The "Charge bar" of pure hatred

[darude11]

Do anybody else have those feelings, that when somebody make you angry, you just behave on surface like normal [], but inside your Charge bar of hatred is filling []? I have those... I am then totally stressed with the problem of spending this hatred...

What are your experiences with hatred? Is it "storing" inside you too? How do you manage to spend it? How safe it is?

One more thing: Sorry for strange expressions, but I am not so good at English. Thanks for understanding (hopefuly)

 

[Jordan~]

I don't really hate very easily. I get angry, but I don't direct it at people like that.

I guess I do let anger build up sometimes, but it usually just dissipates. Usually I just get angry about dumb things, like if I want privacy but there are people around and they won't go away I get angry with them, but then I'm fine again once they're gone. I find it hard to stay mad with people, I just try to see things from their perspective.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I used to have that problem as a little kid. I rarely get that feeling anymore. It's still there sometimes, but rarely.
In elementary school I would often feel this urge all over my muscles to completely beat up someone when they made me angry. I fought so much back then... I even beat up my best friend. Then there is this one time I nearly choked the neighbours' kid. He was a real dick though, I told him about 6 times already he shouldn't throw sand in my face.

But yeah... I don't really feel a lot of hatred anymore. Only to ignorant politicians and such. And even then it doesn't really involve physical urges to beat stuff up anymore. I think when I was little I was mainly very frustrated because I would feel constantly misunderstood.

 

[Jordan~]

Oh yeah, I was like that in primary school, too. If someone pissed me off I just went for them. The last time I had a massive tantrum like that was in my last year of primary school, I had hayfever and I kept sneezing and my teacher kept scolding me for it, so I went nuts and started screaming at her and she had to take me into a back room to calm me down. I used to be really angry, I think it was hyperactivity from ADHD.

 

[darude11]

I wasn't like that... I didn't meant the hatred as direct fight or some kind of punishment... I mean it as... I can feel it, but only in myself... in my mind or something... I rarely express it, but when I do, then there are my parents 100% surely (Murphys law), and they give me lesson about anger. I feel then very depressed, that I hold it e. g. for 2-3 yrs., and when I do express it in full volume with kinethics too, they just tell me off like if I would do it every 2 minutes! I hate it...

Anger has been expressing by me only in 1st-2nd degree (good old times). But it was really really horrible... I grabbed desk (yes, school desk) and wanted to smash my classmates with it... Well, I was never so good in manipulating with big things, so I have only rearanged it (like put it on the side)... Then they used my calm to make me angry... bad old times...

 

[Moocow]

I rarely get angry but when I do I pace around with tons of extra energy feeling like I need to smash through something wooden (I used to take martial arts, where we actually would do that).
There's still a calm, patient voice in the back of my head when I'm angry though, telling myself "I'm wearing myself out this way. I don't need to be this angry." etc. When I don't have anything to release my anger on, I eventually just start to feel pathetic and tired from boiling on the inside, so I lay down and think.

Also I only seem to get angry when there are physiological triggers, and the past several times it has been some degree of caffeine withdrawl.

When people treat me with severe enough disrespect I remember it for a long, long time.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I feel the exact same way, Moocow. I feel that way these days as well. That smashing through something wooden feeling and the calm observing voice in the back of your head are very accurate ha.

 

[Moocow]

I feel the exact same way, Moocow. I feel that way these days as well. That smashing through something wooden feeling and the calm observing voice in the back of your head are very accurate ha.

I think that must be how people with active imaginations respond to feeling angry. The imagined feeling of wooden fibers separating around my fist in a split second seems to be a good symbol of release, but in practice I usually just end up feeling dumb with my knuckles very sore.

 

[darude11]

I rarely get angry but when I do I pace around with tons of extra energy feeling like I need to smash through something wooden ...
...Also I only seem to get angry when there are physiological triggers...
... When people treat me with severe enough disrespect I remember it for a long, long time.

I feel the exact same way, Moocow. I feel that way these days as well. That smashing through something wooden feeling and the calm observing voice in the back of your head are very accurate ha.

