This is inconceivably stupid

[speiss]

But I fear I have a tiny problem.

For a long time I've been terribly fond of the smell of gasoline, the smell of ink, paint, the smell of glue, even. The last one having been discovered one day in art when I had to glue a piece of paper down, and the rubber cement.. just..

In any case.
For those who don't know, a sharpie is a brand of permanent marker. It comes in various sizes and colors.
I've found that I like the smell of this marker very much.
Now it's known that if you sniff such a thing, along with other household inhalants like cleaning liquid or glue or something, you'll get a "high" or whatever it is.
I don't care for highs. I don't care for the headaches the sharpie gives me.

This is what is so stupid.
Recently I've found myself very attached to the smell.
The other day I took apart a sharpie, 1) for the sake of seeing how it worked, sure, but 2) for the sake of getting closer to the ink.
And that ink is intoxicating, it is.
And I read and read and see that sniffing a sharpie is obviously not good for you.
As for my MO, I just rub a bunch of ink onto paper and smell it. Sniffing the sharpie directly is silly.
But I'm really starting to fear for my well-being, you see.
Today I got very dizzy in gym class. I couldn't hear. I couldn't concentrate nor barely even see what was in front of me. Maybe today was just a dizzying day. Due to stress. Lack of sleep.
But I don't know if the stupid marker is having a profound effect on... my brain?

It's very embarrassing to admit this, but I must.
I'm worried.
The internet (however reliable it is) says it's very harmful, and that people do suffer and die from taking in chemicals willingly and on a regular basis.
And it makes me disoriented and tired and what made me the most worried was the stinging sensation inside of my nose and the strange taste left in my mouth just now.
And the thing with this is, oh, just stop. Obviously.
But I don't know if I will.

I just don't know whether or not I'm slowly killing myself by means of sharpie.

 

[Synthetix]

Inhalants are bad news :/

 

[Czech Yes or No]

Stop, see if you are benefiting or losing from it, then decide whether or not to continue.

 

[IssphitiKOzS]

Ink and petrol smell great, yeah, but the taste of bleach will change your life.

 

[speiss]

but the taste of bleach will change your life.

Really?

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Really?

I'm assuming you're being sarcastic, but on the off chance you aren't, don't drink bleach.

Spoiler

What you really want to do is mix it with ammonia first.

 

[pjoa09]

You gotta smell 2-stroke bikes and more leather.

I like that CFC smell of a good old aircon.

 

[nanook]

just throw it all away. don't tell me you need any of that shit for school. i am sure there are alternatives. i never had anything in school that smelled in a way that drew me in, except glue, but glue was allways available in art class, and i could borrow it from someone in other classes. no need to have your own stash.

like in the other thread, where someone was concerned with willpower in regard to sugar, these things must be understood as issues bigger than an individual. we are bio-computers. addiction is real.

it's not the individuals job to go to war with himself, by utilizinging brute force will power, but it's his job to change his ways of thinking about the complete environment he subjects himself to, be it nutritional philosophy or the selection of your practical equipment. you have to be FOR a general change, not against a single agent of disturbance which is just a symptom of an insane world. you are not supposed to use will power - which is a single thought fighting against the rest of your enslaved unconscious outwardly-adapted mind, but use a coherent undivided integrated/owned mind. the enslaved mind grants addiction/giving in to impulses. the enslaved mind is allways more powerfull than impluses or adiction, it just actually largly agrees with addiction/impulses - except for this one single thought, that calls himself will-power or voice of reason. this will-power thought is essentially/effectively like an excuse to become unconscious of how the rest of the mind largy agrees with the habbit and thus an excuse to not change the whole mind. as long as you try to rely on single threaded will power, you will remain a unconscious slave. you think your single threaded will power fails, but actually your whole mind fails because it doesn't realize that the world/system/lifestyle is wrong, and that the mind is not supposed to adapt itself to this wrong world at all.

also there is no such thing as "just a dizzying day".

there are just days, when the antinutrients and chemicals from food (do you do aspartame or glutamate?), clothing and environment add up to whatever glue you sniff.

drugs, sugar, intoxicated food additives, processed foods that cause allergies, all of these things are not things that a healthy person is supposed to master. you can't assume you are personally at fault (oh your weak body!) and maybe a doctor, pill or psychologist needs to fix/strenghthen you, so that you can learn to handle the world, that destroys you. everyone is vulnerable to these things, everone is broken by them, in time, to various degrees, depening on his exposure, not depending on his strenght. you don't "heal" a brain's-horomal-addiction/imbalance, allergies, leaky-gut, intoxicated brain, in your individual body, so you can continue to take the world as it is, you have to heal your insane habbit of subjecting yourself to this insane world.

 

[Cognisant]

Every time I use a permanent marker I'm worried about what the fumes are doing to me so I do the utmost I can not to breath them in, literally holding my breath and turning right around when I have to breathe. I do know what it smells like and I admit it's a weirdly pleasant smell, but I've never smelled anything like it in any other situation, which makes me wonder if I'm actually smelling it or if that really nice smell is actually nerve damage and my brain's just interpreting the swan song of dying nerve cells as a smell.

And to think, the chemicals you breathe in are going to your lungs, your blood, and from there to almost every other part of your body (even past the blood-brain barrier) so if it's killing nasal nerve cells on contact what else is it doing?

But hey if you can't muster the willpower to stop who am I to scold you; if you want to turn yourself into a pen sniffing slobbering moron why should I stop you from being a happy pen sniffing slobbering moron?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9sJSaCq48I

 

[Fukyo]

Just dump that shit ASAP!


@Cognisant, don't you think you're being a little paranoid? I assume those things aren't dangerous during normal use.



