Romance

[Cognisant]

Valentines day is coming up so I thought I'd make a thread about ROMANCE.

...what is it?

I'm trying to figure it out and my ideas seem to revolve around buying things and seducing people, as everything sentimental I come up with seems silly, I mean a romantic picnic is such a blatant attempt to be romantic that I can't help but find it funny, it's just such a bad cliché, indeed it seems romance is entirely comprised of clichés.

And WTF is with flowers anyway?
It seems like such an underwhelming gift, as in "oh yay, fresh inedible plant matter that's mere days away from being brown, slightly mushy, rubbish".

Spoiler

This is also my tongue in cheek response to @Da Blob in the DEATH thread.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

And WTF is with flowers anyway?
It seems like such an underwhelming gift, as in "oh yay, fresh inedible plant matter that's mere days away from being brown, slightly mushy, rubbish".

Nothing is more romantic than giving your lover a beautiful arrangement of dismembered plant genitals.

It's a perfect metaphor for modern romance.

 

[Duxwing]

Valentines day is coming up so I thought I'd make a thread about ROMANCE.

...what is it?

I'm trying to figure it out and my ideas seem to revolve around buying things and seducing people, as everything sentimental I come up with seems silly, I mean a romantic picnic is such a blatant attempt to be romantic that I can't help but find it funny, it's just such a bad cliché, indeed it seems romance is entirely comprised of clichés.

And WTF is with flowers anyway?
It seems like such an underwhelming gift, as in "oh yay, fresh inedible plant matter that's mere days away from being brown, slightly mushy, rubbish".

Spoiler

This is also my tongue in cheek response to @Da Blob in the DEATH thread.

Romance = Friendship + Physical Contact

Cognisant, a romantic relationship is nothing more than a special case of friendship. Friends, just like lovers, lean on each other and celebrate each other's victories, share their stories and secrets, go on adventures, and mourn each other's passing. Romance is a version of friendship that encourages pair bonding. Differences include: higher stress in initial courtship phase, effectively mandatory gift giving on three to four days of the year (Winter Holiday, Valentines Day, Birthday, Father's/Mother's Day) and all the quaint but tender trappings that we see in romantic art: holding hands, long, soft hugs, kissing, sex, and family building. Regarding the last item, do not be mistaken: beneath its bouquet of feelings, Romance is a Darwinian activity designed to generate offspring, so do not be fooled! Pairs that stay together for extended periods tend to marry and have children by whatever means available (sex, in vitro fertilization, adoption, theft); the process is quite deterministic.

That's romance for you, Cognisant, in all its disturbing glory.

-Duxwing

 

[Duxwing]

Nothing is more romantic than giving your lover a beautiful arrangement of dismembered plant genitals.

It's a perfect metaphor for modern romance.

Modern romance? There was no romance before the modern era. People married for status.

-Duxwing

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Modern romance? There was no romance before the modern era. People married for status.

-Duxwing

You must be poorly read.

 

[GodOfOrder]

@Adaire

Actually, we cal the romantic era (as in literary/ artistic/ musical) romantic because prior to the industrial revolution, marriage was done for primarily business purposes. Marriage was largely arranged.

The reasons differed with class. Kings would marry their children to forge political alliances. Commoners wanted a dowry. All of this was done under a sacred vow, only for the purposes of solidifying the bond, and otherwise incurring god's wrath (the church).

With the advent of industrialization, life got easier in some ways, and there was more time to focus on other things. Most of the "old" romantic lit. comes from this time period.

On a side note, ignore my abhorrent historical statement, i am not gunning for more than making a basic point.

 

[redbaron]

I'm getting my valentine a potato.

IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons
IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water
IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying
IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance"
IronChef Foicite: but a potato!
IronChef Foicite: potatos last for fucking ever, man
IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack
IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol
IronChef Foicite: but there's more!
IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!
IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you"
IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"

 

[Cognisant]

IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!

 

[McGraw]

For whatever reason flowers seem to be the standard gift showing love, and maybe the fact that most are to amenable to using a standard symbol shows that most just want the 'standard, societal norm' romantic experience over scary, adventurous ones.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

...what is it?

from Wiktionary
Noun

1. An intimate relationship between two people; a love affair.

Verb

1. Woo; court.

Hmm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsBBfqWNkjs

 

[EyeSeeCold]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gFSAyzx4Oc

 

[Agent Intellect]

I'd contend that the best romantic gesture is probably one of creation - to make something specifically for your significant other using your own creativity and effort. I've never understood the buying a card that someone else wrote and giving it to people ritual, like saying "look what someone else wrote to nobody in particular, but it closely approximates what I think about you."