And I feel this way too. I am just like "Calm down, you will get to troubles." I don't like getting into troubles, because I never sound convincing (or selfconfidient), which then shows to the higher protector of laws (like teachers at school, parents at home, policeman at public etc.), that I am wrong one. I have often problems with selfconfidience, which lead to problems with believing at myself. I am very selfcriticizing, submisive and idiot-like. Yeah, you just say, that I say it on internet, but not behave like that IRL... well, that is... false. For example: My bro (ESTJ) is always self-confidient. When I let flow my critics on myself (yeah, this sentence sounds egoistic to me too, but I had no idea how to say it more correctly), he is just like "You are moron to criticize yourself." And then there start half-hour debates about psychology, which ends with his sentence "All of psychology is stupid. Why would you learn it like that? Tell me one good reason!" *I give him my reasons, which are not ONE* "Those are not that important."

 

[Moocow]

And I feel this way too. I am just like "Calm down, you will get to troubles." I don't like getting into troubles, because I never sound convincing (or selfconfidient), which then shows to the higher protector of laws (like teachers at school, parents at home, policeman at public etc.), that I am wrong one. I have often problems with selfconfidience, which lead to problems with believing at myself. I am very selfcriticizing, submisive and idiot-like. Yeah, you just say, that I say it on internet, but not behave like that IRL... well, that is... false. For example: My bro (ESTJ) is always self-confidient. When I let flow my critics on myself (yeah, this sentence sounds egoistic to me too, but I had no idea how to say it more correctly), he is just like "You are moron to criticize yourself." And then there start half-hour debates about psychology, which ends with his sentence "All of psychology is stupid. Why would you learn it like that? Tell me one good reason!" *I give him my reasons, which are not ONE* "Those are not that important."

Self-critical people have a higher capacity for achievement than people that are simply cocky.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

That smashing through something wooden feeling

This is exactly how I feel when I get angry. I just wish I could destroy something and see it splitting into tiny pieces. But usually when I try to let my anger out I'm in my room and there's nothing in here for my to destroy which forces me to bottle it up. But the thing with being an INTP (at least for me) is that my mind quickly shifts its attention to something new and the hate is forgotten. For me when I'm around other people I don't really get angry, I get annoyed. And it isn't when people disrespect me or such, I have a high tolerance for that, it's when someone is a douche or an idiot. In the past I have described myself as a "Douchebag using his powers for good".... A little childish but it allows me to release small douchey amounts of hate without it building up inside too much. It just doesn't feel as satisfying as destroying something would.

 

[Causeless]

I don't really have much to add...

You know dude really started to piss me off? The 'What-are-you-gonna-do-about-it?' fellows.

I do very bad things to those people when they piss me off enough. Do not ask me a question and not expect a very direct answer.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I don't really have much to add...

You know dude really started to piss me off? The 'What-are-you-gonna-do-about-it?' fellows.

I do very bad things to those people when they piss me off enough. Do not ask me a question and not expect a very direct answer.

Bossy is good. Not "boss" bossy, but "what are you gonna do about it?" bossy.

I have one, yeah, usually no one person can fill it. It takes multiple situations to bring me to that point, but I've rarely been literally angry. No illusions, that only means I will explode when I do.

Though sometimes I hate(see what I did there) that I can't become truly angry when the situation calls for it. Like sometimes I get pissed over something that seems insignificant to others, but means a lot to me and the bar is charging but not enough to make me reach that breaking point. And it's because I can realize the objective insignificance, but yet I'm still not content with what happened and want to become angry.

 

[darude11]

This thread was meant to be about this charge bar... that - yes, it fills - but our is functioning differently than e. g. cholerics. Because cholerics need to keep their charge bar empty. Totaly empty. They express their emotions instantly, they are not waiting for three months (in the best way ) just like we. We are just... hmm... tacticaly waiting . I have depressed one of my classmates (that I hate) with throwing some thing. The point is, that he hit my head with that thing. And what have I done? I have just grabbed that thing, turned to my friends and appeard as nothing have ever happen. That classmate (that I hate) has just waited with hope, that I will return that thing him so he will have one more chance to hit me. "What are you doing?" "Tacticaly waiting.", I said to him totaly calmly, even when I was boiling under my surface. *2 hours after that* "Are you still tacticaly waiting?" he asked and started to laugh. "Yes. Yes, I am. Why? Too impatient?" I answered and thrown the ball on his half of playfield. He was then quiet until today (and still is). And I am to today (and probably for next two months in the shortest variant) tacticaly waiting. What a shame! YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAA

 

[GYX_Kid]

yes yes and yes

i like the "all or nothing" way

complete chill apathy, then you randomly out of nowhere decide to pwn when your hate-meter is sufficient, and when the context allows it.

i've been wanting to read The Art of War, to possibly get better at determining when you have the "right of way" etc. Supposing it's included.

