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The Random Thoughts Thread

moody

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So I went to the doctor for a referral to a heart specialist and to up my meds. cant up my meds since I stopped taking them a month ago, despite being on the lowest dosage possible. Cant get a referral to a heart specialist because I need an ekg. despite having a referral a year ago.
doctor: you need an ekg to get a referral
me: I had one and it didnt show anything, the reason I got the referral was because I have symptoms of serious heart diseases.
doctor: YoU NeEd An EkG To GeT A NeW ReFeRrAl
me: rEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeeeEeEEEEE
How am I supposed to like people when they are so fucking terrible? Why is everything a one size fits all? I fucking hate people, PEOPLESUCK
oh you have a heart problem that needs attention asap, lets have 15 appointments to talk about it and do tests that wont help. YES
try to make me pay for a medication that barely even works for 3 months so that you can give me a dosage that is still low af, are you serious? Bitch I didnt even havemoney to pay for the new dosage and now Im actually further back than I started wtf? this right here, is why I have no faith in humanity. AMerica bois home of fuck your mental health and have this gun. reeee im upset!

Ugh, Im sorry. It’s shit that you should have to pay for drugs at all. But here we are. I hate it when, with each doctor, it’s “not their problem” and they want to send you to someone else. I think I have PSTD somewhat from doctors. The last time I went because I could hardly breathe, I was wheezing, congested hadn’t had bad ear and eye aches, the doctor was just like “it’s probably allergies.” And I don’t have allergies, I’ve gotten tested, allergy medications don’t work for me, but even still, they insist on saying it. So after this happened for years, I just snapped and started yelling at him. I’m a extraordinarily restrained person, and I’ve never done that before in my entire life. I’d just had it, because I was struggling a lot to do things I needed to get done, and Looking for help, I wasted the precious time in the day I was conscious. Now, I have a hard time going to primary care, no matter what’s wrong.
 

peoplesuck

is escaping
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So I went to the doctor for a referral to a heart specialist and to up my meds. cant up my meds since I stopped taking them a month ago, despite being on the lowest dosage possible. Cant get a referral to a heart specialist because I need an ekg. despite having a referral a year ago.
doctor: you need an ekg to get a referral
me: I had one and it didnt show anything, the reason I got the referral was because I have symptoms of serious heart diseases.
doctor: YoU NeEd An EkG To GeT A NeW ReFeRrAl
me: rEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeeeEeEEEEE
How am I supposed to like people when they are so fucking terrible? Why is everything a one size fits all? I fucking hate people, PEOPLESUCK
oh you have a heart problem that needs attention asap, lets have 15 appointments to talk about it and do tests that wont help. YES
try to make me pay for a medication that barely even works for 3 months so that you can give me a dosage that is still low af, are you serious? Bitch I didnt even havemoney to pay for the new dosage and now Im actually further back than I started wtf? this right here, is why I have no faith in humanity. AMerica bois home of fuck your mental health and have this gun. reeee im upset!

Ugh, Im sorry. It’s shit that you should have to pay for drugs at all. But here we are. I hate it when, with each doctor, it’s “not their problem” and they want to send you to someone else. I think I have PSTD somewhat from doctors. The last time I went because I could hardly breathe, I was wheezing, congested hadn’t had bad ear and eye aches, the doctor was just like “it’s probably allergies.” And I don’t have allergies, I’ve gotten tested, allergy medications don’t work for me, but even still, they insist on saying it. So after this happened for years, I just snapped and started yelling at him. I’m a extraordinarily restrained person, and I’ve never done that before in my entire life. I’d just had it, because I was struggling a lot to do things I needed to get done, and Looking for help, I wasted the precious time in the day I was conscious. Now, I have a hard time going to primary care, no matter what’s wrong.
yes our system is shit. Im going to the ER, I have kept from killing myself for too many years to die on accident. destroying any chance of financial stability for about 7 years. hey if im lucky they wont be completely incompetent and unable to find whats wrong. I suspect an echocardiogram and coronary angiogram should find what ever it is. I hope they dont try running a catheter through my thigh.
I should walk away with less than 10k in charges but we shall see.
 

peoplesuck

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I went to the wrong hospital, as they did not have the means for anything other than an xray. Apparently all you need to be a hospital is a building, bed, a person with a gun and a bitch that can sew, and one xray machine. Im one xray machine from owning a hospital you guys. So i most likely just spent 500$ to get an xray, and not even get a copy of it, thats some shit. like why cant I fucking have my xray pictures? I guess paper and ink is expensive. understandable from a business perspective.

I literally told them exactly which tests I wanted done at the front desk. she didnt even say anything like oh hey we are a fucking joke we dont do real medical stuff here yeh lulz gl.
Two of the women were total bitches as well. getting pissy at jokes and any opportunity to be a bitch. one caught me playing with their expensive machine and I could see the restrained full blown bitch fit in her eyes. glad she didnt choose to get hurt there.
 

Marbles

What would Feynman do?
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@Inexorable Username By Lucifer, that is some impressive procrastination. If I tried something like that, the paper would be messed up to the point of being unreadable. My self esteem would hate to see what you produce when you work seriously.

I went to the wrong hospital, as they did not have the means for anything other than an xray. Apparently all you need to be a hospital is a building, bed, a person with a gun and a bitch that can sew, and one xray machine. Im one xray machine from owning a hospital you guys.
Can I borrow your sewing bitch some time? I don't really need anything sewn right now, but a sewing bitch sounds like fun.
 

peoplesuck

is escaping
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@Inexorable Username By Lucifer, that is some impressive procrastination. If I tried something like that, the paper would be messed up to the point of being unreadable. My self esteem would hate to see what you produce when you work seriously.

