Thoughts on How to Shut Down a Salesperson

[dutchdisease]

Hello All,

Today I came across a group of salespeople trying to sell me a service. Now I find most sales people to be downright silly going through their little sales pitches but there is something that always bothers me. There seems to be no way to get these people to break character and accept that they have simply lost. Now I harbor no great hatred for these people but I wish there was something I could say without telling them to go F- themselves that would completely shut them down in their attempt to maintain this facade. Any creative ideas for a one liner that might accomplish this.

 

[Jennywocky]

Hello All,

Today I came across a group of salespeople trying to sell me a service. Now I find most sales people to be downright silly going through their little sales pitches but there is something that always bothers me. There seems to be no way to get these people to break character and accept that they have simply lost. Now I harbor no great hatred for these people but I wish there was something I could say without telling them to go F- themselves that would completely shut them down in their attempt to maintain this facade. Any creative ideas for a one liner that might accomplish this.

You could try to sell them something ridiculous back, I suppose.

I have some friends who when called by telemarketers will specifically stay on the line and waste a good half hour or more of the TMs' time asking dumb questions and hinting they might buy (when they won't) since of course they don't get anything if no one buys anything.

 

[dutchdisease]

The thought did certainly cross my mind but i'm more looking for something that will make them wonder what the hell they are doing with their lives.

 

[Rook]

Jump up and down waving your arms while chanting "Help me, Help me, I am being oppressed by the capitalist system!"

Then run down the street/through the office shouting "Treason! Treason! Flee good folk, for the salesmen layeth siege upon our fair city!"

If they pitch by phone, ask questions such as:
"What unconventional uses does your project have?(Can it scratch my back or kill a narwhal?) "
"Does the service come with a happy ending?"
"Can I accept your offer if I am a convicted war criminal?"
"Would Churchill approve of the product if he were still alive?"
And, the end all of conversations, "Have you ever eaten your own fecal matter/Have you ever buggered a sheep?"

 

[Hadoblado]

"Sorry I have somewhere to be".
"Sorry I'm not interested".
"Sorry I already have a service and I'm not looking to change".

+ Don't shake their hand or look them in the eye.
+ Stare off into the distance as you walk past.
+ Project unavailability.
+ Wear headphones and/or sunglasses.

The tactics these people employ are scummy as fuck, you shouldn't feel bad for not letting them work. Shut it down before it starts. They need to know you're not going to listen, otherwise they think they've got a shot.

 

[EditorOne]

Just ask for a business card from one of them and say "not today, but when the time is right I'll call you."

 

[Haim]

My one liner-""
I just ignore them, same as I ignore spam and web ads(the digital version of salesperson).
Every time I do it I hope there are getting more and more sick of their job, I think they do get hurt.

You can also be annoying costumer.
You can try to sell them things
"Want a IgiveMyTimeToApplePhone?"
"well yes I do, I will give you my shit Nokia phone for exchange"
"we don't..."
"Just for 100$"
"........"

 

[redbaron]

What are they selling?

 

[Seteleechete]

without telling them to go F- themselves

[Sounds like a sound strategy... well if a simple "I am not interested" is not enough]

 

[TAC]

Silence is the best strategy

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Why would you want to shut them down? Play devil's advocate and let them keep talking, make them work for the sale and waste their time. Just have it in your head that your answer is already "no". At worst they're keeping you company, at best they're giving you a sensual massage and complimenting you on your skin while they apply lotion product to your hands.

 

[redbaron]

I used to sell stuff in the middle of a shopping centre and the only thing that would really deter me would be people who obviously aren't going to buy stuff.

Don't say any of the things Hadoblado said - I've sold stuff to people who said all 3 of those things initially, because it actually gives an opening. If they're good, they'll call you on your bluff because when you have to stop and sell people on the spot for a living you realise a few things:

1. No one is interested
2. Everyone is super busy
3. Everyone's already got a better version of what you're selling
4. Every single one of the above people are full of shit

So how do you shut them down? Easy.

1. Don't talk - I can't shoot you if you don't give me any ammo and if you have the self-control to completely ignore me, you probably aren't impulse buying my shit either - wasting my time.
2. If you tell me to "fuck off" I won't be offended, I'll just laugh, then harass someone else because you're probably not buying stuff and/or you'll start an argument. Anyone who gets offended by this isn't lasting long in these kinds of jobs anyway.
3. Pre-empt me Make a beeline for me and come up and go "I don't want your shit" then just walk off. This one is actually hilarious and super effective.
4. Act offended - I'm not interested in having a big scene, I just wanna sell shit to pay my bills. This is basically a nice way of doing "fuck off" but a bit less effective.