 

[Minuend]

I don't get hatred, but anger. I don't know if I have ever hated anyone.

 

[jameslikespie]

Yeah, I regularly have the urge to punch the shit out of someone, but seeing as if you get into a fight twice in 1 year in my school you get expelled, I had to control myself.

 

[Maniceureka]

I think there are two kinds of people. One that gets angry easily and fast, but forgets it easily.
And then we have the kind I belong to. The kind that suppresses anger because he's bad with emotions. Though the anger doesn't disappear but compresses into bitterness. And as you grow more bitter, anger become more plentiful. And everything is a bad spiral.
Everything will end with me killing hookers.

Well... It's not that dramatic, but I've certainly become more cynical and pessimistic over the last few years.

 

[darude11]

I think that this have something to do with our type. Question is: Which dichotomy is causing this? This feel to punch something, but lay back and start plotting revenge?

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I think that this have something to do with our type. Question is: Which dichotomy is causing this? This feel to punch something, but lay back and start plotting revenge?

Introvert/Extravert is my guess. Internalization/Externalization. Weak F & S doesn't help either.

 

[Roni]

[apologies for the very long post - I think I really really really missed this place!]

"The Charge bar" puts me in mind of the word 'Rage' rather than anger or hatred.

I do get angry, but it's just another emotion I observe and categorise in myself, described and expressed in words - like anger is a thought rather than a feeling. It was one of the last emotions I learned to manage because I'm a lady and ladies aren't allowed to lose their tempers.
I've become so 'good' at expressing my anger a lot of people now accuse me of having 'anger issues' or being 'too passionate.' They have no idea what I'm protecting them from ....

My rage is terrifying.

I've only experienced it 3 times in my whole life. The first time I was only 8 years old. I was out walking and came across two little boys playing some stick-little-rocks-and-sharp-things-in-the-pavement-cracks game. One told me to 'step here' - which obviously would hurt my bare feet if I'd complied. Bad boy.
No thoughts went through my mind - even "bad boy" was a label I applied later. My mind was not thinking in words. I saw a half brick besides the path, picked it up, smashed the 'bad boy' on the head and put the brick down again.
I'd cracked his skull without a single thought crossing my mind.
I've been afraid of myself ever since.

The next time I 'lost it' was giving birth to my first child. I'd had no pain relief since I'd been managing my fear and pain so successfully for 22 hrs I hadn't even told anyone I was in labour until an hour earlier. Then, right at the end, something snapped and I lost control of my fear. I wished there was a saw beside the bed so I could start cutting myself in half.
It was a teaching hospital and there was a row of students watching the birth. I became aware some of them were laughing at me. The doctor snapped at someone to 'get them out of here!' The next day a midwife patted my hand and said 'don't worry, we've heard much worse.'
I think about 20-30 mins had passed between imagining the saw and noticing the students. I have absolutely no memory of this time. Apparently I was quite entertaining in my hysterical rage. Nobody has ever understood how much it frightens me that my rage could consume me so completely I don't even remember it.

I started learning to 'express anger' after this. It would be over 20 years before I felt my rage again.
The next time I believe I felt 'hate' for the first time in my life. I ran into an ex-friend unexpectedly and ... "I saw red" is the phrase, I think.
Again, no words or clear thoughts in my mind. Just images of blood and smashed teeth and crushed larynx and gouged eyes, just itching/tingling knuckles, just an overwhelming bloodlust. I froze, I held my breath, I poured every scarce scrap of self-control I could find into simply not moving. Had someone bumped or distracted me I believe I would have killed her before anyone recognised the danger.
Again, it frightened me; but this time I was involved in an INTP forum on Facebook and I posted my fear there. People were accepting and helpful - they provided explanatory words like "betrayal" and "hatred"; they assured me I was normal; some even suggested coping tips like allowing the violent fantasy free rein and capturing the result in a work of fiction. It helped a lot.

I'm not so afraid of my rage anymore. I know my 'expressing anger' strategy effectively kept the rage asleep for decades and will likely remain effective for the decades to come. Also, now that I've experienced 'losing it' without hurting anyone, I'm more confident I can control the rage if it wakes up again.