I went to the wrong hospital, as they did not have the means for anything other than an xray. Apparently all you need to be a hospital is a building, bed, a person with a gun and a bitch that can sew, and one xray machine. Im one xray machine from owning a hospital you guys.
Can I borrow your sewing bitch some time? I don't really need anything sewn right now, but a sewing bitch sounds like fun.
:o im the sewing bitch, does this change your mind?
Im actually not great at sewing, I sort of meant suturing. I can fix you up if you get capped tho. ;D
 

peoplesuck

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maybe years of social isolation and anxiety have fucked my heart
4699
 

Marbles

What would Feynman do?
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:o im the sewing bitch, does this change your mind?
Nah, man, you can be my sewing bitch! Let me know if you're ever in Norway.
maybe years of social isolation and anxiety have fucked my heart.
I'll cure you of social isolation and messed up heart if you just sew my jeans. Anyways... Real interaction feels like a chore compared to chatting online. I much prefer this. Don't you? I mean... I get it if you miss face to face interaction. I just feel like there is more than enough of that. People are so exhausting.
 

peoplesuck

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:o im the sewing bitch, does this change your mind?
Nah, man, you can be my sewing bitch! Let me know if you're ever in Norway.
maybe years of social isolation and anxiety have fucked my heart.
I'll cure you of social isolation and messed up heart if you just sew my jeans. Anyways... Real interaction feels like a chore compared to chatting online. I much prefer this. Don't you? I mean... I get it if you miss face to face interaction. I just feel like there is more than enough of that. People are so exhausting.
people where exhausting, then I stopped having to interact with them daily, and now I dont, ever. I prefer this but it doesnt affect your brain the same as seeing a face. I want to be alone forever but at the same time I dont want to be alone. Its complicated. I just havent found my people yet, I will keep searching, as long as I live. I heard a rumor at the pub, supposedly they are in Norway. vent for meg min venn, jeg kommer. en dag skall jeg bli alena og kaldt med andra kaldt, ensomme menneske. hei ( unsklyde meg for min dårlig norsk)
 

Marbles

What would Feynman do?
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Haha, fantastic... Yes, I know how you feel, it's the same for me.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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Busy times, Saturday was 10-8, Sunday was 11-10, today was 12-12 and tomorrow is the same. Friday will be closer to 9-12, with a break in uni from 11-1 but that be it yo.

I am walking close to 6 miles a day though so good exercise, even though the only numbness I derive is from the circulation of blood to my feet. Oh yeah, let's get this bread.
 

peoplesuck

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My chest and my stomach feel very tight. Im not sure if I want to scream or cry or hurt someone, eat an entire pizza, go to sleep, break things, or laugh. today I tried getting help with the two biggest issues I have, and made absolutely no progress and am now completely broke. I guess just sitting and crying and being miserable is not a coping strategy im familiar with. Is that what you are supposed to do when you feel like this? maybe this is why I never got the courage to talk to people or do things, never taking in the despair, and channeling it. At this point I think that is a bad idea. I think the complete lack of affection and life-long anxiety has destroyed my heart. I feel like I cant even get one step forward before I fall down and get dragged back to zero.
 

Marbles

What would Feynman do?
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@peoplesuck I really have no good advice, but I figure it might help a little that someone answers. What do you figure is causing your chest and stomach pain? I have a friend who does some tensing exercises when he feels like that. He activates all his muscles for like 30 seconds, then relaxes. Stop before if it feels wrong in any way. I bet you can find some guided exercises like that on youtube. Might be nice to hear a voice telling you what to do.

I haven't watched this, but maybe it could help
I will see if I can get some sleep, now. Good luck with the night :)
 

peoplesuck

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@peoplesuck I really have no good advice, but I figure it might help a little that someone answers. What do you figure is causing your chest and stomach pain? I have a friend who does some tensing exercises when he feels like that. He activates all his muscles for like 30 seconds, then relaxes. Stop before if it feels wrong in any way. I bet you can find some guided exercises like that on youtube. Might be nice to hear a voice telling you what to do.

I haven't watched this, but maybe it could help
I will see if I can get some sleep, now. Good luck with the night :)
I think it was just anxiety. next time I will try deep breathing, meditation. Thanks for the response. I will have to make a polarish thread so I can stop shitposting in random thoughts thread.
 

Inexorable Username

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@Inexorable Username By Lucifer, that is some impressive procrastination. If I tried something like that, the paper would be messed up to the point of being unreadable. My self esteem would hate to see what you produce when you work seriously.

Thanks! You win an award. Here it is
.....
Thanks for being the first person to EVER compliment me for procrastinating!

What did you think? Do you think we procrastinate out of fear? Or is that too big of a leap to make?
 

Kormak

The IT barbarian - eNTP - 6w7-4-8 so/sx
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Kormak

The IT barbarian - eNTP - 6w7-4-8 so/sx
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Some American on youtube stated that he has privileged first-world internet access at 300 Mbps download and 75 Mbps upload ... mfw I live in a 2nd world shithole and this is my internet speed for 11 Euros a month:

4700


<.<....>.> wtf... breaking a leg doesn't put me in debt, education is cheap af here and I have the best internet in the world. ?_? a-am I living in paradise and don't know it?

4701
 

Inexorable Username

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Some American on youtube stated that he has privileged first-world internet access at 300 Mbps download and 75 Mbps upload ... mfw I live in a 2nd world shithole and this is my internet speed for 11 Euros a month:

View attachment 4700

<.<....>.> wtf... breaking a leg doesn't put me in debt, education is cheap af here and I have the best internet in the world. ?_? a-am I living in paradise and don't know it?

View attachment 4701

Yeah we have awful internet in the USA
 

Inexorable Username

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Random Thought:
I’m so sick of being labelled as a “feminist” for disagreeing with men on YouTube. Yes. I disagree with you, but not because I’m part of some political faction for gender..whatever it is that they’re after.
I honestly don’t know, or care, because I dislike politics. I also dislike labels, and above all, I REALLY dislike political labels.

No, I disagree with you because your point is illogical, and you’re acting like a moron.

Men have some right to whine that some political faction of females is “censoring” them, and then turn around and jump on me like a pack of wolves for speaking my mind about an argument entirely unrelated to gender equality, or what have you.

If you profess yourself a feminist-hater, stop acting like the feminists you claim to hate... And stop expecting me to adore every word you say. I won’t be intimidated into silence by someone who can’t tell the difference between a fact and an opinion, and doesn’t even know how to write literately.

Okay. I’m good now. Whew.
 

Marbles

What would Feynman do?
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@Inexorable Username By Lucifer, that is some impressive procrastination. If I tried something like that, the paper would be messed up to the point of being unreadable. My self esteem would hate to see what you produce when you work seriously.

