Lyra's Obituary

[Puffy]

Hi everyone,

Unfortunately I am writing to share some bad news.

Lyra (aka XIII) committed suicide on the 16th June this year by hanging.

He had been in a lot of physical pain over complications from a prior surgery for the last year. This led to a sharp creative decline for him that was making it difficult for him to make progress with his ambitions and a company he was trying to start-up. In combination with certain personal matters, he became suddenly overwhelmed and took his life.

I have been a real life friend of his for the last few years. I was aware of how much he was struggling and had arranged for him to come stay with me while he was in the UK for his surgery. Unfortunately he died the day before he was meant to meet me. I twigged when he didn’t arrive and I couldn’t get a hold of him so I called the police and they informed me.

At the time me and Dormouse (his partner) wrote to all the members here who we knew he was in contact with to inform them. I am sorry if there is anyone else we neglected to tell as I only know of the people he’d informed me of himself. I hope the general populace can appreciate that we were both deeply grieved at the time and were not ready to talk about this publicly. The people we informed were asked not to share the news so we take responsibility for it not being public knowledge until now.

Dormouse hasn’t taken this very well as you can imagine. She has told me she will not rejoin the forum so there is no need to PM her here. She has said that anyone who has her contact details off-forum are welcome to get in touch with her though.

I know as much about the situation as anyone and am happy to answer any questions that are appropriate to answer. I will stick around for a while so do not hesitate to get in touch if you would prefer to PM me.

This is an open and public thread so please feel free to express anything you would like without reserve. He was controversial at times but he also had an important part in forum history and will surely be a missed presence here.

 

[redbaron]

I could never really open a dialogue with Lyra but I actually liked him.

Rip.

 

[TheManBeyond]

that's something i have always wondered, like, how many members of this forum will or already have kill themselves?

i don't know this guy, but by reading his posts, threads, it seemed his mind had gone way too beyond... beyond...

R.I.P

 

[Architect]

I got to know Lyra during my Pod'Lair investigation. We talked about PL, he tried to educate me in it, but I wasn't able to make much headway. We also talked about some of his other philosophical ideas which I felt were interesting and thought out, but weren't ones I could get on board with, along with PL. He convinced me to make a rare 'public appearance' and so I made a video which he showed to the core PL team, who (without being told) correctly decided I was a clear INTP (or the PL equivalent), with characteristics you'd find in a mature one. I appreciated that, having never been professionally typed, and while I think PL has PR and management issues I believe they have much to offer us in MBTI.

I haven't talked to him in years but I'm saddened that it came to this. I think life in any form is precious and wish that it doesn't come to a point where people see suicide as the only option. Goodbye Lyra.

Puffy, thank you for telling us. I had a, premonition? that something like this was going on with the forum for the last few months. For some reason I thought about how a member could disappear and we'd not know what happened. I really appreciate you sharing the sad news.

 

[Jennywocky]

I didn't really talk to Lyra much that I can recall, when our time here overlapped, but he seemed articulate and passionate; this is sad news. My condolences to the people who were friends with him.

 

[Absurdity]

Talking to him was always such a humbling experience because he seemed in every aspect and by every measure simply better than me. He was far smarter, far more creative, far better read, and infinitely more passionate, and yet for what ever reason he took an interest in me in the last year or so of his life.

It was like he took it upon himself to mentor me, dumping thousands of words of insights and clues for further study, stoking the fires of my curiosity, berating my instances of stupidity. I was fascinated but also deeply mistrustful of his tendency for crypticness. I would read and reread his messages for weeks before replying, trying to figure out what the catch was. It never occurred to me that he could just be genuinely curious about me and was benevolent enough to privately grace me with a taste of his genius.

Since hearing of his passing I've profoundly regretted not seizing that opportunity more firmly when I had it. He seemed by all accounts an extraordinary individual, and I often find myself wishing I had extended to him the trust he deserved and learned all I could from him.

Thanks for this Puffy.

 

[Black Rose]

Tell Dormouse that I remember them and love them very much.
I was not sure and I was lonely and they made my life better.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

R.I.P. Brother

-Zero- doubt you are in a far, far better place. Mourn for us, from time to time, for we are stuck here for now...

 

[Perfectly Normal Beast]

condolences to those that knew him.

farewell dormouse

 

[Fukyo]

At the time, the news of his death left me shocked. Somebody who seemed ahead of others, inspired, passionate and ambitious taking their life was incomprehensible to me. He mentioned it but it never crossed my mind he'd do it.

