Relationships

[VII]

Ok, so I am fully aware that this thread should have been posted in "Human Relationships" but I figured more people read this section ....

Okay here goes, I being a young INTP have as of yet to encounter strong feelings, yes the liking/ feeling/vulnerable love kind of feelings. Well until now.
I have recently met a fellow INTP whom has awakened this side of my personality, predictabley I am completely useless in trying to show intrest.
Please will someone help me? I don't want to come across gushing or obvious as I think it would scare them ( It would certainley scare me) but I would really apprechitate some ideas on how to show this. Maybe some probing techniques to see if they like me back.
I have an inkling of a feeling they like me to as I often catch them looking at me often usually in such a way to hide the fact they are looking (reflections). We seem to be quite compatable when one of us musters up the courage for a conversation to the extent where we have exchange personal info that we would not share with most people.

Plus I am also interested in others opinions of what an intp + intp relation would be like.

 

[DeadonDreaming]

INTP relationships are fun, but the lack of social awareness on both parts can be aggravating, and arguments can be really cutting.

 

[BigApplePi]

Since you are talking about relationships, not quite in the abstract alone, but about you, I will tell you about my relationship reaction to you. I don't know you at all but for your post. So I am curious. I would want to know what SORT of feelings do you have about or for this person? Do you imagine conversation? Something physical (sexual)? Doing something together? What that person will do with you?

I realize those things are terribly personal, but that is what crosses my mind. You are free to ask me about me, in the sense of is it okay to get personal, but that's not necessary.

 

[MissQuote]

Since the other person is also an INTP you could perhaps imagine in your head them making the first real move, think about them doing it perfectly in a way that makes you feel comfortable and lets you know unequivocally that they like you but does not freak you out.

Then do that to them.

So if the perfect scenario for them to tell you they like you is them just saying "I really like you." then you say that to them.

I don't know if that would work. I am just making things up a little.

I know for myself the biggest problem I have is getting hung up on the "equivocal" part, the Big All Or Nothing Have To Know And Understand And Explain And Have Explained It All part. But it doesn't seem to work that way with humans. What I have gathered from observing other people is that the rest of them don't deal this way.

But you are speaking of a fellow INTP. So who knows just what is in their head in that regard?

Another option may be for you to wait until they are having a big Ne/Fe outburst over something else and then telling them you like them. I know I am much more responsive to others affectionate emotions when I am in a major Ne zone.

But also, I don't know what I am talking about so there is that too.

 

[ElvenVeil]

I would imagine an INTP&INTP relationship to be fun at first but later on replaced with a sort of stagnation, as neither of you can really bring anything 'new' to the table. It naturally would differ from personality to personality, but I think from a theoretical perspective, you would benefit more from someone with at least some different functions (or order)

 

[BigApplePi]

So if the perfect scenario for them to tell you they like you is them just saying "I really like you." then you say that to them.

I don't know if that would work. I am just making things up a little.

I know for myself the biggest problem I have is getting hung up on the "equivocal" part, the Big All Or Nothing Have To Know And Understand And Explain And Have Explained It All part. But it doesn't seem to work that way with humans. What I have gathered from observing other people is that the rest of them don't deal this way.

But you are speaking of a fellow INTP. So who knows just what is in their head in that regard?

Another option may be for you to wait until they are having a big Ne/Fe outburst over something else and then telling them you like them. I know I am much more responsive to others affectionate emotions when I am in a major Ne zone.

But also, I don't know what I am talking about so there is that too.

Along those lines I just thought of something. Thank you. I hate it when someone asks me if I like someone or pressure like that. Now INTPs have the cognitive functions: Ti Ne Si Fe. I don't mind at all saying to someone, "I like it when you said this or did that" and then name something specific. That is pure Si. It works! Tell me if it doesn't ...

 

[MissQuote]

hhmmm.

On that note and in the same vein, it is much easier to deal , response wise, with when someone says they like something particular that I have done or way that I am than if they just say they like me.

If someone says they like my artwork for example, or especially if they name a specific piece, then a perfectly reasonable, polite and cordial response is "Thank You" and if they say they like enough things or traits over time it is easy to surmise the probability that they actually like me.

