Problems with Narcissism, Anxiety, and Anhedonia

[Grayman]

I find the difficulty in my own experience is grounded in resentment and distrust the self and others. As you say, the chaos is palpable to the extent that this resentment infects relations. How does one understand the potential of greater heights without being resentful about the frustration of not being up there? I mean, so many things could be so much better if only people, including me, were better composed and disposed. Everyone eats unhealthy food, drinks mind-numbing alcohol, does not think about making life better for those around them, continues to avoid understanding other people, and will used language that keeps setting the stage for the recurrence of the same bad theme over and over again.

No one seems to regard social mores seriously, the social mores seem always to be corrupted by lack of integrity and self-interest, and no one seems to have virtue.

Your expectations of people are too high. Not everyone is given the right mental parameters in order to better themselves or to love others. Regardless of how much potential they can achieve they are still driven down by circumstance and an inability to overcome them. The thing is that for every person who does overcome it and brings forth more who can do the same we can eventually succeed in some kind of change. Think of all the change of mankind in the past 50 years or 100 years or 200 years and so on. Do we not do anything because we cannot achieve a perfect world or do we step up to the challenge and make a mark no matter how small it may seem in the big picture?
We do change and each of us can grab ahold of what we need to overcome our circumstance or we can let ourselves drown. If we do nothing then there might be one person out there who needed just that small push and they did not get it. In my mind, helping just one person is reason enough for me to change and be compassionate. It may not be big picture but it is a life and theirs could affect so many others, and theirs effect others and so forth. You concentrate too much on the end goal putting all the value into it and ignoring every life you touch and all the values in every step you take and the exponential effect of the lives they touch all they meet over their lives. You are also ignoring all the value of those who do put in the efforts to make a difference and all the changes they make.

Yes there are bad things and there always will be, but why give them the satisfaction of having more by doing nothing to change it? You must and rightfully should find value in every step you take and value in the will to do so because that is a change in itself.

Also, when there is so much real madness around you, and I am talking about real dysfunction, it seems like the stress that you absorb by empathy cripples you and does not allow you to fulfill your potential for creative intelligence. I mean, if the world sometimes stultifies people by external means, then how is one to deal with this perceived dilemma? If so many things around you seem so insecure, then how can you focus on something that truly animates you? How do you find animation when you use so much of your psychological resources suppressing the perception of the threats around you? It is like when you suppress true despair, then you suppress true bliss as a necessary corollary.

You must not take on more than will overcome you. If you do, you will destroy yourself and you will have nothing left to give and you will risk becoming that which you are trying to help.

You should take care of your most basic needs but I would suggest you refine them so that you have room to also allow room for others. It is a balance.

You must spend less time in suppressing the despair and start focusing on the good that results in the future and the current. By focusing on suppressing the despair you are concentrating and focusing on the despair itself. You must look past it and seek out the good that was, is and is to come. There is little point of getting anxious over the loss and suffering when it will accomplish nothing. You can share in the sorrows of others but do not despair yourself as it will only be suffering for nothing. There is much reason to looking and planning for the good of the future.

Some people do resort to compartmentalizing to deal with the destruction before them.

When you describe your meditative practice, are you talking about meditating WHILE the threatening events are unfolding, or are you talking about doing it in a more controlled and peaceful environment? I have had bad luck with meditation these days. Some thought or emotion always seems to be able to come into my attentive focus.

Dissociation like all things needs to be moderated and balanced. The mediations I created and then performed where all during emotional turmoil, strong anger, anxiety, and various negative emotions. Never were they done in peaceful situations. The purpose of dissociation is to escape emotionally when you cannot physically escape an overwhelming situation. By doing it every time you face an overload you eventually naturally reach for it and enter it without having to seek it out. The danger of dissociation is that children who cannot get out of bad situations and commit to such tactics become dissociated all the time and cannot stop. They lose a sense of who they are and in turn become ungrounded in reality. It is a healthy thing that the brain can do but it also dangerous if done too often.

Side note::: I am not certain how other kinds of meditation are different but I am slightly concerned that many of them are simply suppressing their anxiety into their subconscious by training their conscious mind to ignore it instead of dealing with it causing them to suffer unknown anxiety without an idea of where it is coming from.

What I was talking about in my meditation was not suppression but instead a reform some of your negative emotions into something more positive and active while impersonalizing the rest of your emotions until you can get past the situation.
Anger is a natural defense of the body to handle negative emotions. The meditation is basically channeling that anger into a determination where reason can gain a foothold and use it surgically to remove the problem instead of like a bat. It refocuses axiety to find acceptance in allowing yourself to adapt to things you cannot fight so that you can move with the things you can, guiding it with new direction.