I think my story is more about being female than being an INTP. I use the same strategy for all my feelings - I state that I'm experiencing an emotion rather than feel it - but it's only my anger that gets challenged. Even Feeler types, who have accused me of being 'cold' when I calmly state "I'm sad about this" or "I'm frightened of that" instead of having a big girly cry about it, tell me they're uncomfortable with my emotions when I calmly state "I'm angry about this."
I believe it's the product of cultural expectations of females, not a reaction to emotions in general.

 

[Lobstrich]

Do anybody else have those feelings, that when somebody make you angry, you just behave on surface like normal [], but inside your Charge bar of hatred is filling []? I have those... I am then totally stressed with the problem of spending this hatred...

What are your experiences with hatred? Is it "storing" inside you too? How do you manage to spend it? How safe it is?

One more thing: Sorry for strange expressions, but I am not so good at English. Thanks for understanding (hopefuly)

Like others have stated, I don't really hate but when I get angry I don't hide it. If my friend makes me angry I want him to know that he is. Same goes for me, if I'm making him angry, then I don't want him to hide it and then lock it up and get more and more bitter every time I make 'that' joke which is making him angry. If he tells me that he dislikes it or if he gets angry with me I'll most likely not make the joke again: Problem solved.

Many relationships end because of very small things, like one friend ending up really hating the other friend because he never tells him that he has a problem with X finally, he explodes into anger because he can't [] anymore and they do not talk again.

Spoiler

Why do I always have to explain so much? I could just have said "Nope, I do not have such feelings" Oh well.. That's what forums are about, talking, no?

 

[shoeless]

when i get angry, i lash out verbally. never physically. i'll be generally more of a dick to people and on rare occasions i'll raise my voice, but that only ever really happens when i'm angry and also drunk.

hatred, however, i feel is a completely separate entity from anger. it stems from anger, but grows into something more than that. not rage as much as it is disgust. i find if i feel i "hate" someone (which has only happened twice in my life; one i've grown out of, and one i prefer not to think about) i will tend to act coldly towards the subject of my "hatred", completely shunning him of all emotional expression, as to avoid any emotional connection with this person.

definitely something which builds up over time. and i swear it's poisonous to hold inside you.

 

[smithcommajohn]

Urge to kill... rising!

 

[EditorOne]

I'm not recommending anyone do this, but I realized after being a firefighter for awhile that a lot of anger came out when it was time to go inside. It's extremely physical, a lot of it just bullcharging in a lot of heat and noise and darkness with heavy hoses and clumsy tumbling about inside trying to get the water on the fire, sometimes ripping open walls and ceilings to get to it. A few times I found myself simply screaming at the fire. And then you kick its ass and feel better as you methodically put it out as you advance.
It was a socially acceptable and quite useful outlet for a lot of repressed, freefloating anger generated by all the reasons everyone here listed. I was lucky to find it.

 

[Lobstrich]

hatred, however, i feel is a completely separate entity from anger. it stems from anger, but grows into something more than that. not rage as much as it is disgust.

I agree, hate is definately on another 'level' than anger. I don't think I've actually ever hated anyone. I've been very very angry with a lot of people, not as in angry for 30 minutes because they were annoying, but generally angry at them, just disliking them.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I'm not recommending anyone do this, but I realized after being a firefighter for awhile that a lot of anger came out when it was time to go inside. It's extremely physical, a lot of it just bullcharging in a lot of heat and noise and darkness with heavy hoses and clumsy tumbling about inside trying to get the water on the fire, sometimes ripping open walls and ceilings to get to it. A few times I found myself simply screaming at the fire. And then you kick its ass and feel better as you methodically put it out as you advance.
It was a socially acceptable and quite useful outlet for a lot of repressed, freefloating anger generated by all the reasons everyone here listed. I was lucky to find it.

Physical exercise is somewhat the same thing then, I think. Except that the negative energy oozes out of you slowly, instead of being freed of it in a bang like you described.(Which is a more awesome way but is probably harder to get access to.)
Any physical activity is good when you are angry probably.

 

[LivingMusic92]

In times of rage, visuallizing ripping things to pieces is quite relieving--at least that I've found. Also, I have a "bite lip to stop from screaming" technique which I find quite effective. Though, to tell the truth, my anger usually dissipates very quickly, and even then, it rarely rises in the first place.

 

[scorpiomover]

I think that must be how people with active imaginations respond to feeling angry.

