This thread has been an interesting read.
First off, if a girl asks you what you do for work early off enough in conversation. say good bye and good riddance. I generally have sex with 10 partners a year give or take several. I find that I get laid more when I'm broke, I have more time to make myself available.
I agree to an extent. Perhaps the initial question of what you do for a living is not the point to turn away from the conversation, but rather the follow up question is more crucial - i.e. what is her (/his) underlying intention in asking you about what you do for a living? I personally think intentions are usually good and that its a way of starting a dialogue, but the question is usually framed poorly. I prefer to ask something more vague, along the lines of "What do you do with your time?" or the even more vague "What's your story?". Does anyone else approach this differently?
I doubt I go more than 10 seconds before asking this question. It's because most people (especially men in Western society) are what they do, at least some degree. Regardless, the immediate answer is far less important than the subsequent conversation, which allows for a quick inventory of our potential for compatibility in the areas of education, world-view, and ambition.
I think this is partially true. The reason being that I am generally more intrigued by how people spend their time when they're not working, which for the majority of the working population is the justification for working in the first place.
Thoughts?
I used to ask people about their jobs because that's like in the top 5 in terms of small talk topics. But after I fell out of it myself and realized how bad feels it can be being asked, I stopped and I only ask if I'm fairly certain the person is doing something and I run out of small talk. I never really particularly cared about what people do, though, and I have pursued people without a job and without a college degree.
Oh so true. It's not easy to paint yourself in a positive light when you're out of work. Often, there is nothing wrong with being unemployed. Sometimes people need a break or whatever. I've done it, and I can say dating gets a little more difficult, just because of this damn question...
As I said, the answer isn't as important as the conversation that follows. If someone said, "I weld together metal sculptures from the back of my RV, which is conveniently parked on some dude's junkyard", I'd be interested, and I would steer the conversation toward their motivation. I'd rather spend time with a person who has a passion for life, than a middle-management code-monkey with steady income.
The simple question of how you spend your waking hours -- what you do with your life -- is anything but trivial. Most people need to earn money to live independently, and such earnings occupy a great deal of an adult's life. It follows, then, that "what do you do for a living?" is a very efficient opening/early question when getting to know a person.
The equality I'm talking about is a match in the cumulative characteristics that are important to me like cleverness, creativity, motivation, discipline, mental agility, and independence. All of which are can be effectively addressed with a conversation that starts with "what do you do for a living?"
Once again, I agree to an extent, but would rather phrase the question differently to eliminate money (i.e. "a living") from the equation.
Noo, that's the first thing you learn not to do.
There are two downsides:
1. You are explicitly defining her as attractive, and thereby valuable. This is a turn off. Even if you are attractive enough, this will signal something "off" in your psychology. A lack of grace and manners perhaps, implying low social mobility and power. Unless one really grinds the ability to spot women who are hot and yet don't know it (a rare category), this approach is likely to end up seeming like a drooling dog.
2. It's much more boring and predictable than striking up a real conversation.
It just so happens that i began doubting points 1 and 2 during writing this post but i figure it's more fun to post it anyway than not.
I think your points are very valid. I personally deliver compliments very scarcely. I feel that to compliment someone when hitting on them is to do what is obvious and expected. I see it as a somewhat aggressive move, and would prefer to lure a potential partner with intrigue, rather than feed their ego. If I do wish to compliment someone, I generally lure them into it, rather than explicitly bring it up.
To use an analogy, I see the act of complimenting a potential partner akin to an army focusing all their energy on hitting their opponent head on, when a more appropriate response would be to lure them away from safe terrain and flank them.
