I like this. I think I'd word it differently, but I'm not sure how to express my thoughts on the matter.
Yes, it wasn't terribly clear.
The main point was that conflicting desires often exist in what is apparently one person. I think you're right in attributing at least part of that to the tension between the social self, and the personal self. The aims of both are often not entirely in line, and the best solution is probably integration of the two, as you seem to be suggesting - to be consistent regardless of context, which requires self-exploration. We need to identify our driving principles, and understand how they manifest in seemingly disparate areas; reconcile surface tensions by locking into deeper structure.
I've got another problem though, that I can't seem to resolve through social-personal integration. I understood extrinsic motivation to mean any reward that is not inherent in the task itself, ie no other person has to be involved. It could be as simple as allowing yourself a beer for finishing a post you didn't feel like typing - or even just knowing that you will feel better for having finished it.
Basically, end vs means. You may desire the result, but can't be arsed with the process. Does the end take precedence over the means? Is your true self more accurately reflected by the latter?
I almost feel like I have no right to allow Future Me to dictate Present Me's actions. After a certain amount of time 'I' won't even be comprised of the same atoms. There's benefit in the future, but who the hell is it lounging about in the jacuuzi? Is it the same person who dragged themselves through years of boring drudgery?
I know that, at each point, these 'Me's probably possess the same driving principles, but that doesn't make us the same person, necessarily - although of course by bandying the word 'person' about so freely I'm conflating two levels of abstraction and digging myself a hole - it's not at all fair to get reductionist on my argumentative ass only when it suits me.
I suppose the main problem is that I think I'm like water - I don't have any deeper structure that's strong enough to withstand the ripples caused by every errant pebble skipped across my social interface by a snot-nosed child of distraction. The common term is 'willpower', something that's died a petulant death on the shifting bed of my yearnings. It pains me greatly to keep myself in mental reins. It feels like betrayal.
The easy answer is that I'm simply not familiar enough with my 'inner geography', which could be true. But it seems an impossible task to gather ALL the confusion inside into a bundle tied together by a few measly strands, unless one wishes to reference only the most basic driving forces; those I think far too simple to be useful in educated application.
Anyway, bollocks. I just wanted to take a ride nowhere
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