antigone
Redshirt
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- Today 2:58 AM
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2010
- Messages
- 7
I'll sheepishly admit I haven't even introduced myself to the forums yet. Sorry, I guess I'm pretty eager to get some answers on this matter! Yes, it's all about luuurve ...
So, to give you other awesome INTPs some deeper insight on him, which may or may not help you to grasp a better perspective on him as a likeminded person ... He lost his first wife to cancer after only a few years of being married, and he still refers to her in this misty-eyed way, and loved her very much. After she passed away, he looked to history to cope, and this inspired his love for the subject. He remarried a woman he has a 10-year-old son with, and was going through the divorce when I was in his class. So he's a widower, a divorcee, and a father.
He is incredibly kind and he respects his students immensely, he has the sort of tender love for the minds of his pupils as an INFJ has for a wounded animal. Of course, I am not too naive, and I do realize that he is a T type ... An introverted thinker, in fact, which evades a lot of his students. When I first discussed the mbti with him, I suggested he was an ENFP. This is a misconception a lot of his students make because he dutifully remains very upbeat in the classroom. And even outside of it, really, he's very careful of never being cynical.
I know that this isn't who he is completely. Sure, I give him an immense amount of credit for it, but I have always been very careful to disclaimer any suggestion we meet with "now, if you're busy, and want to do this another time I totally understand" because he gets caught up in the moment usually and says yes. He needs time for himself. As an introvert myself- so far I on the spectrum it's probably a personality disorder of some kind - I get it completely.
We have always had a pretty deep connection, he said multiple times, (though the romantic, starry eyed school girl I was, I admit what I envisioned - confessing my adoration, followed of course by a fairy tale ending - likely wasn't what he had in mind at all!) and even the mere suggestion that he found something like him in me at all had my heart pounding for days.
Alright, so I pretty much adore this guy.
I graduated in 2007, and contacted him several times since. Once I met him at his apartment the following autumn, and then a year passed before I e-mailed him to try to arrange another meeting date. Little did I know, he was driving hours away and back again to care for his dying mother at the time, so he understandably stopped replying.
It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I had to go to the high school to collect a letter of recommendation for an art school I'm transferring to, so I decided I'd go check out his classroom. He walked in as I was inquiring his M&M jar (empty in case you're curious) and we spoke again! I told him he had to see me on my 21st birthday now, and we exchanged numbers and made it happen.
On my birthday, we stayed up in his apartment until 4 AM talking about various abstract concepts. Whenever I'm alone with him, he talks endlessly and excitedly with adorable hand gestures and everything, and he apologizes for talking so much and continues on, and promises he's almost done and branches off again, and then I try to keep a straight face. I listen and absorb and when it's not rude to do it, finish his sentences when he gets stuck for a second, proud because I can somehow always follow what he's saying! He fascinates me. And he says that I'm very inspiring to him, which as you'd imagine makes my heart pound in a really feirce way. He tells me things he's told "only a couple of people" pretty often, which again, sort of makes me feel a bit like a chosen one of God.
But now as I'm older, and I've had a few other professors since, and I realize that intellect isn't quite extinct, I am a bit more confident. I don't idolize him any less at all, but I am not quite so shy around him anymore.
... So I worked up the courage to tell him I liked him. I told him I had no expectations or anything, that it was alright whatever his reaction was, and I said I liked him. He paused and said "... okay? Well, I mean, I like you too." And I averted my eyes and played with my fingertips and said, "... I mean I like. Like, you know ... I like you." "... Oh ... OH!" He's a little outdated I think, they started using the term "like" when I was in middle school I think.
He said he had absolutely no idea I felt that way at all, but that he was extremely flattered and that he had no issue at all with the age difference, and then he kissed me. And suddenly this ... This man came out, you know? It was more than a little shocking at first, and I was pretty quiet, and overwhelmed and I dunno if an INTP quite understands how good a thing it is for an INFJ to feel quite that much at once, so much they're momentarily in a numb shock, and for the next week, as he informed me more recently, he was afraid he'd upset me.
Of course, every time I thought back on it, it grew less and less confusing, and I'd smile wider and wider, until I was covering my whole face and making sounds that could only be described as rodent-like whenever I thought of the kiss in private, and I was losing my composure all over the place!
