Prejudice

[asmit127]

I've been thinking about why I do everything and one thing just isn't right. The best word to describe it is prejudice, but it's not the normal things.

I judge people based on stupid things whether it be tattoos/piercings not in the ear (why would anyone want to disfigure themself? Must be something wrong with them) or dress sense (goth's in the summer - they are too hot in a full length trenchcoat, they must be stupid to wear one) random/dual hair colours (attention seeker, AVOID!)... I could go on but you get the idea.

This isn't the first time I've thought about it, I know it's wrong, yet I can't help myself

 

[Madoness]

Uhmmm.. try to be a little more open minded. If one does not hurt you (or someone else) and he or she wants to do something, then.... I don't see a problem.

People are different, on music tastes, on political spectrums and stuff like that. Why should I judge one being on another side of the wall if what he or she does, does not bother me? I cannot judge another until one does something that goes directly against me openly, that limits me being.

Otherwise. I could only see you having some superior "race" on the command, all thinking they are having the right opinions, though, I'm sure you'll understand what it would be wrong.

When we have different cultures, further more, different people, judging another is pointless, unless these thoughts limit you or beliefs that do not harm.

 

[Trebuchet]

I thought some of that when I was young, but then I got to know some of the people with tattoos, interesting piercings, and wild hair, and found out that frankly I like them. They tend to be original thinkers and often very dear people. (Not all, of course. Some are jerks, but what population doesn't have jerks?)

Start up a conversation with someone like that. You're missing out.

 

[shoeless]

yeah man, there's wayyyyy more to a person than what they decide to do with their body. emphasis on their body.

as far as why you're prejudiced, well... i don't know you, so i can't really say, but it could have something to do with how you were raised or a bad experience you've had with these people. but i would recommend getting over it if you can. you'll be missing out if you don't.

 

[White Rabbit]

Stop giving those irrelevant external things so much power over you. Not relevant, valuable in any sense, except for creating an unnecessary opinion for the sake of making a stance on some arbitrary thing? Drop it, it's a waste of mental energy.

 

[asmit127]

It's not just physical things I judge but also speech (adding "like" and "y'know" or talking in forum/text speak "lol"), lazy writing (lack of punctuation, there/their/they're), emotional blackmail as an all day joke/entertainment where both sides are playing along... Probably many other things too, it's just what I do subconsciously so much so that I can't even think of examples.

I guess the only person who knows why I do it is me, I've never had a traumatic experience at the hands of anyone (on the 5th re-read maybe having a knife held to my throat should be considered traumatic, but if it took that long to come to mind was it?) and although I'm often judging people as unintelligent nearly all of my friends are unintelligent, so although I'm judging randomers I don't act on it. Thought without action = waste, I've dropped most everything else but this just wont stop.

White Rabbit has hit on my reason for trying, I can see it's a pointless waste of energy and as everyone else said these things in no way reflect on the person behind the action and it doesn't hurt me or anyone else so why shouldn't they be free to express themselves? The world would be a dull place if everything I judged "bad" didn't exist...

It makes no sense, and I hate that as much as the problem itself.

 

[White Rabbit]

The world would be a dull place if everything I judged "bad" didn't exist...

Necessity.

Don't look for explanation for your tendencies outside, it's somewhere among your hardwired stances which are 'needed' to make sense out of those factors that don't fit in.

 

[asmit127]

Thanks White Rabbit, I read your reply before bed and didn't get it, and still don't on second try this morning. Hardwired stances sound rather permanent - can you possibly explain?

I think your advice will be good but I just don't get it

 

[walfin]

First, don't judge yourself for judging.

There's always a natural ick factor, for some people. I used to dislike tattooed people because tattoos made me think of needles, and I have needle phobia.

Don't blame yourself.

 

[White Rabbit]

Thanks White Rabbit, I read your reply before bed and didn't get it, and still don't on second try this morning. Hardwired stances sound rather permanent - can you possibly explain?

I think your advice will be good but I just don't get it

It's not permanent, it's a matter of habit. Some of our biases have been around for so long that we have accepted them as truths about the world, in spite of us being aware that there are other perspectives. When you realize that your attitude is essentially useless, as the whole conflict exists entirely in your head (unrelated to actual objects of prejudice), you might be able to distance yourself from that part of you that's based on "The world would be a dull place if everything I judged "bad" didn't exist..."
It's all up to you and your willingness to break some of these tendencies, the rest is just a distraction.

 

[Thread Killer]

Self-awareness is the first step.

Perhaps as you are consciously aware of judging, you could immediately stop yourself and try to replace that negative judgment with an image of some positive trait that they may potentially possess. This may help to better separate character from image and help break the instinctual association you have developed. It will take consistency but it can be done.

 

[asmit127]

First, don't judge yourself for judging ... Don't blame yourself.

Do I? I don't think I'm a bad person for judging people, it's just who I am. I don't consciously look down on those I judge as stupid (for example), I just wont start a serious discussion with them. If they were to bring something up then I'd be pleasantly surprised and go with it, but it hasn't happened yet. We can talk about things and life and sport or anything that just is. I love my life and no-one dislikes me (unless they are a must-be-right type who I prove wrong...) so there is no blame. I just think there are better or at least more positive ways to occupy my mind-time

It's all up to you and your willingness to break some of these tendencies, the rest is just a distraction

I've given up thinking about what-if's (unless they relate to a big and interesting topic or system) and thinking how whatever I did yesterday could have been better, that wasn't too hard. But what is there right in front of me is hard not to form an opinion on. You see a tray of oranges and instinctively select one that appeals, to me people are no different. You scan visually (and aurally, in the case of people) looking for good features, in people I just don't find many. Beside physical beauty and intelligence in a few I guess... (usually hidden by makeup and the desire to be seen as cool, respectively)

replace that negative judgment with an image of some positive trait that they may potentially possess

So instead of thinking random haired attention seekers are annoying I should think of them as people who aren't afraid to express themselves. People who act immaturely in their speech aren't stupid, just trying to be funny. And those conducting long term entertainment-blackmail aren't airheads, they are people with good memories who care about others enough to remember the slightest dig from each of them... I like this idea and will definitely give it a go

But people cooking themselves in trenchcoats aren't mad, they are ? Can anyone think of a positive?? Maybe this one deserves it's own thread...

