Self-talking your Inner Demon

[Pyropyro]

By Inner Demon, I mean the part of you that prevents you from acting on things that will develop your life. It is still you whether you like it or not. Since I'm a fan of Tsukihime, I'll call the demon PYRO as oppose to me, Pyro.

I happen to look on self-talk and confronting your inner demon through my research about networking as an introvert (it's part of my assignment from my boss). It seems that to prevent freezing up during developing oneself, you should self-talk positively rather than negatively. (this thread will be in the 3rd person POV)

Negative is a mainstay discussion between Pyro and PYRO but it is causing them their health and/or sanity. Both parties see positive self-talk as pretentious and a waste of time even though both crave them. It's an impasse until Pyro thought of a 3rd option: Ask PYRO questions

So instead of:
"I hate myself today" or "I'm so freaking awesome today", Pyro asks questions like "so what do you want to do to address the issue that happened today in case it happens in the future?" or "Do you like to exercise instead of sulking?"

For some reason PYRO is more accepting of questions compared to statements, both negative or positive. It's still as negative as ever but not as blunt when asked why. Pyro's also a bit less stressed out now that PYRO isn't always there to beat him up. He also found himself drawing seriously again and probably will also learn how to cook in the future.

So how about you? How do you deal with your inner demon.

 

[StevenM]

I can't access my inner demon, unless I'm interacting with the outside world.

And it seems that most of my outer interactions involve that demon.

Thus is why it seems isolation is where I find the most solace.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

So how about you? How do you deal with your inner demon.

I don't. I just sit and wait for the storm to pass

 

[Pyropyro]

I don't. I just sit and wait for the storm to pass

Unfortunately I don't have the luxury to wait. I must always act or the people below me suffers. Probably part of the reason why I want to start afresh on a new field.

 

[Pyropyro]

I can't access my inner demon, unless I'm interacting with the outside world.

And it seems that most of my outer interactions involve that demon.

Thus is why it seems isolation is where I find the most solace.

That happens to me too. However, I tend to be more in control when the medium is in writing (no idea why). It's a different situation if I'm stressed out and have to deal with people IRL.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

Unfortunately I don't have the luxury to wait. I must always act or the people below me suffers. Probably part of the reason why I want to start afresh on a new field.

Oh. well, even when I'm going through hell, I still get things done(in the last minute, ofc) only because not getting things done will put me in situations where I get lots of (negative) attention and as a result I'lI have to put up with more interaction with people when all i want is to be alone

(I'm assuming you meant people under you suffer because you can't motivate yourself to get work done)

 

[redbaron]

That happens to me too. However, I tend to be more in control when the medium is in writing (no idea why). It's a different situation if I'm stressed out and have to deal with people IRL.

Writing affords more time to think. Real interactions are split second and a lot of the time they tend to be built as much around momentum (not the best word) as actual content. Even if you come up with the right thing to say, it has to come in the flow of conversation to have the desired impact.

So it's two things to control rather than one. In writing you can focus mostly on content. In real time you have to weigh content with momentum - one or the other has to suffer as a result. Some people are much better with content than momentum and I surmise most good writers fall into that category.

 

[Architect]

I took an interest in classical music when younger and got serious about it. There, the inner critical voice is deadly. You absolutely cannot even play if you have a critical voice over your shoulder, imagine playing a solo in front of several thousand people with a voice like that "Hey Archie, you just muffed that last passage". You'd fall apart.

I read a book called "The Inner Game of Tennis"* which was popular back in the day (1970's), and later they did a "Inner Game of Music" version. It was on this topic, how to still the inner critical voice that kills your performance. It's been so long I've entirely forgotten what it said, but the practice stuck with me and I've never suffered from an inner negative voice.

Basically though I think it's a matter of habit. Presently you have a habit of listening to the voice, I have a habit of ignoring it. It's that simple, to develop the new habit you just need to practice it. Don't try to "stop" the critical voice - you won't probably, just practice the new habit of hearing but ignoring it. You see it's really hard to remove a habit, but easy to develop a new one. So you just make progress by developing new habits that supplant the old.

