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Self-loathing INTPs

Perfectly Normal Beast

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Having recently joined this forum, i have been quite surprised at the amount of apparent INTP self-loathing. I'm not very knowledgeable about MBTI and was wondering if someone more learned than i in this respect would like to comment on this phenomenon.
 

Ink

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Self-loathing is bad. Could you give any examples you've seen here which you'd describe as self-loathing?
 

TimeAsylums

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Two attributable aspects:
The combination of the overall Introversion and inferior Fe.
However the loathing part actually stems from outer reasons, obviously he can not control how he feels, but many people, dude to the INTPs inferior Fe, will find them cold because they are Ti-dom. The same can almost be said for ISTPs but because Se is their secondary, even with the shared Ti dom and inf Fe, they are socially saved. However the INTP is more likely to be disliked or treated as an outcast.

Just want to know if this is common or even remotely true to the type.

So treated long enough as an outcast, one of course would begin to wonder...why, etc.
Ti-Ne-Si-Fe isn't self loathing in itself, but the way they are forced to interact with people could indeed make one hate oneself.
 

Perfectly Normal Beast

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Self-loathing is bad. Could you give any examples you've seen here which you'd describe as self-loathing?

Well honestly i don't think it would be very kind of me to point out specific examples...
Just want to know if this is common or even remotely true to the type.
 

Perfectly Normal Beast

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Two attributable aspects:
The combination of the overall Introversion and inferior Fe.
However the loathing part actually stems from outer reasons, obviously he can not control how he feels, but many people, dude to the INTPs inferior Fe, will find them cold because they are Ti-dom. The same can almost be said for ISTPs but because Se is their secondary, even with the shared Ti dom and inf Fe, they are socially saved. However the INTP is more likely to be disliked or treated as an outcast.



So treated long enough as an outcast, one of course would begin to wonder...why, etc.
Ti-Ne-Si-Fe isn't self loathing in itself, but the way they are forced to interact with people could indeed make one hate oneself.


Thank you, this is very helpful, i need to do a bit more research on the nuances of the type.
I guess being treated like an outcast might cause some people to hate themselves as much as everyone else seems to!
 

TimeAsylums

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But then again you should look for other opinions to, I'm an ENTP btw, so I'm a great perceiver but you damn introverts hide things well >_<, I'm sure @Architect (INTP) would find a nice answer for you on his thread here.

But yeah, I like to try! I'm sure the others will be here soon. lol
 

Jennywocky

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Thank you, this is very helpful, i need to do a bit more research on the nuances of the type.
I guess being treated like an outcast might cause some people to hate themselves as much as everyone else seems to!

I was going to post a similar comment as Time's when I came into the thread.

You'd be amazed at how social oppression/judgment can trigger opposing/accommodating feelings in victims.

INTP is already in a conundrum: Feelings are irrational and can't be trusted... yet the INTP is a human being and feels things, and happinesss in it itself is a feeling.

And then you have the reality of always been told you're too cold, not social enough, inadequate for other people, etc., and even forms of relational and social reprisals aimed at you for not conforming to the standard.

it can definitely set up an internal war, if the INTP isn't simply repressing all emotions and feeling nothing at all.

[Side issue: The desire for love/sex, coupled with the feeling that you're not a bad person but you'll never find anyone because you don't fit in, so apparently everyone thinks you're bad anyway. And are you?]

INTP typically has to explore all questions, even if detrimental to self -- some questions that other types will summarily dismiss to avoid contradiction or confusion.
 

Perfectly Normal Beast

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But then again you should look for other opinions to, I'm an ENTP btw, so I'm a great perceiver but you damn introverts hide things well >_<, I'm sure @Architect (INTP) would find a nice answer for you on his thread here.

But yeah, I like to try! I'm sure the others will be here soon. lol

Thanks!
Ha yes, i'm sure those "others" will show up soon. :rolleyes:
Perhaps there's a self-help group...
 

Perfectly Normal Beast

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I was going to post a similar comment as Time's when I came into the thread.

You'd be amazed at how social oppression/judgment can trigger opposing/accommodating feelings in victims.

