Secretiveness

[walfin]

Do any of you find that you're instinctively secretive?

I often find that I really hate it when people ask me questions about myself. I hate to answer stuff like what do you do for a living &c, not because I find it boring, but because I don't see why people want to know unless they need to. I understand that people generally feel the need to make small talk, but I instinctively want to clam up. It's impolite to refuse to answer and I just can't lie (absolutely hate it), yet I hate myself after telling them the truth, and I get a really queasy feeling every time people ask me these questions.

What's the right thing to do?

 

[Deleted member 1424]

[sarcasm] I'm not secretive whatsoever! [/sarcasm]

 

[Thoughtful]

Well, You could avoid people... that's usually what I do.

Failing that, I suppose you could ask them questions before they get a chance to ask you, I'm not very good at asking first myself, but if you can figure it out, you might be able to avoid giving away information about yourself.

As a third alternative, if you can creep them out with some sort of evil laugh or cackle or something, they might decide they don't want you to answer, though you won't make many friends this way. (yes, I have actually tried this.)

 

[tashi]

Yes, I definitly can relate to this. Unfortunatly, being a teenager, this can be quite a problem, because people are always expecting me to divulge every bit of information about myself ever. It's very irritating. If I'm in a good mood I'll make something up, or tell them the partial truth, if I'm in a bad mood I'll tell them to buzz off.

As for advice, just try and change the subject slyly, or as Thoughtful suggested, laugh in a disturbing manner, that should temporarily fend them off =)

 

[morricone]

Do any of you find that you're instinctively secretive?

In the past a lot. I had almost no one to talk about my interests. Now at college I actually have a peer group that relates to my interests and it helps me open up a bit.

I often find that I really hate it when people ask me questions about myself. I hate to answer stuff like what do you do for a living &c, not because I find it boring, but because I don't see why people want to know unless they need to. I understand that people generally feel the need to make small talk, but I instinctively want to clam up. It's impolite to refuse to answer and I just can't lie (absolutely hate it), yet I hate myself after telling them the truth, and I get a really queasy feeling every time people ask me these questions.

What's the right thing to do?

Idk... Maybe you could start telling them what you'd like to tell them before they ask.

 

[Adymus]

I have lived most of my life with the philosophy: The more people know about you, the more vulnerable you are. I don't mind talking about myself, but I ration my information. Leaving out certain details than can be harmful to me in the wrong hands. I don't think there is a single person on this planet that knows everything about me (everything that counts anyway.) most people I know only get to see about 20% of me.

This is why I go online and talk about my secrets openly, I still have to get them out somewhere.

 

[Ashenstar]

Oh yes. Very much so.

I like to hide things.
I hate being asked personal questions.
I hate someone asks what I am doing.
I hate people asking about me in general unless it's one of those rare times I wish some cute guy was interested in me.
My mother used to stand over my shoulder and read my book while I was reading.
Talk about wishing death on someone.

However, I am not good at being secretive when it comes to something I'm really really really excited about. Like.. presents.

 

[Jaico]

Do any of you find that you're instinctively secretive?

I often find that I really hate it when people ask me questions about myself. I hate to answer stuff like what do you do for a living &c, not because I find it boring, but because I don't see why people want to know unless they need to. I understand that people generally feel the need to make small talk, but I instinctively want to clam up. It's impolite to refuse to answer and I just can't lie (absolutely hate it), yet I hate myself after telling them the truth, and I get a really queasy feeling every time people ask me these questions.

What's the right thing to do?

Yeah...I tend to try and deflect most questions thrown my way. If people ask me a question I don't want to give a straight up answer to, I give them an answer that's semi-ambiguous; the correct answer is there, but unless you already knew it, my answer won't reveal anything more. I find that it's enough to get people to stop asking, in most cases...

 

[Thoughtful]

Realizing that I never answered the real question...

Adymus pretty much described my view of the world as of a year ago, Though I've opened up a bit more since then.

There's no denying that I'm secretive about myself. I have a few confidants, but very few people ever see the "real" me.

This is particularly noticeable about my concern for the future. As a young person, society expects me not to care about the rest of my life, but rather to live up the moment. Personally I'd rather get ready for what I see as a rocky road ahead, but my peers seem more inclined to party now,and let the future take care of itself.

Is secretiveness linked to any MBTI trait?

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

Is secretiveness linked to any MBTI trait?

I think everyone is secretive to some extent. But there would definitely be more of it in some types. Introverts for sure. Probably all iNtuitives too. I know an ENFP who is secretive, when she isn't drunk & with close friends.

 

[Kuu]

Like all valuable resources, the one who controls the most holds the most power. And I don't like people having power over me.

