Introvert and Reserved

[Tyria]

Is it correct to say that introverts are reserved by nature? Would it also be correct to say that extroverts are outgoing by nature?

I am also wondering how others who are reserved deal with it, and how it affects the process of making friends and letting others get to know you better. Do you consider being reserved the same thing as being guarded and suspicious of others?

Finally, what do you do to meet others?

 

[Yellow]

I tend to be reserved. I have never done anything to meet others, everyone in my life has made the first move in friendship. I have a difficult enough time approaching people I know, let alone strangers. The only downside is that people tend to 'take me under their wing' and that can result in only having overbearing people for friends (and husbands). Seriously.. I could go through a list of every friend and ex bf I've ever had and I bet every single one was either ENTJ, ENFJ, ESFJ or ENFP, because no one else would put in the effort required to repeatedly yank me out of my shell.

I would say that interverts are usually reserved, and extroverts usually outgoing, but I don't think it's universal. My mother is INFJ and she is by no means reserved. As far as being suspicious of others, I may be an exception, but I have always really enjoyed having the freedom to trust people.

 

[Ermine]

Is it correct to say that introverts are reserved by nature? Would it also be correct to say that extroverts are outgoing by nature?

Well, what do you mean by reserved? Though it can often take me a while to work up the courage to strike up a conversation, once I start talking, I'm not very reserved at all. For me, it's all about taking the plunge to begin with. However, something that would make me come off as reserved is how my mind draws a blank when people ask "how are you doing?" or "how to you feel?" or "what's up?". Typical conversation fodder, but those questions are so general I can't come up with a coherent or inclusive answer.

However, as a general rule, it's fair to say that introverts are reserved and extroverts are outgoing, but there are shy/reserved people everywhere in the spectrum.

I am also wondering how others who are reserved deal with it, and how it affects the process of making friends and letting others get to know you better. Do you consider being reserved the same thing as being guarded and suspicious of others?

Finally, what do you do to meet others?

I've compensated somewhat by trying my best to be social when I'm in that situation, but also letting people know, especially friends, that I need my alone time as well, no offense. They usually oblige, just like they wouldn't automatically expect someone with asthma to run a marathon. It's totally possible, but takes a lot of effort on their part and often doesn't happen. I also make it known that general questions like "what's up" or "how do you feel?" make me draw a blank, and ask them to ask me more specific questions.

And for me, being reserved doesn't really equate to being guarded/suspicious unless I'm in a bad mood or have been betrayed somehow. It's definitely not a normal thing.

As for finding friends, they tend to be people I see on a daily basis, or friends of my friends. I just ending up being nearby and attempt to work up the courage to say hi and start asking questions.

 

[Adymus]

I would prefer to say something like "Introverts are more likely to be reserved." and "Extroverts are more likely to be outgoing"

Saying that they are these things "by nature" implies that it is natural for them to do otherwise. It is only a matter of comfort rather than nature.

It is very possible to be an Extrovert and still reserved. You see this fairly often in extroverts who come from a culture that looks down on outgoing behavior. They will stay reserved but once they start talking they will become increasingly more energized by the contact. Also, extroversion don't mean you are talkative either, it is possible to be engaged with the outside world by simply taking in information, and not necessarily speaking.

Likewise it is possible to be an outgoing introvert, you see this more often in IJs than in IPs. Introversion only means that outside interaction and engagement will drain us of energy instead of stimulate and energize us. This does not mean we will not engage in it with as much intensity as an extrovert, it just means we pay a higher cost.

As for me, I suppose I am pretty reserved, but I am a very outgoing person when I need to be, or if I am just stimulated enough to talk. If the topic at hand is something I am really interested in, then I will go on about it for hours. I don't make friends with nearly everyone as many extroverts do, but I have no problems making friends with people I actually wanted to be friends with.

 

[Cavallier]

As has been mentioned above the main reason I've got a high introversion score is because it's exhausting for me to interact long term socially. Twice as bad if I'm with people who are not in a close relationship with me. If I've spent too much time with people and my social gas tank runs low I find it really difficult to keep paying attention to people. I just shut down. That's text book introversion right there.

That being said, when I'm with my close circle of friends and family I'm often considered the "life of the party". At work, I've got a job that requires I be outgoing, I'm often telling stories and joking around with co-workers around whom I'd be shy if I met them outside of work. I come home from work exhausted from the amount of effort I put into being social but everybody at work seems to think I'm really outgoing. I asked somebody today if they thought I was an introvert and they said, "No, you're not introverted. Well not introverted unless your shift is at night. Then you seem a little reserved". I take that to mean that I'm less outgoing in the evening because I'm already starting to dry up my well of social energy reserves.

Personally, unless I'm with friends I'm rather reserved. But that doesn't mean I'm not good at being outgoing when I have to be.

Edit: Woah! When did I become an Asteroids Champion?!?!? Crazy I didn't even notice.

