Sex II or Sex Too or Sex for Two

[BigApplePi]

I know there is a Sex Thread here, but as usual I have to deviate. What I'm after is understanding sex. Sex is an enormously vital (less than hunger and thirst), all around us to our psyches and broad topic.

As an INTP (supposedly) I go for thinking first. Si stories seem not a great turn on for me. Asking me how often (I'm married, steady and the honeymoon is over), is like asking me how often do I eat chicken? The answer to this is some, but really. Who cares except for a statistician? As a social exchange what have you learned if I tell you or you tell me when this is anything but a casual topic?

Having said that, what about chat? If we are interested or if we are asexual and believe others are interested, we can socialize with sex chat. But what then happened to those who said that sex is very private and they don't want to talk about it. What gives? Is sex universal and discussable or private. Which?

Here is another issue. There is a song (I forget how the words go) that has a line about when you're making love you are thinking of another and when you are with the other you're thinking of the original. My point is, what goes on with sex? What are you thinking of? A partner? Getting to orgasm? Orgasm? My personal opinion is sex has to do with the desire for some kind of union. But this is true only if a severe drought hasn't occurred. If one (a male) doesn't masturbate and is young, there will be a wet dream if he is at all sexually able.

So if you have gotten this far in reading, as this is getting long-winded, what kind of real or imagined union are you looking for or need? I think there is a mystery there which could be revealing.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

The physical process of sex does not particularly interest me much. However, I engage in such activities for intimacy. Fulfilling intimacy requirements has more positive long term psychological effects.

 

[Cognisant]

One should discuss love before the topic of sex, because in of itself, by itself, sex is just another means of gratification, no different to eating, playing, or being entertained.

So in order to constructively discuss meaningful sex lets fist address the issue of love; I always found it hard to believe there could be anyone out there who cared about me, who to know and not just own me. That is what it means to be without love, to be alone, it is to see oneself as a battered puppet of fate, doomed to mockery by merely continuing one’s evidently flawed existence, because without love, without having someone to care about and be cared about in turn, there is no distinction between dreams and reality, no anchor. For y’see a dream cannot be shared, one’s experience (though valid on its own terms) cannot be cross-referenced with another’s, so it cannot be validated, it is nothing more than a hypothetical possibility, but reality can be shared, reality can be validated, assuming of course there’s someone to validate it with.

Love is what makes reality, real.
Even to a nihilist the “other” is of paramount importance, indeed they are the only thing of any value whatsoever in the entirety of existence, in fact I would go so far as to say others are of value to nihilists in particular, unlike theists for example, who can arguably validate their existence between their split selves (“I” & “god”).
…
Sorry, I just couldn’t let that pass.

Now meaningful sex is merely an extension of this, it is an experience that is innately shared, one in which (theoretically) both participants surrender themselves to the desires of the other, i.e. you don’t ask permission before kissing someone, you just do it, because you’re both going to enjoy it, or at the very least not be bothered by it, whereas being kissed by a stranger is bothersome, no matter how attractive they are, because people have boundaries.

Of course strangers can have sex, but if there’s no underlying understanding, well I suppose you could call it mutual rape, although this could only occur in a situation where there’s no boundaries to begin with, for example they’re both drunk.

 

[HumidDesert]

I''m far too impatient to read the entire post, or the insuing comments. However, here is my theory on the Human sex drive causes:

Chicks:

1. Want to have sex

2. Emotional closeness of the experience

Dudes:

1. Obviously, we want sex.

2. For guys in casual sex, the equivelant the emotional closeness, is an aggressive, territorial need; to make the girl we like ours. (Emotions in love-sex havent any effect on our drive, but the experience as a whole.)

3. A physical pressure. men create millions of little sailors a day, and thus when our PSI's max out, we ache to flush the plumbing.

4. A need, in addition to a physical pressure when our sperm count is to high, a trigger flips in our brain. Its all we can think about, we become lust driven animals.