I usually just end up thinking up 16 new ways to torture them. Then I realise that I cannot tell anyone, because if I did, people would worry that I would terrify Charles Manson.

 

[mke2686]

Do anybody else have those feelings, that when somebody make you angry, you just behave on surface like normal [], but inside your Charge bar of hatred is filling []? I have those... I am then totally stressed with the problem of spending this hatred...

What are your experiences with hatred? Is it "storing" inside you too? How do you manage to spend it? How safe it is?

One more thing: Sorry for strange expressions, but I am not so good at English. Thanks for understanding (hopefuly)

I have the same problem, martial arts does wonders for my rage ;p

 

[Bird]

Hm. I think we call this passive aggressive.


And yes, very. But I've gotten much better
at not being this way


I run a lot, but now I just address the person
and I try to keep very calm. Usually I interalize
and end up crying so it's quite overwhelming
for the other party I'm sure. This crying raging
girl. How uncomfortable.

 

[Cavallier]

I've got a co-worker that I want to string up right now.

My anger almost always comes out when I'm doing something solitary and somebody insists on bothering me while I'm doing it. Especially if they bother me with their bossy judgmental observations. Then I go into "flashpan" anger. I go from happy and calm to yelling and swinging in seconds.

Not being able to resolve the anger is what keeps me up at night. I just want to be left alone you know?

Ultimately I'm just a recluse that could live quite happily if everybody just disappeared.

 

[Lobstrich]

I've got a co-worker that I want to string up right now.

My anger almost always comes out when I'm doing something solitary and somebody insists on bothering me while I'm doing it. Especially if they bother me with their bossy judgmental observations. Then I go into "flashpan" anger. I go from happy and calm to yelling and swinging in seconds.

Not being able to resolve the anger is what keeps me up at night. I just want to be left alone you know?

What I do to avoid "flipping" like that is to tell people, in this case your co-worker, That they annoy me. If I were doing whatever work it is you have that is solitary and he came along and started annoying me, I would tell him without a moments hesitation.
Mainly because I then avoid flipping which creates way way more tension than just saying "Hey, could you not do that? I think it's kind of annoying" (Where if he is reasonable, he would just go "No problem, glad you told me")
But also because I think I have no right to flip at him when I've had plenty of opportunities to avoid flipping by just telling him what annoys me. So I guess I'm saying that it's my responsibility to not flip and it's not his fault that I flip, that's mine for not telling him to stop whatever it is that annoys me.

It is both our faults that I get annoyed with whatever it is.

Ultimately I'm just a recluse that could live quite happily if everybody just disappeared.

This has nothing to do with anger, in my opinion. I feel the same a lot of the time. I still live at home but my mother owns what is basically a rehabilitation home for kids/young people so she is almost never at home. But when she does get home, I see her from the window leaving the car with her husband (who works there as well) my little brother and the two dogs that my mother has. I just sigh, I mean not just a little sigh. I can really feel my lungs emptying out the air because of this massive sigh.
It's not because I don't love my mother or my brother (don't think I'm ever going to be able to love her husband. It takes many(x10) years for me to love someone who's not in my family. I don't even love many of whom are in my family.) But I just enjoy the time alone, I enjoy being able to watch the TV shows that I want, listen to the music (loudly) that I like, play video games and read books without my brother expecting me to be his brother or my mother expecting me to comply.

I know that sounds very selfish and almost as if I don't want to be his brother (which is not the case) But my point is that I totally get what you're saying about wanting to be a recluse, not having anyone expecting or wanting anything from you.

EDIT: I just remember this video: YouTube - ‪Life without a mobile telephone‬‏ I really like his videos, I tend to agree with him on his "rants"

 

[Cavallier]

Wow. That guy summed up my theory of cell phones making people stupid really well! I've been telling people that for years. I hate (not really hate so much as get irritated) when I see someone wandering through the grocery on their phones asking whoever is on the other line what all they need at the store. Why didn't they make a list? Gah.

Yes, I should confront my co-worker. She's convinced that I'm either lazy or an idiot and watches everything I do like a hawk looking for any misstep. Then she pounces and condescendingly explains how I'm screwing up. I need to tell her that the Senior Support team loves my work, that my supervisor has done nothing but praise me, and that none of my other co-workers have told me I'm screwing up and seem to get along with me just fine.

