LIFE OF THE PARTY AND BEING AN INTP!

[Dimensional Transition]

I hate parties.
I keep on trying to join in on the 'fun' but I can't. The music in clubs is too loud, alcohol is not my thing, and I just can't seem to fit in with the whole dancing, not talking, making-moves on physically attractive people thing. You're supposed to flirt and such I guess, and I know how I could probably do that, but I just can't put it into action, it makes me feel really ridiculous. Today someone even just left before I got to the party and went somewhere else without telling me. This was probably just a misunderstanding but it still makes you wonder if you mean anything significant to anyone. Maybe I don't have enough extroverted friends or something to go out to town with as a group or something, but eh, I'm not even sure if I want that. It's all so boring and mindless.

Any other INTPs with similar experiences of 'partying' and the like?

 

[Fukyo]

I like clubs, the music and mindless dancing.

I don't drink or flirt with people though. I went to a party where I didn't know anyone once and I had a great time dancing by myself in the crowd. There's something liberating about being lost in the crowd. No one pays attention to you. Granted it takes about 2 hours for the anxiety to wear off, but when the music grabs me, you can hardly pull me away from dance floor.

It's been a long while though, I'm not sure how I'd cope with it right now. Probably find it exhausting.

 

[crippli]

When I become drunk enough I don't care much. I don't hear the music, I don't see the people. And I'm not really there.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I like clubs, the music and mindless dancing.

This. Parties usually involve socializing. Clubs are just straight dancing.

Wait till you're a little bit older and see if you still don't enjoy clubbing(oh yea, a friend makes all the difference).

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Perhaps, perhaps...
I really doubt it, though.

I can't really dance, and after a few beers I sure go crazy on the dance floor and whatnot but yeah I don't know. I still really really don't like parties and clubs.
But yeah, a friend does make the difference, it's not that bad with friends, you're right.

Eh ah well.

 

[Minuend]

Never been to a club, actually. I've been to two private parties, but they were rather small. It was uncomfortable and boring- I lost interest.

 

[Sosekopp]

I've never been to a club either. I enjoy partying, but not when normal people are involved.

 

[SkyWalker]

to be the life of the party is an easy trick, but it is addictive, it massively inflates your ego.

thats why good looking girls flock to clubs, not for the guys, but for the ego inflation that the attention of the guys gives them.

thats why guys with good social skills flock to clubs, not for their one dream girl, but for the ego inflation that lots of hot chicks orbiting around them gives them.

to inflate your ego once a week is fun though i park my ufo once a week to refuel my good ol' ego.

you guys are a bunch of nerds who go alone, thats socially ackward.

you need at least 1 buddy, or for maximum effect an entire entourage orbiting around you.

 

[A22]

Well, I drink.

 

[shoeless]

as was already said, clubbing > partying.

you don't have to know how to dance to go to a club. just let the music move you. that really is the point.
just this friday i went to a dubstep concert (basically a straight up rave), nero if anybody knows them, and it was intensely amazing. i was there from 12 to 6, dancing all the way through. anything with a good beat and a heavy bass will get me going. half the fun is being packed in with a bunch of people you don't know.
the best part though, at least with the rave scene (i can't imagine it's quite the same at, say, a metal concert) is the whole feeling of respect. if people hit you in the head or something, they always make some apologetic gesture. if you get knocked down, they'll pick you up. it sounds cliche' but they really do ascribe to the philosophy of PLUR. peace love unity respect.

but i don't know, i suppose it's an individual thing. i'm more extraverted than most of the people here it seems. i'm still not great with "parties" though, like house parties. i need some kind of something in me for that to ever work out. more often than not i find them obnoxious.

 

[Sovereign]

Parties. They get on my nerves, mostly because all the people there are extroverts and you feel out of place. Yet, I feel the strong urge to restore order to the chaos around me.

 

[nexion]

Ugh, parties. Ugh, dancing. Ugh, mindlessness.



Also: Ugh, thread title.

 

[gruesomebrat]

Ugh, parties. Ugh, dancing. Ugh, mindlessness.



Also: Ugh, thread title.

Agreed. I couldn't figure it out at first... then I read it with some implied sarcasm, and it all made sense.

 

[Adymus]

Parties: It depends on who is throwing it, who I am going with, and if I know anyone there.
Small parties with just a handful of my friends that I am already close or sort of close to are great. Bigger parties with a lot of people I don't know, and a lot of people I do know are still good too, it is easier to meet people when you are connected to them in some way like that. Small parties with one person I know, also fine, I usually can get along people well enough. Big parties with only one person I know, don't like them at all.