I'll give them all the trivial stuff if they ask. But not the good stuff. The good stuff, they shall never fathom its existence.

My mother used to stand over my shoulder and read my book while I was reading.
Talk about wishing death on someone.

My mother always tries to do this when I'm on the computer. I secretly think of matricide while she complains that I always hide and never talk to her about what I'm doing. The fact that she begat me does not give her the right to step all over my privacy. The nerve.

Is anyone else extremely protective of their computer and its contents, as if it was a sort of extension of themselves? No one touches my computer unless I have both eyes on them, and I get very impatient and uneasy. No one watches what I'm doing unless I'm showing them. My computer is sacred ground.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

Is anyone else extremely protective of their computer and its contents, as if it was a sort of extension of themselves? No one touches my computer unless I have both eyes on them, and I get very impatient and uneasy. No one watches what I'm doing unless I'm showing them. My computer is sacred ground.

Yes! My computer is in the family study, which has 3 computers in a pretty small space. I'm usually okay with it, but my mom says stupid things like "oh, you're watching a show? What is it?" Or I see her eyes wandering to my computer screen.

I've almost snapped "eyes on your own screen!"

 

[echoplex]

Yes, I can be quite secretive. I don't trust that others aren't judging me, because deep down I know that no matter what they say, they are judging me. I don't always care, but sometimes I know how irrationally some people will react to certain things, no matter how well-meaning they are, so I don't share much with them. Once someone proves to me they can be rational, understanding, and well, chill about things, I open up. This doesn't happen often though.

What I hate the most is when someone asks me my opinion on something, I give it to them, and then they freak out. Well, you asked me, and thanks to your response I won't be sharing much with you anymore. Oh well, I guess you miss out.

 

[asdfasdfasdfsdf]

Do any of you find that you're instinctively secretive?

I often find that I really hate it when people ask me questions about myself. I hate to answer stuff like what do you do for a living &c, not because I find it boring, but because I don't see why people want to know unless they need to. I understand that people generally feel the need to make small talk, but I instinctively want to clam up. It's impolite to refuse to answer and I just can't lie (absolutely hate it), yet I hate myself after telling them the truth, and I get a really queasy feeling every time people ask me these questions.

What's the right thing to do?

heh, thats kind of odd, i feel like i more want to be understood, because oh so often people misunderstand and misread me and it leaves me frustrated (although, it could be my fault for not sending normal signals.)

 

[Nicholas A. A. E.]

I don't think I'm especially secretive. I think I want others to know more about me. Maybe not everyone, but still.

 

[walfin]

Idk... Maybe you could start telling them what you'd like to tell them before they ask.

Nothing at all about myself, preferably. I would gladly talk about the photoelectric effect or the weather or what's on local TV or whatever.

It's quite hard to do so. People probe. I hate it when I refuse and hate it when I cave in. I just wanna sock them in the teeth, but I'd feel guilty if I did so.

heh, thats kind of odd, i feel like i more want to be understood

But I want to be understood. I just have a right to privacy. It's not about vulnerability or anything. I just feel irritated when people ask personal questions, even ones that others don't seem to mind (or simply lie about).

 

[cheese]

I have lived most of my life with the philosophy: The more people know about you, the more vulnerable you are. I don't mind talking about myself, but I ration my information. Leaving out certain details than can be harmful to me in the wrong hands. I don't think there is a single person on this planet that knows everything about me (everything that counts anyway.) most people I know only get to see about 20% of me.

This is why I go online and talk about my secrets openly, I still have to get them out somewhere.

Hey everyone, Adymus has posted his picture on the phototyping thread.

 

[morricone]

Is anyone else extremely protective of their computer and its contents, as if it was a sort of extension of themselves? No one touches my computer unless I have both eyes on them, and I get very impatient and uneasy. No one watches what I'm doing unless I'm showing them. My computer is sacred ground.

There's nothing better than encrypteted hard drives and a 1 min screen lock. I already thought about creating a guest user account, so when someone visits me they can't mess around. And I definitely see my computer as part of myself.

 

[crashman]

I rarely hide secrets. Being inspire to people is very important to me so there will be some feedbacks( more ideas ).And, I like to show and teach things to others what im interested in and can be sponteneus all times. Sometimes, i do act interested in hearing their suggestion although im not interested.

 

[Adymus]

Hey everyone, Adymus has posted his picture on the phototyping thread.

MY APPEARANCE REVEALS NOTHING!

 

[cheese]

Oh yeah, I forgot the clause that bans RL friends from finding this place.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Is anyone else extremely protective of their computer and its contents, as if it was a sort of extension of themselves? No one touches my computer unless I have both eyes on them, and I get very impatient and uneasy. No one watches what I'm doing unless I'm showing them. My computer is sacred ground.