INTP is already in a conundrum: Feelings are irrational and can't be trusted... yet the INTP is a human being and feels things, and happinesss in it itself is a feeling.

And then you have the reality of always been told you're too cold, not social enough, inadequate for other people, etc., and even forms of relational and social reprisals aimed at you for not conforming to the standard.

it can definitely set up an internal war, if the INTP isn't simply repressing all emotions and feeling nothing at all.

[Side issue: The desire for love/sex, coupled with the feeling that you're not a bad person but you'll never find anyone because you don't fit in, so apparently everyone thinks you're bad anyway. And are you?]

INTP typically has to explore all questions, even if detrimental to self -- some questions that other types will summarily dismiss to avoid contradiction or confusion.

Thanks, very interesting. I guess this might come down to the differences between mature and immature INTPs that i've read about (?? i'm just a wildly speculating amateur ).
Something vaguely Vulcan in the Tuvok sense perhaps?! (by which i mean quite bad at displaying no emotion!)
(Sorry this is nonsense!)
 

TimeAsylums

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Thanks, very interesting. I guess this might come down to the differences between mature and immature INTPs that i've read about (?? i'm just a wildly speculating amateur ).

oh maturity, makes a huge difference in dealing with types. Much of the super negative stuff usually comes from immature ones, but age holds on bounds on this maturity whatsoever.
Something vaguely Vulcan in the Tuvok sense perhaps?! (by which i mean quite bad at displaying no emotion!)
(Sorry this is nonsense!)
I imagine most INTPs will get that joke (Sorry, I'm not a star trek person, but I have met so many INTPs AND star trek fans), so I'll give you a +1 lol.
Oh, and the INTPs have claimed Spock as their own naturally.
 

Perfectly Normal Beast

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oh maturity, makes a huge difference in dealing with types. Much of the super negative stuff usually comes from immature ones, but age holds on bounds on this maturity whatsoever.

I imagine most INTPs will get that joke (Sorry, I'm not a star trek person, but I have met so many INTPs AND star trek fans), so I'll give you a +1 lol.
Oh, and the INTPs have claimed Spock as their own naturally.

...and best of all Data!!
You're not bad for an ENTP!!
...just kidding, no idea really...will be looking much more deeply in to some of the other types...eventually. lol.
 

RaBind

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Well everyone self-loathes really, it's a product of being aware of your own weaknesses and failures. Through maturity people can come to accept these facts and work around them, so probably less self-loathing from them. Mature people would also know from experience that self-loathing is useless at the end of the day.

I also think that you have a bias towards being more exposed to self-loathing than individuals with an inflated ego, especially when you're dealing with introverted thinkers. Many of us hold beliefs and views, but have filters to stop ourselves from make stupid comments or just those which aren't worthy of being said. Sure there may be many individuals with an inflated ego but they are also skilled in making this.

I'm not sure if intps are more likely to do this, but maybe it's because they are more likely than other types to be centered around being objective and searching for the truth. Part of which involves being objective when seeing oneself.
 

Architect

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INTP is already in a conundrum: Feelings are irrational and can't be trusted... yet the INTP is a human being and feels things, and happinesss in it itself is a feeling.

And then you have the reality of always been told you're too cold, not social enough, inadequate for other people, etc., and even forms of relational and social reprisals aimed at you for not conforming to the standard.

it can definitely set up an internal war, if the INTP isn't simply repressing all emotions and feeling nothing at all.

Well said. I think my Fe is well developed and fairly well integrated, at least Ms A says so, but I still suffer from this. I'll see somebody go out for a walk with a friend and think "why don't I do more of that?" and feel slightly bad. Or be invited to a dinner party and come up with an excuse to miss, while again feeling somewhat bad.

The fact is that rationally I recognize that I have different predilections. Socially I already have to spend a lot of time making small talk and warm fuzzy chit-chat. I don't get much necessary alone time. So I carefully curate my time off keeping it as free with as much solitude as I can manage. It's not enough. I'm constantly surrounded by people.

So by normal standards I'm fairly social (just on the low end) but still the trickster Fe inferior tries to convince me I'm not social enough. ISXX types in particular are more social than me, why shouldn't I be more like them? Well I'm not like them.

In my estimation the range of sociability of the types is as follows ...