Flowers are even worse, as they only imply some meaningful message. In both cases, there is a noticeable lack of effort on your part.

I guess a true romantic gesture would be to write/draw your own card (or even e-mail), in your own words, made specifically for your significant other. Or breed a type of flower that has not existed before.

I guess the point is to put your own thought and creativity into it and show your significant other that they are worth your time and effort and that they truly inspire you.

 

[Kuu]

Romance is what people do in lieu of actually getting to know each other as individuals.

It's also something I am attempting to profit off

 

[Da Blob]

I believe that males and females have different operational definitions for the word, romance.

The Romantic Love Test:
How Do We Know If We Are in Love?
http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/RLT-WEB.html

http://www.amazon.com/We-Understanding-Psychology-Romantic-Love/dp/0062504363

 

[Question]

For me, the problem with romance is that I am never confident I am doing it right, because I am so emotionally detached I tend to feel like I am doing everything wrong, because most girls rely on emotions so much. On top of that I have yet to find a girl who I enjoy spending time with enough to spend time with her often between just us 2.

 

[PhoenixRising]

imo, romance is a general term that can be applied to several things; a social schema, a type of resulting 'language', or an emotional response. The standard "flowers, chocolates and wine by moonlight" ideal is part of a Western social schema. I don't know specifically, but I'm sure the ideal changes from culture to culture. This sort of thing is used as a kind of umbrella communication from one human being to another to say, "I like/want/love you". It seems that a lot of the time, people experience a large gap in communication when they first meet. It's also difficult to know how to show affection for someone you don't understand, so the default social rituals are often used to bridge the gap.

Since social schemas tend to become the expectation of the masses, it is common for people to become confused and discouraged when they don't receive the ritualistic behavior they are expecting from their love interest. It's sad that a lot of the ways human beings interact is confined by social schemas such as 'romance'.

The emotional experience of romance, as in having feelings of love and excitement because of interaction with someone else, seems to be pretty subjective. Just like any other emotional response, it is dependent on an individual's world view and how they perceive the people and environment around them.

As for flowers.. if i had to guess, they're probably an ancient symbol of fertility from pagan religions. Fertility/love/romance/marriage are all related >.>

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Why am I getting presumptuous, head up the ass semantics for using the word 'romance?'

Cog named the thread.

The first statement is rhetorical; so don't answer it.
In fact, please don't talk to me unless it's about the awfulness of flowers.

 

[Nezaros]

Romance is a social construct built around other social constructs for the purpose of confusing people into thinking symbols possess inherent meaning and thus throwing money away. It's for the feelers.

 

[Duxwing]

I'd contend that the best romantic gesture is probably one of creation - to make something specifically for your significant other using your own creativity and effort. I've never understood the buying a card that someone else wrote and giving it to people ritual, like saying "look what someone else wrote to nobody in particular, but it closely approximates what I think about you."

Flowers are even worse, as they only imply some meaningful message. In both cases, there is a noticeable lack of effort on your part.

I guess a true romantic gesture would be to write/draw your own card (or even e-mail), in your own words, made specifically for your significant other. Or breed a type of flower that has not existed before.

I guess the point is to put your own thought and creativity into it and show your significant other that they are worth your time and effort and that they truly inspire you.

I agree with you entirely. The flower breeding is a bit excessive, though; just picking some and wrapping them up is creative enough.

-Duxwing

 

[just george]

Ah, Valentines day That one day in the calendar when even the most prissy, uptight, and frigid female becomes as vulnerable to my wiles as a wounded zebra in the Sarengeti is to a hyenas

Also the answer to the question is much shorter than those supposed above, delivered as only an Aussie male can. You want to know what romance is? It's bullshit, mate. Bullshit.

 

[Da Blob]

In essence, romance is an escape from the ugly reality that most women have to deal with, that being the ugly reality of the males that they will have sex with for reasons other than 'romance"

I think that it is grand gesture on the part of any man, to aid a friend in her attempted escape. That effort, perhaps, could be the most cherished of gifts...

 

[joal0503]

Valentines day is coming up so I thought I'd make a thread about ROMANCE.

...what is it?

I'm trying to figure it out and my ideas seem to revolve around buying things and seducing people, as everything sentimental I come up with seems silly, I mean a romantic picnic is such a blatant attempt to be romantic that I can't help but find it funny, it's just such a bad cliché, indeed it seems romance is entirely comprised of clichés.

And WTF is with flowers anyway?
It seems like such an underwhelming gift, as in "oh yay, fresh inedible plant matter that's mere days away from being brown, slightly mushy, rubbish".