Thanks! You win an award. Here it is
.....
Thanks for being the first person to EVER compliment me for procrastinating!

What did you think? Do you think we procrastinate out of fear? Or is that too big of a leap to make?
I don't have the capability of autonomy in thought, so all I can do is quote research. I believe I read somewhere once that you're right about that, but that procrastination aids creativity (or at least that creative people procrastinate more), so it's not all bad!

Thanks for the award, my self esteem is a little better now.

If you profess yourself a feminist-hater, stop acting like the feminists you claim to hate... And stop expecting me to adore every word you say. I won’t be intimidated into silence by someone who can’t tell the difference between a fact and an opinion, and doesn’t even know how to write literately.

The whole discussion is run by idiots, so most sensible people retreat from what is actually an important conversation. In consequence, only people with the maturity of a starving five year old are heard. The vocal minority rules in this day and age, and the vocal minority tend to be in it mainly to hear their own voice.
-Awfully black and white from me, but like you I'm frustrated by the whole debate.
 

Marbles

What would Feynman do?
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<.<....>.> wtf... breaking a leg doesn't put me in debt, education is cheap af here and I have the best internet in the world. ?_? a-am I living in paradise and don't know it?

View attachment 4701
Well, you're certainly giving my prejudice against third world countries death pangs. Do you think you could send some relief money to Norway?
 

Inexorable Username

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@Inexorable Username By Lucifer, that is some impressive procrastination. If I tried something like that, the paper would be messed up to the point of being unreadable. My self esteem would hate to see what you produce when you work seriously.

Thanks! You win an award. Here it is
.....
Thanks for being the first person to EVER compliment me for procrastinating!

What did you think? Do you think we procrastinate out of fear? Or is that too big of a leap to make?
I don't have the capability of autonomy in thought, so all I can do is quote research. I believe I read somewhere once that you're right about that, but that procrastination aids creativity (or at least that creative people procrastinate more), so it's not all bad!

Thanks for the award, my self esteem is a little better now.

Ahh, to reap self-esteem from 5 periods on a screen. Your ego is such an optimist.

I think procrastination definitely breeds creativity, but you can't do much with creativity if you don't have discipline, so my existence is an infinite oxymoron.
 

Marbles

What would Feynman do?
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Hey, those periods are bigger than my other trophy. Besides, Rebis has taught me to see the world in a grain of sand.

I think procrastination definitely breeds creativity, but you can't do much with creativity if you don't have discipline, so my existence is an infinite oxymoron.

Yours and mine both :/ I edited in a comment to your feminist rant in my last post. I thought I'd make it before you replied, but you beat me to it.
 

Marbles

What would Feynman do?
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I think it was just anxiety. next time I will try deep breathing, meditation. Thanks for the response. I will have to make a polarish thread so I can stop shitposting in random thoughts thread.
Don't worry about it, shitposting is what this thread is for.
 

Inexorable Username

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Hey, those periods are bigger than my other trophy. Besides, Rebis has taught me to see the world in a grain of sand.

I think procrastination definitely breeds creativity, but you can't do much with creativity if you don't have discipline, so my existence is an infinite oxymoron.

Yours and mine both :/ I edited in a comment to your feminist rant in my last post. I thought I'd make it before you replied, but you beat me to it.

Ugh! So glad that someone else identifies with my frustration! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's being "branded"!
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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Random Thought:
I’m so sick of being labelled as a “feminist” for disagreeing with men on YouTube. Yes. I disagree with you, but not because I’m part of some political faction for gender..whatever it is that they’re after.
I honestly don’t know, or care, because I dislike politics. I also dislike labels, and above all, I REALLY dislike political labels.

No, I disagree with you because your point is illogical, and you’re acting like a moron.

Men have some right to whine that some political faction of females is “censoring” them, and then turn around and jump on me like a pack of wolves for speaking my mind about an argument entirely unrelated to gender equality, or what have you.

If you profess yourself a feminist-hater, stop acting like the feminists you claim to hate... And stop expecting me to adore every word you say. I won’t be intimidated into silence by someone who can’t tell the difference between a fact and an opinion, and doesn’t even know how to write literately.

Okay. I’m good now. Whew.

Honestly the whole discussion annoys me to no end. Females acting like men are exploiting them, and men acting like feminists are the end of the world. Squabble after squabble, while most people with a brain acknowledge that the opposite gender can excel in the opposite of the loosely fit gender stereotype. I understand everyone is not like that but I don't need a 500th reminder today that females are functionally equal, it's like someone telling me how to do my abcs. Likewise, I don't need some male posting an example of a radical person (that being a women) and then generalising a group of people base don radical elements. Guess old habits die hard, I'm looking at you reality TV, along with middle-east terrorism and let's not forget the stoners, the delinquent schizophrenic hippies.

After all these years of discussing with people online, have you not came to terms with yourself without the need for external validation from the very same people you deem to be ignorant? Being subject to other people's prejudice shouldn't be a driving force in your daily arguments. If there's inequality legislate it, forget trying to convince hillbillies.
 

peoplesuck

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learning to bargain with yourself is so hard. I think this is an important life skill to invest in. I want to learn to sing, It seems like a deep way to express yourself. I miss my piano. I need to figure out how to get it to the new house. I wonder how much I would have to take it apart to move it by myself. Ive been too negative lately, I need to start meditating again. I need to start planning out my days again. Im wasting so much time. Maybe im actually bipolar, I feel my life would cause most people to feel like this. I think diagnosis's are something of a copout. When im down there is always a reason for it, Is bipolar disorder just a very emotionally volatile person? When I began taking mood stabilizers some odd tendencies went away, and havent come back. I no longer have hours of conversations with people in my head, which is probably good. I have fairly good self control, maybe im a well contained lunatic.
anyways I have to figure out where to put my piano, I cant leave it. Its mine.
Also: that old lady in the lung exercise video is thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. ;p
Im not an adhd but I think I have doctor.
I noticed im kinda normal when it comes to working on stuff, unless I find it interesting, then I can work at something for 18hours without a break. sounds like adhd. sometimes I start writing words and I write the second letter first then the first letter, wtf is that? I can write more clearly with my non dominant hand, I suspect it is because I had no real technique with my dominant hand, and I taught myself correctly with my other hand.
Im pretty sure Im going to get my eyes tattooed, the last time I was this obsessed with something I cut my fingertip open and jammed a magnet into it. heavy metal poisoning is much more dangerous than losing vision in one eye. Eye tattoos seem to be quite low risk high danger, when done by a trained pro.
 