  1. ESFP - Highest social need
  2. ESFJ
  3. ENFP
  4. ENFJ
  5. ESTP
  6. ESTJ
  7. ENTP
  8. ENTJ
  9. ISFJ
  10. ISFP
  11. ISTJ
  12. ISTP
  13. INFJ
  14. INFP
  15. INTJ
  16. INTP - Lowest social need

My estimation, I'm confident of the end points but the ones in the middle are a rough estimation. The fact of the matter is that the INTP needs lots of solitude but has this trickster Fe inferior which tells us not to be that way, hence a fair amount of conflict.

PS Generally I notice that (obviously) E's (outward) need more socialization than I's (inward), F's (people) than T's (ideas), S's (groups) than N's (individual), and J's (institutional) more than P's (outsider). So the INTP has all first three letters running against them and observationally are the least social.

For some reason I don't understand the J/P axis seems to be flipped with Extroverts, where P's seem to need more socializing marginally than J's.
 

TimeAsylums

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Nice, Archie! Everything right on point

For some reason I don't understand the J/P axis seems to be flipped with Extroverts, where P's seem to need more socializing marginally than J's.

When I read this I first thought you meant the J/P axis being flipped with introverts (personality Junkie), but I assume you just mean the literal 'need more socializing than the Js' If you look at each's functional stack it 'sort of' makes sense.
 

Jennywocky

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For some reason I don't understand the J/P axis seems to be flipped with Extroverts, where P's seem to need more socializing marginally than J's.

If I had to pull something out of my bottom, I would suggest it is the "controlled" factor of J (limiting the input from the environment) vs the "responsive" aspect of the P (needing input from the environemtn). Consider an EP like a shark that needs to keep swimming and receiving stimulation or else is dead in the water.

IP's seem to be fine pinging off themselves, if you understand what I mean -- the signal comes internally to begin with. inner -> outer world -> inner. External people with their uncontrolled stimulation tends to disrupt the response process more than help it.
 

Architect

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If I had to pull something out of my bottom,

Thanks for the image

I would suggest it is the "controlled" factor of J (limiting the input from the environment) vs the "responsive" aspect of the P (needing input from the environemtn). Consider an EP like a shark that needs to keep swimming and receiving stimulation or else is dead in the water.

IP's seem to be fine pinging off themselves, if you understanding what I mean -- the signal comes internally to begin with. inner -> outer world -> inner.

Yeah I see where you're going with this. Let me go in the corner with a function table and cogitate on this, Drenth has alluded to this too. There is some built in asymmetry with the introverted and extroverted functions.
 

Jennywocky

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Thanks for the image

it beat me pulling a rabbit out of it.

 

Magus

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Perhaps it has a lot to do with INTPs persistent talent for nearly heroic under performance relative to their peers.

I don't mean to say this as a boast, but I did fantastically well at school when I even half-heartedly applied myself to the set curriculum. Our school was ranked as one of the highest in our secondary exams and I at different times had literally topped most subjects I did at various points throughout high school. There were those creative subjects which I couldn't care for which I barely passed but the real kicker was just losing interest after a certain point. I barely studied for my finals and people who I knew I could have bested (to their credit) applied themselves and now half of my friends have fancy scholarships to universities all over the place.

Dealing with everyone's surprise and my parent's disappointment is still frustrating. Its the combination of capability yet an unwillingness to play by societies' rules (Ti, reacting against bureaucracy and social attitudes) and then the sense of loss of not achieving what you could have (Ne/Fe). Also the indecision of not being able to just 'go with it' or pick a path for the fear that it is based on feelings and intuition rather than an optomised analysis of planning where you want your life to go. I'm not sure if it is something we can grow out of unless we find a niche, be it physics/programming or w/e and just tinker away at it feverishly.

Thats just my own understanding of where a lot of (typically younger) self hating INTPs are coming from. To some extent it seems the natural path for INTPs is to retreat into the shadows, from which they will either emerge with fantastic success and revelations, think Bill Gates, Einstein etc. or forever sink into obscurity. Other types tend to make a lot more 'noise' in society, and are publically visible despite the fact that often there is no substance behind what they do/have to say.
 