So the next time I saw him, it was awkward for him, and it wasn't until several hours later that he brought the kiss up again. I assured him that it was beyond alright, that he made my birthday, and that none will ever live up to it probably, and then I hugged him and asked if I could get another chance to kiss him. And he agreed, and so I was way more confident about it this time around ... And in the process of trying to leave he asked for two more long kisses, haha. He walked me to my car, said goodnight, and for the first time I didn't call him by his teacher-name, but said, bye Michael!
This may be the J/P barrier too, but he said he would text me on Friday to let me know what time we'd next get together, but he never did. So I texted him the next day to inquire then, about an hour before we were going to meet, and had I not I don't know that he ever would have let me know. That didn't concern me too much at all, however ... He said he would text me the next day to arrange when we could meet then, but never did. I still haven't heard from him at all and it's been two days.
I haven't texted him at all because I don't want to disturb his privacy but I can't help but to be a bit hurt and confused by it. Part of me just wants to totally leave it up to him to contact me again, but he's never really ... reached out before, it's always been me reaching out, and he's recoiled once before (under way different circumstances) but I feel like we're at this place now where a relationship is very possible, but hasn't even developed enough yet for me to even mean anything at all to him.
And I can survive unrequited love to an extent, I just need to know it's unrequited. And I need to know if he's just busy, or even if he doesn't want to see me, if this is going too fast, if it's annoying him, if I'm annoying, all those other really girly concerns. In his defense he's probably busy from all the snow day cancellations and stuff but I just, as a J, have a really hard time understanding how a simple text to give someone else the peace of mind not to make plans that aren't going to happen anyway is impossible. I am understanding, I realize work and his son and a whole load of things at this early point come first, but I do hold him responsible for being thoughtless about it. The way I see it, and it's probably irrational of me but ... If he can't consider me enough to just let me know, I'm probably not even in his thoughts at all, am I?
Any insight here would be appreciated!
First, a lot of (maybe unnecessary) information:
I am an INFJ, 21 years old. To give some perspective here, this INTP guy I'm pretty infatuated with is ... Much older. He was my history teacher in fact as a senior. During high school he was a significant mentor to me, really one of the only teachers I'd ever had who cared about expanding my gifts personally. He's very successful at what he does, and extremely humble about that fact, but geniunely so. When I first stepped into his classroom at 17 years old, he was like this ... omnipotent being! I mean, oh my God (... he kind of is), what person knows so damn much?! He is brilliant and before then I had never been exposed to anything like the INTP brain before. He is excited to teach, and to learn. He has such a respect for knowledge. Never is he right for the sake of being right ...So, to give you other awesome INTPs some deeper insight on him, which may or may not help you to grasp a better perspective on him as a likeminded person ... He lost his first wife to cancer after only a few years of being married, and he still refers to her in this misty-eyed way, and loved her very much. After she passed away, he looked to history to cope, and this inspired his love for the subject. He remarried a woman he has a 10-year-old son with, and was going through the divorce when I was in his class. So he's a widower, a divorcee, and a father.
He is incredibly kind and he respects his students immensely, he has the sort of tender love for the minds of his pupils as an INFJ has for a wounded animal. Of course, I am not too naive, and I do realize that he is a T type ... An introverted thinker, in fact, which evades a lot of his students. When I first discussed the mbti with him, I suggested he was an ENFP. This is a misconception a lot of his students make because he dutifully remains very upbeat in the classroom. And even outside of it, really, he's very careful of never being cynical.
I know that this isn't who he is completely. Sure, I give him an immense amount of credit for it, but I have always been very careful to disclaimer any suggestion we meet with "now, if you're busy, and want to do this another time I totally understand" because he gets caught up in the moment usually and says yes. He needs time for himself. As an introvert myself- so far I on the spectrum it's probably a personality disorder of some kind - I get it completely.
We have always had a pretty deep connection, he said multiple times, (though the romantic, starry eyed school girl I was, I admit what I envisioned - confessing my adoration, followed of course by a fairy tale ending - likely wasn't what he had in mind at all!) and even the mere suggestion that he found something like him in me at all had my heart pounding for days.
Alright, so I pretty much adore this guy.
I graduated in 2007, and contacted him several times since. Once I met him at his apartment the following autumn, and then a year passed before I e-mailed him to try to arrange another meeting date. Little did I know, he was driving hours away and back again to care for his dying mother at the time, so he understandably stopped replying.
