Wannabe sociopathic?
Spill.
I admire sociopathic people because I think they are badass and "strong" for lack of better words, doing whatever it takes to get ahead in life. To a certain extent I act sociopathic(mainly due to general disintrest and apathy), but I am still a bit sympathetic to various situations particularly if they are in my face, I certainly can't ignore them as being empathic and imagining situations from various viewpoints is central in my "face the truth" beliefs. (Note I see a difference between empathy and sympathy the first is knowing/imaging what others are feeling, the other is feeling from ones own emotions).
I don't see acting on sympathy to
unrelated events as aligning with my beliefs of how I should act(self-servingly, though again I do see being empathic as important). To be fair though if I did I would just work hard and give all my cash to charity or some bullshit like that.
I certainly dislike the idea of not acting on sympathy in the most efficient manner, in my eyes it's my body emotionally manipulating me in an undesirable and unacceptable manner(I categorise emotional states in "ones I see as acceptable" and "ones I see as unacceptable".)
Thus going out of my way to act on the limited sympathy I do feel(I am not overly sympathetic either way), because I feel it(to unrelated matters), would lead me into to deep logical hole I wouldn't be able to dig myself out of. Plus I just don't want to(which really is the strongest reason of all). Thus both my illogical feeling side and logical side agree on this matter.
And yes, this entire discourse had to happen for me to rationalise acting on direct sympathy versus indirect(see: helping Syrians in Syria vs immigrants). I decided both were undesirable because the former was on an emotional level.
Sigh, the original mistake I made was making both Set and Silena(name pending) too sociopathic. (They are two of my alter egos I made and I still like those personas a lot, I certainly admire them). Unfortunately the same reasons I admire them makes them to distant from me.
Silina: Don't worry you have me now <3
(= Much easier to connect with Silina. <3 you to.
Also, let's add the compulsive need to be able to explain everything about myself, to that list.