That's a technique I've successfully used in my life that has worked really well. In fact some people here have thought I 'must' be an INTJ because I've been relatively successful. So here's the secret, as a musician I just learned how to be successful, just because I wanted to learn how to be a musician. So I studied the secret of getting what you want is all, and the central part is probably this book. The other half is plain determination. I was born into an all S family that I wanted desperately to escape. So finding a niche for myself wasn't an option, it was a necessity.

* Still in print available on Amazon.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

I took an interest in classical music when younger and got serious about it. There, the inner critical voice is deadly. You absolutely cannot even play if you have a critical voice over your shoulder, imagine playing a solo in front of several thousand people with a voice like that "Hey Archie, you just muffed that last passage". You'd fall apart.

I used to perform piano pieces and sing in a choir (I know slightly different from solo acts) on stage and that voice appeared from time to time, nothing that you cannot manage during your initial bow before the audience, or while setting up the seat, breathing excercises are great. Even during the performance it will happen randomly but still not to the point where you break down. I failed once due to stage-fright and I always had that doubt in me.

I think generally what I do is I welcome that part of me, I tend to accept that I can affect how I inconvenience myself with the inner demon, I can reduce and control it, with time even nullify it with better habits. Doesn't always work. Diverting attention works better with sudden onsets of weakness.

 

[Pyropyro]

(I'm assuming you meant people under you suffer because you can't motivate yourself to get work done)

Partly yes, and partly because I feel that I'm unable to take all of their needs. It would be much easier if my University actually recruit people than work the existing ones to depression.

 

[Jennywocky]

The critical voice doesn't just kill your willingness to take risks / throw yourself out there in real-time [and "doing art" is essentially like flying, you just launch yourself into space and trust you have the wings to fly, and the more fear you give into, the more clumsy your flying], it can also be devastating in terms of long-term projects and actually making some headway into completion

"I can't write that story / play that style of music, people will think I'm stupid or derivative," for example. Again, instead of trusting your instincts or what you want to do, you end up trying to appease that critical voice.

 

[Pyropyro]

Spoiler

I took an interest in classical music when younger and got serious about it. There, the inner critical voice is deadly. You absolutely cannot even play if you have a critical voice over your shoulder, imagine playing a solo in front of several thousand people with a voice like that "Hey Archie, you just muffed that last passage". You'd fall apart.

I read a book called "The Inner Game of Tennis"* which was popular back in the day (1970's), and later they did a "Inner Game of Music" version. It was on this topic, how to still the inner critical voice that kills your performance. It's been so long I've entirely forgotten what it said, but the practice stuck with me and I've never suffered from an inner negative voice.

Basically though I think it's a matter of habit. Presently you have a habit of listening to the voice, I have a habit of ignoring it. It's that simple, to develop the new habit you just need to practice it. Don't try to "stop" the critical voice - you won't probably, just practice the new habit of hearing but ignoring it. You see it's really hard to remove a habit, but easy to develop a new one. So you just make progress by developing new habits that supplant the old.

That's a technique I've successfully used in my life that has worked really well. In fact some people here have thought I 'must' be an INTJ because I've been relatively successful. So here's the secret, as a musician I just learned how to be successful, just because I wanted to learn how to be a musician. So I studied the secret of getting what you want is all, and the central part is probably this book. The other half is plain determination. I was born into an all S family that I wanted desperately to escape. So finding a niche for myself wasn't an option, it was a necessity.

* Still in print available on Amazon

.

That's interesting fourth option Archie. However, I'll try to ignore it if it becomes too negative, like some sort of a timeout room for it to burn it tantrums in.

You mentioned artistic skill. I find it much easier to start drawing stuff and develop creative strategies when it's behaving. Is the critical voice the "owner" of your artistic and creative side or is it a suppressor of this side?

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

Partly yes, and partly because I feel that I'm unable to take all of their needs. It would be much easier if my University actually recruit people than work the existing ones to depression.

yeah thats why i avoid being in positions where i am responsible for a group of people...its really distressing

Spoiler

im just playing it safe...so i guess im an example of a person who succumbs to their inner demons lol

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

The critical voice doesn't just kill your willingness to take risks / throw yourself out there in real-time [and "doing art" is essentially like flying, you just launch yourself into space and trust you have the wings to fly, and the more fear you give into, the more clumsy your flying], it can also be devastating in terms of long-term projects and actually making some headway into completion

"I can't write that story / play that style of music, people will think I'm stupid or derivative," for example. Again, instead of trusting your instincts or what you want to do, you end up trying to appease that critical voice.

too true...
i used to draw and paint a lot in the past, but then sort of stopped at some point after meeting a person who made effortlessly beautiful, expressive paintings and thinking i'll never reach that level (i still draw from time to time...but i take too long to finish each piece and i no longer feel satisfied with whatever results i get)
same for lots of other things like writing, music...even sports.

