Duty
Member
- Local time
- Today 10:33 AM
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2008
- Messages
- 47
First, I apologize for the length. I've divided it up into sections to make it easier to read, but I do have the tendency to ramble and be precise. The last section is the most important, so skip to that if you don't want to read my background, are short on time, or just don't feel like reading a long thread. I hope INTPs that have had similar experiences and got out can help me out.
Introduction
As I'm sure you all know, society is really hard on INTPs...and in fact I'd say both the INxPs have it "tougher" than any other personality type. Society is just set up for SJs (they're by far the largest group of the Keirsey main types, second is SPs) and introvert just means straying away from society anyways. When an INTP's whole life has been spent around 80% SJs, and 15% SPs, my life can be the result.
Family
I was raised by 2 ISTJs, and my 2 closest extending family members (grandparents) were an ISFJ and an ESTJ. ISTJs as the parental authorities for an INTP is just a recipe for disaster. My brother is the ultra-social ESFP.
Growing up, I constantly got the usual INTP harrassment that would be expected from being surrounded by SJs, particularly the rigid STJs...that I was deficient, lazy, screwed up and just not normal. I still get this today from all those family members.
My Mother
My mother is legally physically disabled from a condition similar to an acute Fibromyalgia or Rumetoid Atheritis...but it's probably neither of these things (or is a combination of things). The constant nagging I get to "help your mother around the house," is of course horribly hard for an INTP, and further, my mother is borderline OCD and runs a cleaning company. She doesn't help herself (overloads herself with work...including physical work), and then gives me the "You should do X automatically, I shouldn't have to ask for help." It's extremely stressful to both parties, and a major reason I wish I could find the motivation to support myself again (see the last section).
My true problem with my mother is she thinks she's educated in psychology because she's 6 credits from an associate's in psych. It's incredible because she thinks that I am:
1. Autistic, and claims that she fought to have me diagnosed as such.
2. ADD, and did have me diagnosed with it.
3. Addicted to my computer
When I try to explain that I am truly none of these things, and that MBTI's assessment of me is not only more accurate, but in my opinion more helpful, she closes up and rejects it.
Think about it...
1. She thinks I'm autistic because I don't display "correct emotions." This is typical of an INTP.
2. "Attention deficit" is typical INTP behavior too...we're absorbed in our own thought.
3. The addiction part is only because I've found the computer to be a more convenient, comfortable way of socializing as well as an extremely huge library to feed that intuition and thinking. I've lived completely without my high-powered machine for 2 weeks now, only used this computer once a day to check mail (less then 10 minutes), and writing this is the first time I've done anything other then that on the computer. I do not at all feel any of the pitfalls that addicted persons typically feel (anxiety about the computer, higher stress levels, or a near irresistable urge to "relapse"). Addiction does not seem at all to be the proper concept in play here.
My main difficulty with my mother is that she refuses to even try and see how my behavior is just normal behavior for my personality type. She's convinced I'm defective and psychologically disturbed. When I reject that, she (predictably for an ISTJ!) gets upset and says I'm being disrespectful to her. To her, she's the authority figure since she's my mother, and any time I disagree or debate the issue, the famous, "You just think you're always right," comes out.
How To Hurt an INTP
In fact, I get that from nearly everyone..."You just think you're always right...you will never be convinced that you're wrong." Nothing is more frustrating then that little phrase to an INTP. More then another other type, except perhaps INFPs, we second guess ourselves and almost never admit "being right." I'm honestly tired of hearing this phrase, and all the people that know me have talked about me when I'm not around and have agreed that this is the way I am (my family, my ENFJ neighbor, all the family's friends)...and none of them respect me enough to listen and understand this is INTP normalcy.