Like Absurdity, I was always too mistrustful of him to truly speak to him openly, yet he shared to make me more comfortable, even though he didn't need to. I regret not taking to him more, and getting to know him.

I was not his friend, but I liked and appreciated him for his unique and interesting personality and ways of thinking; he always seemed like he was not of this world, difficult to pin down, and define. He had many colors.


Hopefully he is at peace now.


Condolences to Dor and Puffy.

 

[crippli]

Sad news. I hope I learned a few things from our few interactions on here. Somehow I got the feeling Lyra knew me more then I knew Lyra. It seems I won't find out now.

One of those posters that wrote posts effortlessly like intellectual poems. Made me reread the posts that made one question if what one read was what it said. Usually with the feeling a large picture was written into one paragraph. And I could be smarter if I could get at the larger picture that was drawn.

I don't know. I appreciated the replies I got, although a few made me question if I was being trolled.

I suppose a mystery, that will remain a mystery.

 

[Puffy]

I still have no idea why he first contacted me. I felt he must be playing some game with me then and I didn't trust him. I just knew internally that it was important I should meet this person and I gambled in doing so.

I mirror Absurdity’s sentiments. It was very clear to me that he dwarfed me in every regard. In addition to what Abs said, more athletic, better in the sack, more courageous, more resourceful, more alive. All of the academics I had as mentors taught me nothing but empty verbiage, Lyra taught me how to live a fuller life.

Everything that could be intuited from his words I know translated into how he lived. You could study a great number of intellectual treatises and never receive anything with a reality outside the classroom, but if you’ve ever felt a pull towards Lyra’s writings I promise they have the potential to transform life. That potential is there alive or dead.

His death is among the most wretched things I’m likely to experience. But knowing him has expanded the horizons of what it is possible for me to aspire towards. I feel blessed he took an interest in me and I will repay him through the life I’m resolved to lead.

Dor is also a wonderful person. No condolence is necessary for me. I hope very much she will get through this.

 

[kantor1003]

I remember when I first joined here there was a lot of controversy surrounding XIII. As I started to read some of his writings, I was immediately drawn to it. It opened to me whole new ways of thinking and possibilities of being. It was through him that I first discovered the idea of life as art, shaping your presence in this world like a sculptor his work. He inspired me immensely. I can safely say, that no one has had such an effect upon me like him, and I doubt anyone else ever will. Even though I never had the chance to meet him in person, I am sure that some of my most profound experiences wouldn't have happened without him. I always wanted to find out how he viewed the world. He gave me hope that there was some sort of exit. A gateway from the common means-to-an-end reality to aesthetic reality, to aesthetic living. And I am still trying to follow in that path, to unveil. I still regularly read him, and his posts are the main reason why I still visit this forum. I have probably read every single one of them hundreds of times by now, as I am still searching and, y´know, as he perhaps would say, piecing it together. It's strange. Even though I never knew him apart from some correspondence in writing, he has participated in my friendships and in my life just like if he were a friend of mine.
I remember he introduced me to Osman Spare and esotericism, without which I might not have found myself at some underground lair a few years later having my first, and perhaps last, initiatory experience that were forever to change my life.
Now that he is gone, I guess I'll never have the chance to find out who he was.

When I received Puffy's message, I had some suspicion about what it concerned. In May I was excited to see that he had contacted me on Skype after what had been a year or so, asking me if I was still there. I answered that I was, and that I was greatly looking forward towards making our relation. Unfortunately, I never got a response. It never came to pass, and how much I wanted to, even if I was scared to, to actually chat with him and find out how he was in real time, or perhaps even to meet him. The reason I was scared was because his poetry, his ideas, had meant so much to me. I was, as a matter fact, dealing with something sacred to me. How on earth do I talk with someone that has meant so much to me?
The very day before I got Puffy's message, I had started to read Dark Materials again after some time away. Sometimes, when I feel utterly alone and hopeless, reading Lyra's thoughts is like catching up with an old friend, someone who will always be there, someone who looks through similar eyes, someone who has seen and that cannot unsee.

Hearing from puffy that his way of life was in harmony with his vision and his art on this forum, speaks all the more highly of him.

'If culture were one person-- if it knew
It would pitch itself over the next cliff
But it isn't, so hell-broke it goes on
Some few to wake and be dashed on the rocks'

R.I.P Lyra, you have meant a heck of a lot to me, and my sympathies goes out to Puffy and Dormouse.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

I'm sorry for your loss of a friend.