 

[Jennywocky]

same for lots of other things like writing, music...even sports.

Yeah, sports can be similar kinds of instincts, just rooted more physically.

I also notice that I like to be really good at what I do, and sometimes I can get discouraged watching someone far better than me. "I'll never be THAT good, why invest the time at this point?"

 

[Bock]

Minimize stress, anxiety, rumination and so on (in a constructive way - not avoidance), which i guess are - the - factors when it comes to inner demons/inner monologue turning vile etc. Easier said than done for some but it's not like one has any choice.

 

[Polaris]

Keeping busy seems to do the trick as the demons don't get a chance to get a word in. It's keeping that momentum that can be tricky. If you are dealing with people constantly you can become kind of robotic about it though, particularly if you are an introvert and have to expend energy into natural presentation.

 

[Pyropyro]

Keeping busy seems to do the trick as the demons don't get a chance to get a word in. It's keeping that momentum that can be tricky. If you are dealing with people constantly you can become kind of robotic about it though, particularly if you are an introvert and have to expend energy into natural presentation.

Yeah, I'm quite robotic when I'm dealing with the same old bunch of people who's all talk and no work.

My boss is kind of "concerned" that I'm keeping mum during meetings. As for me, I do converse nicely IF the people I'm dealing with are known to get things done (or if I don't have enough data to gauge their competency). Otherwise, I just record the conversations and get the insights needed to do the things I need to do. Chances are, I'm the only one who can bring something on the table during the next round anyways.

 

[Idunno]

I dont think the storm ever passes, just minimized.

I find out what makes me happy, even in the most little things. Make the conscious choice to do it, do it, feel happy.

It can be consuming if not dealt with properly, so maintaining it is key. Again, easier said than done.

Stress makes it 10x worse, anger aiming towards the wrong direction can also magnify it.

Choices that we make strengthen or weaken the demon

As we grow older perhaps we learn to find simpler, more effective ways to deal with it. Just knowing more from experience and stuff.(idunno im only 20)

The thing is, im not convinced its totally a bad thing. Something that the american culture highly criticizes. It helps me see flaws in my own actions etc. Know both good and bad

 

[Lot]

I like to address the demon directly. I need to speak rough with him. He's my angry and negative delusions. I normally call him dude, or bro, sometimes asshole. I call him out on his bullshit, sometimes I am him and need my angel to shut me up.

There are several "egos" that seem to exist in/as me. I've identified a few. My demon is very much a part of me. The way I see it, he just needs to be shown that there's reason for hope. His cautious and paranoid nature does seem to have it's benefit, although, he's an asshole. Angry at God, the universe, women, my family, and anyone or thing perceived as a threat to my comfort zone.

In an attempt to protect me, he starts to make up threats, and if often fueled by delusions. When I find myself daydreaming, and its turning into a confrontation, or "What if this pleasant memory wasn't so pleasant?", is how I know he's dominating.

The best course of action is to identify the delusion, then tell the demon to relax. Just let things play out. That things will work out and if they don't we'll figure out what to do about it. Until then, just chill out. It's easier to talk him off the edge with drugs, but I'm learning to integrate those lessons into sober life. Only if I could get some of the other more annoying guys to be more patient or thoughtful.

I'm rambling

 

[Absurdity]

I feel like I am fighting a constant losing battle against my demon every day. He's a lot smarter than I am and gains strength the more I tire. Even though I manage to keep a pretty steady course through life and avoid giving him complete control, I can visibly see the areas and circumstances in which he has held be back, and continues to. It fills me with frustration and regret, and only empowers him further.

I usually address him in writing, literally tens of thousands of words over the years, or throughout the day with audibly mumbled or mentally shouted self-talk filled with expletives. I've poured so much time into arguing with him, and sometimes when I'm sharing some of my frustrations with a confidant or asking for advice I hear him speaking through them. Sometimes I even have trouble distinguishing his ideas from those of my authentic self. It gets maddening at times.