But she's confrontational and I want to avoid the drama that calling her out will cause. However, I've got to face her on my own terms instead of letting her bully me till I explode. If I do it correctly she'll come off looking like the jackass that she is.

 

[Lobstrich]

Wow. That guy summed up my theory of cell phones making people stupid really well! I've been telling people that for years. I hate (not really hate so much as get irritated) when I see someone wandering through the grocery on their phones asking whoever is on the other line what all they need at the store. Why didn't they make a list? Gah.

Yes, I should confront my co-worker. She's convinced that I'm either lazy or an idiot and watches everything I do like a hawk looking for any misstep. Then she pounces and condescendingly explains how I'm screwing up. I need to tell her that the Senior Support team loves my work, that my supervisor has done nothing but praise me, and that none of my other co-workers have told me I'm screwing up and seem to get along with me just fine.

But she's confrontational and I want to avoid the drama that calling her out will cause. However, I've got to face her on my own terms instead of letting her bully me till I explode. If I do it correctly she'll come off looking like the jackass that she is.

I can't really judge wether you really do good at work or not, I'm going to have to take your word on that. So I'll just reply on the confrontation part; I think you should really confront her, yeah. Forget whatever drama it may cause, say even if it got you fired (which I highly higly doubt it will) You should still carry out the confrontation and create this drama, if you don't you'll just have a miserable time, and a job that you once enjoyed will become the thing that you hate the most every day, all because you didn't confront one person.

Of course that's taking the scenario to the extreme, I'm just trying to make a point, hehe.

EDIT: And @ the guy in the video, his YouTube name is called LindyBeige. I really enjoy his videos, his basically the only YouTuber's videos that I really want to watch. And that I watch almost the second I get the email of a new video, haha.

 

[smithcommajohn]

Wow. That guy summed up my theory of cell phones making people stupid really well! I've been telling people that for years. I hate (not really hate so much as get irritated) when I see someone wandering through the grocery on their phones asking whoever is on the other line what all they need at the store. Why didn't they make a list? Gah.

Yes, I should confront my co-worker. She's convinced that I'm either lazy or an idiot and watches everything I do like a hawk looking for any misstep. Then she pounces and condescendingly explains how I'm screwing up. I need to tell her that the Senior Support team loves my work, that my supervisor has done nothing but praise me, and that none of my other co-workers have told me I'm screwing up and seem to get along with me just fine.

But she's confrontational and I want to avoid the drama that calling her out will cause. However, I've got to face her on my own terms instead of letting her bully me till I explode. If I do it correctly she'll come off looking like the jackass that she is.

Give her a good scoffing. She needs to understand her perspective of you is neither warranted or respected. When in doubt on how to respond to her condescending remarks, just smile and laugh at her. Once you've convinced yourself that her ideas about you are meaningless, she becomes meaningless and her remarks will slide off of you like rain off an umbrella.

 

[Lobstrich]

Actually, adding to that video. I really admire him, for not using a mobile phone. I wish I could, well I can. But I probably just don't want to. Well I do, but I just don't want to make the sacrifice, It's pretty hard explain. I guess I want to be able to not want to use a phone but I don't want to not use a phone, if that makes a sense, lol.

Anyone got some tips on how to "quit phones"? Hehe.

 

[Jordan~]

I was thinking about this. I don't really have a charge bar of hatred. I have anger, which is overstated and quite dramatic when it's expressed. Then I have hatred, which occurs instantaneously. It doesn't need time to charge, I see/read/hear something and the hate is immediate. You know that it's a serious "I will destroy you" hatred rather than a frivolous "I'm really pissed off" angry because in the former case I'll express it very calmly.

INFP thing, I think. The more intense our emotions, the less dramatically they're expressed. When it's a fairly mild emotion, I trust myself to be able to play with it because I know I'm at no risk of losing control, so very mild annoyance (when I'm on my own) can turn into angry tirades full of violent swearing. On the other hand, a very sincere, intense emotion will tend to come out very quietly or not at all. If it has to be expressed, it'll be with a few choice words, because more than that risks opening a floodgate. And if that floodgate's forced open by stress, the result is a very intense, explosive display of emotion that fizzles out quite quickly. Otherwise, there's an odd pressure for a while until something takes your mind off it - the abdominal muscles tightening in anticipation of attack is what's going on physiologically, I think, but it feels like the emotion is so big that you're struggling to contain it physically.