Spoiler

This is also my tongue in cheek response to @Da Blob in the DEATH thread.

love, the more i think about it, the more im convinced we've all been miserably indoctrinate/enslaved to believe in something that everyone is almost guaranteed to be delusionally attached to for life.

they prey on the biological attractions innate inside of us all, and blow it up into something so abstractly human and vain,,,. bleh. its works, because its easy to manipulate. bleh.

 

[Cavallier]

Most romantic thing I've done is spend all day in my jammies playing Castle Crashers and eating Pho with the love of my life. It was blissful.

 

[Duxwing]

Most romantic thing I've done is spend all day in my jammies playing Castle Crashers and eating Pho with the love of my life. It was blissful.

Awwww! Is that love still in your arms?

-Duxwing

 

[crippli]

...what is it?

It is an abstraction, so pursuing a definition may prove elusive. But it's essence is well captured by plays such as Romeo&Juliet and perhaps the Hunchback of Notre-Dame. A dose of tragedy and sadness coupled with happiness and joy. It is the contrast that creates Romance. The following picture should well illustrate my point. It is very romantic.

Spoiler

 

[thelithiumcat]

The generalising talk abou generalising girls compels me to provide contradictory evidence to show the falseness of generalisations.

Essentially, that I would, at least internally, despise someone who got me a conventional, no-effort romantic gift for two reasons: that it shows they've learnt nothing about who I am at heart; that it probably means they're trying to manipulate me as being 'their girlfriend'. It's who I am, rather than my emotions, that dictates how I interpret romantic gestures.

I was wondering about the frequency of this reaction. As always, logic dictates it is not the only occurrance.

In general, though, I think that putting time and thought into a gift is much more important than complying with convention or getting something with naught but temporary, superficial pros. I liked the symbolic interpretation of the person who talked about the potato.

 

[thelithiumcat]

The generalising talk abou generalising girls compels me to provide contradictory evidence to show the falseness of generalisations.

Essentially, that I would, at least internally, despise someone who got me a conventional, no-effort romantic gift for two reasons: that it shows they've learnt nothing about who I am at heart; that it probably means they're trying to manipulate me as being 'their girlfriend'. It's who I am, rather than my emotions, that dictates how I interpret romantic gestures.

I was wondering about the frequency of this reaction. As always, logic dictates it is not the only occurrance.

In general, though, I think that putting time and thought into a gift is much more important than complying with convention or getting something with naught but temporary, superficial pros. I liked the symbolic interpretation of the person who talked about the potato.

 

[BigApplePi]

Romance = the state of being intoxicated with an ideal being slapped onto a real being without the realization this is pre-coital arousal.

 

[GodOfOrder]

I have been stricken by an entj, and I don't know how to read her, because i am an idiot. We shall see if this enterprise will fail or succeed.

 

[BigApplePi]

I have been stricken by an entj, and I don't know how to read her, because i am an idiot. We shall see if this enterprise will fail or succeed.

Send here an ambiguous valentine. If you say, "I love you", she may run. If you say, "Ah wuvs ya", she won't know what to think.

Wait. You said tj, not fj. This requires further thought.

 

[GodOfOrder]

Send here an ambiguous valentine. If you say, "I love you", she may run. If you say, "Ah wuvs ya", she won't know what to think.

Wait. You said tj, not fj. This requires further thought.

Funny on both counts, but I think that would fail.

 

[SpaceYeti]

...what is it?

Rope and a bottle of lube.

 

[redbaron]

Rope and a bottle of lube.

And a potato, never forget the potato.

 

[SpiralHacker]

Check out Helen Fischer's "The Brain on Love" (TED)

 

[Duxwing]

Wrong thread!

-Duxwing

 

[snafupants]

Your typical INTPs idea of romance is PornHub and hand lotion.

 

[Duxwing]

Your typical INTPs idea of romance is PornHub and hand lotion.

I just use my imagination. Porn is creepy.

-Duxwing

 

[snafupants]

I just use my imagination. Porn is creepy.

-Duxwing

You, sir, are a true pioneer lighting the way for your INTP brethren.

 

[Duxwing]

You, sir, are a true pioneer lighting the way for your INTP brethren.

-Duxwing

 

[Absurdity]

I just use my imagination. Porn is creepy.

-Duxwing

My imagination always wants to cuddle afterwards and I'm like, "Fuck off can't you see I'm tired now?"

 

[Duxwing]

My imagination always wants to cuddle afterwards and I'm like, "Fuck off can't you see I'm tired now?"

Awww, it wants to cuddle. That's just adorable! . Why not let the fantasy run while you go to sleep?

-Duxwing