Clubs: For the most part, love em. But it also depends on the club, and the culture of the club, and the people you are with. For instance, I don't go to regular hip-hop or popular clubs because I don't like the culture, or the music, and I'm not really into being the hunter when it comes to picking up women. I'm naturally adaptive so it feels too out of character to directively "hunt" women like prey.
So if I go to a club it will be an electronic music club, or at least one with an interesting culture, like Goth or Industrial. But even clubs have differing energy levels in them that I have preferences over. For instance, I love trance music, but I really dislike the stuffy and cold culture of trance clubs. People are dancing but with little energy and in their own little bubbles. Drum and Bass and IDM clubs on the other hand usually have really high energy, where people are not just dancing but completely rocking out; it is much more enjoyable to be apart of that.

Raves: I haven't been to one in years, but the experience is waaaaaaaayyy better than anything above. If you leave a rave, and you didn't make a ton of friends through out the night, then you didn't really take in the rave experience. It is not like a club where people are dancing in a crowd, but generally staying within their own little bubbles. It is one big bubble, one big tribal culture that everyone is tied into. Adding to what Shoeless was saying, the culture is essentially one that is in polar opposition to just normal urban culture, which is why so many people look at it as something bizarre. But it is extremely liberating to be able to just drop all of the bullshit rules of western cultural behavior, and just treat other humans like family. Nobody is outside of your social circle, if you meet eyes with another person, you don't just act like that didn't happen in everyday life, you can actually walk up and talk to them. You talk to people like you have known them for years, and they will reciprocate and do the same with you. It is an experience we should really get more of in our lives.
Now combine that culture with Drum n Bass and it is just the bees knees.

if people hit you in the head or something, they always make some apologetic gesture.

I love that. If you are dancing and you accidentally hit someone, both you and them will be like "OMG I AM SOOO SORRY!" I started going to raves before I started going to clubs, so when that happened at a club, I was all apologetic, and the other person just gave me a dirty look and walked away.

 

[Meer]

IDM clubs? I'm going to move to California.

I went to a club type place once. I was so inebriated that looking back, I feel embarassed for dancing so crazily.

Parties are okay, I just need to pace myself.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

The mindless dancing is the best part... After all the introspective thinking and what-not, zoning out from physical movement is psychologically stabilizing and energizing.

Oh yea, never been to a rave. I figured it would be 10x better than a club. Missed out on a couple last year.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

I fucking cannot stand the crowds and loud noises.

ZE ALCOHOL, IT DOES NUSSING

I could probably like a place with an atmosphere/music that I was actually into.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Ugh, parties. Ugh, dancing. Ugh, mindlessness.



Also: Ugh, thread title.

Like gruesomebrat said, it's a bit sarcastic. It does annoy me too now, though...

But yeah, hmm, interesting, I should try going to a rave, then...

 

[crippli]

Last time I was at a pub/disco was about 5 months ago. If I go out I tend to go to different places. This time I went to a gay bar. And as I went to the dance floor(not to dance, but observe) I noticed that most all the guys was rather short, and the same height. And the girls was both short and long. So it was the opposite from what one find on 'normal' pubs. And in the population in general.

I found it interesting. So finished my drink and walked home satisfied that I had discovered something I was unaware.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I found it interesting. So finished my drink and walked home satisfied that I had discovered something I was unaware.

Short people are gay?

 

[crippli]

Short people are gay?

I found the variation amongst the girls to be more interesting. And the uniformity amongst the boys. Not short. Average I guess in height.

This was just about those who danced. And I don't know if they where gay or not.

Maybe just a coincidence. Not enough data yet to make up a proper idea about this.

 

[final-dimension]

I hate parties.
I keep on trying to join in on the 'fun' but I can't. The music in clubs is too loud, alcohol is not my thing, and I just can't seem to fit in with the whole dancing, not talking, making-moves on physically attractive people thing. You're supposed to flirt and such I guess, and I know how I could probably do that, but I just can't put it into action, it makes me feel really ridiculous. Today someone even just left before I got to the party and went somewhere else without telling me. This was probably just a misunderstanding but it still makes you wonder if you mean anything significant to anyone. Maybe I don't have enough extroverted friends or something to go out to town with as a group or something, but eh, I'm not even sure if I want that. It's all so boring and mindless.

Any other INTPs with similar experiences of 'partying' and the like?

Yes,me.

 

[GYX_Kid]

yeah, i dunno, you can have a less-than-otherwise-usual experience talking to people who are shitfaced. and you can control your level of drunkenness too, which is pretty cool. the dancing doesn't do much for me. never been to a rave, sounds potential-y reading some of these posts.