Inexorable Username

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@Rebis

DISCLAIMER :
I know I type way too much. Do you know if we can put audio clips on this website? Maybe next time I will just do an audio clip! Anyways - please don't feel obligated to respond, or read this! Just more ranting about the genders.

This one is an anti-feminist rant based on an experience I had that made me feel so disgusted with my gender, and honestly, quite rageful - which is a strange sensation for me, as I'm generally a docile creature. Gotta say though, with all of the estrogen I'm saddled with, I can only imagine how these obnoxious females must make men feel. Most males have a degree of self-control and emotional management that women will never, never understand. It's truly remarkable.

About the gender wars, in general:

So...I think there's probably some reasons behind the gender movement. I've actually given the issue a great deal of thought! I feel like I understand where people are coming from. BUT - the problem is, people have totally lost their minds, their hearts, and their senses! They are acting like crazed Chimpanzees doped up on crack and brainwashed on hate propaganda. It's so hard to get them to "snap out of it". Occasionally I succeed here or there in having a decent convo. I hope it makes a small difference.

My rageful feminist experience:

I've been in the computer science field, and from there I went to computer security. I never felt uncomfortable or unsafe, despite being one of the only women. I had a couple of stalkers but...they weren't in the computer science field, so it doesn't count. Stalkers exist everywhere.

I started talking to people in the hacking community,
Ended up going to DEFCON.

Being a woman at DEFCON was like being a unicorn.
One guy saw me walking down a hallway, immediately threw his head down, turned around, and started quickly walking in the other direction.I walked into their weird little "party, live band" room - and everybody in a 15 foot radius quickly stared at the floor.
They then proceeded to edge away from me while I made my way to the back, and occasionally shot weird, millisecond sidelong glances at me when they thought I wasn't looking. To be entirely honest, I have to admit that it was sort of flattering!

One thing that sucks about being a woman is that a lot of men will immediately view you as intellectual inferior and easy to manipulate. At DEFCON, though, instead of feeling judged for my sex, I felt special. Nobody was aggressive towards me. Nobody stalked me. I didn't get the "you're being hunted" vibe. Everyone was so kind and polite. I really felt respected. The guys there...they were just shy.

The coolest part about DEFCON was that every time I struck up a conversation with someone, the guys were really, really passionate about computer science, and so eager to share what they knew, and teach me new things! I learned so much! Stacks..canaries...it was so exciting!

Either that year, or a year later, some woman came up with a story that a guy had touched her butt. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't...but you know, if a guy touched my butt - I would slap him in the face. That's really rude. Rather than handling the issue herself, however, she proceeded to BASH the entire conference to the internet world at large. All abut how DEFCON was some kind of bastion of "toxic masculinity".

I'm sorry...really? Seriously, lady? You knew that there was mostly going to be men there. You had to realize that, like it or not, you're essentially encroaching on their turf. They have a tight-knit community of fellow men, in this small little slice of society where they're free to have their own interests, and passions, and be accepted by people like them. Since they're so often not widely accepted by society at large. You've really got to take that away from them, because somebody touched your butt, and you need to be "rescued"?

Here's what bothers me. I'll never know what it's like to be called a "creep", as a guy. However, I do know what it's like to be the fat girl in high school. Being alienated - it sucks. Having people think you're disgusting - it sucks. Really bad. Being considered a "creep"? I can only imagine that's 10 times worse. What this woman has done is alienate an entire subculture of men who thought they were safe from female rejection. She's the reason these guys lay awake at night, feeling ashamed of themselves for being sexually attracted to women, and feeling ashamed of themselves for being...well - maybe a bit weird. These are the guys that treated me politely, and with respect. And this b*tch is the reason they have absolutely NO self-esteem.

There are places where...if someone really wanted to...I suppose they could use the phrase "toxic masculinity". I had a pretty horrifying experience at a Gold's Gym once. My physical trainer took me in the back where meatheads were lifting free weights, and the exercise machines were not things that reserved girls would typically use in front of men. Someone actually bent down to eyeball me from elbow to toes, and made weird, suggestive, animal grunting sounds a the "view" I guess. It was so disgusting, and so mortifying, I went home and cried and never went back. You know what? That behavior is not okay - and any decent man would 100% agree with me on that. But the poor guys at DEFCON? Well they were just victims of what would best be described as "toxic femininity" - and rather than just affecting one person, she took a jab at their WHOLE entire culture. And the conference where, once a year, they get together with friends in person.

I have very little tolerance for a woman who cries for gender equality, but then turns around and wants the world to rush to her defense.

If you're upset because you feel like no one respects you...well - how about you try becoming a person worthy of respect? Why should people respect you, purely based on your gender? I don't respect men just because they're men. Treating women any differently would be sexist.

Okay! End of rant!
 

Inexorable Username

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@peoplesuck

So, on the bi-polar thing, one of the best ways to figure this out is probably to ask someone else if they notice a "flip" in your personality. It's usually really obvious to an outsider. Also, you can start charting your moods. I've done that just for productivity's sake. I draw a little graph from 1-10, and throughout the day, I make points on the graph to represent the time of day and my correlating mood, and I take notes about some things I did. For instance, I write down how much sleep I had, when I drank caffeine, when I ate food, etc.

Secondly, as a girl who has moved quite a lot. In the US, I've moved to 7 distinct long-term areas, I think...I can tell you that moving to a new place is a surefire way to get depressed. My mom told me once that it takes a person about 2 years to settle in - she's been right so far.

I feel like I've dealt with a lot of what you're dealing with. Also, I currently help write papers for a masters student in sociology, so I know a bit about mental stuff.
Would you like some help handling your situation? I can share some of my techniques with you in private. Solutions that have worked for me in the past to snap me out of a funk - especially a move in funk!
 

peoplesuck

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@Rebis

DISCLAIMER :
I know I type way too much. Do you know if we can put audio clips on this website? Maybe next time I will just do an audio clip! Anyways - please don't feel obligated to respond, or read this! Just more ranting about the genders.