Architect

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Perhaps it has a lot to do with INTPs persistent talent for nearly heroic under performance relative to their peers.

Unfortunately I like that sentence.

Thats just my own understanding of where a lot of (typically younger) self hating INTPs are coming from. To some extent it seems the natural path for INTPs is to retreat into the shadows, from which they will either emerge with fantastic success and revelations, think Bill Gates, Einstein etc. or forever sink into obscurity. Other types tend to make a lot more 'noise' in society, and are publically visible despite the fact that often there is no substance behind what they do/have to say.

Yup
 

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Thanks for the image

She said something what did you see specifically? Something seems a little vague, it could certainly produce an image along with the bottom, but in that image the something would have to take on a more specific form no?
 

Pyropyro

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In my estimation the range of sociability of the types is as follows ...

  1. ESFP - Highest social need
  2. ESFJ
  3. ENFP
  4. ENFJ
  5. ESTP
  6. ESTJ
  7. ENTP
  8. ENTJ
  9. ISFJ
  10. ISFP
  11. ISTJ
  12. ISTP
  13. INFJ
  14. INFP
  15. INTJ
  16. INTP - Lowest social need

It bothers me that INTP and its shadow (ESFJ) are at the ends of the spectrum. hmm... perhaps that's why we're worse off when we get stressed out.
 

Cherry Cola

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it should be possible to construe the same kind of list for every inf/dom pair with similar distributions along the spectrum

so basically everyone struggles with their inf :P

but damnit there are lots of tiny interesting patterns in that list... cant quite get a hold of them
 

Architect

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but damnit there are lots of tiny interesting patterns in that list... cant quite get a hold of them

I find it quite interesting as it shows that not all types are created equal. My INFJ and I definitely need different levels of socialization, despite the fact that we are both introverts. The blend of functions you have is more important.
 

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My self-loathing came from the fact that both my brothers are very strong sensors, I'm a middle child, and my younger ESTP brother was much more liked than me. Despite my relative indifference toward other people, I was lead to believe that my lack of interest in other people was something to be ashamed of. It was drilled into my head by my ESTJ mother when I was a kid that being asocial like my dad was something approaching evil. I spent years trying to feign interest in other people.

I thought I was missing out on something important by not being social like my ESTP brother. However, every time I attempted to live a more social life, I found myself incredibly disappointed by it. I was never able to maintain the facade. I'm also on the autism spectrum, so many of my attempts ended in me being ridiculed without realizing it until after the fact.

I'm done with this self-hatred though. If people don't like that I spend most of my time reading and studying in solitude, that's their problem.
 

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I was going to post a similar comment as Time's when I came into the thread.

You'd be amazed at how social oppression/judgment can trigger opposing/accommodating feelings in victims.

INTP is already in a conundrum: Feelings are irrational and can't be trusted... yet the INTP is a human being and feels things, and happinesss in it itself is a feeling.

And then you have the reality of always been told you're too cold, not social enough, inadequate for other people, etc., and even forms of relational and social reprisals aimed at you for not conforming to the standard.

it can definitely set up an internal war, if the INTP isn't simply repressing all emotions and feeling nothing at all.

[Side issue: The desire for love/sex, coupled with the feeling that you're not a bad person but you'll never find anyone because you don't fit in, so apparently everyone thinks you're bad anyway. And are you?]

INTP typically has to explore all questions, even if detrimental to self -- some questions that other types will summarily dismiss to avoid contradiction or confusion.

Want to tattoo this on forehead so people stop asking me why I am the way I am, directing me how to be, and being assholes in general because they can't make sense of me.
 

JimJambones

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I would say that there are two areas in which I experience self-loathing: One was my inability to do well in college despite having an intense desire to learn. Grades in and of themselves were not a motivating factor for me; learning for understanding's sake was and still is. I would take courses just because they went further into depth and I just wanted to know more about a particular subject. Despite my love of learning, I failed to put the sufficient number of hours into my courses for grades grad schools would've deemed worthy. I seriously lacked organizational skills and a will to follow through on my work. As a result, I was forced to accept a job that I find to be an incredible waste of my potential. Perhaps there is still time to go back to school now that I've matured more as a person, but only time will tell.