All of the academics I had as mentors taught me nothing but empty verbiage, Lyra taught me how to live a fuller life.

You could study a great number of intellectual treatises and never receive anything with a reality outside the classroom, but if you’ve ever felt a pull towards Lyra’s writings I promise they have the potential to transform life.

I feel blessed he took an interest in me and I will repay him through the life I’m resolved to lead.

He seems like a natural leader to me.

 

[Hadoblado]

I was talking to BAP on another forum, and promised to pass on his condolences:

I just read about Lyra and feel devastated.

~ BAP

 

[Hadoblado]

I personally never interacted with Lyra, he always seemed so manipulative and I didn't want to invite his curiosity, as I lacked understanding of his motives. From everything I've heard here and elsewhere since, it was my loss and I am burdened with a genuine regret.

Puffy has instilled me with a confidence that he will recover from this as best can be expected. My thoughts go with Dormouse, who has a difficult journey ahead of her, for the first time in memory I find myself flailing to find a substitute for prayer that I could give sincerely.

 

[Puffy]

I'm sorry for your loss of a friend.

With all the respect and all that.
Actually my thoughts on him are different.

He sounds like a born leader to me.

I don't buy into any appealing figures of authority. Anyone who intentionally or not projects superiority on others is a dangerous, one-sided influence. I'd rather read their book than ever meet them in person.

You could be right. In his case I don't mind so much because of what I PM'd you about. If being influenced by someone helps me further along my own path then I welcome it. If that influence drowns out my own path and becomes theres then it becomes an issue.

Lyra clearly conceived of himself as an alpha (leader) in the way he communicated. But I don't think he wanted to be a guru with a one-way relationships to his disciples. He treated me like a collaborator.

We also agreed on many topics. There were a lot of ideas I'd been writing about for years that were very important to me, but had never spoke about out of fear of dismissal, which I found analogues for in our conversations, and which gave me the courage to explore it more deeply.

I feel like I'm more like myself for having met him than less if that makes sense.

Thanks for all the responses so far. I'm not interested in throwing my weight around here, just wanted to put my post in like everyone else.

 

[Shieru]

My deepest condolences to those who were close to him. From what I've seen, he was a person with a great mind and a compassionate heart. Although his compassion wasn't always apparent to others, he seemed to passionately desire to aide those who would listen in their progression toward enlightenment.

It seems he was one of those brave souls who used the intensity of the suffering he'd gone through to fuel his passion for reform. Pain was not a deterrent, but a challenge to understand and overcome. He expresses this sort of attitude in many of his posts, it's especially clear in places like this (from this post):

..there is a veil between the human being as he normally is and the human being as he is when he perceives the structure of existence in accord with his full potential for understanding. That veil may only be torn down by one means: the causation, experience, or witnessing of immense and overwhelming trauma.

He was a profoundly beautiful soul.. dare I say, a tortured genius of sorts.

 

[Puffy]

I agree @Shieru. Actually, given the nature of this thread I feel this post is worth sharing:

Waterstiller, and all of you, thank you for this thread. I can be honest here, and just speak and be heard without somebody trying to change me.

Joy and terror both draw me towards suicide. When I'm ecstatic, I think of how I could end my life in affirmation. When I'm terrified, I see the insane cycle of up-and-down and round-and-round clearly, and want to escape from its tyranny, even if escape means self destruction. In essence, I experience life in society as a constant state of unbearable compromise. I am a half-blind man, yet aware of it, amongst the blind, who believe that they are omniscient. Every day of school, work, conforming to laws, and being a modern human feels like a violation of what I am. Most of my actions are, in some way, an attempt to escape from the blind and to regain my sight-- to end compromise and live unrestrained, unafraid.

Perhaps my experiments make more sense in this light. I so wanted to escape and truly live that the only solution was to force meaning onto emptiness; to force Godhood onto daily life. I constructed a way to turn blindness into a game that I could play with my eyes open, a game of choosing my lies and thus being free from them. I escaped the tyranny of society by imposing the tyranny of my adopted personalities onto all experience. I made life art and deified my pain.

Suicide was another way to end the compromise. I wanted to die as who I am, rather than live as a disfigured perversion of my true nature. I wrote the letter, spent hours standing on the edge of a cliff, but couldn't do it. It wasn't what I really wanted-- I wanted an end to life lived in opposition to who I am meant to be, not an end to life. It was from this realisation that my 44-week experiment was born.

