Whew, first post out of the way. Now I can try to be myself.
I think the only reason I posted was to grow as a person. I really need to pull myself together. I am in my late 30's working in a physical dead-end job whose only redeeming feature is that I can work alone and daydream/think all day. I can't do this physical of work for many more years especially working up to 66 hrs/week. All day long at work I think about how to get out of this situation, but when I get home I have no motivation to do anything productive.
I thought I was going to pull myself together 3 years ago when I stopped daydreaming. I was tired of living the life of escapism and fantasy I had been in since I was a child. I was excited about the improvements I could make in my life, my job, and my marriage. I recognized my relationship with my wife was in need of improvement so why not start with that. Cutting off a decades long coping mechanism cold turkey turned out to be a very bad idea. My mind almost literally exploded with OCD about my wife. I couldn't eat or sleep and started making her life miserable with my suspicion and paranoia. We have gotten past that now, but she still refers to the time I went crazy.