The One Person I Loved
Let me tell you about the one person I ever loved (I don't claim to "love" my family, depending on your definition of love...being brutally honest INTP here, but most people do not "love" their family imo, but only do family things out of a sense of duty). The one person I fell in love with, and ever loved, was an INFJ girl. She made an effort to understand me, and I think she truly did. I met her in high school, enjoyed an intesely great friendship with her, and eventually we made it a romantic one. She would listen to me talk about my theories and what I learned for hours, and she honestly liked to listen to it...as we had similar interests in political philosophy, philosophy of religion, psychology, sociology, and sometimes I could get into the artsy-ness she loved to display (particularly music). Predictably, the relationship strained a LOT from lack of attention...she did not get the attention she craved and eventually dumped me and never looked back. The relationship lasted about 3 years, and has been over for about 5 years now.
The Important Part
Honestly, I've long suffered the "emotional death" that I think is a constant threat to INTPs (the one where we are always the outcast...where we're always judged/dominated and feel enslaved to the dominant societal system...and that system just breaks our spirit with seemingly endless and unavoidable stretches of monotony). We are an INCREDIBLY resilient and patient type imo...I've gone 22 years with only a single person ever that would engage in debate, understand me, and most of all...respect who I am. The rest of those years every person in my life has constantly given me the "You always think you're right" speech, told me how abnormal and defective I am, and all of them completely disrespect me because they can get away with it...no one is going to object to disrespecting a person that none of them understand, and such a person that doesn't fit in...that doesn't follow their values, etc...is not worthy of respect.
In the 5 years since I've been dumped, I've had no friends except for passing aquintances and a couple gamer friends (and I've since stopped gaming). For those 5 years I've honestly stagnated...I went to college (had a 3.8 GPA, and by retaking 1 class could get to a 4.0) for a year, but dropped out because I lost the motivation to continue. I still lack that motivation. Although I can sit down with philosophy (which was my major) and get "in the zone" (INTPs, you know what I mean by that!) on even very complex problems such as "the Given," and "The Problem of Induction," I rarely can find the motivation to sit down and do it in the first place. I too often find myself watching reruns of ATHF, playing with the dog, relaxing in the tub, or just not wanting to get out of bed. INTPs typically are the combination of intense intelligence and single minded passion for their subject...I've lost the passion part.
I've also had an interest in physics...particularly astronomy, but philosophy was by far my greatest interest in the past.
Now I live (unemployed atm :/) just in a rut, and it's really getting to me badly. I just can't find the motivation to work a GED-level job enough to get money to get back into college...and even then I don't know if I would have the motivation to keep at college. Any suggestions?
Introduction
As I'm sure you all know, society is really hard on INTPs...and in fact I'd say both the INxPs have it "tougher" than any other personality type. Society is just set up for SJs (they're by far the largest group of the Keirsey main types, second is SPs) and introvert just means straying away from society anyways. When an INTP's whole life has been spent around 80% SJs, and 15% SPs, my life can be the result.
Family
I was raised by 2 ISTJs, and my 2 closest extending family members (grandparents) were an ISFJ and an ESTJ. ISTJs as the parental authorities for an INTP is just a recipe for disaster. My brother is the ultra-social ESFP.
Growing up, I constantly got the usual INTP harrassment that would be expected from being surrounded by SJs, particularly the rigid STJs...that I was deficient, lazy, screwed up and just not normal. I still get this today from all those family members.
My Mother
My mother is legally physically disabled from a condition similar to an acute Fibromyalgia or Rumetoid Atheritis...but it's probably neither of these things (or is a combination of things). The constant nagging I get to "help your mother around the house," is of course horribly hard for an INTP, and further, my mother is borderline OCD and runs a cleaning company. She doesn't help herself (overloads herself with work...including physical work), and then gives me the "You should do X automatically, I shouldn't have to ask for help." It's extremely stressful to both parties, and a major reason I wish I could find the motivation to support myself again (see the last section).
My true problem with my mother is she thinks she's educated in psychology because she's 6 credits from an associate's in psych. It's incredible because she thinks that I am:
1. Autistic, and claims that she fought to have me diagnosed as such.
2. ADD, and did have me diagnosed with it.
3. Addicted to my computer
When I try to explain that I am truly none of these things, and that MBTI's assessment of me is not only more accurate, but in my opinion more helpful, she closes up and rejects it.
Think about it...
1. She thinks I'm autistic because I don't display "correct emotions." This is typical of an INTP.
2. "Attention deficit" is typical INTP behavior too...we're absorbed in our own thought.
