INTP / ESFJ relationships

[Ink]

According to socionics the ESFJ is our dual, best relationship match. I just don't see how it is, in my experience there's just conflicting points of view all the time... Anyone can make sense of it all?

 

[Etheri]

ESFJ's conform to the general rule : Bitches be crazy.

I have some great ESFJ friends, but dating them is absolutely out of the question. They're insane, all of them, i swear. They also need constant attention and affection, something I cannot offer.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

I have some great ESFJ friends, but dating them is absolutely out of the question. They're insane, all of them, i swear. They also need constant attention and affection, something I cannot offer.

I was recently courting with an ISFJ. I had a similar problem.

 

[JASSY]

Well my bf is a esfj . My complete opposite ! I've been with him for over two years . When we both started to truly understand the other and compromise and learn how eachother work the relationship payed off . We are ying and yan , what he sees I miss and what I see he misses. We are a force to be reckoned with . What we do have in common are principles , so we usually start from there and are concious of our differences . Its sounds corny but we complete eachother . Hope that helped sorry for the rant

 

[JASSY]

Keep in mind there are "stable" any types and disfunctional . Unstable esfjs in my case can become greedy, give u the guilt trip , or at least TRY (: , in a nutshell a wreck , over emotional . But when I started learning his moods and patterns and WHY he acts a certain way I learned to walk around it and show him he can be better.

 

[The Gopher]

Well opposites attract, very strongly. Particularly when you are younger. Jassy has it working out but after initial attraction many realise or think they are incompatible. With my experiance of ESFJ's it can work (everything can work with unconditional love herp derp) but I personally wouldn't want to marry one.

 

[JASSY]

thats true gopher , in my case it went from attraction w/out knowing why , to knowing why and feeling incompatible , to understanding over time . its hard work but i like a challenge ! oh and love is a MUST .

 

[Lordran Nights]

There was a time when I was going around typing everyone, up front asking questions to get a type code, specifically looking for an ENTJ, didn't tell them that at the time of course.
And there was this girl called Gillian and she came out as ESFJ and I kind of dismissed her, despite her being a really nice person.

It's weird, because it seems like there isn't any chemistry at first, but there is a definite feeling of comfort and then you want them to come out and hang out and actively seek them out socially. She was trying to go out with my ENFP friend first though, and then my ESTJ friend. And the other ESFJ I know likes my ESTJ friend too. It might be hard convincing them to go for a date. Gillian has a new boyfriend.

All the ESFJs I know are always really pleased to see me when I bump into them.

And there aren't a lot of jealous feelings either, because you feel like you can take on all rivals because they give you confidence, unlike with an ENTJ where you just feel stunted when other people are around.

This corresponds to the Socionics description but that's my experience. I still obsess over the ENTJ in my life though.
It's one hell of a paradox!

 

[Duxwing]

There was a time when I was going around typing everyone, up front asking questions to get a type code, specifically looking for an ENTJ, didn't tell them that at the time of course.
And there was this girl called Gillian and she came out as ESFJ and I kind of dismissed her, despite her being a really nice person.

It's weird, because it seems like there isn't any chemistry at first, but there is a definite feeling of comfort and then you want them to come out and hang out and actively seek them out socially. She was trying to go out with my ENFP friend first though, and then my ESTJ friend. And the other ESFJ I know likes my ESTJ friend too. It might be hard convincing them to go for a date. Gillian has a new boyfriend.

All the ESFJs I know are always really pleased to see me when I bump into them.

And there aren't a lot of jealous feelings either, because you feel like you can take on all rivals because they give you confidence, unlike with an ENTJ where you just feel stunted when other people are around.

This corresponds to the Socionics description but that's my experience. I still obsess over the ENTJ in my life though.
It's one hell of a paradox!

The ESFJ's I know make me want to put an ice-pick in someone's head: either theirs or mine. I salute your capacity to tolerate them, sir, but I cannot find the same "chemistry" with people who are so different, and so concrete, and so emotional... again, I reference the ice-pick.

-Duxwing

 

[Cybeny]

One of my closest friends is an ESFJ. Its always interesting talking to her, and she is always so nice and can keep me grounded. She also tends to at least to pretend to be interested in what I have to say, which is more than what I could say for some of my other xSxx friends.

However, I don't think I could date her. She seems like someone who requires alot of emotional investment (I should know, I get all the complaints about her current boyfriend not being commited enough). I just don't think I could give her what she needs.

 

[JASSY]

Ofcourse I feel that way too at times , esfj are so different , they need affirmation and attention and that doesn't come naturally ( ofcourse ) . But he does wonders for my Fe . Maybe if I would have befriended him first I would have dismissed him as well . Who knows ,

 

[Etheri]

esfj are so different , they need affirmation and attention and that doesn't come naturally ( ofcourse )

Give them enough affirmation and affection, and they're basically your pets. Very easy to befriend and keep friended, as long as you can manage enough attention.