Flashdrives too, if I have a "soul" it's in my flashdrive.

To lose a flashdrive... I feel sick just thinking about it.

 

[transformers]

I'm secretive too. Maybe part of it is shame, I don't feel I've achieved enough to warrant discussing my life history with most people, but another part is a serious fear of vulnerability. The more people know about you, the closer they will feel to you, but the more power they will also hold over you. At some point it stops being an avenue of developing closer relationships and starts becoming a liability - you become vulnerable to their judgments of you, whether good or bad, because you've told them enough for their opinions to hold some credibility. You're basically investing your psychological integrity with the other person, and unless you know you can trust them, I think that would be a mistake.

 

[AmitaF]

Do any of you find that you're instinctively secretive?

I often find that I really hate it when people ask me questions about myself. I hate to answer stuff like what do you do for a living &c, not because I find it boring, but because I don't see why people want to know unless they need to. I understand that people generally feel the need to make small talk, but I instinctively want to clam up. It's impolite to refuse to answer and I just can't lie (absolutely hate it), yet I hate myself after telling them the truth, and I get a really queasy feeling every time people ask me these questions.

What's the right thing to do?

I usually go around the questions I don't want to answer, and after I finish talking, that person is left with the delusion that the question has been answered, but I'd be going all "kihihihi" on the inside, though sometimes when I can't bother, I just brush them off. though I keep an amount of "the open book"information about me that everyone have access to, it helps to satisfy nosy people and it gives the impression that they actually know something about me...people are really easy to play I think.

I have lived most of my life with the philosophy: The more people know about you, the more vulnerable you are. I don't mind talking about myself, but I ration my information. Leaving out certain details than can be harmful to me in the wrong hands. I don't think there is a single person on this planet that knows everything about me (everything that counts anyway.) most people I know only get to see about 20% of me.

This is why I go online and talk about my secrets openly, I still have to get them out somewhere.

I have a similar philosophy, and I remember at some point I actually went around and asked some people "what do you know about me", most of them gave wrong information and those who knew some stuff, knew very little, figures. and not even online people know me much.

Is anyone else extremely protective of their computer and its contents, as if it was a sort of extension of themselves? No one touches my computer unless I have both eyes on them, and I get very impatient and uneasy. No one watches what I'm doing unless I'm showing them. My computer is sacred ground.

yeah, as well as external hard drives, my cell phone, my mail, bag and notebooks. I think my whole room is a sacred ground, I get frantic in a way when someone gets in while I'm not there, and even when I'm there, nobody is really welcomed, and I know when someone has been in my room, but not much people respect that which is why locks and passwords exist.

 

[Gluon the Ferengi]

As introverts, especially INTPs, we all know from early childhood on that nearly everything about us is an indicator of abnormality and deviance from accepted standards of society.

We've learned the hard way that even seemingly harmless information can be a like a spoor of blood in ocean water. We've probably all been in situations where we make just one mistake and we have curious extrovert sniffing us out for vulnerabilities and irregularities.
The trouble is that what seems normal to us is strange to them. It makes it tough to gauge what we can reveal and what we cannot. It doesn't take us long to learn that minimizing information leaks is the best policy.

On handling extrovert interrogations:

http://kingdomofintroversion.com/2009/06/25/introvert-survival-handling-extrovert-interrogations/

 

[Vrecknidj]

I have lived most of my life with the philosophy: The more people know about you, the more vulnerable you are. I don't mind talking about myself, but I ration my information. Leaving out certain details than can be harmful to me in the wrong hands. I don't think there is a single person on this planet that knows everything about me (everything that counts anyway.) most people I know only get to see about 20% of me.

This is why I go online and talk about my secrets openly, I still have to get them out somewhere.

Ditto. There is one person who knows more about me than anyone else, and even she is probably somewhere less than 85% aware of all my thoughts, etc. That said, I have a decent number of friends who are probably somewhere around 50% to 70%.

The vast majority of people who would consider me their friend don't really know me, and probably know about 20% of me...

Dave

 

[Tyria]

I would describe myself as a somewhat 'closed' type of person (in the sense of more difficult to get to know than the average person). Although I do open up about some things with ease around the right people, I try to not talk very much about myself.

I suppose I am secretive because I do not trust other people that much; I am sensitive by nature and dislike the vulnerability that comes from being close to others.

 

[Dormouse]

Does paranoid count as secretive?

If I tell someone too many deep truths about myself, I freak out and begin lying compulsively to confuse them.

Oh, and I do that on forums, too.