But still, the terrible pain is here. So much of what I do is a reaction to my pain that it defines me. My pain propels me towards the limits of perception and nourishes my need to understand and embody my understanding. Given a choice, I would prefer life without pain, lived amongst people like me. That's not what happened, so my pain is now the way to my Godhood; my way beyond the terror of modern humanity; my way towards life.

All exalts me. Suffering is the servant of my vision.


-----------------------------

I hope that my words don't come across as preachy- they are not meant as a denial of anybody else's suffering, but as an attempt to forge meaning from my own. They are what I have longed to say and can only say here, amongst people half-blind like me. I don't know how to put this except... to express my solidarity with all of you, and my thankfulness that there is a community who don't reject my deepest and most defining emotion.

 

[cheese]

Throwing in my upvote for the public announcement too. I know some people will think it doesn't matter, but I know a lot of us care.

Seeing it publicly announced is bringing the news home even more. :/ I wanted to post earlier but felt wrong. Going to keep my thoughts in spoilers. They're just my thoughts.

Spoiler

Spoiler

I felt guilty for caring because I know without doubt that this is nothing to what some others have suffered and will continue to suffer for years to come. I can still function, still enjoy things, still occasionally forget. I felt like my upset was almost an indulgence - intrusive and self-serving. I remember after a major incident in my family, having to deal with everyone else's condolences and well-wishes. I hated them all and thought them smug, self-focused ego monsters who didn't give a fuck, who didn't have to live with this shit every day - they were emotional tourists who could just spectate and then go back to their lives. But I couldn't. I was stuck, imprisoned in my new and inescapable reality. I felt completely isolated and alone. I know now that I needed help then, but I don't want to make anyone else feel the way I did.

But my upset is no lie, and as much as it feels wrong to say anything, it feels equally wrong not to. And since this is a public thread, covering everyone from those who care deeply to those who don't even know the guy/think we're all better off, maybe it's ok. I certainly don't frown on anyone else's response. I'm glad to see us all here.

I wish he'd held on. I don't blame him, I just wish he wasn't gone. My mind keeps going, "don't be dead, don't be dead" and hoping he'll pop out of the woodwork in yet another troll account extolling the occult and berating us for being idiots. It's hard to believe there's no longer a person on the other end of these thoughts. Every time I realise for real that he's gone, there's no more fun, no more games, just the gut-punching knowledge that Lyra the person has been utterly annihilated.

I still can't fully believe it's true. I've sat with it since I saw Puffy's blog thread and spent the night panicking, waiting in fear for a confirmation PM. It hit me hard then, but the impact is only getting worse with time as my mind keeps throwing up memory after memory I have to wearily rewrite, every one a tiny death in itself. And each time it does this I'm hit immediately with a sudden rushing expansion of scale, as I realise again how many orders of magnitude more in breadth and depth his loved ones must undergo this same revision process, and know they are suffering the same sanity-destroying pain I've glimpsed in my own life and tried never to feel again.

Losing someone is very hard. Losing them to suicide is an aberration. It is impossible to ever grasp entirely; there is no answer to the question 'why', no matter how desperately you scream it. You can know all the actual answers, the factual reasons people kill themselves - unfortunate neurochemical happenstance, clinical depression, unbearable physical pain, cost-benefit analyses, mental illness, hypersensitivity and impulsivity, the crossroads between cultural indoctrination and shame, on and on. But there is no answer to the emotional question of why - why did this happen, why is the world this way. There is no answer. And in that I understand Lyra, and know that he couldn't continue living in a world which felt as uncompromisingly wretched as he experienced it, a world whose existence necessitated his death every day. He lived the pain of his own suicide long before we experienced our pain at it in return, and in dying has simply allowed us to finally feel his distress - because suffering always finds an out. The broken world once seen can never be fully accepted, only grimly burned into the self as a scar upon existence. Or it can be rejected, and in its rejection we come to the final two choices: revolution or death. Lyra sought revolution, but the fight claimed his life.