I'm naturally adaptive so it feels too out of character to directively "hunt"

it can be learned, but at least in my experience it's extremely tiring by the end of it

 

[Adymus]

it can be learned, but at least in my experience it's extremely tiring by the end of it

I didn't say I don't know how to do it, I said I don't like doing it.

 

[Adymus]

I found it interesting. So finished my drink and walked home satisfied that I had discovered something I was unaware.

Butter is way better than Margarine?

 

[nexion]

Butter is way better than Margarine?

Before I first tasted butter, all I had ever had was margarine... how could I have known any better?

 

[GYX_Kid]

I didn't say I don't know how to do it, I said I don't like doing it.

alright. didn't mean to be pretentious.
some skills are assumed to be practical, but yeah, they might not actually be depending on the situation. i don't know what yours is.
imo "leading" would only be worth it on a select few people

 

[anyaa]

oh..I got used to it years..back..at that time i tried to parrticipate in the party (pretend I was enjoying , and a lot of thngs what others used to do).. but later i realised that aint my cup of tea...that i dont need to b the life of party..when i feel i shoulndt.. i gave up..even when i forcefully attend a party..i'm usually quite ..

 

[Lobstrich]

I hate clubbing and parties. I just don't fit in. And my no-compromise approach to everything, about who I am doesn't get me alot of points since non of my piers are interested in the same things I am.

The reason I don't like parties is because people want me to talk about superficial stuff, I'm not willing to talk about that. The reason I don't enjoy clubs is because I live on a small island, people are bored, they pick a person they don't like and they start a fight. I've been in enough fights. And I'm not willing to get assaulted by 5 "tough guys" (Who apparently are not tough enough to take me on alone even though I weigh a fucking 55 kg's)

Meh, I feel that I'm just ranting now. "I don't like clubs, or parties" would have been enough, hehe.

 

[Fallenman]

Clubs aren't really my style because of that hunter/hunted behavior adymus pointed out (although I'm willing to continue experimenting with different groups of friends).

Parties I agree with adymus again. Small parties with friends or one friend (but you have to be more social because its small and harder to be alone in a crowd if I'm not vibing well with the atmosphere) big parties with lots of friends are ok, big parties with one friend not so much, big parties with a small group of friends, tolerable even rather fun.

Raves... zomg. Best experience ever, go to one. But you have to be open, or enjoy the music, or at the very least be under the infleucne (if you don't enjoy the music/are open minded) because it can be a little weird otherwise.

In all cases, friends make the difference. We're introverts, we can't be dropped into a room of strangers and be the life of the party generally. We draw comfortability and social energy from them, and it creates a feeling of safety or a fall back group, people you don't have to impress and people who will laugh at your jokes ;P, supposing they understand them.

 

[Stoic Beverage]

Never been to a club or rave, just parties.
The "parties" I have with my friends involve laying around somewhere and talking for about 4 hours.
Love 'em.

 

[Lobstrich]

Never been to a club or rave, just parties.
The "parties" I have with my friends involve laying around somewhere and talking for about 4 hours.
Love 'em.

I'd love to go to one of your parties! Let's hook up at some point! hehe.

 

[Aramea]

As a former partier (OK, still do on rare occasions) I now really love sitting quietly with good friends talking or playing board games (Risk, etc.). I love interacting with young people to see how they tick now, I just don't feel comfortable (at 46) joining in and becoming a caricature. I have decided to go into my next phase of life gracefully kicking and screaming. I no longer shock people with my "risk-taking". (LOL, have you ever noticed that most risk taking is really not very risky?) Instead, I just allow them to scratch their heads as I take in a stray pit bull to accompany me as I tend my fledgling rose garden.

It is easy to be the life of the party as an INTP. With enough alcohol, I can even sort of dance and talk about amazing theories I have about life. It would not surprise me if use of mind altering substances weren't fairly common amongst our type.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

It is easy to be the life of the party as an INTP. With enough alcohol, I can even sort of dance and talk about amazing theories I have about life. It would not surprise me if use of mind altering substances weren't fairly common amongst our type.

There are some other discussion threads but this one is mainly for the statistics:

http://intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=9408.

 

[Claytoe]

I think that maybe age and being more open to different kinds of experiences, namely 'stupid' ones. Some amount of booze/weed and I enjoy being social in that kind of situation. Being an introvert when I was a teenage felt like not liking people. I think ultimately it was a fear of too much un-predicability, a few years of social success, good friends and a growth of a real sense of self changed the landscape for me. People are interesting, drunk people are funny. I enjoy being a catalyst, changing variables and seeing how people react.