This one is an anti-feminist rant based on an experience I had that made me feel so disgusted with my gender, and honestly, quite rageful - which is a strange sensation for me, as I'm generally a docile creature. Gotta say though, with all of the estrogen I'm saddled with, I can only imagine how these obnoxious females must make men feel. Most males have a degree of self-control and emotional management that women will never, never understand. It's truly remarkable.

About the gender wars, in general:

So...I think there's probably some reasons behind the gender movement. I've actually given the issue a great deal of thought! I feel like I understand where people are coming from. BUT - the problem is, people have totally lost their minds, their hearts, and their senses! They are acting like crazed Chimpanzees doped up on crack and brainwashed on hate propaganda. It's so hard to get them to "snap out of it". Occasionally I succeed here or there in having a decent convo. I hope it makes a small difference.

My rageful feminist experience:

I've been in the computer science field, and from there I went to computer security. I never felt uncomfortable or unsafe, despite being one of the only women. I had a couple of stalkers but...they weren't in the computer science field, so it doesn't count. Stalkers exist everywhere.

I started talking to people in the hacking community,
Ended up going to DEFCON.

Being a woman at DEFCON was like being a unicorn.
One guy saw me walking down a hallway, immediately threw his head down, turned around, and started quickly walking in the other direction.I walked into their weird little "party, live band" room - and everybody in a 15 foot radius quickly stared at the floor.
They then proceeded to edge away from me while I made my way to the back, and occasionally shot weird, millisecond sidelong glances at me when they thought I wasn't looking. To be entirely honest, I have to admit that it was sort of flattering!

One thing that sucks about being a woman is that a lot of men will immediately view you as intellectual inferior and easy to manipulate. At DEFCON, though, instead of feeling judged for my sex, I felt special. Nobody was aggressive towards me. Nobody stalked me. I didn't get the "you're being hunted" vibe. Everyone was so kind and polite. I really felt respected. The guys there...they were just shy.

The coolest part about DEFCON was that every time I struck up a conversation with someone, the guys were really, really passionate about computer science, and so eager to share what they knew, and teach me new things! I learned so much! Stacks..canaries...it was so exciting!

Either that year, or a year later, some woman came up with a story that a guy had touched her butt. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't...but you know, if a guy touched my butt - I would slap him in the face. That's really rude. Rather than handling the issue herself, however, she proceeded to BASH the entire conference to the internet world at large. All abut how DEFCON was some kind of bastion of "toxic masculinity".

I'm sorry...really? Seriously, lady? You knew that there was mostly going to be men there. You had to realize that, like it or not, you're essentially encroaching on their turf. They have a tight-knit community of fellow men, in this small little slice of society where they're free to have their own interests, and passions, and be accepted by people like them. Since they're so often not widely accepted by society at large. You've really got to take that away from them, because somebody touched your butt, and you need to be "rescued"?

Here's what bothers me. I'll never know what it's like to be called a "creep", as a guy. However, I do know what it's like to be the fat girl in high school. Being alienated - it sucks. Having people think you're disgusting - it sucks. Really bad. Being considered a "creep"? I can only imagine that's 10 times worse. What this woman has done is alienate an entire subculture of men who thought they were safe from female rejection. She's the reason these guys lay awake at night, feeling ashamed of themselves for being sexually attracted to women, and feeling ashamed of themselves for being...well - maybe a bit weird. These are the guys that treated me politely, and with respect. And this b*tch is the reason they have absolutely NO self-esteem.

There are places where...if someone really wanted to...I suppose they could use the phrase "toxic masculinity". I had a pretty horrifying experience at a Gold's Gym once. My physical trainer took me in the back where meatheads were lifting free weights, and the exercise machines were not things that reserved girls would typically use in front of men. Someone actually bent down to eyeball me from elbow to toes, and made weird, suggestive, animal grunting sounds a the "view" I guess. It was so disgusting, and so mortifying, I went home and cried and never went back. You know what? That behavior is not okay - and any decent man would 100% agree with me on that. But the poor guys at DEFCON? Well they were just victims of what would best be described as "toxic femininity" - and rather than just affecting one person, she took a jab at their WHOLE entire culture. And the conference where, once a year, they get together with friends in person.

I have very little tolerance for a woman who cries for gender equality, but then turns around and wants the world to rush to her defense.

If you're upset because you feel like no one respects you...well - how about you try becoming a person worthy of respect? Why should people respect you, purely based on your gender? I don't respect men just because they're men. Treating women any differently would be sexist.

Okay! End of rant!
You seem very reasonable, its too bad you're the minority. Im surprised at how understanding you were about the defcon guys.
 

peoplesuck

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@peoplesuck

So, on the bi-polar thing, one of the best ways to figure this out is probably to ask someone else if they notice a "flip" in your personality. It's usually really obvious to an outsider. Also, you can start charting your moods. I've done that just for productivity's sake. I draw a little graph from 1-10, and throughout the day, I make points on the graph to represent the time of day and my correlating mood, and I take notes about some things I did. For instance, I write down how much sleep I had, when I drank caffeine, when I ate food, etc.

Secondly, as a girl who has moved quite a lot. In the US, I've moved to 7 distinct long-term areas, I think...I can tell you that moving to a new place is a surefire way to get depressed. My mom told me once that it takes a person about 2 years to settle in - she's been right so far.

I feel like I've dealt with a lot of what you're dealing with. Also, I currently help write papers for a masters student in sociology, so I know a bit about mental stuff.
Would you like some help handling your situation? I can share some of my techniques with you in private. Solutions that have worked for me in the past to snap me out of a funk - especially a move in funk!
Sure thing, I actually have a dbt workbook if its along those lines. I was never taught healthy coping mechanisms, and I learned to be from two very unhealthy people, I picked up bits and pieces of both of their problems. I gtg right now though.
 

Inexorable Username

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@peoplesuck

Cool! Send me a message whenever you come back online.

Thanks for saying I'm reasonable! That's nice to hear. The sexes are struggling equally, atm, I think, but guys like that don't have a voice, and they also don't defend themselves. That's what makes me feel outspoken about the issue.
 