We have some amazing things on this forum because of him. Questionable intent, worrying persona(s), undoubtedly a flair for drama just as much as a talent for wounding...but also a brilliant mind, brilliant writer, a merchant of beauty. He joined as XIII right as I became an active member of this forum - he's been a part of my life online ever since I discovered typology (and has been exhorting us all to abandon the system for about as long). That's 6 years he's been on the scene, popping in and out as various people, being disturbing and incredible. We chatted, though not extensively; we exchanged stories and heartbreak; I received the standard Lyra beatdowns and compliments; we shared an appreciation for games. I partook in forum gossip about him with its air of curious but slightly terrified hens and speculated with gleeful alacrity at any remotely suspicious newcomer; watched as he emerged from chrysalis after chrysalis, building an ill-fated bromance with another titan of a troll; watched in amusement as he gathered fans and enemies alike. Together we muddled about with Auburn in an alternative typology project - the two of them with admittedly far more focused intent and actual results; we of course discovered he was double-agenting in Podlair (and in a further twist one grew to recognise as signature Lyra, later found he was actually triple-agenting for his own nefarious-yet-humanitarian purposes). I even introduced him to friends in need, asking for his help on personal issues - a favour he graciously granted not only because of his experimental inclinations but also because of his genuine caring for people, despite being emotionally worn down himself.

All this is aside from his own extraordinary personal experiences. He was a complex, morally ambiguous and fascinating person, driven more by the sheer scale of his passion for and sensitivity to life than anything else. This was both a gift and a curse - "tortured genius" is regrettably apt. And while he could be harsh and manipulative, we were undoubtedly the beneficiaries of his life. Over the years I've told friends and family about him; my own brother, who knew him only through these stories, was struck into shocked and saddened silence at the news. I am distraught at his death and its devastating fallout, distraught that he ended this way. I look back on those first few months, when he spoke more openly and was I think truly willing to connect over his suffering, and grieve that it did finally come to this.

My deepest condolences to everyone affected by this horrible tragedy, especially those closest to him. Let no one else fall.

Come back and haunt the forum Lyra!

 

[Reluctantly]

This bothers me...he thought he couldn't live without compromising who he was. I have doubt that had to be true. It seems the compromise of daily life is what he let kill him.

And so that's it? His life is finalized on that last predicate of his mind, of thinking/feeling he couldn't live without compromising who he was?

I mean, wow, that doesn't seem very cogent to me. Maybe it was more involved than that, but if that was truly an issue, it's not like it's something that can't be remedied or at least striven for. But instead, roll the credits halfway through. I mean, okay, it's everyone's choice to end their life if they want, but this doesn't seem ... truly thought out.

//yeah, i know, im being a dick, while everyone else is being nice because he's dead, but eh, maybe it's my way of not compromising who I am. so whatever.

 

[redbaron]

Refreshingly honest and valuable input I think.

I don't really know enough about personal circumstances to render judgment on why or why not Lyra decided to commit suicide, which is the main reason I refrain from analyzing it. He died and it's unfortunate that it was done in this way.

I'm somewhat surprised by the almost cultish following he seems to have acquired (either incidentally or deliberately) but considering the circumstances I don't see the point in deconstructing it seeing as he's now gone but I get why others would.

 

[Lot]

This bothers me...he thought he couldn't live without compromising who he was. I have doubt that had to be true. It seems the compromise of daily life is what he let kill him.

And so that's it? His life is finalized on that last predicate of his mind, of thinking/feeling he couldn't live without compromising who he was?

I mean, wow, that doesn't seem very cogent to me. Maybe it was more involved than that, but if that was truly an issue, it's not like it's something that can't be remedied or at least striven for. But instead, roll the credits halfway through. I mean, okay, it's everyone's choice to end their life if they want, but this doesn't seem ... truly thought out.

//yeah, i know, im being a dick, while everyone else is being nice because he's dead, but eh, maybe it's my way of not compromising who I am. so whatever.

As Puffy said, Lyra, was in the middle of trying to get a project off the ground. The pain effected his ability to produce. You have stated one of the things that depressed Lyra about this reality. That most likely isn't the only reason Lyra took his life.

Spoiler

I'm not sure if this is appropriate for the thread.
You're forgetting about the physical pain. Don't underestimate how much constantly being in pain effects a person. It completely saps all your motivation, and the only way to get rid of the pain is pain killers. Which also, normally, takes your energy. I've been in so much pain before, that I can't take it anymore. So the only thing I can think to do is hit myself till I stop hurting. It's not logical, but logic starts to leave you the longer you're in pain.