Now for the second, and this deals with socializing. I'm not socially awkward in the fact that I can't get along with people, quite to the contrary really(people seem to like me), but I have terrible timing for topics of conversations. I get bored and want to talk about the topics that are on my mind and can't help but notice people's reactions because they either aren't interested, perhaps find the topic strange, or I was just being too random for their taste. When I get together with people, I don't really care all to much about what's going on in people's lives, even if I pretend by inquiring. I want to discuss topics in depth and it seems no one else does. This has caused me to want to withdraw from social functions. Much of the time, I would much rather be at home reading or thinking. When I do go, I'm often left with having to tolerate small talk, which I just don't want to do. So there is this internal antagonism, from wanting to socialize because I do need some socialization from time to time, and not wanting to socialize at all due to the nature of socializing and my preference to being alone so I can read, think, and research.

Although this entry may lead one with the impress that I am a self loathing person, I am not, generally. These are merely the ways in which my self-loathing, when it does occur, tend to manifest itself; where it usually is derived from. I do not think that I behave in a self loathing manner on this forum, but I think sharing my personal information is relevant to the OP's origin hunch about INTPs being self-loathing, which I have to some extent in real life and which has become less of an issue as I have gotten older.
 

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but damnit there are lots of tiny interesting patterns in that list... cant quite get a hold of them

E, S and F correlate positively with social need

for extraverts: [F>T]>[S>N]

for introverts: [F>T]<[S>N]

P correlates positively with social need for extraverts and negatively for introverts. i.e. P is more extreme than J in its directional orientation.

those are the patterns afaict
 

Perfectly Normal Beast

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I just wanted to say thanks for all the posts.

Actually, i'm somewhat ashamed to admit that i started this post in...a very light-hearted frame of mind. I was then overwhelmed by the sincerity of some of the replies and the time/effort/thought put into them.
My interest in MBTI is quite recent. There were no INTP forums (or internet (in any meaningful sense)) in my youth so i dealt with these issues - particularly those of defiant underachievement and pressure to socialize alone.
This thread has really helped me to understand my youthful behaviour in a much more coherent way. I can only imagine how my life might have differed if i'd had access to such (non-hysterical!) insights as a teenager/young adult.

(Successfully patronises/infuriates younger INTPs - "you don't know how lucky you are...in my day bla bla bla, down the coal mine bla!")
 

BigApplePi

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Although this tread it titled, "Self-loathing INTPs", I question whether being INTP is uniquely related to self-loathing as opposed to interpreting life as it is experienced.

One does not loath oneself. One loathes or denigrates particular traits in oneself as they fall short.

INTP = Ti Ne Si Fe

Te: extroverted objective thinking falls short
Ni: failure to act as a visionary
Se: failure to observe the real outer world
Fi: failure to value one's own feelings
Fe: over-emphasis on internal thinking versus others feelings
Si: running in circles rumination

Other possible but not necessarily occurring traits are outgrowths of these. Examples:

Poor social adjustment would be a consequence of ignorance of other's feelings. If one applied T (either Ti or Te) to that, it can be overcome. Same with the valuation of small talk.
 

Puffy

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  1. ESFP - Highest social need
  2. ESFJ
  3. ENFP
  4. ENFJ
  5. ESTP
  6. ESTJ
  7. ENTP
  8. ENTJ
  9. ISFJ
  10. ISFP
  11. ISTJ
  12. ISTP
  13. INFJ
  14. INFP
  15. INTJ
  16. INTP - Lowest social need
I'm not sure that self-loathing would be measured in terms of how low one is in the order of social need.

One feels self-loathing because a) one is different from what is considered normative b) is unable to accommodate oneself with what is considered normative c) and blames it on their own difference.

I'm sure it's an INTP phenomena too, but I would've thought that N doms particularly NFs would get hit the hardest. Something like Ni just feels like one of the most alien functions, coupled with an auxillary Fe - which is about pushing out on the external world - is really frustrating, as you're pushing this thing that the majority of people find strange and getting no response. If you have social need and can't attain it that leads to greater self-hate, I think. :phear:

edit: not sure I agree with your positioning of ENFP... they can be quite introverted, Minuend on this forum as an example, if she still goes by it... externally orientated doesn't = social, imo, Fe probably does though...
 