Also dancing is fun. Hey look its my first post!

 

[BigApplePi]

I'm not fond of parties at all. A lot depends on whether I know someone because it increases the chance I have someone to make contact with. Else I have to tolerate it until it's time to leave. Before then I would say look for an "N" person and a "T" and maybe a "J." They may present an opportunity for an exchange. If it's an "S" or an "F" it's a matter of holding on. Agree?

 

[ElvenVeil]

but it is so nice just to stay at home !
I can sometimes enjoy select moments of parties but the overall conclusion seems to be that I dislike them.. What I don't like about it are things like ; perpetual use of idiotic symbols (cheers to everything, hugs) , the stupid people that speaks to me .. and the subjects that can be debatted.. deserves two of these .. then there is the party concept it self with dancing, music etc.. it just seems so borring to me.. In my eyes it simply can not match the excitement I can feel if I take up a whole new concept or create some brilliant lines when writing poetry or similar.

... the above really sounds overly negative.. but reviewing all of it , it still seems pretty spot on.

 

[digital angel]

Parties are difficult unless you know someone there. I still find them difficult at times. Socializing well and networking is a skill.

When I was younger, I was rarely invited to social events. As I became older, I think it became easier. Small talk is still difficult and not enjoyable.

 

[BigApplePi]

I haven't been to a party for many years ... except for one last month. (I posted about it on this forum but forget which thread.) My wife's friend threw one. Other than that, why go to a party?

Some people go to meet people they know and chat with them ... how is that different than this bulletin board? If I had a purpose it would be to make connections. THAT is an important reason. One gets lucky and finds someone suitable. By someone, I mean a connection. They may invite you or tell you about something you really want ... even if you don't know what that is.

Small talk may be for others. For me it's only a mean to that end. Tell me why this forum is different from a party and tell me why it is the same. If you find this forum worthy, then that is why a party is worthy, though perhaps not as pleasant.

 

[Offbeat]

I've always enjoyed parties, provided that I liked and was comfortable with even a fraction of the people there. Even cocktail parties for networking aren't that challenging, provided you stick to small groups and drink the right amount.

I honestly have no understanding of why introverted intuitives or intuitive thinkers would want to go to a club though. I've been to many and regardless of how much I drink, I hate the type of interaction that takes place there, and for the most part, even the type of music that gets played there. Some of my most vivid memories of clubs are of going to the upper floors overlooking the dance-floor, steeped in melancholy, brooding and regretting the fact I was there, trying to ignore the waves of the people I went with, and just generally disliking everything that I believed the place represented.

Gigs and raves are different beasts, of course.

 

[digital angel]

I haven't been to a party for many years ... except for one last month. (I posted about it on this forum but forget which thread.) My wife's friend threw one. Other than that, why go to a party?

Some people go to meet people they know and chat with them ... how is that different than this bulletin board? If I had a purpose it would be to make connections. THAT is an important reason. One gets lucky and finds someone suitable. By someone, I mean a connection. They may invite you or tell you about something you really want ... even if you don't know what that is.

Small talk may be for others. For me it's only a mean to that end. Tell me why this forum is different from a party and tell me why it is the same. If you find this forum worthy, then that is why a party is worthy, though perhaps not as pleasant.

You bring up good points. I don't go to parties generally speaking. I'll go to networking functions or professional functions.

I think this forum is different because of its nature. We're communicating via a computer and not actually at venue where everyone is meeting for dinner.

Being introverted, can make socializing a little difficult. It's a skill. It can be developed though.

 

[crippli]

I don't think it's any different then the forum. So intps may be there to observe, figure out what's going on, delve into the intricacies of the situation, perform a social experiment. While they are there to feel the music, passion of movement and love. Not sure how to make the crowd feel the joy of the former, or if I would want to interfere. Not sure if I am able to make myself do the latter. So my presence in a party I'll just consider diversity. If there is a problem, then I'll move on. Or solve the problem, or something.

 

[Cavallier]

Parties=bleh unless it's with some good friends or at least very relaxed strangers.

Clubs=Eh. It really depends on the club. I actually really enjoy Jazz clubs because they are so low key. The music is always funky and the people are generally respectful.

Raves=Fun. If you are talking to people you're doing it wrong. Although, there was something deeply satisfying about asking that guy his name with my lips brushing against his ear and watching him shutter. Raves are fun for things other than dancing as well.

 

[Claytoe]

I don't think it's any different then the forum. So intps may be there to observe, figure out what's going on, delve into the intricacies of the situation, perform a social experiment. While they are there to feel the music, passion of movement and love. Not sure how to make the crowd feel the joy of the former, or if I would want to interfere. Not sure if I am able to make myself do the latter. So my presence in a party I'll just consider diversity. If there is a problem, then I'll move on. Or solve the problem, or something.