EndogenousRebel

Even a mean person is trying their best, right?
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I've recently begun to see the brain as simply a problem solving machine. I'm not trying to be reductive, as problem solving my relatively vague and captures a wide array of things. This has resulted in almost every though being analyzed and and posed in a perspective that assumes there is a problem to be solved, and looking for the most opportunistic options to come to me.

Perhaps we all do this to some degree but I feel like I'm getting down to the problems of my psyche, this very well could be apart of growing up (consciously?), whatever the case it has not mixed well with my occasional manic moments, as it in itself is somewhat difficult to turn off now that I've gotten into the rythym of it. It'll probably fade into my subconscious, but I've really felt a lot of progress from it despite any setbacks.

My head hurts and I feel like I'm constantly working out my brain, and am conscious of when I need to take breaks and just relax, not effectively at this point, but I'll get there. In the past couple days I've really felt a shift in focus away from myself and have begun to think about other people's problems, and in general have really just stopped in awe at the world we live in. I don't know I just felt like sharing it with some peeps. Feeling bountiful. Prove me wrong plz
 

Kormak

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Either that year, or a year later, some woman came up with a story that a guy had touched her butt. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't...but you know, if a guy touched my butt - I would slap him in the face. That's really rude. Rather than handling the issue herself, however, she proceeded to BASH the entire conference to the internet world at large. All abut how DEFCON was some kind of bastion of "toxic masculinity".

I'm sorry...really? Seriously, lady? You knew that there was mostly going to be men there. You had to realize that, like it or not, you're essentially encroaching on their turf. They have a tight-knit community of fellow men, in this small little slice of society where they're free to have their own interests, and passions, and be accepted by people like them. Since they're so often not widely accepted by society at large. You've really got to take that away from them, because somebody touched your butt, and you need to be "rescued"?

She had an agenda, the touching is most likely a lie. If it were true, she would have accused the perpetrator and not made it all about DEFCON. Feminists seem to hate it that men gather like this or something and want to disrupt it. I see it constantly. It is getting annoying. On the upside, they have developed a bad reputation in the eyes of most ppl.

The thing however about men is that when no women are around we are like a pack of wolves hunting deer. Nice group coordination, collaboration and so on. Introduce one woman and it all falls apart tbh. We become competitors XD for her attention...fuck. At that point, we are fighting instincts through self-control and discipline. It is why certain groups want to keep women out. They distract the guys from the actual goal (its not because we hate women)

I had a pretty horrifying experience at a Gold's Gym once. My physical trainer took me in the back where meatheads were lifting free weights, and the exercise machines were not things that reserved girls would typically use in front of men. Someone actually bent down to eyeball me from elbow to toes, and made weird, suggestive, animal grunting sounds a the "view" I guess. It was so disgusting, and so mortifying, I went home and cried and never went back.

In situations like this imo you would benefit more from a women-only gym. e_e don't lift in front of horny on steroids gym rats.. that can't end well. Can't control ppl, but you can choose where to go to avoid them.

:king-twitter: this smells like a business oportunity!
 

peoplesuck

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You seem very reasonable, its too bad you're the minority. Im surprised at how understanding you were about the defcon guys.
This was quite an understatement. To see a woman actually acknowledge that men have issues too, and say that women arent a bunch of victims. To actually understand the struggles modern men are having as well. Keep talking you're restoring my faith in humanity for realz. I was watching a fat phobia video today, thats a thing btw, and it really made me feel like the whole world is insane. I feel a little better now.
lets have our talk about coping tomorrow.
 

moody

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@Rebis

DISCLAIMER :
I know I type way too much. Do you know if we can put audio clips on this website? Maybe next time I will just do an audio clip! Anyways - please don't feel obligated to respond, or read this! Just more ranting about the genders.

This one is an anti-feminist rant based on an experience I had that made me feel so disgusted with my gender, and honestly, quite rageful - which is a strange sensation for me, as I'm generally a docile creature. Gotta say though, with all of the estrogen I'm saddled with, I can only imagine how these obnoxious females must make men feel. Most males have a degree of self-control and emotional management that women will never, never understand. It's truly remarkable.

About the gender wars, in general:

So...I think there's probably some reasons behind the gender movement. I've actually given the issue a great deal of thought! I feel like I understand where people are coming from. BUT - the problem is, people have totally lost their minds, their hearts, and their senses! They are acting like crazed Chimpanzees doped up on crack and brainwashed on hate propaganda. It's so hard to get them to "snap out of it". Occasionally I succeed here or there in having a decent convo. I hope it makes a small difference.

My rageful feminist experience:

I've been in the computer science field, and from there I went to computer security. I never felt uncomfortable or unsafe, despite being one of the only women. I had a couple of stalkers but...they weren't in the computer science field, so it doesn't count. Stalkers exist everywhere.

I started talking to people in the hacking community,
Ended up going to DEFCON.

Being a woman at DEFCON was like being a unicorn.
One guy saw me walking down a hallway, immediately threw his head down, turned around, and started quickly walking in the other direction.I walked into their weird little "party, live band" room - and everybody in a 15 foot radius quickly stared at the floor.
They then proceeded to edge away from me while I made my way to the back, and occasionally shot weird, millisecond sidelong glances at me when they thought I wasn't looking. To be entirely honest, I have to admit that it was sort of flattering!

One thing that sucks about being a woman is that a lot of men will immediately view you as intellectual inferior and easy to manipulate. At DEFCON, though, instead of feeling judged for my sex, I felt special. Nobody was aggressive towards me. Nobody stalked me. I didn't get the "you're being hunted" vibe. Everyone was so kind and polite. I really felt respected. The guys there...they were just shy.

The coolest part about DEFCON was that every time I struck up a conversation with someone, the guys were really, really passionate about computer science, and so eager to share what they knew, and teach me new things! I learned so much! Stacks..canaries...it was so exciting!

Either that year, or a year later, some woman came up with a story that a guy had touched her butt. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't...but you know, if a guy touched my butt - I would slap him in the face. That's really rude. Rather than handling the issue herself, however, she proceeded to BASH the entire conference to the internet world at large. All abut how DEFCON was some kind of bastion of "toxic masculinity".