 

[ESFP]

I was in an ESFJ relationship. I think she was, anyway, or ISFJ.
It went for a while, but I couldn't keep up with the level of affection and affirmation required to keep her happy.

 

[Etheri]

I was in an ESFJ relationship. I think she was, anyway, or ISFJ.
It went for a while, but I couldn't keep up with the level of affection and affirmation required to keep her happy.

@ESFP, are you an ESFP?

 

[ESFP]

@ESFP, are you an ESFP?

Nah. I just picked this username because I think they're cool. I'm an INxx.

 

[fnordprefect]

My roomate is an ESFJ. She often drives me up a wall with her petty, short-sighted, melodramatic, attention-seeking, logic-defying behavior.

Yet...somehow she's not as annoying as other roomates I've had over the years.

 

[Ink]

I've been hanging out with an ESFJ girl some and I find this post very interesting: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/showthread.php/29701-Stages-of-Duality-in-the-Alpha-Dyads?

1. The sensing a necessity to meet again. You notice this afterwards, after your first contact. It is something unconscious, perceptive and mysterious. An inevitable feeling as if you need to meet this person again. Unexpectedly, they attached to something within you. Suddenly you begin to understand that you really need to see this person. If you do something, your thoughts are about this person.



2. A Persons who for the first time in their life finds themselves in dual contact tries to remember: “Where could have we meet with before?!” (Of course, it is uselessly). Nevertheless, both are sure they have known each other for many years.



3. The sensation of safety appears for both duals. You observe this sensation and you cannot mix it with something up. A sensation of amazing and undisturbed composure describes this. It happens in the moment, a forming of common atmosphere; it can be easy felt, you intuitively know.



4. Both duals begin to feel simultaneously and equally the “impossibility” to be separated even for short time. It is very an exact and very real sensation of dual contact.



5. Both duals feel something like an internal joy, that fills up the soul. The smile on your face appears like a quiet happy smile of conciliation and rest.

The joy as behavior reaction is one of most accurate characteristic of dual dyad. This joy can appear without any certain reason. (Duals can laugh even without any certain reason just looking to each other. This joy arises like from sub consciousness – J.S.)



6. Little by little, both duals begin to feel, the need for maximum and close contact. If persons are not married, then it’s a good start for relations. If both duals have their own families, it is hard to keep their families. It is interesting that it is just natural evolution of the situation. It happens spontaneously like a “matter-of-course”…



7. The leveling of dual energy. This phenomenon appears almost immediately. The duals should just to be together, just to seat close by, sometimes even without touching each other. The maximum term for leveling of dual energy – 40 minutes (it is a result of investigation) and after that duals renew their energy. It does not depend on the depth of the “energy hole”.



8. This is most interesting stage. Duals cannot describe their feelings. You feel so comfortable, so at ease, it is as if you feel nothing at all…Sometimes it is impossible to notice the presence of your dual. Sometimes you completely forget about your dual all, then suddenly you see your dual!!! (How could I forget about them???)

 

[Auburn]

​

The ESFJ & INTP are capable of seeing eye-to-eye. That is, it is possible for them to truly understand each other.

In an ideal version of this matchup, the two will debate through the etho-logical realm between their Ti-dom and Fe-dom. If this happens enough, they can eventually synch values and rationalizations, so long as they're both open to the other.

Mind you, it may seem obvious that discourse with anyone causes more synchronicity, but there are some type matchups that no matter how much they try they'll never *truly* see eye-to-eye. That is because their psychology is innately different, but these two share the same functions.

And so the ESFJ & INTP pairing is capable of generating feelings of being wholly understood. But there will need to be a level of compromise as far as energy, as understanding someone fully doesn't mean all is dandy. They still have different energy buildup, so while the ESFJ will feel most fulfilled and seek-out that affectionate and cultural harmony (activism), the INTP will get the most fulfillment in picking to pieces a topic and knowing the roots of it. They may not always fulfill one another in these desires.

What more often than not happens is the INTP is guilted into developing better Fe abilities and connecting better with people. They may simultaneously appreciate this and resent it. This can be good for an INTP. If an INTP goes through a relationship with a healthy ESFJ, it'd do wonders for their personal development, but I would not recommend it be permanent (i.e. marriage).

@Ink - Curious article.
Would you say that's how your relationship with the ESFJ feels?

 

[Ink]

@Ink - Curious article.
Would you say that's how your relationship with the ESFJ feels?

I recognize our relationship a lot in the description yes... Good post btw, do you have a lot of experience with ESFJs?

 

[Auburn]

^^ ..well not "romantic" experience, but my sister is, and my father was, ESFJ. My sister and I debate via the Fe-Ti realm on several issues. Mostly social. I grew up around Fe types though so I could appreciate that style of interaction.

@ESFP - you're not ESFP? D: ...madness! trickerey~!

 

[booksindemand]

What if you're married to an ESFJ/ISFJ?

 

[viche]

We are ying and yan , what he sees I miss and what I see he misses. We are a force to be reckoned with.