I really think that this is the right attitude to have. After a time, if you feel comfortable to enough ignore that inner voice that sees the group as a herd, you let your defenses down and let out those Feelings to the world. It is a nice, sometimes very enlightening experience. As are most things that are atypical to ones normal life.

I also think of myself as the ultimate test subject, I can read my own mind!

 

[Ejno]

I am finally compelled to post on this topic, lol

My take on this whole life of the party situation is that regardless of the exact scenario it is likely that an INTP will struggle with a lot of the somewhat senseless social "fluff" as I like to call it.

That being said, I tend to enjoy clubbing and raving much the same way as a lot of other posts have illustrated. But when it comes to general parties and such I dont usually care for them simply because I find the experience to be reasonably predictable, however I have learned that to maintain the friendships I value highly, I have had to put myself out there and attend the event regardless of my disposition towards it. Furthermore I also learned that my general mood just doesnt fit the situation at all so in order to blend in I apply an Extroverted persona to facilitate to social requirements that I encounter. The reason for this is that I tend to believe mentality is everything and by applying an extroverted persona to the situation, I can more easily convince myself that I am enjoying the interaction.


BTW I had to rush this post at work whilst it was still fresh in my head so please forgive any mistakes

 

[Glordag]

I'm pretty surprised at how well received raves are in the responses thus far. I haven't been to one, so perhaps that's why...

I actually rather enjoy parties. If it's with people I get along with, I am usually sociable enough to enjoy the setting regardless of the influence of alcohol or other fun things. If I'm feeling put off by the company (which is fairly often), it just takes a bit of alcohol to make the whole night enjoyable. The more alcohol I have, the more extraverted I become. I become THE life of the party if I consume enough. It's kind of funny when I hear the first impressions others have of me sometimes. I've had entire crowds of people know me as "that crazy guy" simply because they either met me at a party or heard of something I did at a party.

Of course, that's not always healthy and I've grown rather tired of such things as I get older. These days I prefer smaller gatherings that you might call a "party", but I really consider it more just casual socializing and drinking. I was doing the club thing for a while, but I honestly can't get into the expectations. I usually end up dancing by myself or sitting at a table by myself. I've even had girls blatantly looking for me to come up to them and dance, and I refuse because of the expectation. Hate that...

 

[Claytoe]

The more alcohol I have, the more extraverted I become. I become THE life of the party if I consume enough. It's kind of funny when I hear the first impressions others have of me sometimes. I've had entire crowds of people know me as "that crazy guy" simply because they either met me at a party or heard of something I did at a party.

Of course, that's not always healthy and I've grown rather tired of such things as I get older. These days I prefer smaller gatherings that you might call a "party", but I really consider it more just casual socializing and drinking.

This reads very true of me. I got tired of being considered a crazy party person by people I have no recall of. I also got tired of having no recall of people. All in I think by days of heavy partying (Start on Wednesday wake up Monday morning) lasted 1 year, maybe a bit longer. Curiosity survives substances, it is just altered. Rather than trying to piece together social puzzles and systems I can become interested in... more immediately amusing things... sex, dancing or seeing if I can get people to put pots on their heads and run into each other (Successfully!)

Kinda drunk is the right place to be for parties, high is the right place to be for most any other casual social functions. For me anyway!

 

[EmergingAlbert]

This. Parties usually involve socializing. Clubs are just straight dancing.

I agree with this. I don't really like traditional "parties" because of this exact reason. I'm expected to talk to people, and this drains me. I haven't really been to many parties though. I'm never really invited, so I never know where/when they take place. The only parties I really ever go to are birthday parties and wedding receptions (if you can consider those parties). But most birthday parties aren't really that fun to me because of that expectation to socialize.

Now clubbing, on the other hand, is another story. Yes, the music at my local club usually is too loud, but after I down about four beers and smoke a cigar, I don't really give a crap. After I'm intoxicated enough, I just go out on the dance floor by myself and dance (probably very badly, but as I said before, I don't really give a crap). No socializing, flirting, or talking needed! Besides, I have a girlfriend, so I wouldn't flirt anyway.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I take back my previous statements. Or well, most of them.
Parties are indeed not that bad when alcohol is consumed. Plus, I finally found out a lot of people DO have really interesting things to tell.
As long as the music isn't too loud(I have mild tinnitus in one ear, and I'm really trying to keep it mild), it's alright. (:

 

[EmergingAlbert]

Why the sudden change of heart?