 

[Beat Mango]

Interesting that you start a thread about this - I was just thinking today if it's possible to externalise your introversion. I think it is, I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what Socrates did. Introversion is not ultimately about being reserved but about responding more to inward stimuli than outward. So you can externalise your "introversion" if you draw other people into your world, but you don't do it through socialising, you do it through other means such as art or philosophy. Similar to what cult leader might do, except not at that extremity (although I don't think it's co-incidence that the INT Carl Jung was compared by an academic to a cult leader). Similar to how a rockstar ot artist attracts attention and groupies too.

 

[Ermine]

Interesting that you start a thread about this - I was just thinking today if it's possible to externalise your introversion. I think it is, I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what Socrates did. Introversion is not ultimately about being reserved but about responding more to inward stimuli than outward. So you can externalise your "introversion" if you draw other people into your world, but you don't do it through socialising, you do it through other means such as art or philosophy. Similar to what cult leader might do, except not at that extremity (although I don't think it's co-incidence that the INT Carl Jung was compared by an academic to a cult leader). Similar to how a rockstar ot artist attracts attention and groupies too.

Interesting. Considering how intensely introverted I am, and how much I like expressing myself in various ways, this may be it. There's definitely a reason why my social life centers around my modes of self expression. Nearly all my friends are also in the habit of self expression, as writers, musicians, artists, what have you.

 

[Agent Intellect]

I'd consider myself both introverted and reserved. To me, introverted means what other people have already said, in that being social wears me out, and most of my energy seems to come from myself. But I'm always reserved; my friend described this as me being "more interested in my own thoughts then in other peoples thoughts" which is probably accurate in many situations - unless someone actually has something interesting to say. Also, I find that, since going back to school, even when I feel like I have something interesting to add to a conversation (ie, when the professor asks a question and I know the answer and nobody else does) I often opt not to add my input. It's very strange that I have actually been as open as I am around this forum.

 

[Jazz]

I'm a very outgoing person. I love to help others. I once drove a girl that I just met a few days earlier in my art class 4 hours to another city because she had no other way of getting there. I just need outside motivation to do so.

I can't start things like an extrovert can, but when given the cue, I will go very far out of my way to do so.

 

[kantor1003]

I have during the last weeks become increasingly interested in the whole social "game". More specifically; How you can manipulate and take control over others/situations by the way you speak and the way you use body language. Not that it is something I try to do too much even though it can help you in many ways, but more to notice it in others..
I am mostly introverted, very introverted in fact... but when I get in the "social zone" I can often run the show/be the center of attention for a small amount of time (until I get exhausted). Since we are the intellectual, introverted type, it means that we have a lot of interesting things on our mind.. In the past I have mostly kept those thoughts for myself, but lately I have began to share it with others. The outcome is usually very rewarding. Especially if there is girls present and you see their eyes light up:P

I know that I will try my best to be more socially competent. It gives you status, opportunities, feedback on your own "reality tunnel", girls etc... it also gives me a cheerful mood I can dwell upon in my introverted world

 

[inaworldofherown]

I'm reserved. All 3 close friends that have been in my life have chosen me not the other way round. Even then i don't decide if they are a close friend until we have known each other for at least 5 years & only then if i feel comfortable telling them things i wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone else. The present one is ESFP & she respects my space. I suppose i'm only truly reserved when i don't know someone very well. Guess it goes back to the being told as a child to not talk to strangers.

 

[KazeCraven]

Is it correct to say that introverts are reserved by nature? Would it also be correct to say that extroverts are outgoing by nature?

I would also say they tend to be, but not necessarily for introversion and extraversion concerns where one receives one's energy or where one focuses his energy, and that is not perfectly correlated with how reserved or outgoing one is. However, Keirsey's Temperament theory claims that introversion and extraversion is a farce and what really is being referred to is gregariousness (which is what you refer to) and that this isn't necessarily stagnant. Most people I present this to disagree with this viewpoint. However, I tend to be tolerant both of social interaction and of isolation, though both are difficult for me if taken to extremes, so I can see why one would be convinced that introversion and extraversion is an illusion.

I am also wondering how others who are reserved deal with it, and how it affects the process of making friends and letting others get to know you better. Do you consider being reserved the same thing as being guarded and suspicious of others?

I might be considered by some as a "public person" considering I am pretty trusting of most people in my community and am okay with a rather high level of self-disclosure. When I was more reserved, however, it was more because I worried about being embarrassed rather than because I was suspicious. In fact, once I realized people really weren't paying that much attention to me (and embarrassment isn't a big deal) I became MUCH less reserved rather quickly.

Finally, what do you do to meet others?

Well, I live on a college campus, so I just talk to people in my classes, find organizations where people share some of my interests and talk to them, or just seek out any interesting individual who happened to contact me at one point or another. People around here are quite friendly (the South) so I usually just reciprocate and that's all that's required. I may not necessarily be reserved, but I still don't initiate much.