(Not saying this is what happened. Just saying what this felt like for me.)
I don't know if you ever felt your life falling apart before, but it's really hard to think clearly. Your adrenaline levels are higher than normal. Your thoughts can't be taken off the subject. You lose sleep. More adrenaline. Sudden panic attacks. Then combine the pain, which also increases your adrenaline levels. It leaves you scared, and feeling like a cosmic joke. Like some force has gone out of it's way to pick on you. Purposely hurting you in ways that drives you closer and closer to taking your life. It's pushing you to kill yourself, and it won't stop until you do. Every time you cry about it, he's there whispering your desperate thoughts to you.

The longer you sit in the mess, the harder it is to see an exit. Victim complexes develop, along with all other sorts of mental issues. And who wants to be a burden on their family and friends, by being the depressed friend that wants to die? So you don't reach out. Deep down you really don't want to die, but you can't see any other way out. I'm not sure if other people do this, but I had justified my suicide by claiming that it's everyone else thats being selfish. Why should I continue suffering, so they can enjoy my company every once in awhile?

I do agree with what you said, otherwise. That would be a stupid reason to kill yourself.

This thread has honestly made me feel super shitty/guilty for ever wanting to kill myself. Just reading the first couple posts gave me a panic attack. One of several reading the thread. I haven't read much of Lyra before, and never talked to him, but feel lose after reading how people responded.

I really feel for those of you that lost their friend. This is one of those events that will probably stay with some of you for a long time. Try not to let anger take the place of the good memories.

 

[Puffy]

This is an open and public thread so please feel free to express anything you would like without reserve.

Prefaced with that as I don't want people to think they have to tip-toe with me. This happened three months ago, and while it has undoubtedly effected me, anyone who knows me would know I'm highly resilient emotionally. I don't mind negative comments, I'd prefer people were honest.

@Reluctantly. Apologies if my posting that XIII post makes it out to be the only causative factor. I think it is a causative factor and captures something of his relationship to death, but there was more going on at the time. Lot's points are relevant but also personal issues that don't seem appropriate to go into here.

I personally don't feel his suicide was planned or done in a rational mind-set but an impulsive response to very intense pain in the moment.

@RB. It's a concern. Lyra clearly had high charisma, a high level of social intelligence, and had shown he could be manipulative if he wanted to be. On a personal level between me and him, I feel I've responded to this in what I said to Blarraun. But it's up to other people to come to their own conclusion.

 

[Jennywocky]

Prefaced with that as I don't want people to think they have to tip-toe with me. This happened three months ago, and while it has undoubtedly effected me, anyone who knows me would know I'm highly resilient emotionally. I don't mind negative comments, I'd prefer people were honest.

@Reluctantly. Apologies if my posting that XIII post makes it out to be the main causative factor. I think it is a causative factor and captures something of his relationship to death, but there was more going on at the time. Lot's points are relevant but also personal issues that don't seem appropriate to go into here.

I personally don't feel his suicide was planned or done in a rational mind-set but an impulsive response to very intense pain in the moment.

@RB. It's a concern. Lyra clearly had high charisma, a high level of social intelligence, and had shown he could be manipulative if he wanted to be. On a personal level between me and him, I feel I've responded to this in what I said to Blarraun. But it's up to other people to come to their own conclusion.

I appreciate what you've shared so far. I didn't have much to say earlier, except loss is loss, and so regardless there is a loss of potential with his death especially if he might have found success and happiness/lack of pain at some future point. It would make this whole episode completely needless. But no one can know the "Might Have Happeneds" of the future.

I've perceived the positive and negatives that various people have ascribed to Lyra. There aren't really any surprises there. Personally, the negatives were too much for me to handle in the life situation I found myself in at the time (I needed to function under some incredibly difficult life stress), so I hung back rightly or wrongly. It's just the way it played out for me.

Self-harm seems to be a confluence of various issues, mounting together to overflow the dam of contentment and resolve. For one of them, I know I've had to consider the chronic pain issue before, and I agree with what has been said -- I've found it can grow to taint every moment, make it difficult to think, and at some point you wonder whether life is worth it; you just need to stop the noise. Seemingly such a small thing, where the pain isn't signifying some immediate threat to your life, but still with very large consequences. And the perceived loss of cognitive and creative ability from distraction by potentially endless sources of discomfort can be devastating. It's sad when a physical warning system meant to keep the body alive ends up contributing to a lack of survival.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

Why is finding constant self-compromise unbearable not a big deal? Not all people can take in that kind of friction easily and not all people are equally strong

Edit: (umm before anyone misunderstands(it just occurred to me that this might be understood in a way i did not intend), this was only a general question provoked by Reluctantly's post and not a comment on lyra or what he went through)

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

Regardless of my thoughts on Lyra, it is saddening when someone held in such high esteem by many people takes their life. The actions leaves an impact on many people. For anyone else dealing with similar issues, there is nothing wrong or embarrassing about seeking help.

