I feel like the inverse can also be true -- women, especially in this post-feminist age, are pressured to say that they dislike being hit on and that it's disrepectful and objectifying. Yet we do all kinds of ridiculous things to look attractive. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I've been shamed by other women for letting guys pick up the check and appreciating car doors being opened for me, etc. And now the poor guys out there live in a perpetual state of uncertainty when it comes to dating/romantic contexts because they get these mixed signals from women.
When I walk through a door, I go first and hold it behind me: my aims are utilitarian, yet people--even girls-- thank me anyway. But you're right: guys do get mixed signals from women. In this day and age, if a comment about a girl's body is not the equivalent of poetry about her eyes, then it's considered to be vile, objectifying, even stalkerish. I'll gladly write that poetry, but so much
else about girls can be beautiful: lips, teeth, hair, necks, shoulders, arms, hands-- everything that artists of all types have rendered on both genders for millennia. And yes, sex can be beautiful, too. It's a part of life, but all the grown-ups where I come from are so uptight about it, as if knowledge of the mere existence of their sexuality were an affront to society. I blame conservatism and religion.
Why is it less creepy for a guy to hit on a chick in a bar or online vs. in the street/daily life? I wish more guys had the cajones to approach me when I'm out and about. I am told I am intimidating and fear that the good ones do not approach for the reasons listed above (i.e. being labeled as creepy, bad experiences in the past) and it's a damn shame. One of my favorite parts about traveling outside the US is that people are less afraid to talk to other people while on the street, whether in a flirtation context or otherwise. When did we all get so scared of one another and so oversensitive to being offensive? Or is this just an echo of something much older?
Luckily, I face no such
problem!
I've flirted with more girls than I have fingers, and I've initiated most of it (though I also appreciate girls initiating; it fills me with a sense of pride
). One explanation for the effect would be the everpresence of the fictional male 'creeper,' who sexually harasses women in real life, followed by stories of women being afraid of being sexually assaulted or even raped outright and arming themselves with martial arts training, T.A.S.E.R.'s, and even handguns to fend off males. Guys see the creeper, the stories, and the Smith and Wesson, and think, "I guess that women feel creeped out and scared when hit on in public" and subsequently stop doing so.
And don't forget that not every man is a male chauvinist: some men feel sympathetic toward or are even a part of the feminist movement, a few even going as far as to initiate
men's studies to further eradicate stereotypes and cultural restrictions. For example, at my freshman semi-formal, a group of guys asked me if I wanted to dance with a girl who stood in their midst. She seemed reluctant. They tried to convince her, but I said something to the effect of, "If she doesn't want to, then I don't want to, either. Dancing is supposed fun for the both of us." One of the guys reached over, shook my hand, and said, "You're a real gentleman, Duxwing". In earlier decades, he might have called me gay or unmanly. So progress is being made! I hope.
Favorite quote off another forum: "The only thing women like less than being a sex object is not being a sex object."
Do you really think so?
-Duxwing
