I'm very aware of others' thoughts of me, positive or negative, and am very much in need of positive recognition from my family. I don't like my feelings, because they confuse me; but I have them.
I don't loathe myself, per se, but as Jennywocky said...
And then you have the reality of always been told you're too cold, not social enough, inadequate for other people, etc., and even forms of relational and social reprisals aimed at you for not conforming to the standard.
[Side issue: The desire for love/sex, coupled with the feeling that you're not a bad person but you'll never find anyone because you don't fit in, so apparently everyone thinks you're bad anyway. And are you?]
The first paragraph describes my relationship with my mother and every other female friend I have had in the past. I make acquaintances well enough, and seem to accumulate a horde of followers everywhere I go, all of whom admire me for my intelligence. Still, I've been scolded because I'm "cold" to those acquaintances; i.e., I say what needs to be said to get them away from me, then I go back to whatever I was doing. Often I've been described as intimidating, unsociable, and an over-achiever (though if people could see my grades, they'd see otherwise).
When it comes to romantic relationships, I'm very... Finnicky. I can't bear someone who encroaches on my personal research time, or someone who has unhealthy habits. Moreover, I've dumped or refused men in the past for telling me they really care about me too soon. My friends have tried to fix me up (
) with guys in the past, and I've refused each and every one of them, making my friends irritable.
In my studies, my teachers would always become frustrated with me because - after comprehending the main course material - I would ask them theoretical questions on the topic, and I'd be told that we didn't have the time for "that kind of thing," and they would move on. My teachers would then scold me for being inattentive when I'd zone out and ponder the question in my own head.
I lose friends very easily because I'm neutral to them. I like them, but friends aren't essential to my life. My family and land is, but they're blood relations; friends are temporary. What's the point of putting effort into friendships, unless they're fulfilling all that you need? If friends just sit around and gossip and evangelize to me, then I'd rather them not be around than be around.
All of these qualities - especially my liking of my personal space and time over human companionship - aren't what people would call "normal," and aren't to society's standards. If I'm not careful, yes: I could easily learn to loathe myself. Thus I've developed an ability to be charming when I want to be, and a willingness to take matters into my own hands - to lead others - when I get sick of how things are progressing. I take charge, put people in line and give them directions, and make sure everything runs smoothly.
That makes me feel less loathing toward myself. When I'm talking or directing, I at least feel like I'm making a point to be sociable. When I was a girl, my mom always thought I was odd because I'd isolate myself under the kitchen table with a book, even when my best friends were there. She'd tell me it was rude to hide from company. I still would rather hide, and probably will once I'm out of my mother's house.
So, yeah. If I were to guess, I'd say lots of INTPs have the potential to feel self-loathing. If they let that self-loathing overtake then, then there is the potential for self-loathing so great that it can lead to an even colder, more isolated feeling of depression than most Feeling types can even experience. If they work against it, then it's easily defeated.
When it boils down to it, I think we INTPs are just too lazy to "fix" ourselves, and it makes other people mad, and we get tired of people being angry with us. Crazy, judgmental people.
Can't we just be theoretical hermits in peace? And quiet, please? Without criticism?
Yeah. I didn't think so, either.