Whereas is some says "I like you." unexpectedly a simple 'Thank You' is pretty far from a proper reply and if I hadn't made any decision on my own like or dislike of them yet, or if I had but am unprepared to voice it then it can be very awkward, at least inside of me.

So maybe instead of expressing your direct feeling of liking or caring for this person, it would be better to start by just noticing isolated interesting details about them and pointing out your pleasure over them.

 

[PhoenixRising]

I highly recommend an INTP & INTP relationship.. in my opinion there is nothing more fulfilling. Having the same personality type makes you very likely to be highly compatible on all levels, especially mentally. You'll be best friends and share a lot of interests and common world views. I've heard a lot of people say that over time a same-type relationship will grow flat. I disagree with this sentiment. If you have a lot of common goals and interests with your partner, then you should never have to worry about running out of things to do. Any relationship takes work, if you stop trying, that's when it gets boring.

I like MissQuote's suggestion, that you think about how you would like someone to approach the topic of attraction with you, and then use that approach. I would suggest doing something creative, use your Ne, make it fun.. like if you're good with art or writing, make something for them. Or, if you want a somewhat round about way of assessing their feelings for you, ask them to go somewhere with you, like a date but don't call it a date. Then see if they say yes, and where your interaction leads.

best of luck!

 

[Affinity]

It sounds like they're into you too. I'd say the next time you catch this individual gazing your way, gaze back and smile. Converse whenever you can and learn how to read body language.

 

[BigApplePi]

I would imagine an INTP&INTP relationship to be fun at first but later on replaced with a sort of stagnation, as neither of you can really bring anything 'new' to the table. It naturally would differ from personality to personality, but I think from a theoretical perspective, you would benefit more from someone with at least some different functions (or order)

We could treat the INTP to INTP relationship as a single. So if one INTP can find something new, two could combine their efforts. They would each have the same shortcomings, but being INTP could still watch out for each other just as on this Forum.

 

[VII]

Hey peeps, thanks so much for responding. This may be an ongoing question I may want to consult you with over the course of however long I will know this individual. I personally really liked the idea of doing something for them that I would like done for myself.

Seeing as both of us are very musical I figured writing a song about him would be fitting, the only problem being it will be somewhat vague and he might not pick up on the hint? I'm unsure what it's like for other INTP's but I am pretty darn good at picking up on implied meanings. We've also taken on a project together which should be fun and pose some challenges.

And in regards to BigApplePi, I suppose I would be pursuing a more innocent type of relationship, I admit I am a little (extremely) shy of close physical interaction. But of course I would not object to it.

Oh, and on a side note he has started acting a little odd. There is a certain individual with whom we are both friends with (I'm beginning to think 'he' severely dislikes this 'friend' as he gets very angry with them). If I am conversing with his so called 'friend' he will relocate and stand directly in front of me or in between us.
It seems fairly rude.
I've also noticed him acting a little softer towards me than with others. I took the advice of smiling when I catch him looking to which he gets embarrassed and looks away very quickly.
It seems like the feeling may be mutual but then again I am completely biased and could be imaging all of this (I refer you to the brain jar computer simulation theory).

 

[SpaceYeti]

I've discovered that when subtlety doesn't work (and it hardly ever works on me), don't be. Be direct, be forward, and be honest. Life is very simple when you're simply honest and forthright. Just tell the dude you dig him. Lay out the situation in unambiguous terms, then it's his turn. Easy as no-bake cookies (Easier than pie).

 

[Proletar]

Spoiler

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZgDvuq2mKo

Probably, if you have chemistry, he's into you too. Being an INTP means partially having intuition to pick up on subtle ques, but negating them in favour of Ti until everything can and is proven to be true.

So skip the Ti for a while. Take a giant leap across to totally submitting yourself to trusting your intuition for once, and you will be rewarded. Sexily rewarded.

