Talking with your hands

[Starcrossed]

Forgive me if this was already posted some where but does any one else have a problem talking with their hands (using your hands to emphasis what you are saying), as if your hands were directly connected to your brain and if you were some how prevented from moving your hands from talking you would lose all ability to speak?

After a lot of pushing I found that this is where a lot of customer complaints are coming from... why do people have such a problem with people who talk with their hands? Is there any way to break this seemingly unbreakable habit?

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

After a lot of pushing I found that this is where a lot of customer complaints are coming from... why do people have such a problem with people who talk with their hands? Is there any way to break this seemingly unbreakable habit?

My thoughts:

1. It distracts them.
2. Motion can be subconsciously misconstrued as aggression.

As for how to break the habit, I have no idea. Maybe shift and move another body part? Move your eyes instead (which might also address the eye contact thing mentioned in your intro)?

 

[Cavalli]

I frequently use my hands to emphasise, or further explain a point and I don't see anything wrong with it at all. In fact I thought everyone did it? Most of the people I know do..

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

What is wrong with using hand gestures while speaking? A majority of people do it so I guess they don't have a problem with it.

 

[The Gopher]

What is wrong with using hand gestures while speaking? A majority of people do it so I guess they don't have a problem with it.

I do it as well and I have no idea why I quoted Proxy.

 

[Ex-User (9062)]

I talk with my hands only, either, when i am very exited about the topic and i feel that the other person is perceptive of what i have to say and enjoys the conversation.
Or, when the other person doesn't seem to get my explanation simply via utterance of the words, and so, i choose a more figurative language and gesticulate the images which i project into their mind.
But that is mostly with people i feel more comfortable with.
When it comes to random strangers, my arms and hands are pretty much dangling down as if they were numb.

 

[Lot]

I talk with my hand too. I often find myself drawing pictures in the air while explain things.

You could try holding something in your hands to cut down on it. Put hands in pockets? Just think about what you are doing with your hands while you speak.

Personally I wouldn't change it. What are you posta do with your hands?

 

[Starcrossed]

This is what I would love to ask my customers... my hands are the gears that keep my brain moving, without I would not be able to express a coherent idea or thought... Even in the call center my boss would make me sit on my hands to try to break me of the habit and that would cause me to fail every quality evaluation because I couldn't put what I was thinking into coherent words.

This was a shocker to the QA manager because my calls (believe it or not) were usually used for the training guides as to how to follow procedures (no I was not the star in how to sound warm and loving) so for me to sound like a bumbling idiot was the last thing they expected hehe

 

[Ex-User (9062)]

Maybe they want to breed the superior letting-your-hands-dangle-under-all-circumstances-yes-you-heard-it-dont-fkin-move-your-hands civilization of the year 2520.

 

[redbaron]

Customers complain because you move your hands when you talk? Really?

 

[Starcrossed]

Maybe they want to breed the superior letting-your-hands-dangle-under-all-circumstances-yes-you-heard-it-dont-fkin-move-your-hands civilization of the year 2520.

I would be so lost in that world, how does one express themselves without their hands... its madness I tell you!!!

 

[Starcrossed]

Customers complain because you move your hands when you talk? Really?

Yes I had one woman slap me because of it needless to say I am completely confused.... and yet people wonder why I am not a people person and I try to avoid them.

 

[Kuu]

I don't think the problem is that you talk with your hands, per se. It's the tone of your hands.

 

[Cavalli]

I don't think the problem is that you talk with your hands, per se. It's the tone of your hands.

You sound like my dad...

It's not what you said, it's the way you said it *angry face*

 

[Starcrossed]

how do your hands have tone?

Mine move in a circular motion, as I said they're like gears. When they're not getting the brain to move they're used to empathize words and their importance.

I can't win for losing

 

[redbaron]

Really the only way to move this discussion from the speculative to quantitative/qualitative is to provide a video for us where you speak and use your hands as though you were conversing with a customer.

 

[Lot]

Really the only way to move this discussion from the speculative to quantitative/qualitative is to provide a video for us where you speak and use your hands as though you were conversing with a customer.

I give you an elephant for this post

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Maybe you could make sure you have enough space to talk with your hands.

Try to maintain your personal space.