5. Social pressure.

Obviously, this is from my point of view as a virgin teenager. Feel free to correct and critique me.

 

[BigApplePi]

The physical process of sex does not particularly interest me much. However, I engage in such activities for intimacy. Fulfilling intimacy requirements has more positive longer term psychological effects.

I keep running over to the even more intense desire the human being possesses for clues: that of eating we could examine. We could examine exactly how we masticate food, take xrays, observe motion, but what does that tell us about desire? It only shows the outside. We could follow a person around observing how they pick out food at the grocery. We could observe how they cook the food, but what does that tell us about hunger and satisfaction? And that is all about an individual. The collection and consumption of food is an enormous social process. We depend on others and commonly, though not always on the surface, interact with others. What does that tell us about the way we satisfy ourselves when we are hungry?

 

[BigApplePi]

One should discuss love before the topic of sex, because in of itself, by itself, sex is just another means of gratification, no different to eating, playing, or being entertained.

So in order to constructively discuss meaningful sex lets fist address the issue of love; I always found it hard to believe there could be anyone out there who cared about me, who to know and not just own me. That is what it means to be without love, to be alone, it is to see oneself as a battered puppet of fate, doomed to mockery by merely continuing one’s evidently flawed existence, because without love, without having someone to care about and be cared about in turn, there is no distinction between dreams and reality, no anchor. For y’see a dream cannot be shared, one’s experience (though valid on its own terms) cannot be cross-referenced with another’s, so it cannot be validated, it is nothing more than a hypothetical possibility, but reality can be shared, reality can be validated, assuming of course there’s someone to validate it with.

Love is what makes reality, real.
Even to a nihilist the “other” is of paramount importance, indeed they are the only thing of any value whatsoever in the entirety of existence, in fact I would go so far as to say others are of value to nihilists in particular, unlike theists for example, who can arguably validate their existence between their split selves (“I” & “god”).
…
Sorry, I just couldn’t let that pass.

Now meaningful sex is merely an extension of this, it is an experience that is innately shared, one in which (theoretically) both participants surrender themselves to the desires of the other, i.e. you don’t ask permission before kissing someone, you just do it, because you’re both going to enjoy it, or at the very least not be bothered by it, whereas being kissed by a stranger is bothersome, no matter how attractive they are, because people have boundaries.

Of course strangers can have sex, but if there’s no underlying understanding, well I suppose you could call it mutual rape, although this could only occur in a situation where there’s no boundaries to begin with, for example they’re both drunk.

Then love must be an underlying force which drives us. Sex is the external symptomage. Perhaps even at the extreme, the sadomasicism or bondage and discipline are wishes for love in a very rough world.

Love means getting together and sharing and we can't always do that. So we prepare for it. We get ready by fantasy. After all, what is fantasy but a preparation?

We don't have to go all the way to sexual intercourse to understand this. What is a kiss after all? Is it for pleasure? Pleasure is too general a term. We have to ask what kind of pleasure? It is the pleasure of getting together. Of making contact. It is a special contact. Just for you. Just for two. It is a special pleasure because other social forms are diffuse. They are harder to tell if they are self-interested or directed "out there" or directed just for you.

 

[BigApplePi]

I''m far too impatient to read the entire post, or the insuing comments. However, here is my theory on the Human sex drive causes:

Chicks:

1. Want to have sex

2. Emotional closeness of the experience

Dudes:

1. Obviously, we want sex.

2. For guys in casual sex, the equivelant the emotional closeness, is an aggressive, territorial need; to make the girl we like ours. (Emotions in love-sex havent any effect on our drive, but the experience as a whole.)

3. A physical pressure. men create millions of little sailors a day, and thus when our PSI's max out, we ache to flush the plumbing.

4. A need, in addition to a physical pressure when our sperm count is to high, a trigger flips in our brain. Its all we can think about, we become lust driven animals.

5. Social pressure.

Obviously, this is from my point of view as a virgin teenager. Feel free to correct and critique me.