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I just wanted to say thanks for all the posts.

Actually, i'm somewhat ashamed to admit that i started this post in...a very light-hearted frame of mind. I was then overwhelmed by the sincerity of some of the replies and the time/effort/thought put into them.
My interest in MBTI is quite recent. There were no INTP forums (or internet (in any meaningful sense)) in my youth so i dealt with these issues - particularly those of defiant underachievement and pressure to socialize alone.
This thread has really helped me to understand my youthful behaviour in a much more coherent way. I can only imagine how my life might have differed if i'd had access to such (non-hysterical!) insights as a teenager/young adult.

(Successfully patronises/infuriates younger INTPs - "you don't know how lucky you are...in my day bla bla bla, down the coal mine bla!")

Don't imagine it for too long, it will only lead to regret then self-loathing :D

Been there.
 

AnnaC

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I'm very aware of others' thoughts of me, positive or negative, and am very much in need of positive recognition from my family. I don't like my feelings, because they confuse me; but I have them.

I don't loathe myself, per se, but as Jennywocky said...

And then you have the reality of always been told you're too cold, not social enough, inadequate for other people, etc., and even forms of relational and social reprisals aimed at you for not conforming to the standard.

[Side issue: The desire for love/sex, coupled with the feeling that you're not a bad person but you'll never find anyone because you don't fit in, so apparently everyone thinks you're bad anyway. And are you?]

The first paragraph describes my relationship with my mother and every other female friend I have had in the past. I make acquaintances well enough, and seem to accumulate a horde of followers everywhere I go, all of whom admire me for my intelligence. Still, I've been scolded because I'm "cold" to those acquaintances; i.e., I say what needs to be said to get them away from me, then I go back to whatever I was doing. Often I've been described as intimidating, unsociable, and an over-achiever (though if people could see my grades, they'd see otherwise).

When it comes to romantic relationships, I'm very... Finnicky. I can't bear someone who encroaches on my personal research time, or someone who has unhealthy habits. Moreover, I've dumped or refused men in the past for telling me they really care about me too soon. My friends have tried to fix me up (:facepalm:) with guys in the past, and I've refused each and every one of them, making my friends irritable.

In my studies, my teachers would always become frustrated with me because - after comprehending the main course material - I would ask them theoretical questions on the topic, and I'd be told that we didn't have the time for "that kind of thing," and they would move on. My teachers would then scold me for being inattentive when I'd zone out and ponder the question in my own head.

I lose friends very easily because I'm neutral to them. I like them, but friends aren't essential to my life. My family and land is, but they're blood relations; friends are temporary. What's the point of putting effort into friendships, unless they're fulfilling all that you need? If friends just sit around and gossip and evangelize to me, then I'd rather them not be around than be around.

All of these qualities - especially my liking of my personal space and time over human companionship - aren't what people would call "normal," and aren't to society's standards. If I'm not careful, yes: I could easily learn to loathe myself. Thus I've developed an ability to be charming when I want to be, and a willingness to take matters into my own hands - to lead others - when I get sick of how things are progressing. I take charge, put people in line and give them directions, and make sure everything runs smoothly.

That makes me feel less loathing toward myself. When I'm talking or directing, I at least feel like I'm making a point to be sociable. When I was a girl, my mom always thought I was odd because I'd isolate myself under the kitchen table with a book, even when my best friends were there. She'd tell me it was rude to hide from company. I still would rather hide, and probably will once I'm out of my mother's house.

So, yeah. If I were to guess, I'd say lots of INTPs have the potential to feel self-loathing. If they let that self-loathing overtake then, then there is the potential for self-loathing so great that it can lead to an even colder, more isolated feeling of depression than most Feeling types can even experience. If they work against it, then it's easily defeated.

When it boils down to it, I think we INTPs are just too lazy to "fix" ourselves, and it makes other people mad, and we get tired of people being angry with us. Crazy, judgmental people. :rolleyes: Can't we just be theoretical hermits in peace? And quiet, please? Without criticism?

