps you could try being direct "I can't help you unless you hand me the X / stop yelling at me / blah".
Also, looking at people straight in the eyes constantly can be interpreted as challenging or aggressive (more so if they were already feeling upset); some people in particular can have a very intense gaze that can combine with a matter of fact voice that makes people feel like they're being talked down to. Try to look at some paper, their hands, your hands, the glasses, etc.. as you speak, and their eyes only sporadically.
agreed. I've worked customer service for some time in the technical support field. This means people show up already frustrated. I'm an INTP but I am at least marginally better at calming down clients than my fellow IXTX compatriots.
Here are my customer service "I have a problem" hacks:
1. Make sure you are on eye level or even slightly below eye level. Never be higher than them eye level wise. Doing this makes them feel like they are on an equal level with you. If you stand over them those who are less self confident will feel intimidated or overwhelmed by your presence. Even better is if you are both standing can instead offer them a seat and you both sit across from one another. Something about offering a chair and sitting down together really lowers the stress level for a lot of people. I think it gives them the feeling that we are now finally sitting down to get something done. *shrug*
2. When they describe the issue make earnest eye contact for, on average, 3 seconds, and then look down for a moment. Nod gently every few seconds. This shows to them that you are listening, considering, and nodding makes them feel as if you are sympathizing. Don't smile unless it feels as though they are expecting a smile from you but don't frown either. Try to keep your eyes open/wide and not crinkled. I often look angry when I'm actually just being thoughtful. Unfortunately it is the calling card of INTPs and INTJs everywhere. I find that keeping my eyes wide and pulling my eyebrows together causes me to look more gentle. I think it's because it imitates concern rather than frustration.
3. Pad the conversation with lots of "sure", "of course", and "okay". These are positive validating words. Just saying "I understand" or "I sympathize" is too robotic. You have to subtly validate their feelings and concerns. When you are more confident with this you can add in specific details and say things like, "Sure. Yeah, that makes sense. You don't want BLANK to happen." where you fill in the blank with whatever the issue is.
4. When it's time for you to ask questions be sure to add in stuff like "I sorry, I just want to make sure I understand what's going on". This way you are apologizing up front for asking questions while also making it clear that you are not questioning that they have a problem but are instead trying to better understand their problem. If they are unable to give field related verbiage (I deal with people who think the mouse/keyboard/monitor is "The Modem") offer laymen's terms they might understand.
Ultimately, I work on trying to sound sympathetic, calming, and validating. Also, some people are just inconsolable assholes. *shrug*