Chicks: Social contact. Display. Receptive. Future building. Protection and expansion.

Dudes: Social contact. Vigorous. Active. Possession. Release.

Virginity is only lack of experience in details. The desires are the same.

 

[HumidDesert]

Chicks: Social contact. Display. Receptive. Future building. Protection and expansion.

Dudes: Social contact. Vigorous. Active. Possession. Release.

Virginity is only lack of experience in details. The desires are the same.

Yes, that looks more accurate.

 

[AlisaD]

Chicks: Social contact. Display. Receptive. Future building. Protection and expansion.

I'm a chick (ugh, what a strange word - makes me want to go: "Pock! Pock! Pock! Pock! Pock!")
Anyway, I'd have to say - you got it all wrong.
At least as far as I am concerned. Don't know about the human girls though.

 

[Cavallier]

Anyway, I'd have to say - you got it all wrong.

Thank you.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

I keep running over to the even more intense desire the human being possesses for clues: that of eating we could examine. We could examine exactly how we masticate food, take xrays, observe motion, but what does that tell us about desire? It only shows the outside. We could follow a person around observing how they pick out food at the grocery. We could observe how they cook the food, but what does that tell us about hunger and satisfaction? And that is all about an individual. The collection and consumption of food is an enormous social process. We depend on others and commonly, though not always on the surface, interact with others. What does that tell us about the way we satisfy ourselves when we are hungry?

I am not exactly a philosophical person.

Hunger/Thirst are the most basic of our drivers. Whether we include other people in the process of satisfying the driver is attributed to field of economics; 'How society allocates resources in regards to scarcity'.

When I am required to eat to keep myself alive, I eat. How and what I eat is dependent on the necessity of the process. From experience, I can be at the point of blacking out and still desire a eloquent meal.

I know many people's subjective views of sex but I do not know an objective view. Perceptions of sex are not the same and vary to certain degrees. All dependent on the culture, society, family, socio-economic conditions, education, psyche etc.

My x-gf said to me once "I like to fuck and I like to fuck a lot." In the same conversation she said she was dumbfounded by people who try to attach meaning and superfluous value to the process. A entp for you. Typical or not typical, I have not idea.

Chicks: Social contact. Display. Receptive. Future building. Protection and expansion.

Dudes: Social contact. Vigorous. Active. Possession. Release.

Virginity is only lack of experience in details. The desires are the same.

I would not hastily attached properties to males and females as groups.

I'm a chick (ugh, what a strange word - makes me want to go: "Pock! Pock! Pock! Pock! Pock!")
Anyway, I'd have to say - you got it all wrong.
At least as far as I am concerned. Don't know about the human girls though.

I have a saying; 'If you don't explain the reasons of which you speak, you are not speaking.'

 

[cheese]

I have a saying; 'If you don't not explain the reasons of which you speak, you are not speaking.'

*falls over*

Do you mean if we explain the reasons, we're not speaking? Is that 'don't not' meant to be a 'don't'? Or not?

 

[BigApplePi]

I'm a chick (ugh, what a strange word - makes me want to go: "Pock! Pock! Pock! Pock! Pock!")
Anyway, I'd have to say - you got it all wrong.
At least as far as I am concerned. Don't know about the human girls though.

AlisaD. Yes a strange word. I got it from somewhere. But then I'm just a cock -- er -- rooster.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

*falls over*

Do you mean if we explain the reasons, we're not speaking? Is that 'don't not' meant to be a 'don't'? Or not?

Thank you for pointing that out. I have corrected the issue. The aberration is most likely caused by permutations of the sentence occurring in my mind while I am typing and the lack of proof reading.

 

[BigApplePi]

My x-gf said to me once "I like to fuck and I like to fuck a lot." In the same conversation she said she was dumbfounded by people who try to attach meaning and superfluous value to the process. A entp for you. Typical or not typical, I have not idea.

There. You see. An ENTP. Maybe it has to do with extroversion/introversion. As the number of contacts goes down, the value of each goes up. As the number of contacts goes up, the value of each goes down. There must be a more precise algebraic formula out there somehow but I don't know it.