 

[Starcrossed]

Maybe you could make sure you have enough space to talk with your hands.

Try to maintain your personal space.

I have a great appreciation for my personal space... and hate it when people have to stand shoulder to shoulder just to talk to me. I make sure there is a minimum of 3 feet of space between me and the person I'm talking to.

 

[Ex-User (9062)]

I have a great appreciation for my personal space... and hate it when people have to stand shoulder to shoulder just to talk to me. I make sure there is a minimum of 3 feet of space between me and the person I'm talking to.

I have drawn the conclusion by now that your customers are weird, not you.

 

[Turniphead]

They slapped you? Because you moved your hands? Are there any other details to this interaction that maybe you left out?

 

[Starcrossed]

I have drawn the conclusion by now that your customers are weird, not you.

Thank you, you would be the first to say that... I hope you are right

 

[Starcrossed]

Yes, she slapped me... only an isolated incident but my coworkers had to bring to my attention of all the near assaults I had avoided.

To (re)address Salmoneus, I would love to agree that the customers are weird but there has to be something wrong with the fact that I am not a people pleaser no matter how hard I try to be nice and pleasant. My coworkers said that they know its just my personality and that I say the most offhanded and some of the most rude things with the best intentions (they said that they find it amusing that I'm so oblivious to it but at the same time if it wasn't for them saving my butt I'd be in the ER along time ago)... I still don't know what I say to be so rude.

Well any way the full scenario: customer came in to pick up her glasses her glasses needed a bit of an adjustment as they were just out of the lab and just like any progressive lens they didn't sit just right when she first put them on. This caused the already upset customer (she was upset that we didn't call her when the glasses were ready... company policy dictates we only call if there is an issue with getting the glasses made on time and we tell the customer when the glasses are due to be picked up... I don't necessarily agree with this for many a reason but I'm not going to derail this to discuss corporate policies) to be even more upset, I asked her if I could see the glasses to make a minor adjustment to them (please note all the while I'm talking with my hands). The lady flipped out not understanding how any adjustment would allow her to see better. I calmly explained how the lens wasn't sitting in the right spot and adjusting the frame would in turn change where the lens sits in relation to the eye (allowing for better clarity... note I'm still explaining and elaborating this with my hands). She insisted on yelling and throwing a tantrum about how we can't do anything right, and so on and so forth, I let her get it out (as customer's are supposed to be more compliant after they get the wind out of their sails).

I try explaining again in different words and she flips out again yelling at me to quit moving my hands. I pick up a pen and flip it to try to keep my hands occupied but eventually (and after endless rewording my explanation of how I just need to make one simple adjustment to these glasses that I am quickly losing all interest in... seriously people why does this have to be so hard? I think I'm losing it!!) I go back to my unbreakable habit of talking with my hands (not out of frustration but out of "that's how I explain stuff" and better express myself), the lady says "b!tch I told you to quit moving your hands" and then slaps me.

What did I do wrong?

I admit in hindsight I maybe could have been more careful about focusing on not talking with my hands but why of all things did that bother her and why did she not just let me help her in the first place? I can sympathies with her frustration at not receiving a courtesy call that her glasses were ready but at the same time I'm not going to get (another) write up for going against corporate (on that same note she can read her receipt as well as the next person it says that her glasses are ready on xx/xx/xxx come in on that date, she had her receipt on the day she came in why did she come in three weeks later?).

 

[Turniphead]

That sounds like a customer from hell. I've worked a fair amount of retail, sometimes they are terrible, but I haven't had that bad. I've been very close to walking away from customers, because I couldn't handle them...

Anyway, In your situation apologies and passivity, may have prevented her from escalating things. Not that it's a good thing culturally. Retail, and service industry workers are far too often treated badly(from my observations) and shouldn't need to constantly act passive.

Large corporate structures don't help things either. Customers don't understand that the people working the floor often have very little say in how they can serve customers. Small businesses would seem to have a little more flexibility in that regard.

 

[Kuu]

the lady says "b!tch I told you to quit moving your hands" and then slaps me.

What did I do wrong?

You didn't quit your job right that second. I mean if you are constantly being abused, verbally or otherwise...

Besides, if you keep getting reported you'll end up fired eventually, anyway.