 

[Puffy]

^ Obviously, I am happy to talk to anyone who knew him about this any time.

My PMs related to this have cooled down now, so I will take my leave here though. If you PM me I am likely to read it eventually, but this site is a significant source of procrastination to me that I need to cut out viewing as a daily habit. I'll just check back to keep in touch with a few people short-term.

PM me if you want an alternative form of contact. I have many people here as contacts off-forum so this isn't a good-bye to many. All best

 

[Jesin]

This is tragic. Did he not have access to painkillers?

EDIT: I don't know what else I can do or say about this.

 

[preilemus]

Damn dude, I really looked up to you. Thank you for everything you did, here and elsewhere.

 

[QuickTwist]

One of the brilliant minds that finds themselves too smart to cope with the audacity of life.
I'm one of the simple minds who will never be able to commit suicide regardless of how much I would desire it. I simply am just too afraid of the unknown to go through with it. I think about it more recently as of now and its something that comes and goes for me.
All in all I realize that it is hard for some people to go through a loss and that there is a grieving process that those close to that person must go through. But perhaps this tortured soul got what they really wanted in death.

We will never know if he regretted his decision..

[Edit] Strangely enough this is one of the more interesting topics for me on this forum.

 

[Cognisant]

*sigh* Goodbye Lyra.

 

[WALKYRIA]

I have a question Was LYra and Adymus the same person?
I've seen some podlair videos on youtube of a certain adymus.... and he stopped posting videos recently, I thought he was dead or so.
I've read some post by him and except that he was a bit pompous and used big words.. He striked me as a good and passionated bloke with great insights and great vocabulary for his age( I believe he was only 24).

Sure, no one should arrive to the point of killing oneself but many (especially young socially deprived males) consider suicide a viable option at a point or another... the escalation is prettyfast actually once hope for better times is gone. Although some people have a certain predisposition, no one is actually immune to suicide(or depression or whatever illness) .( exemple: Say you are a good balanced happy father , and one day a car hits your little daughter dead, the next month your wife is diagnosed with a terminal stage cancer and subsequently dies... Why exactly would you stay alive? There are so many examples of scenarri. Even losing a job or a lover can be one cause. Same as losing honor or respectability in ones job. Humans are fragile little beings and suicide is just one symptom of our fragility among many others. Let's stay humble people. Let's not judge and let's have some respect for the dead people.).


Farewell Lyra. Rip dude.

 

[Fukyo]

No, they're not the same person. Lyra was involved with Pod'lair for a while. Adymus is practically one of its founders, early pioneers if you will.

 

[alkeides]

I'm saddened to just discover this.

I knew Lyra from another forum long ago. I met up with him IRL a few times and corresponded him before. After a while, he stopped responding, I wondered why. RIP.

 

[Auburn]

I'm saddened to just discover this.

I knew Lyra from another forum long ago. I met up with him IRL a few times and corresponded him before.

Really? ...

I'm wondering if I could ask... what was he like in person?

I always wondered what he was like outside of forum life, but unfortunately we never had a chance to meet.

 

[alkeides]

I'd say he was more down-to-earth than he appears online. He spoke directly, it's not like every statement of his mouth was mystical poetry. At the same time he was very friendly and intelligent. I am reminded of Nietzsche, whom Lyra liked. Nietzsche could be extremely harsh in his writings but in real life was one of the kindest people around -- he went full insane after seeing a horse whipped.

We spent hours strolling around London just talking about stuff. I remember once I was waiting for him next to the Underground station, I just bought some nuts from a street vendor and was chatting with the guy when he came walking up. We talked about conspiracy theories by Cleopatra's Needle, talked about Sumerians and Akkadians in the British Museum.

I'm not him and I don't know the full extent of his medical issues, but I can't help but think there could have been a better way for him. Hope he is in a better place, wherever he is.

Just full disclosure: I still visit and post on the Pod'Lair site. Actually Lyra introduced me to it when he just discovered it. I still find value in what they have.

 

[Redfire]

It's a shame he can't be around to see these last events happen.