I get worried formaldehyde from nail polish is going to give me cancer sometimes...but I try not to inhale it too much.

 

[Cognisant]

Paranoid? Always.

 

[Jennywocky]

This is bringing back fond memories of sniffing freshly run mimeograph papers in elementary school. As soon as the teacher would distribute the papers hot off the machine, everyone in the class would be sticking their noses to the paper and sucking large quantities of air through their noses.

Sharpies are a more modern, portable version. But you don't want to trip and fall down while holding something called a "sharpie" to your nose.

I'm inclined to think we're already absorbing a lot of garbage into our bodies through other means (including food, air, and water), and then anyone who was unfortunate enough to be using a first-generation cell-phone next to their heads, so maybe the pen-sniffing isn't horrid. At least it's cheaper than crack.

I wouldn't worry that it is QUICKLY killing one. However, if you continue to do Sharpies for months and years, it wouldn't be surprising to discover that it has ill-gained effects. I just don't know how much research has been done on long-term (on the "years" basis) inhalation of Sharpies, or by color. (Perhaps blue is true, and green isn't mean, and black makes you a hack, but red will kill you dead.)

 

[Words]

This is amiably funny to me. I can relate to liking the reek of gasoline, ink and of other raw scents. The obsession part is really interesting. Are you inferior-Se type? ..could be related.

I don't think is stupid at all, the outcome however...well what else does it do to your brain?

 

[Solitaire U.]

Maybe the Sharpie factory is hiring. If all those workers inhale it every day, how bad can it be?

 

[Jaffa]

I was once obsessed with the feeling of things passing my second sphincter, well lubricated of course.

Just saying, there's worse things that you could be addicted to.

 

[crippli]

I also like the smell of gasoline. But only in very small doses. And not something I seek out. I think it's fine. Just adjust after danger what you smell in to the amount. Too much of this stuff will kill you, for sure, and that goes with the most healthy stuff too. I actually managed to kill a cow with water once. The cow was sick, and I tried to save her. In hindsight I am pretty sure though, that I killed her with forcing her to drink too much water. When you get sick enough, all barriers for resistance will evaporate. That's why you should stop and look in the mirror if the frequency of gasoline intake increases.

I like ammonium chloride much more. It's a joy to clean up, when this is needed. And from what I found out, it doesn't seem particular dangerous either.

 

[Cognisant]

I actually managed to kill a cow with water once.

Hold that thought.

 

[Mello]

@speiss What are you doing? ;o

Spoiler

If you want to get high, smoke weed instead.

 

[Cavallier]

Huffing is so bad for you as everyone else has pointed out. What makes it dangerous is that so many people dismiss it as relatively non-harmful. People do die from huffing related incidents. Suffering brain damage from lack of oxygen and the chemicals themselves is not uncommon.

My mother worked in a criminal juvie rehabilitation compound for a while and talked about how they had to literally keep the cleaning supplies under lock and key because they would find kids passed out from huffing. It wasn't uncommon to find them in a pool of their own vomit. My mom had to save a kid from choking on his vomit once after he broke into the cleaning closet.

As a kid I was in love with the smell of rubber cement. Not worth the headaches though.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

But I fear I have a tiny problem.

And the thing with this is, oh, just stop. Obviously.
But I don't know if I will.

I just don't know whether or not I'm slowly killing myself by means of sharpie.

If need be, swap it out with something harmless (fruit, perfume,....... jock strap?).

You're going into civet mode

Spoiler

http://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/kids/animals-pets-kids/mammals-kids/civet-african-kids/

and we really can't afford to lose an ENFP to the downfalls of the mammalian olfactory lobe, can we?

 

[lucky12]

Diesel, 2 strokes, leather.

I worked in a bike shop once, and I had a crush on this girl.. until I noticed she liked to spray orange scented degreaser into the air and "walk into the mist".

 

[warryer]

I used to like the smell of gasoline and tar. Until one day I walked by a freshly sealed driveway when i was younger ~10 or so. I took a deep wiff of the fumes coming off and I got a headache so bad that I swore I would never do it again. I haven't.

Gasoline now smells like a headache waiting to happen.

There were kids in my highschool who were huffing in a car while driving. They got into a nasty wreck and had to undergo reconstructive surgery. Talk about scarred for life.

I would suggest you go see a counselor. It's embarrassing, yes, but you are clearly aware that this is not a good thing.... so do something about it.

 

[speiss]

Oh gosh, Cog, I'm very scared now.
I posted this thread mainly to identify a problem I.. have neglected mentioning, letting people know about. In fact, today while I was highlighting during class, a friend of mine goes, mid-sentence, "Sara, stop smelling the highlighter" because he saw me sniff it, and I hadn't even noticed I'd done so! And then he imitates me smelling it jokingly and it just made me very aware of how frequent of a basis I've been doing this on.
I never thought myself, honestly, to be someone to fall victim to something addicting, that is potentially very problematic in concern to my health. As do most humans, it seems.
Sometimes my neck aches a bit, like there's something stuck in it that makes it more difficult than usual to move around. And recently I've had trouble just walking down the hallway of my school without wanting to collapse or throw up or something -- although that's only happened on four or five occasions, not every one.
Though that disclaimer does seem a little silly, doesn't it?
Thank you, everyone, for replying and for warning and for chiding me.
That's what I wanted, really.
And I've noticed, Nanook, the frailty of my willpower. How I'll sit there and know it's not good and know it's unhealthy and know it's something I shouldn't do and that it's affecting me… yet… focusing solely on the overcoming of my desire is almost maddening.
And I'm weak, evidently.

As for the civet, I think I would like to be in my right mind long enough to be able to cuddle one effectively.