The best one though is probably just combining 2+3 by walking directly at me and telling me to fuck off. Then walking away.

I think if they're good they'll have a way of dealing with anything but the above 4 situations. They just aren't worth the effort to crack. Most other things I'd just keep talking or shouting until someone stopped though, lol. I had people go up an escalator and I was still shouting at them from the lower level as they went up, then they got back on the escalator and came back down.

But then again I'm hilarious and amazingly attractive, so there's that :^)

 

[Cognisant]

3. Pre-empt me Make a beeline for me and come up and go "I don't want your shit" then just walk off. This one is actually hilarious and super effective.

Damn. That's good.

The sales people I really hate are the ones on inner city streets who try to grab people's attention as they walk by, some of them become really obnoxious especially the ones doing it for professional "charities", the Salvation Army particularly annoys me because I know most of the money goes to their leadership.

 

[The Gopher]

Nanana, RB... give us the good stuff. What does someone have to do to get you to beg for them to leave?

 

[Pyropyro]

I just move out of arm's reach and don't make eye contact.

Moving towards me and making eye contact will cost them too much valuable time and energy so they ignore me and find other nearby people to persuade.

 

[redbaron]

Nanana, RB... give us the good stuff. What does someone have to do to get you to beg for them to leave?

I never really got into that situation because I avoided people who were going to ask lots of questions or who were trying to pick a fight or 'teach me a lesson'.

A lot of people I worked with got into those situations though. Just ask lots of mundane questions, act dumb and never show interest in really buying stuff. Talk to other people walking by as well as if you work there, it drives them nuts.

Or tell them what they're doing is evil and say that it's your moral obligation to oppose them.

 

[Pyropyro]

I never really got into that situation because I avoided people who were going to ask lots of questions or who were trying to pick a fight or 'teach me a lesson'.

A lot of people I worked with got into those situations though. Just ask lots of mundane questions, act dumb and never show interest in really buying stuff. Talk to other people walking by as well as if you work there, it drives them nuts.

Or tell them what they're doing is evil and say that it's your moral obligation to oppose them.

RB, would licking their face and eyeballs and then telling them they taste good work?

 

[redbaron]

No I'm sure they'll lick you back and you'll have hot steamy sex for the next 7 hours.

 

[Pyropyro]

No I'm sure they'll lick you back and you'll have hot steamy sex for the next 7 hours.

Aw... I hate it when that happens. :P

 

[The Gopher]

Talk to other people walking by as well as if you work there, it drives them nuts.

Oh, good.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

Lmfao @rb's post

If they're bombarding you with phonecalls and they won't stop no matter how many times you ignore their calls, then pick up the call and make sure you sound interested and engaged, until they get to the part where they start asking you personal information for payment, then unleash a torrent of insults (escalate the pitch of your voice and the intensity of the insults gradually)on their head and they'll never call you back again
(This worked for a friend)

 

[INTPWolf]

" Do you have a moment to speak about our great lord and overseer, the supreme and merciless, the exalted and and illustrious being Cthulhu? " and when they walk away yell " Hail hydra!" and slam the door

 

[QuickTwist]

Just ask for a business card from one of them and say "not today, but when the time is right I'll call you."

Best answer.

I usually just give a "no thanks" and just keep walking.

 

[bvanevery]

The thought did certainly cross my mind but i'm more looking for something that will make them wonder what the hell they are doing with their lives.

What they are doing with their lives, is trying to make ends meet paying the bills. If they're having any success with that at all by selling stuff, they're going to keep plodding on with a certain degree of professionalism, because they are getting paid to do so. Most of the antics you could come up with to be an irritating person, are going to be met with the classic "Have a nice day, sir."

Salespeople who are working commission / by the customer, know that they don't make any money if they don't actually sell something. So they've got their radar up for people who are prospects - when you work with the public a lot, you develop at least a minimal sense of this.

Salespeople who are getting paid by the hour, probably aren't very good salespeople if they're low paid, so they may not be all that motivated to begin with. Could be someone's "first job" but people with actual sales ability, find ways to get paid more money for that ability.

When I was working as a signature gatherer on a particularly lucrative initiative in Seattle, I remember someone shouting at me what a loser / creep I was supposed to be for doing this job. I shouted back, "I'm making $50/hour, how 'bout you?"

And another time, when I wasn't making anything like that, but nevertheless someone wanted to moralize about what a horrible thing I was doing in society bothering people, I said, "So you think all this political organization is supposed to happen, for free, and nobody should get paid? Do you have a full time job?"