It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I had to go to the high school to collect a letter of recommendation for an art school I'm transferring to, so I decided I'd go check out his classroom. He walked in as I was inquiring his M&M jar (empty in case you're curious) and we spoke again! I told him he had to see me on my 21st birthday now, and we exchanged numbers and made it happen.
On my birthday, we stayed up in his apartment until 4 AM talking about various abstract concepts. Whenever I'm alone with him, he talks endlessly and excitedly with adorable hand gestures and everything, and he apologizes for talking so much and continues on, and promises he's almost done and branches off again, and then I try to keep a straight face. I listen and absorb and when it's not rude to do it, finish his sentences when he gets stuck for a second, proud because I can somehow always follow what he's saying! He fascinates me. And he says that I'm very inspiring to him, which as you'd imagine makes my heart pound in a really feirce way. He tells me things he's told "only a couple of people" pretty often, which again, sort of makes me feel a bit like a chosen one of God.
But now as I'm older, and I've had a few other professors since, and I realize that intellect isn't quite extinct, I am a bit more confident. I don't idolize him any less at all, but I am not quite so shy around him anymore.
... So I worked up the courage to tell him I liked him. I told him I had no expectations or anything, that it was alright whatever his reaction was, and I said I liked him. He paused and said "... okay? Well, I mean, I like you too." And I averted my eyes and played with my fingertips and said, "... I mean I like. Like, you know ... I like you." "... Oh ... OH!" He's a little outdated I think, they started using the term "like" when I was in middle school I think.
He said he had absolutely no idea I felt that way at all, but that he was extremely flattered and that he had no issue at all with the age difference, and then he kissed me. And suddenly this ... This man came out, you know? It was more than a little shocking at first, and I was pretty quiet, and overwhelmed and I dunno if an INTP quite understands how good a thing it is for an INFJ to feel quite that much at once, so much they're momentarily in a numb shock, and for the next week, as he informed me more recently, he was afraid he'd upset me.
Of course, every time I thought back on it, it grew less and less confusing, and I'd smile wider and wider, until I was covering my whole face and making sounds that could only be described as rodent-like whenever I thought of the kiss in private, and I was losing my composure all over the place!
So the next time I saw him, it was awkward for him, and it wasn't until several hours later that he brought the kiss up again. I assured him that it was beyond alright, that he made my birthday, and that none will ever live up to it probably, and then I hugged him and asked if I could get another chance to kiss him. And he agreed, and so I was way more confident about it this time around ... And in the process of trying to leave he asked for two more long kisses, haha. He walked me to my car, said goodnight, and for the first time I didn't call him by his teacher-name, but said, bye Michael!
And now to the point:
Of course, now afterward it's gotten a bit confusing. He said he'd text to figure out a time for Saturday we could hang out. Of course, I understand completely that he had to spend all of Saturday with his son and wound up cancelling. We texted a bit after he cancelled, and that definitely went well, he flirted with me more! Now ... INTPs, I ask you to consider what F can do to an infatuated woman's logic as I continue, but ...This may be the J/P barrier too, but he said he would text me on Friday to let me know what time we'd next get together, but he never did. So I texted him the next day to inquire then, about an hour before we were going to meet, and had I not I don't know that he ever would have let me know. That didn't concern me too much at all, however ... He said he would text me the next day to arrange when we could meet then, but never did. I still haven't heard from him at all and it's been two days.
I haven't texted him at all because I don't want to disturb his privacy but I can't help but to be a bit hurt and confused by it. Part of me just wants to totally leave it up to him to contact me again, but he's never really ... reached out before, it's always been me reaching out, and he's recoiled once before (under way different circumstances) but I feel like we're at this place now where a relationship is very possible, but hasn't even developed enough yet for me to even mean anything at all to him.
And I can survive unrequited love to an extent, I just need to know it's unrequited. And I need to know if he's just busy, or even if he doesn't want to see me, if this is going too fast, if it's annoying him, if I'm annoying, all those other really girly concerns. In his defense he's probably busy from all the snow day cancellations and stuff but I just, as a J, have a really hard time understanding how a simple text to give someone else the peace of mind not to make plans that aren't going to happen anyway is impossible. I am understanding, I realize work and his son and a whole load of things at this early point come first, but I do hold him responsible for being thoughtless about it. The way I see it, and it's probably irrational of me but ... If he can't consider me enough to just let me know, I'm probably not even in his thoughts at all, am I?
Any insight here would be appreciated!
and 
at the same time. Sigh. . .