As to why people turn into angry beasts in your presence, perhaps some just can't process your verbal explanation when being distracted by the visual stimuli of your constantly moving hands. It's like your hands are screaming.

 

[redbaron]

Sounds like whatever company you work for doesn't really have an effective system they teach for defusing irate customers.

While that customer was unreasonable, you didn't really handle it that well either. Explaining details to already angry customers just makes them feel dumb, it embarrasses them because they're being made to look like they're having a tantrum over nothing. While it's probably true, you don't need to point it out. You also didn't make any mention of having apologized, and showing that you can relate to the frustration of her situation.

Also letting customers vent freely is not really a good idea. It keeps them there longer, and by the time they're done they're even more irate because they've wasted even more time in the shop, and probably realise that they look like a bit of an idiot - more fuel for the fire.

I also wonder if when she initially came in and was frustrated about not being called, whether or not you were sympathetic and understanding. If she was already frustrated and felt like you'd been dismissive about it, it would somewhat explain that.

Anyway, I could go on about this but it really just sounds like whatever company you work for is just shitty and didn't train you properly.

 

[Starcrossed]

You didn't quit your job right that second. I mean if you are constantly being abused, verbally or otherwise...

Besides, if you keep getting reported you'll end up fired eventually, anyway.


As to why people turn into angry beasts in your presence, perhaps some just can't process your verbal explanation when being distracted by the visual stimuli of your constantly moving hands. It's like your hands are screaming.

I'm not going to let my daily idiot kill my day (or I'll try not to any way)... I get between 1 and 3 a day... I can't afford to quit (no one else is hiring). I'm going to try to stick it out for two more years until I graduate and then I'm getting out of customer service (hopefully for good)... and in any case I do like the work (less the customers) its a lot to learn and there's no way to learn it all.

The odd thing is at the other location I work at (same company) all the customer complaints are brought to me (the problem with that location is the coworkers are so rude to the customers and even admitted that they have a blatant disregard for the customers. I guess as standoffish as I come across the customers can see that I'm trying to fix it?). Its night and day different.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another thing we (my coworkers and myself) noticed is I only seem to tick off certain personality types (not sure what the MBTI would be), but its just certain types of people I can't click with to save my life. I need to figure out how to fix that.

 

[Starcrossed]

Sounds like whatever company you work for doesn't really have an effective system they teach for defusing irate customers.

While that customer was unreasonable, you didn't really handle it that well either. Explaining details to already angry customers just makes them feel dumb, it embarrasses them because they're being made to look like they're having a tantrum over nothing. While it's probably true, you don't need to point it out. You also didn't make any mention of having apologized, and showing that you can relate to the frustration of her situation.

Also letting customers vent freely is not really a good idea. It keeps them there longer, and by the time they're done they're even more irate because they've wasted even more time in the shop, and probably realise that they look like a bit of an idiot - more fuel for the fire.

I also wonder if when she initially came in and was frustrated about not being called, whether or not you were sympathetic and understanding. If she was already frustrated and felt like you'd been dismissive about it, it would somewhat explain that.

Anyway, I could go on about this but it really just sounds like whatever company you work for is just shitty and didn't train you properly.

Most of the customer service training I've had was from a call center... guess that works better over the phone than it does in person...

As far as working in the eye center we were trained to explain what you are doing so the customer has confidence that you have knowledge in what you are about to do (it can be traumatizing to the patient when you are bending their glasses as all they see is their glasses... their investment being warped and bent in ways they never imagined). Detailed explainations are supposed to calm a person down as it shows you have full knowledge in what you are doing and is supposed to give them reassurance that their glasses are in the right hands.

When she was upset about not getting the call I told her that I was very sorry that we let her down and that I would get her glasses for her.

Both the call center and the vision center always said that you never cut off a venting customer it adds more fuel to the fire, just wait for them to stop yelling and acknowledge everything that they are saying. When I notice that they are repeating themselves I wait for them to pause for a moment then I try to talk to them to help resolve the issue and they blow up (at that point I usually have to ask them to quit yelling, give a short summary to prove that I heard everything and say "ok here's what I need to do________, please give me just a moment to pull your chart, I will be right back"... then I pray they don't call corporate).