I totally get not liking salespeople, and I certainly don't hesitate to cut off a telemarketer, as they're the lowest of the low. But I am wondering, dutchdisease, where do you get off thinking it's your job or mission in life, to make sure people "turn away from the Evil" of selling things?

Most posters have come up with dozens of ways to avoid a salesperson and they're effective. Most revolve around the core principle that you do not owe a salesperson your time, they are trying to take your time. You are not being compensated for your time and in no way stand to benefit from their taking of your time. With this moral calculus, answering the phone quickly with "NOT INTERESTED GOODBYE" and not even giving them a chance to breathe is perfectly appropriate. In the "contractor math" world of morality I live in.

 

[TheManBeyond]

keep a card with your name and pic in ur pocket faking you are also some sales person who buys persons to sell people licences to buy sales
just keep it fresh, improvise having thought of the topic before

 

[Reluctantly]

I just ignore them. Pretend they aren't there. It's always worked for me. People don't usually know what to do when that happens. They expect to get your attention in some way and that just motivates them to try and get more of your attention. The longer you listen, the higher their chances of selling something are, so just don't listen at all I guess.

 

[Rixus]

Depends on the salesperson and on what I feel like at the time. I used to kind of mumble a bibbling idiotic, "n-no thanks." And they sense weakness and press harder. So I learned to be a little firmer, and they go away. A quick and clear, "not interested," usually works. I've also tried, "I will never use your company again." They give up at that point. Charity door to door salespeople are still difficult. They give me this puppy dog look that it's hard to be firm with. So I just say I already have charities I sponsor and I'm not interested in more.

There was once this occasion when my ex-wife used GoCompare or something to look at rates on something borrowing - no intention to actually take anything out; just curiosity. They phoned every night at 19:30 for a week and kept saying, "we've called to discuss your recent loan application." I kept telling them to stop but they kept on doing it. So after a week I shouted, "what loan! Who's given you my details?! Someone's taking out loans in my name!!" They hung up and I never heard from them again.

 

[bvanevery]

Example just now: someone's called me from "North Carolina". I thought it might be one of the spam debt collectors that's been trying to reach "Dmitri" for a year now. I recently read some stuff on suing such people, so I thought I'd answer the call and see if it's more of the same.

Well, it wasn't. First there was a dead pause, some kind of robocall leading to a human being in a phone pool. Then a man with a nice / pleasant voice pitching "Jolly Electric (?) Home Security Systems". Piss poor research on their part, I'm homeless. Because I've used my Mom's address for some things over the years, it's out there, being confused for me. Thus I say, "I'm not interested. GOODBYE." He had started trying to talk again as I was saying that last word. But I'm hardcore: I've already decided I don't owe him a damn thing, like even another 0.25 seconds of time. I was polite in the manner I said, "I'm not interested." I'm also doing him the favor of not wasting any more of his time on a sale he can't make.

 

[Happy]

For weeks, I've been looking for an opportunity to test redbaron's advice. Ironically, I'm annoyed that nobody has tried to sell me anything in weeks.

The grizzly beard and generally dishevelled appearance I've adopted probably has something to do with it. Or maybe my eagerness to have them approach me is being mistaken for lunacy. Perhaps therein lies another salesperson repellant tactic...

 

[TheManBeyond]

Actually i came across some dude in a suit trying to sell me a card with discounts and stuff
i had plenty of time to do nothing until my train arrived and i had just bought a icecream-yogur-banana and chocolate milkshake? that's how you call them? so i gave him an opportunity
all the time sucking from the straw and looking at him as he spoke to me, i actually tried to listen but the straw and the yogur were too funny, i noticed in the meantime how some guy who was lying on the floor was looking at me with a subtle amazed look in his eyebrows, at some point the salesman stopped and said: hey i'm doing my job, i suppose because of the repeated soft laughts about the special features of the card. i wasn't really listening to him, but some parts sounded in my head somehow. i wasn't pleased by his smell, it was his sweat after walking on the streets on a suit all day on a sunny day. and it was corrupting the taste of my yogur so at some point i said, thanks but i'm not filling anything. and he insisted and i just kept the same stare and sucked my straw one last time before leaving.
Notice that i never raise my cup to drink, instead i go with my head down to reach it.

 

[PmjPmj]

There is a great way to deal with this which will stop them dead in their tracks whilst they both question themselves and - hopefully - also have a giggle about it.