If there was one thing I wish I could do it would be to figure out a way to make him shut the fuck up. I would happily settle for developing the psychic stamina to ignore him though.

 

[Idunno]

I like to address the demon directly. I need to speak rough with him. He's my angry and negative delusions. I normally call him dude, or bro, sometimes asshole. I call him out on his bullshit, sometimes I am him and need my angel to shut me up.

There are several "egos" that seem to exist in/as me. I've identified a few. My demon is very much a part of me. The way I see it, he just needs to be shown that there's reason for hope. His cautious and paranoid nature does seem to have it's benefit, although, he's an asshole. Angry at God, the universe, women, my family, and anyone or thing perceived as a threat to my comfort zone.

In an attempt to protect me, he starts to make up threats, and if often fueled by delusions. When I find myself daydreaming, and its turning into a confrontation, or "What if this pleasant memory wasn't so pleasant?", is how I know he's dominating.

The best course of action is to identify the delusion, then tell the demon to relax. Just let things play out. That things will work out and if they don't we'll figure out what to do about it. Until then, just chill out. It's easier to talk him off the edge with drugs, but I'm learning to integrate those lessons into sober life. Only if I could get some of the other more annoying guys to be more patient or thoughtful.

I'm rambling

holy shit get out of my mind please

 

[Pyropyro]

I feel like I am fighting a constant losing battle against my demon every day. He's a lot smarter than I am and gains strength the more I tire. Even though I manage to keep a pretty steady course through life and avoid giving him complete control, I can visibly see the areas and circumstances in which he has held be back, and continues to. It fills me with frustration and regret, and only empowers him further.

I usually address him in writing, literally tens of thousands of words over the years, or throughout the day with audibly mumbled or mentally shouted self-talk filled with expletives. I've poured so much time into arguing with him, and sometimes when I'm sharing some of my frustrations with a confidant or asking for advice I hear him speaking through them. Sometimes I even have trouble distinguishing his ideas from those of my authentic self. It gets maddening at times.

If there was one thing I wish I could do it would be to figure out a way to make him shut the fuck up. I would happily settle for developing the psychic stamina to ignore him though.

Maybe the only way to win against it is to give up (ie. ignore it) per Archie's suggestion. I'm trying it today and it's freaking hard. I ended up wasting a lot of minutes arguing with him instead. Yeah, he does seem to notice what I'm doing with him. I did managed to cook something nice (Scrambled eggs with corned beef) which was enjoyed by the office staff so I guess there's a certain progress with said ignoring tactic.

 

[Pyropyro]

holy shit get out of my mind please

Hey a little Lot in your life won't hurt

Yeah, I do sympathize with Lot's symptoms especially the confrontation parts.

 

[Idunno]

Hey a little Lot in your life won't hurt

Yeah, I do sympathize with Lot's symptoms especially the confrontation parts.

Come to think of it, although I'm no psychiatrist, maybe these are symptoms of schizotypal. I relate a lot to what lot says and the symptoms but it has to be official. Or ptsd

As far as I know, I know I got something wrong going in my head :P

 

[nanook]

I wonder why it's so difficult for me to relate to this whole subject.

Is my inner critic so unconscious, are we simply best friends, am i so accepting of critique, do i blame all negative thoughts on others, society and circumstances and am i wrong or right about doing so?

Critique is not my own voice, it's only my own problem and concern. My concern is survival and the agendas of reality and society are antagonistic to that, so i have to obey. As long as i play for my own team, i have enemies but no self doubt, i can feel good about myself but am afraid of my environment or i hate my objective circumstances (such as being stupid/limited as artist, etc)

If you think playing music is hard while you worry about how people judge you, try skateboarding in a half pipe.

It's only when i begin to play for the enemy, whole 'heartily' for lack of a better word, that i will feel unable to live up to the enemies demands perfectly enough. Meaning that i will feel pressured instead of perceiving negative facts. But i haven't done this often in my life.

What is often in my shadow is my concern for survival. I loose track of WHY i obey criticism, because i am so much against it, desire so much to have the courage to ignore it, which is delusional desire.

Then i begin to feel remote controlled by the shadow, my conscious concern for survival turns into unconscious "social anxiety disorder" wherein i believe that i want to mess around with my enemy but i "can't" dare to. I must recall that i am the one who doesn't WANT to risk certain demise.