Yeah. I didn't think so, either. :D
 

SoloingSophist

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We live in a social world

Were not good at socialising

= Self Loathing


The only way I'm trying to overcome this is to get better at socialising. Also being content about not socialising whenever I'm busy studying something.
 
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Thats just my own understanding of where a lot of (typically younger) self hating INTPs are coming from. To some extent it seems the natural path for INTPs is to retreat into the shadows, from which they will either emerge with fantastic success and revelations, think Bill Gates, Einstein etc. or forever sink into obscurity. Other types tend to make a lot more 'noise' in society, and are publically visible despite the fact that often there is no substance behind what they do/have to say.

That makes me feel so good about myself.

It's all of the reasons mentioned above. Being told "you're weird," "you're (too) quiet," "you have an attitude problem."

There's a certain irony there, isn't it? The most extraverted/sociable people who love to be around others can't step outside themselves for one minute and try to grasp the fact that people...are in fact...different. And it's not a curse. It's a just a fact of life.
 

Drvladivostok

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So I this thread is apparently made 7 years ago, and I recognize that it's unlikely someone will read my answer but since I've had this very problem recently if I'm not writing for this forum then I'm writing for myself.

My bouts of self loathing often comes from irritation that I wasn't able to fulfill my full potential because of a mistake I made from either my impulsivity or carelessness, the inability to apparently fulfill the role of the 'Intelligent INTP' that calculates every decision and think things thoroughly without the distractions of either impulse or emotions. This usually leads me to suppress most my emotional thought, people would hardly call me very expressive person that have any emotional response but the little things that invoke a some emotional response do so very significantly, it doesn't help either that I can't intellectually connect with any of my family members (All of whom are feelers and sensors).

Inability to articulate my thought and failure to solve problems are little triggers that pop up one time or another; this leads me to question my ability as a whole. However when I recalibrate my emotions and reach logical equilibrium again I'm able to asses my situation and mostly end the loathing; however with it comes the expectation to be the best and smartest version of myself, or even better reaching a sufficient level of intellectual ability without much effort however this drives me back to square one if I made any mistake to shatter that expectation (or Illusion)?. The big emotional outburst that happen very rarely are most likely triggered by failure in significant tasks that I had some or full confidence I can complete sufficiently; usually this manifest in either (Rarely) illogical actions or further suppression of emotion.

When It comes to INTP as a whole, I think by numbers alone It's quite unlikely to happen since most self-loathing comes from relatively subjective POV, something we inherently abhor, but in a few rare cases when an INTP genuinely dislike his own traits he/she is unable to shroud it with an illusion of subjectivity.
 

moody

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@Drvladivostok
I really, *really* relate to this. So if it's any condolence, you aren't alone.

It sounds like you may have trouble being "present." You're a perfectionist of thought, to the extent that you can't forgive any "errors" you make. If there was any way possible for you to "see it coming," than it was your fault that you make the mistake. (This is just my impression, and you can correct me if I'm wrong).

Being such an extreme perfectionist of thought can have very negative outcomes, including the inability to forgive yourself of any failure. In reality, the amount of time we're able to spend formulating thoughts or working on a problem is limited. It is unrealistic to expect everything you do or create to be your best work, because your time an energy are limited quantities. This especially goes for any project or task you do that you're less familiar with. You will not be able to troubleshoot everything that goes wrong because this task is new to you. You will do the best you can with the time and resources you have. Just because a product doesn't demonstrate the peak of your abilities, it doesn't mean the work was bad quality, or that you should punish yourself.

It is very possible that you suffer from a form on anxiety. I used to experience what you just described on a daily basis, and now I only experience this in stressful circumstances. I had an undiagnosed medical condition, and once I started getting treatment this started effecting me less. One day my doctor said my anxiety needed to be addressed (I didn't know i had anxiety), and put me on a mild anti-anxiety medication. Let me tell you, it has been *life-changing.* I recommend that you try to see a psychiatrist/therapist to start getting an outside, unbiased opinion on your thinking process, and how it impacts your daily life. Your suffering and turmoil is not your fault, and if it's impacting the quality of your daily life, it needs to be addressed. In the meantime, I recommend trying meditation where you push away these intrusive thoughts, and focus on physical sensations.
 
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