 

[Affinity]

Oh, and on a side note he has started acting a little odd. There is a certain individual with whom we are both friends with (I'm beginning to think 'he' severely dislikes this 'friend' as he gets very angry with them). If I am conversing with his so called 'friend' he will relocate and stand directly in front of me or in between us.
It seems fairly rude.

Is this "mutual friend" of yours also a guy? Perhaps he is jealous and wants your attention. Stepping in between would suggest dominance and clear attempt at isolation. Seems to be a clear sign to me, that or he must really hates this other person lol but if he is an INTP, that would strike me as a very bold and assertive move.

I've also noticed him acting a little softer towards me than with others. I took the advice of smiling when I catch him looking to which he gets embarrassed and looks away very quickly.
It seems like the feeling may be mutual but then again I am completely biased and could be imaging all of this (I refer you to the brain jar computer simulation theory).

All signs points to yes IMO. Now to see which INTP makes the first move...

 

[SpaceYeti]

Sexily rewarded.

... in my pants.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

I've also noticed him acting a little softer towards me than with others. I took the advice of smiling when I catch him looking to which he gets embarrassed and looks away very quickly.

I'd say he's into you a lot. This sounds a lot like me when I develop feelings toward someone.

I think MissQuote's previous advice to do something that you'd like for yourself is pretty solid. The song could work but if you leave it too vague then it might cause more confusion. If it isn't definitive enough he may second-guess and such. In my experience, I've found myself worried about how to act because I'm not certain if someone's implied something or not. On one hand, they may have and are just waiting for me to react accordingly, or maybe they haven't and if I do something about it I'll just end up looking like a twat. (Also, if you play the song for him in public (with anyone around at all, even) and he does pick up on it, then it has the potential to make him very uncomfortable (but then again, just the two of you could make him uncomfortable as well, it depends on his preferences, I guess.))

It's a pretty fine line, in this case. Too direct and it could jar his system. Too vague and it could confuse him or something of that nature.

If he's really into you (which he seems to be), I doubt he'll mind all that much if you just tell him that you like him. Perhaps (imo) he wants to tell you how he feels but is too shy or doesn't know how exactly and it'll be way easier for him if you brought it up.

Being direct is the best way, in my opinion.

(ps: I'm not trying to shoot down your song idea. If you think it can work, then by all means go ahead with it.)

(I can't stress enough how much this is all just my opinion. I'm speaking from my experience only and even my experience is lacking and... Yeah, I'm not known for my skill in this area.)

 

[BigApplePi]

I've discovered that when subtlety doesn't work (and it hardly ever works on me), don't be.

Can I buy you a cupcake or something? It's not that I like you cuz I dunno. Never mind they are artery cloggers anyway ... I thought you might like the gesture. Did that work?

 

[SpaceYeti]

Yes. I want a cupcake.

 

[BigApplePi]

Yes. I want a cupcake.

I can see that you might. Will you dunk it in milk or in coffee? I urge you to try milk as it is more healthful. Other the other hand coffee might be less calorific.

 

[SpaceYeti]

You don't dunk cupcakes! You wash them down with some milk, preferably chocolate. And coffee better happen soon after if you didn't already have some. Coffee is good!

 

[VII]

Is this "mutual friend" of yours also a guy? Perhaps he is jealous and wants your attention. Stepping in between would suggest dominance and clear attempt at isolation. Seems to be a clear sign to me, that or he must really hates this other person lol but if he is an INTP, that would strike me as a very bold and assertive move.



Yes the mutual friend is a guy.
Plus now he's starting humming and whistling when around me, and being very sweet

 

[Duxwing]

Awwww! He likes you, he really likes you. If you want advice on what will rock his world from a fellow INTP, then do the following:

Find a chest high wall and talk to him while resting your arms on it. Then, slowly bring your arm closer to his until they touch. Then get comfortable, and when your heads are facing each other, kiss him. That's how I got my first kiss (only I was on the receiving end and we were in a pool). He should look lightheaded, dizzy, and elated once you've done it.

Now, if you want to leave him with mouth agape, say "Let's cut through the crud. I like you and you like me, let's get naked." Warning, this idea is as of yet untested, but I bet that you'll love it... and what comes after.

-Duxwing