So this shadow, my concern for survival, is my demon.

Not the criticism to which he wants me to be adapted to.

The criticism itself is hardly an entity. It's all people, but also just my static perception of their ever changing opinions and moods. It's therefore somewhat inaccurate and quite possibly a sum of all worst case scenarios, without any regard for the occasional generosity of my enemy, the society, the dangerous other.

When my former "demon", my concern for survival, becomes conscious, i perceive it as my interest to test my perception of alien boundaries and threads for optimum accuracy.

Then i will often find that there is some undiscovered room for improvement and freedom here and there.

But when i would rather feel, that there is no thread to my survival, that everything is taken care of or that many good things, that seem impossible today, due to alien boundaries, are perhaps possible anyhow, then i fall for the temptation of becoming unconscious of my concern and my hardship and then it reemerges as a diffuse shadow voice.

 

[peoplesuck]

I wonder why it's so difficult for me to relate to this whole subject.

Is my inner critic so unconscious, are we simply best friends, am i so accepting of critique, do i blame all negative thoughts on others, society and circumstances and am i wrong or right about doing so?


its telepathy i swear

 

[Pyropyro]

I wonder why it's so difficult for me to relate to this whole subject.

Is my inner critic so unconscious, are we simply best friends, am i so accepting of critique, do i blame all negative thoughts on others, society and circumstances and am i wrong or right about doing so?
...

I have no idea how friendly you are with your demon. Perhaps both the person that succumbed to his demon and that who managed to ignore/befriend his demon exhibit quiet demons. The one who struggles with his demon may have the loudest demon of them all.

Maybe the only way to distinguish the two is through their external actions. The losing person has an already internalized negativity which can be seen in his negative words, actions and lack of drive. On the other hand, the ignoring person may exhibit J-like straightforwardness in going for their goals.

 

[Idunno]

I wonder why it's so difficult for me to relate to this whole subject.

Is my inner critic so unconscious, are we simply best friends, am i so accepting of critique, do i blame all negative thoughts on others, society and circumstances and am i wrong or right about doing so?

Critique is not my own voice, it's only my own problem and concern. My concern is survival and the agendas of reality and society are antagonistic to that, so i have to obey. As long as i play for my own team, i have enemies but no self doubt, i can feel good about myself but am afraid of my environment or i hate my objective circumstances (such as being stupid/limited as artist, etc)

If you think playing music is hard while you worry about how people judge you, try skateboarding in a half pipe.

It's only when i begin to play for the enemy, whole 'heartily' for lack of a better word, that i will feel unable to live up to the enemies demands perfectly enough. Meaning that i will feel pressured instead of perceiving negative facts. But i haven't done this often in my life.

What is often in my shadow is my concern for survival. I loose track of WHY i obey criticism, because i am so much against it, desire so much to have the courage to ignore it, which is delusional desire.

Then i begin to feel remote controlled by the shadow, my conscious concern for survival turns into unconscious "social anxiety disorder" wherein i believe that i want to mess around with my enemy but i "can't" dare to. I must recall that i am the one who doesn't WANT to risk certain demise.

So this shadow, my concern for survival, is my demon.

Not the criticism to which he wants me to be adapted to.

The criticism itself is hardly an entity. It's all people, but also just my static perception of their ever changing opinions and moods. It's therefore somewhat inaccurate and quite possibly a sum of all worst case scenarios, without any regard for the occasional generosity of my enemy, the society, the dangerous other.

When my former "demon", my concern for survival, becomes conscious, i perceive it as my interest to test my perception of alien boundaries and threads for optimum accuracy.

Then i will often find that there is some undiscovered room for improvement and freedom here and there.

But when i would rather feel, that there is no thread to my survival, that everything is taken care of or that many good things, that seem impossible today, due to alien boundaries, are perhaps possible anyhow, then i fall for the temptation of becoming unconscious of my concern and my hardship and then it reemerges as a diffuse shadow voice.

Sounds very Jish to me. It reminds me of the quote, Don't fix it if it ain't broke.
Sounds like u find total inner peace within yourself, and until something goes wrong, then you simply fix it.