 

[Thread Killer]

So instead of thinking random haired attention seekers are annoying I should think of them as people who aren't afraid to express themselves. People who act immaturely in their speech aren't stupid, just trying to be funny. And those conducting long term entertainment-blackmail aren't airheads, they are people with good memories who care about others enough to remember the slightest dig from each of them... I like this idea and will definitely give it a go

But people cooking themselves in trenchcoats aren't mad, they are ? Can anyone think of a positive?? Maybe this one deserves it's own thread...

That's one way, though I was more thinking of that despite the way they look, they might be a very kind friend or that they may be doing other positive things in their life which is not something obvious by their appearance. The way it sounds to me is that you don't get past the surface and think of how there is much more to a person than what is immediately apparent. You don't have to like it but should be able to overlook it to consider that this is a small part of that person.

All you know about them is from what you see without taking into account the information you cannot obtain by just seeing and then making stereotyped associations, but it sounds like you aren't considering how someone might see you and immediately dismiss you because you look too boring or seem too formal, hypothetically, without realizing that there is a lot more to you, such as say being exceptionally intelligent or say being someone who works to make an impact for the better in concern to real world issues, hypothetically, but because of the way you look or way you talk, people dismiss you because you make them feel stupid or whatever by how you talk or how you look while these same people might admire you for what you do for others or how you think or for what kind of person you are if they opened themselves up more to you despite what they saw and see a clearer picture of what sort of person you are.

Maybe you do consider that and are aware of what you are unaware and just have that gut reaction. But the point is to dig deeper.

It may be that many of these people have...different standards in their way of living in some cases, meaning that some indeed qualify as losers, but not everyone who looks and talks a certain way actually fits into that category and not everyone who is loser-ish will always be that way. Sometimes people need something to happen to change them and bring them to grow for the better.

But what you are doing is little different than people who look at many of us stone-walled, aloof INTPs and assume we are evil, heartless, unhappy people or that we must think we are better than everyone and think we suck, because that happens, too but the accusations are not merited many times.

It's basically about relying too much on what is being seen so that you misunderstand the other person completely. Or only partially. But it still is not really beneficial.

 

[intuitivet]

I'm guessing you've had bad experiences with these certain 'stereotypes' and so you judge then because you don't want to repeat the mistakes? (I'm just guessing).
Dyed hair is fine, I dyed mine partially purple and it wasn't for attention, it was because I was bored! (Aha! We all have our own motivations)

 

[asmit127]

That's one way, though I was more thinking of that despite the way they look, they might be a very kind friend or that they may be doing other positive things in their life which is not something obvious by their appearance

Oh yes, there is more to people than appearances but whether in that moment (speaking) that day (putting on a coat) or for that month (hair colour) the person has made a decision to show that side of themself to the world. If I'm wearing an orange t-shirt it's because I'm in a happy carefree mood, if my hair isn't nearly right parted I'm trying to impress someone (it naturally goes left) and everything I write is triple checked as I like accuracy... Do most people not think at all of what others will think of them, and try to present themselves how they are inside? Guess I need to ask more strange look inducing questions of those around me...

Dyed hair is fine, I dyed mine partially purple and it wasn't for attention, it was because I was bored!

Ok this I don't understand If someone is bored they usually read a book/watch tv/listen to some music/go online... (not an obvious loner, am I ) what could possibly motivate you to spend time and money to get attention rather than do one of these things, or indeed going to see a friend? (it may not have been your motivation but you surely knew you'd get attention) And especially why purple? Assuming your avatar is you and that purple is dark it wouldn't be very noticeable. Actually had I seen you with purple hair I'd not have judged you as attention seeking at all, I'd have got confused and might even have asked about it. Attention seeking was a girl last night whose hair (excluding 2 inch roots) was the same shade of deep blue/green as her glasses... and no, I didn't interrupt her happy conversation with her friends but I did observe. Not a loud attention seeker at all.

 

[Abraxas]

I've been thinking about why I do everything and one thing just isn't right. The best word to describe it is prejudice, but it's not the normal things.

I judge people based on stupid things whether it be tattoos/piercings not in the ear (why would anyone want to disfigure themself? Must be something wrong with them) or dress sense (goth's in the summer - they are too hot in a full length trenchcoat, they must be stupid to wear one) random/dual hair colours (attention seeker, AVOID!)... I could go on but you get the idea.

This isn't the first time I've thought about it, I know it's wrong, yet I can't help myself

Instead of seeing how people are different from you, try to see in what way they are similar to you. That might help.

Stop giving those irrelevant external things so much power over you. Not relevant, valuable in any sense, except for creating an unnecessary opinion for the sake of making a stance on some arbitrary thing? Drop it, it's a waste of mental energy.

I agree! Social/cultural/political/religious/etc. prejudices are in fact irrelevant, because they do not exist in reality. Having these prejudices creates an unopen mind, which actually creates an illusion of reality.

For example, I could have a converstion with a christian about my beliefs:

Cn: What do you believe in?

Me: I believe in understanding everything(illumination), education of oneself and insight. I believe it is right to be proud of my personal achievements. I believe in freedom and prosperity.

Cn: That sounds like a very useful philosophy. What religion teaches those virtues?

Me: Luciferianism

Cn: OMFG!!!!