I suggest you look up dissociative disorders so you can be aware of the symptoms. There are dangers in removing yourself too often from reality.

 

[TBerg]

Just for a little point of information while I am still digesting your response, I think my experiences during my late teens and early twenties were often dissociated.

 

[TBerg]

You just said that to make me fall in love with you.

I don't know if that's your ego talking, or if your id is just happy to see me.

 

[TBerg]

Your expectations of people are too high. Not everyone is given the right mental parameters in order to better themselves or to love others. Regardless of how much potential they can achieve they are still driven down by circumstance and an inability to overcome them. The thing is that for every person who does overcome it and brings forth more who can do the same we can eventually succeed in some kind of change. Think of all the change of mankind in the past 50 years or 100 years or 200 years and so on. Do we not do anything because we cannot achieve a perfect world or do we step up to the challenge and make a mark no matter how small it may seem in the big picture?
We do change and each of us can grab ahold of what we need to overcome our circumstance or we can let ourselves drown. If we do nothing then there might be one person out there who needed just that small push and they did not get it. In my mind, helping just one person is reason enough for me to change and be compassionate. It may not be big picture but it is a life and theirs could affect so many others, and theirs effect others and so forth. You concentrate too much on the end goal putting all the value into it and ignoring every life you touch and all the values in every step you take and the exponential effect of the lives they touch all they meet over their lives. You are also ignoring all the value of those who do put in the efforts to make a difference and all the changes they make.

Yes there are bad things and there always will be, but why give them the satisfaction of having more by doing nothing to change it? You must and rightfully should find value in every step you take and value in the will to do so because that is a change in itself.



You must not take on more than will overcome you. If you do, you will destroy yourself and you will have nothing left to give and you will risk becoming that which you are trying to help.

You should take care of your most basic needs but I would suggest you refine them so that you have room to also allow room for others. It is a balance.

You must spend less time in suppressing the despair and start focusing on the good that results in the future and the current. By focusing on suppressing the despair you are concentrating and focusing on the despair itself. You must look past it and seek out the good that was, is and is to come. There is little point of getting anxious over the loss and suffering when it will accomplish nothing. You can share in the sorrows of others but do not despair yourself as it will only be suffering for nothing. There is much reason to looking and planning for the good of the future.

Some people do resort to compartmentalizing to deal with the destruction before them.



Dissociation like all things needs to be moderated and balanced. The mediations I created and then performed where all during emotional turmoil, strong anger, anxiety, and various negative emotions. Never were they done in peaceful situations. The purpose of dissociation is to escape emotionally when you cannot physically escape an overwhelming situation. By doing it every time you face an overload you eventually naturally reach for it and enter it without having to seek it out. The danger of dissociation is that children who cannot get out of bad situations and commit to such tactics become dissociated all the time and cannot stop. They lose a sense of who they are and in turn become ungrounded in reality. It is a healthy thing that the brain can do but it also dangerous if done too often.

Side note::: I am not certain how other kinds of meditation are different but I am slightly concerned that many of them are simply suppressing their anxiety into their subconscious by training their conscious mind to ignore it instead of dealing with it causing them to suffer unknown anxiety without an idea of where it is coming from.

What I was talking about in my meditation was not suppression but instead a reform some of your negative emotions into something more positive and active while impersonalizing the rest of your emotions until you can get past the situation.
Anger is a natural defense of the body to handle negative emotions. The meditation is basically channeling that anger into a determination where reason can gain a foothold and use it surgically to remove the problem instead of like a bat. It refocuses axiety to find acceptance in allowing yourself to adapt to things you cannot fight so that you can move with the things you can, guiding it with new direction.

I suggest you look up dissociative disorders so you can be aware of the symptoms. There are dangers in removing yourself too often from reality.

This reads like a good guide to gradually rearranging your emotional life and finding positive things to hold my gaze away from the negative things. I hope to put it to better practice by continuing to find more nuanced ways of understanding life.

 

[Grayman]

This reads like a good guide to gradually rearranging your emotional life and finding positive things to hold my gaze away from the negative things. I hope to put it to better practice by continuing to find more nuanced ways of understanding life.

In all my drive and direction, I was always looking foward. I ran through life and forgot to experience it. I saw beauty in simple pleasures and ignored it thinking them unessary illusions that would slow me down. Now, this day I realize my mistake. The illusions of life are worth the peace and happiness they bring us. They are worth the clarity they provide. Perhaps it is time I simply enjoyed the life that is the beauty here and now. So it is that I stare at the creek of flowing waters and reflecting light. So it I let my toes feel the cold movment of that water. I remain thoughtless and meditative. I am at peace and there is so much to be gained from such a simple experience. So free and so beautiful...how did I ever miss seeing it?