I'm sorry...really? Seriously, lady? You knew that there was mostly going to be men there. You had to realize that, like it or not, you're essentially encroaching on their turf. They have a tight-knit community of fellow men, in this small little slice of society where they're free to have their own interests, and passions, and be accepted by people like them. Since they're so often not widely accepted by society at large. You've really got to take that away from them, because somebody touched your butt, and you need to be "rescued"?

Here's what bothers me. I'll never know what it's like to be called a "creep", as a guy. However, I do know what it's like to be the fat girl in high school. Being alienated - it sucks. Having people think you're disgusting - it sucks. Really bad. Being considered a "creep"? I can only imagine that's 10 times worse. What this woman has done is alienate an entire subculture of men who thought they were safe from female rejection. She's the reason these guys lay awake at night, feeling ashamed of themselves for being sexually attracted to women, and feeling ashamed of themselves for being...well - maybe a bit weird. These are the guys that treated me politely, and with respect. And this b*tch is the reason they have absolutely NO self-esteem.

There are places where...if someone really wanted to...I suppose they could use the phrase "toxic masculinity". I had a pretty horrifying experience at a Gold's Gym once. My physical trainer took me in the back where meatheads were lifting free weights, and the exercise machines were not things that reserved girls would typically use in front of men. Someone actually bent down to eyeball me from elbow to toes, and made weird, suggestive, animal grunting sounds a the "view" I guess. It was so disgusting, and so mortifying, I went home and cried and never went back. You know what? That behavior is not okay - and any decent man would 100% agree with me on that. But the poor guys at DEFCON? Well they were just victims of what would best be described as "toxic femininity" - and rather than just affecting one person, she took a jab at their WHOLE entire culture. And the conference where, once a year, they get together with friends in person.

I have very little tolerance for a woman who cries for gender equality, but then turns around and wants the world to rush to her defense.

If you're upset because you feel like no one respects you...well - how about you try becoming a person worthy of respect? Why should people respect you, purely based on your gender? I don't respect men just because they're men. Treating women any differently would be sexist.

Okay! End of rant!

It’s like seeing a cockroach in one type of restaurant, and then asuming all other restaurants that serve the same routine have cockroaches.

Did she go to the same DEFCON as you? All it takes are A few individuals to completely change the vibe of an event. When it comes to claims like this, I try refrain from forming judgments, unless I was actually there. A lot of people overreact to nothing, but they’re less likely to do so if they have a neutral audience.

Creep is like a male equivalent of slut, in a way. There’s not a good equivalent for either, and they’re very sexist. Both shame someone for doing something that may be “socially incorrect,” instead of giving benefit of the doubt. She was also probably more on edge about everyone else being male, causing her to become a lot more defensive.
 

Kormak

The IT barbarian - eNTP - 6w7-4-8 so/sx
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It’s like seeing a cockroach in one type of restaurant, and then asuming all other restaurants that serve the same routine have cockroaches.

Did she go to the same DEFCON as you? All it takes are A few individuals to completely change the vibe of an event. When it comes to claims like this, I try refrain from forming judgments, unless I was actually there. A lot of people overreact to nothing, but they’re less likely to do so if they have a neutral audience.

Creep is like a male equivalent of slut, in a way. There’s not a good equivalent for either, and they’re very sexist. Both shame someone for doing something that may be “socially incorrect,” instead of giving benefit of the doubt. She was also probably more on edge about everyone else being male, causing her to become a lot more defensive.

Perspectives like this are why I always end up seeing westerners as naive.
You guys don't seem to be used to the default assumption that everyone around you is trying to screw you over one way or another.

:P in Eastern Europe the crab mentality is the norm. Someone somewhere somehow 100% will try to fuck you and everything you have over for personal gain or simply out of spite.

When they go to western Europe this doesn't really change, but the ppl there are super easy to dupe. EZ Money.

It must be nice to trust your neighbors tho...
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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If you're upset because you feel like no one respects you...well - how about you try becoming a person worthy of respect? Why should people respect you, purely based on your gender? I don't respect men just because they're men. Treating women any differently would be sexist.

Okay! End of rant!

You don't even have to become worthy of respect as that depends on external validation, I see a lot of them perpetually in a catalyst of "stagnant growth" I'll call it, inbetween victimhood of feeling oppressed and overcoming that oppression. Since they adopt feminism as a cornerstone of their personality in conversation they never rise to a level in which they act as if they're equal, that is they don't emphasize the importance of gaining power. Instead of discussing how to gain power just become powerful and act on that pretense, do what you want and respect will follow, take command of yourself.

It's pretty cool you got to to go DEFCON, I might join a hacking society, hesitant to start with it as my laptop runs linux (I have a dual boot of mint for popular packages), I went to an Azure AI event recently only to find out it was being developed with Visual Studio libraries, I only had like 2 hours so couldn't bury for composite libraries for Java and such (and to reprogram the whole skeleton!). I should have the advantage in terms of terminal commands, Cmd or command prompt isn't too nifty (beside netstat being the same on both)

@Rebis
There are places where...if someone really wanted to...I suppose they could use the phrase "toxic masculinity". I had a pretty horrifying experience at a Gold's Gym once. My physical trainer took me in the back where meatheads were lifting free weights, and the exercise machines were not things that reserved girls would typically use in front of men. Someone actually bent down to eyeball me from elbow to toes, and made weird, suggestive, animal grunting sounds a the "view" I guess. It was so disgusting, and so mortifying, I went home and cried and never went back. You know what? That behavior is not okay - and any decent man would 100% agree with me on that. But the poor guys at DEFCON? Well they were just victims of what would best be described as "toxic femininity" - and rather than just affecting one person, she took a jab at their WHOLE entire culture. And the conference where, once a year, they get together with friends in person.

Gold's gym seems traditional, I've heard about it in 80s movies so it's a generational thing, probably a decent amount of old people going to it. But yeah it's quite a primal place, naturally so for the goal of elevating your physical appearance to appear dominant. The gyms I went to I don't see that disparity, there's an equal balance of males/females.
 

Rebis

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After not obtaining 2 scholarships, but getting ever so close by being the few in the final stages I think the solution is not to be so individually oriented: both my feedback files have listed that i'm focused individually on growing rather than through teamwork and work dilution, which is a habit I have, and also thinking of work in relation to growth infers that the work I will do for them is supplementary to my goals which doesn't exude a certain brand of loyalty, or even engagement in the work I'd be doing.