In a somewhat apologetic manner, drop your head / avert your eyes, then wave them off in a half-arsed manner as you say "No fuckyou" (say it quickly for maximum ambiguity) then continue on your way.

A quick backward glance will, oftentimes, reveal a person who is either stood on the spot looking somewhat dumbfounded or quizzical / amused.

[EDIT] In case it isn't clear, "No fuckyou" said quickly will almost sound like "No thank you" - but just off enough to make someone stop in their tracks and be all "Did... did he just... di-?"

 

[TheManBeyond]

off topic but kind feels like the same

i'm at work, with not much to do today so i went to the vending machine and i saw there was exactly what i was going to buy, that is, a pack of snacks with tomato, chesee and oregano and little oil, so it was stuck there, i put some money and ordered the same product thinking i would get both of them but it got stuck also, so machine let me ask for another product for free and i asked the same. 3 of them stuck there until they collapsed and fell down, so i got 3 for the price of one.
then randomly my phone which is totally destroyed started playing BANG DATA as i walked back to my seat and coworkers staring at me like wtf the diet snack guy strikes back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ls9jW2wDYVQ

@pmjm i thought i was the only one enjoying saying things fast so they sound like other things. I used it also for romantic purposes, if you say mano meile fast, which in Lithuanian means my love, it sounds like my name.

 

[PmjPmj]

In English, mouth "Elephant Juice" to someone. It looks like you're saying "I love you".

Or don't.

 

[theanonymous]

Ahh, this is the same story for religious people who try to convert door to door. They always try to leave some shit with you, which really pisses me off... because if they aren't making any money then why waste money (with printing their cards/brochures/etc) on me who will definitely not even look at it?

So basically, sales or religious, it usually goes down like this:

Seller: *rings doorbell*
Me: Hey.
Seller: Hi how are you today?
Me: Fine. *waiting patiently for their prompt in the far off case I'm wrong about who they are*
Seller: We just wanted to make sure you know about God/this great vacuum cleaner/whatever the fuck they are selling... *handing me paper crap with their story all over it*
Me: I keep a very low waste household so you should keep that for a potential client/guest at your church.
Them: Oh but...
Me: Thanks for your interest in chatting about God/Vacuums, but it isn't reciprocated. Have a good day! *smiling cheerfully*

Then I shut the door or walk away. That way I'm not an asshole, but I still kind of am.

On my moodier days, I just look at them and say "unsubscribe." and shut the door. But that's really cold and I try to be a decent human being.

 

[theinfiniteface]

Bla bla bla. I'd just start messing with them. Start sending them mixed signals. Abruptly alter my thoughts. You know, start pulling reality apart around them.

I mean it's a terrible, terrible thing for an ego to die.

 

[Mxx]

I have no problem taking a tone with people who try to sell something to me, including stopping them mid-sentence, while recognizing they are just trying to do their job.

 

[Bad Itch]

Sorry, I work for [insert direct competition here]. I'm on the board.

 

[davidintp]

Having been a salesperson I somewhat empathize with most salespeople. If they sound like they hate their job I usually tell them I've been where you are and I advise them to try to get an ethical job so they can enjoy a happy life. As soon as they resume their sales pitch I just tell them thank you and walk away or hang up. Someone did that to me when I was a salesperson and it helped me get out of the misery.

When I encounter a professional salesperson I usually just walk off or stare into space until they get the hint. You can rarely ever trust a professional salesperson because they are just interested in numbers and because of the impossible quotas they have to meet.

 

[S.Haze]

I normally just keep completely silent and look at them, letting my eyes do the talking.. then either walk away or close the door. If they take it personally they should reconsider their career.

 

[*sUnShInE*]

Don't be too passive or they may push it and ask you, "Are you sure?" I have found the best way is to firmly say "No thank you" That way you are shutting them down yet not being too rude. Remember they have a job to do.

Since brick and mortar business is declining they have even more of a job to do. I'll never forget the time I was shopping in the mall with my sister and friends last year and I replied "Nah" to a credit card sales pitch.

When she said "Are you sure?" I wanted to say "Yea I'm sure B**** what did I just say, N-O- NO. "This is why I shop online so I don't get harassed by salespeople like you!."

But what I actually said was " Yap. I don't do credit cards." Everyone interests me and I can be passive so that translates into "sucker" for certain sales ppl. Guess wat sucker?

I have also been overly firm. At a high end outlet I was asked for my full name, reason being for "refund" purposes. I replied with a firm "no" cuz wtf u need my full name for damn. I def ruined the poor sales boy's day based on his emotional reaction. I gave him my name to stop his sorrow lol. Damn Fe.