I on the other hand work the opposite way. Even though something is simple I tend to overcomplicate things, even the most simple things because I'm afraid of missing something. I'm terribly afraid of being wrong. from a certain starting point, I work 10 miles back to move 11 miles forward, a displacement of 1 mile.

I have to do this for everything and it's mentally exhausting,

The question id like to ask you nanook is so you ever not doubt yourself? Have you stopped questioning? Perhaps you have total control of your demon instead of it being on your side.

 

[nanook]

@pyro

> The losing person has an already internalized negativity

Is it internalized negativity?

It's probably memorized, but not necessarily a part of the character.

To internalize a limitation into your character could imply two attitudes.

1) "these difficult things are tabu, they have no part in a hobbit's lifestyle"
2) "these difficult things are my duty and i am a sinner because i fail to accomplish them"


To merely memorize the limitation is to say:

"i can never get, what i desire, because i was always denied it. i am innocent but sad."


People love to say that everyone has the choice to become whatever, but is it true?

A successful person experiences no criticism by reality, as proved by their success, so what do they have to ignore? At most the manic idea that they should be even more successful.

Does anyone has the power to ignore real obstacles? Of course not. And without overwhelming obstacles there will be no negativity either.

People struggle as long as they think they ought to be in control of who they are, how well they perform in life, how fast they reach goals, what they are capable of, of what options they have.

Also they can't feel that they are in control of what they do with their time, when they think that way, because they experience disagreement with the coordinates/opportunities of their actions, they perceive their opportunities as limiting antagonists, while they utilize them, they can't be grateful either. In contrast to someone who has given up "hope", they feel like they are loosing control and hate the fact and they project that hate on a hopeless person, they hate him for not trying hard enough, because they think that trying harder can really make you better.

Everyone does what is possible and it's only when you admit what is possible and thus what else is impossible that you can experience full agreement with your opportunism, which is described as 'feeling in control'.

The only control anyone can attain is that of checking out the options he has, instead of assuming that he already knows, based on past experience and instead of assuming that he has the magical power to will options into existence (while trying to remember the right words for the magical spell and not paying any attention to real opportunities).

>the ignoring person may exhibit [... ]straightforwardness.

to ignore perceived limitations means you will learn the hard way, because they are still out there.

but i think the thread was previously not concerned with limitations (reality criticizing you), but with internalized criticism (you criticizing yourself).

"if i can't do this, i am no good"

this is technically accurate (Ti=no good=malfunction, improve!), but ethically stupid (Fi=no good=discard this!).

if you can't do this, you are incapable (Ne), but your are still good (Fi).
don't hate yourself, just because you want (Fe) to be capable (Ne) so badly.
you want opportunities. it's not your fault, if the opportunity didn't match your skill-set.
they will say you are a looser, but you shouldn't believe that you did something wrong.
what more could you do, than to look out for opportunities and how to use them?
as a PiNe type.

@Idunno

J types are directive, they are goal oriented, because that is what Pi does, dominant Si is refining routines and methods in the most perfectionist manner, Ni is refining the art of dancing through life, seeking the ideal subjective momentum. Their goals are life itself and their development is perceived to be the product of this involved action.

P types are adaptive, they want to become a utility to their situation, they do what they can do and would hope to develop more capabilities but meanwhile they perceive through objective eyes what is demanded by a situation and have to wonder carefully if they have enough to offer to it. to them development of abilities seems to precede life, it makes more life possible. their goals are inside, such as 'getting your shit together', 'figuring it out', their opportunities are outside and if there are plenty of easy opportunities, the p type may have difficulty taking an interest in them while impossibly difficult opportunities may seem more attractive.

I (INFP, apparently) was describing a spectrum of integration and disintegration. I default to disintegration in many ways. It appears to be roughly what the enneagram predicts for me.

I wouldn't expect Ti types to exist ont the exact same spectrum.

On the end of integration i feel what i really want and that most of it is impossible, but i have the desperate drive to test a reality, that has conspired against me, for loopholes. Since i am already accepting the full pain of the conspiracy, i can't be bothered by it anymore, so i am not afraid of poking holes into it, getting in touch with the details.