3. The addiction part is only because I've found the computer to be a more convenient, comfortable way of socializing as well as an extremely huge library to feed that intuition and thinking. I've lived completely without my high-powered machine for 2 weeks now, only used this computer once a day to check mail (less then 10 minutes), and writing this is the first time I've done anything other then that on the computer. I do not at all feel any of the pitfalls that addicted persons typically feel (anxiety about the computer, higher stress levels, or a near irresistable urge to "relapse"). Addiction does not seem at all to be the proper concept in play here.
My main difficulty with my mother is that she refuses to even try and see how my behavior is just normal behavior for my personality type. She's convinced I'm defective and psychologically disturbed. When I reject that, she (predictably for an ISTJ!) gets upset and says I'm being disrespectful to her. To her, she's the authority figure since she's my mother, and any time I disagree or debate the issue, the famous, "You just think you're always right," comes out.
How To Hurt an INTP
In fact, I get that from nearly everyone..."You just think you're always right...you will never be convinced that you're wrong." Nothing is more frustrating then that little phrase to an INTP. More then another other type, except perhaps INFPs, we second guess ourselves and almost never admit "being right." I'm honestly tired of hearing this phrase, and all the people that know me have talked about me when I'm not around and have agreed that this is the way I am (my family, my ENFJ neighbor, all the family's friends)...and none of them respect me enough to listen and understand this is INTP normalcy.
The One Person I Loved
Let me tell you about the one person I ever loved (I don't claim to "love" my family, depending on your definition of love...being brutally honest INTP here, but most people do not "love" their family imo, but only do family things out of a sense of duty). The one person I fell in love with, and ever loved, was an INFJ girl. She made an effort to understand me, and I think she truly did. I met her in high school, enjoyed an intesely great friendship with her, and eventually we made it a romantic one. She would listen to me talk about my theories and what I learned for hours, and she honestly liked to listen to it...as we had similar interests in political philosophy, philosophy of religion, psychology, sociology, and sometimes I could get into the artsy-ness she loved to display (particularly music). Predictably, the relationship strained a LOT from lack of attention...she did not get the attention she craved and eventually dumped me and never looked back. The relationship lasted about 3 years, and has been over for about 5 years now.
The Important Part
Honestly, I've long suffered the "emotional death" that I think is a constant threat to INTPs (the one where we are always the outcast...where we're always judged/dominated and feel enslaved to the dominant societal system...and that system just breaks our spirit with seemingly endless and unavoidable stretches of monotony). We are an INCREDIBLY resilient and patient type imo...I've gone 22 years with only a single person ever that would engage in debate, understand me, and most of all...respect who I am. The rest of those years every person in my life has constantly given me the "You always think you're right" speech, told me how abnormal and defective I am, and all of them completely disrespect me because they can get away with it...no one is going to object to disrespecting a person that none of them understand, and such a person that doesn't fit in...that doesn't follow their values, etc...is not worthy of respect.
In the 5 years since I've been dumped, I've had no friends except for passing aquintances and a couple gamer friends (and I've since stopped gaming). For those 5 years I've honestly stagnated...I went to college (had a 3.8 GPA, and by retaking 1 class could get to a 4.0) for a year, but dropped out because I lost the motivation to continue. I still lack that motivation. Although I can sit down with philosophy (which was my major) and get "in the zone" (INTPs, you know what I mean by that!) on even very complex problems such as "the Given," and "The Problem of Induction," I rarely can find the motivation to sit down and do it in the first place. I too often find myself watching reruns of ATHF, playing with the dog, relaxing in the tub, or just not wanting to get out of bed. INTPs typically are the combination of intense intelligence and single minded passion for their subject...I've lost the passion part.
I've also had an interest in physics...particularly astronomy, but philosophy was by far my greatest interest in the past.
Now I live (unemployed atm :/) just in a rut, and it's really getting to me badly. I just can't find the motivation to work a GED-level job enough to get money to get back into college...and even then I don't know if I would have the motivation to keep at college. Any suggestions?