I would not hastily attached properties to males and females as groups.

I hastily tossed out those words as suggestions. Not meant to be precise.

I have a saying; 'If you don't not explain the reasons of which you speak, you are not speaking.'

What was your reason for saying that? My reason for asking is I don't not know what your saying, lol.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

What was your reason for saying that? My reason for asking is I don't not know what your saying, lol.

"If you don't explain the reasons of which you speak, you are not speaking."

It is a metaphor. People produce statement thats are either not of their own though or statements that are not backed by logical arguments. I view these statements of having zero value. Typically things of little or zero value are disposed of in landfills and left to degrade until forming a rancid liquid. If this liquid is able to proliferate, it would result in detrimental affects.

This applies to statements which have logical arguments substantiating but have not been explicitly stated.

 

[Trebuchet]

Did you see the study on the reasons men and women have sex? They found 237 reasons, but the top ones were almost identical. The stereotypes aren't that accurate.

The top and bottom reasons they found in their survey are in a sidebar on the linked page.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

Did you see the study on the reasons men and women have sex? They found 237 reasons, but the top ones were almost identical. The stereotypes aren't that accurate.

The top and bottom reasons they found in their survey are in a sidebar on the linked page.

Not surprising.

 

[HumidDesert]

Does anyone find the term "Chick" sexist? i just threw it out because where i am from, noone cares. yet i had an english teacher from britain at one point. One of my piers did a project on "The oustiders" and on the poster was this nice car from like the fifties. We all called it his Chickmobile and the teacher became infuriated with us and labeled us as sexist's.

Does anyone else share this view? And i hope it didn't seem as if i was generalizing the british, i guess it was just what made her different. (And based on the nature of this forum, i feel it is appropriate to mention british have sexy accents.)

 

[AlisaD]

I have a saying; 'If you don't explain the reasons of which you speak, you are not speaking.'

Nice one.

Still, sometimes there's a reason why you don't explain the reasons behind your statement. In this particular instant I read BigApplePie's post and thought: "Noooo! It's actually............" But then I remembered how my views of sex usually do not concur with other girls' and BAP's post did refer to chicks in general, and I had no idea what chicks in general thought about sex, so it was easier to just say - "You got it wrong, when it comes to me" I agree further explanation would have been better, but sometimes an easy way is just so nice and easy.

By the way, does this mean you can't say: "This is beautiful" or "I love you" without explaining the reasons? That would be kind of sad....

 

[cheese]

Did you see the study on the reasons men and women have sex? They found 237 reasons, but the top ones were almost identical. The stereotypes aren't that accurate.

The top and bottom reasons they found in their survey are in a sidebar on the linked page.

Some of the bottom reasons are hilarious!

1. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.
2. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease.
3. I wanted to punish myself.

 

[Trebuchet]

Some of the bottom reasons are hilarious!

And inadvisable!

 

[speiss]

Well..
I'm going to take a step down from sex, and compare it to say, a kiss. Kisses can mean everything, and kisses can mean nothing, correct? The same goes for any and every kind of displays of affection.
I can kiss you. It doesn't mean that I like you.
I can fuck you as long and hard as you want. It doesn't mean I like you.
I can hold your hand. It means that I love you and never want to let you go.
The reasons for sex, as well as other romantic tendencies, vary on the individual. For example, my last boyfriend: I kissed him, and it was a kiss. To me it was just a wet smashing of the lips. Another boy I kissed, and it pretty much meant the fucking world.
Obviously love is a frequent, but not a constantly underlying reason for sex. College students are notoriously promiscuous, and as the top 10 reasons on that study state, "It's fun." "It feels good." "I was horny."
There isn't much of a mystery when it comes to the motivation towards screwing somebody else.
There's a myriad of reasons; like stated previously, it varies on the individual and the situation. There is no point at all in generalizing men and women when it comes to this.