I know how little i can do, but i try all of it.
Desperado Mode, anxious, nervous, vigilant but capable, determined and proud.
(apparently a dirty mixture of 3 and 6)


On the end of disintegration i feel loosely what is generally desirable while I am also feeling that all i have right here is also generally desirable and it's all okay and i have a general perception that all desirable things are impossible at the moment (which may be incorrect, since i am far away from probing reality for possibilities), until an opportunity jumps right into my face. In this mode I am extremely afraid of experiencing failure, which is criticism applied to me by reality. I'm not trying much.

I may overestimate what i might be able to do, but don't dare to try and find out. Social Anxiety. I am avoiding feelings of Anger, Drive or related Anxiety, my feeling glides between being a bit timid and being perfectly content, depending on where i put my attention. (apparently the default state of 9)


Where i am on the scale from disintegration to integration depends on the subject of life, profession, society, girls, message boards, thinking about subjects, computing. roughly in that order.


I am apparently between enneagram nine and six, closer to nine, so about the least directive type imaginable.

 

[Idunno]

Perhaps it had nothing to do with type. I've always thought the doubtful and second questioners was more p related. While maintaining inner harmony etc was more J. An enneagram nine would make sense though. As a Dom Fi user maybe you have figured out much of yourself and you are at the point for "external change". Infpsi know tend to understand themselves immensely. Also great analogy to poking holes in reality. Awesome reference to a fi Dom in relation with reality.

 

[Pyropyro]

@pyro

> The losing person has an already internalized negativity

Is it internalized negativity?

It's probably memorized, but not necessarily a part of the character.

To internalize a limitation into your character could imply two attitudes.

1) "these difficult things are tabu, they have no part in a hobbit's lifestyle"
2) "these difficult things are my duty and i am a sinner because i fail to accomplish them"


To merely memorize the limitation is to say:

"i can never get, what i desire, because i was always denied it. i am innocent but sad."

That's internalization actually. Memorization already made that statement one of your mantras.

People love to say that everyone has the choice to become whatever, but is it true?

No it's not.

A successful person experiences no criticism by reality, as proved by their success, so what do they have to ignore? At most the manic idea that they should be even more successful.

Trust me, successful people receive insane amounts of criticisms. If it isn't so then Obama wouldn't be badgered by a lot of stuff.

Does anyone has the power to ignore real obstacles? Of course not. And without overwhelming obstacles there will be no negativity either.

Depends on the obstacle. Even quadriplegics can live a life. No idea if obstacles are the only generator of negativity in one's life.

People struggle as long as they think they ought to be in control of who they are, how well they perform in life, how fast they reach goals, what they are capable of, of what options they have.

That's called hope. Although there are certain circumstances that are always outside your control.

>the ignoring person may exhibit [... ]straightforwardness.

to ignore perceived limitations means you will learn the hard way, because they are still out there.

It cuts both ways. Straightforwardness may help you break through your perceived limitations or set you up for a bigger fall. The issue at hand here is that the inner demon prevents you from trying in the first place.

but i think the thread was previously not concerned with limitations (reality criticizing you), but with internalized criticism (you criticizing yourself).

Yup.

"if i can't do this, i am no good"

this is technically accurate (Ti=no good=malfunction, improve!), but ethically stupid (Fi=no good=discard this!).

if you can't do this, you are incapable (Ne), but your are still good (Fi).
don't hate yourself, just because you want (Fe) to be capable (Ne) so badly.
you want opportunities. it's not your fault, if the opportunity didn't match your skill-set.

I don't know if I can access Fi that easily though. Maybe we can reason it out via Ti-Ne-Si-Fe

they will say you are a looser, but you shouldn't believe that you did something wrong.
what more could you do, than to look out for opportunities and how to use them?
as a PiNe type.

Actually the office staff tells me "Please slow down", "You might get sick" and "Please eat some lunch"

 

[Lot]

Come to think of it, although I'm no psychiatrist, maybe these are symptoms of schizotypal. I relate a lot to what lot says and the symptoms but it has to be official. Or ptsd

As far as I know, I know I got something wrong going in my head :P

I've mostly stopped worrying myself about being crazy. I think my crazy gives me a fresh perspective on reality.

This talk has helped me come to terms with myself

Spoiler

http://youtu.be/ZEglHjd_gUQ

I'm working on a theory I'm calling Contextualize Insanity. I need to do more research, though. Also, I think my theory exists in another form. When I'm more comfortable I'll share it.