Considering that and the fact I've never properly used salary as the precedence above all else with an ambitious hue leading the forefront, I think it'd be a lot easier for a corporate entity to consider an applicant which sees the transaction between the entity and the individual as mainly financial, because 1) It assures the individual's approach can be anticipated 2) Consistent approach 3) Rationality and practicality vs idealism 4) Lack of rational perfectionism: Regardless of the work they put in, the pay is still acrrued nonetheless the same. 5) Idealism is a state of growth and exploration, while work is pretty monotonous and segregated in a structured environment, deadlines are met so practicality over perfectionism and exploration any day.
 

Kormak

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t's pretty cool you got to to go DEFCON, I might join a hacking society, hesitant to start with it as my laptop runs linux (I have a dual boot of mint for popular packages),

4709


Do yuu evin compile frem source bruh!?
 

Rebis

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Do yuu evin compile frem source bruh!?

Uhhh noo, I compile from command line as it's 0.3 seconds faster than running it in an IDE even though an IDE has a lot of syntactical benefits.

I'm all about those time shaving gains bruh
 

Kormak

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Do yuu evin compile frem source bruh!?

Uhhh noo, I compile from command line as it's 0.3 seconds faster than running it in an IDE even though an IDE has a lot of syntactical benefits.

I'm all about those time shaving gains bruh

Congratumulatiuns! Yu habe in-stalld GENTOO. Savior ob de urf!

 

Rebis

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Congratumulatiuns! Yu habe in-stalld GENTOO. Savior ob de urf!


That guy needs that server rack for his 3 uploaded collection of "how to mester linux " books in 2010, keeping the communti alive!
 

Rebis

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@peoplesuck

Cool! Send me a message whenever you come back online.

Thanks for saying I'm reasonable! That's nice to hear. The sexes are struggling equally, atm, I think, but guys like that don't have a voice, and they also don't defend themselves. That's what makes me feel outspoken about the issue.

Harsh truth: I think a lot of these struggles are self-inflicted, do what you want and people will adapt sooner or later. At first they may feel it's strange but they adapt over time. At least, I don't deal with people that are so narrow minded, and thankfully won't have to with the career pathway. (I may encounter stubborn individuals, but I doubt it'd be a product of a narrow mind, especially in a simple concept like "equality".)
 

Kormak

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That guy needs that server rack for his 3 uploads to pirate bay, keeping the communti alive!

I wonder how can he stand being there with all that noise & probably heat.

he he heeee... I built mine into a Dark Base 900 case (leftover from the old rig)... so its quiet. e_e I hate loud server racks. 12tb storage.. ZFS, virtually silent (with secure remote acess through vpn). Heat output is minimal. Got a nice APC Pro ups hooked onto it, as soon as power is lost the server triggers shutdown. Stores all my material, allows me to build the main rig into a small quiet case. The laptop x230 is there mainly for field maintenance work. Refurbished ThinkPads are cheap af & the keyboard is glorious compared to other laptops. (frequently used on patch Tuesday)

MikroTik has some noice options for 10 Gb ethernet, behold: https://mikrotik.com/product/crs305_1g_4s_in least expensive lan ever.

4710
 

Rebis

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I would if I could, but I can't so I won't.
 

Kormak

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Hmm that pic is a perfect representation of Kormak the IT barbarian e_e slayer of users.
Ima grow mah beard that long and braid it!
Balding? check.. now about that throne of cables...

Forgive me Lord... for I have sinned. I have failed in converting our sales director to the Lenovo path of PC enlightenment. He has gone astray... and forced me to aquire a MacBook Pro 15... for 3.5K $ ....w-with an extra hub and a m...m...magic mouse puke. His argument sounded valid... it will help him appear like a big dick in front of our clients. Oh LORD! whips himself with UTP cable FORGIVE MY SINS!!!
 

moody

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Perspectives like this are why I always end up seeing westerners as naive.
You guys don't seem to be used to the default assumption that everyone around you is trying to screw you over one way or another.

We're too self-absorbed to concentrate our effort on screwing other people over. That would require thinking about other people.

How vigilant/skeptical Americans are depends on the area. The American's who are wealthy enough to travel to Europe will be those people from good neighborhoods, not assuming that other people will screw them over on a day-to-day basis. That is one demographic. Many of the lower-class Americans you never see are overly paranoid about everyone, but they stay in their communities. You just stay in your place. It is a different social dynamic. We may appear more "optimistic" when we're referring to a specific group, as I was when responding @Inexorable Username. There is no such thing as "the Average American."

If you end up going in the wrong place, you will get jumped. Or shot. Or arrested, if you're being suspicious in the wrong place.

If you live alone in an apartment, you're much more likely to get robbed or raped. If you live where people know you, it's much harder.

On public transportation you can easily get your things stolen, just like anywhere else. We just don't have a lot of public transportation, aside from in the big cities.



:P in Eastern Europe the crab mentality is the norm. Someone somewhere somehow 100% will try to fuck you and everything you have over for personal gain or simply out of spite.

When they go to western Europe this doesn't really change, but the ppl there are super easy to dupe. EZ Money.

Americans actually use the eastern European mentality as examples to not become more socialist. In conversations I've had with other people, the strongest supporters of our capitalist aspects were people originally from Hungary, Romania, Greece and Croatia. (There are actually quite a few Romanian communities where I currently live, now that I think about it....)
They all liked the attitudes and opportunities presented here than in their home countries.

It will be easy to dupe foreigners if you know how.

It must be nice to trust your neighbors tho...

lol, I don't know my neighbors XD There's rarely any interest, because people are busy and self-consumed. In actual neighborhoods, yes, you can trust them more, but it depends on the wealth of the community. Low-income communities are way more shady, so people stuck in them surround themselves by family, and/or are part of a gang for "protection." I knew someone from Oakland who had to make sure his mattress was under the window, because every-so-often, bullets would go through his window at night from gang fights. There have been a few robberies where I am right now, and a few more instances of rape/sexual assault.
 

peoplesuck

is escaping
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Location
only halfway there
* Computer chair sees me walk in with tools *
computer chair: No I have served you well! please, Im sorry!
me: do not be sorry, BE BETTER
Now I can put my feet anywhere and spread my legs
4711
 
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