Yin and yang is how socionics describes duality relationships generally speaking.

There are short descriptions here, Analyst and Bonviviant, and some longer ones here that don't look like they've been translated yet, but one can get the general gist out othem. Most INTPs should turn out as LII in socionics. If you've read them, post what you think about these!

What if you're married to an ESFJ/ISFJ?

I know an INTP married to ESFJ. They are doing very well. They even had a 3rd child recently to celebrate their union.

He works works as an engineer, middle management position. She got a masters in biology and works as a research assistant for a small company. She does most of the work raising their children. That's one of the reasons that ESFJ is a good match for INTP for family building - they love children and people in general, which is a weak area for INTP.

 

[Cindy]

I've been married to an ESFJ for almost 8 years. We annoy the hell out of each other most of the time, but we balance each other out perfectly.

 

[viche]

I've been married to an ESFJ for almost 8 years. We annoy the hell out of each other most of the time, but we balance each other out perfectly.

Can you describe more about this please? How do you "anno the hell out of each other"? xD
and how do you think you complement one another?

 

[Brontosaurie]

i think NFP is the best match

 

[Ink]

i think NFP is the best match

I hate the selfish Fi... so big no from me

 

[Brontosaurie]

I hate the selfish Fi... so big no from me

no more selfish than Ti

just idealistic

perhaps NFP's are more prone to glaring fuck-ups and hypocrisy but they are not intrinsically bad people

 

[Ink]

yeah, I don't mean they are bad people, it's just that they keep their feelings to themselves more, easier to connect with Fe people in a way... but that may just be my current preference which could change later...

 

[Brontosaurie]

yeah, I don't mean they are bad people, it's just that they keep their feelings to themselves more, easier to connect with Fe people in a way... but that may just be my current preference which could change later...

but when you get their feelings they're very potent

like Ti thoughts

 

[Ink]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=K_5ipu605B8

I believe I found an ESFJ (Artie) INTP (Nick) couple, with ENFP Conan chiming in a bit... Obvious dualization in action to my eyes!

 

[scorpiomover]

According to socionics the ESFJ is our dual, best relationship match. I just don't see how it is, in my experience there's just conflicting points of view all the time... Anyone can make sense of it all?

Well, there are bound to be conflicting views with ESFJs. Their conscious functions are your subconscious functions. The subconscious tries to keep itself hidden from your view all the time, to protect you, so you never realise that the subconscious is the real person, and you're just the mental equivalent of an LCD screen. As a result, the mind tends to block off the subconscious functions from making sense, until you mature, and can deal with the knock to your ego.

However, it's quite clear to me, from polls on INTPf on people you're attracted to, that INTPs have a wide variety of people they are attracted to, and seem to go across the board, with no preferences.

The more you mature, the more you'll find ESFJs understandable and enchanting. You might not date them personally. But as you experience more of life, you'll find it makes more and more sense, to date someone very different to you, and then you'll find yourself the oddball, for trying not to date them. You'll probably stick with that. But you'll still think of yourself as the oddball, and everyone else as the sane ones in life. The only differences is, that you won't mind so much being the odd one out.

 

[Brontosaurie]

The more you mature, the more you'll find ESFJs understandable and enchanting.

the more you mature, the more you learn that what you consider to be respectful, considerate manners doesn't apply to ESFJs and that your trying to be fair and honest only makes them feel threatened. finally you will realize they're mere automatons with a perception so gullibly rigid that they'd instantly become your minions if only you abandoned your sense of intellectual dignity and social decency. with ESFJs there is no persuasion, there's just getting over conscience. thereafter you may continually feed them with empty nice words and they won't notice anything else happening. you could probably cut their legs off secretly if you said "fantastic" and "wonderful" and "sunshine" enough times during the procedure.

 

[viche]

Jay has created facebook groups for dual pairs.
This is the group for LII-ESE: https://www.facebook.com/groups/637927229570789/

Most INTPs should be LIIs in socionics, but not everyone so don't forget to carefully read through the profiles for you may be ILI, SLI or some other type, in which case you can join some of these other groups: https://www.facebook.com/jay.mckee1/groups

 

[kyst]

So. Obviously no type is objectively bad, but I will base this a lot on my bad experience with an ESFJ and my general views on them. ESFJs are very rigid. When they have come to a conclusion or made a decision, it's next to impossible to make them even consider anything else which can be extremely frustrating to an INTP. We like to question things, and enjoy theorising and meaningless, friendly discussing.
When someone opposes an ESFJs views, they will get the message that "you're doing something wrong and I'm trying to tell you what it is", even when that was intended was a friendly discussion. To ESFJs there is no such thing as a friendly discussion. They only question something when there is a practical need for it. This might make an INTP feel very misunderstood, like the person doesn't see them. Like they don't speak the same language.

INTPs work individually and don't interfere in situations they're not "invited" to. ESFJs have a strong need to control their environments and feel like they have a role in everything that happens. They have no problem with intruding themselves on another persons personal boundaries if that's what's required to do what they reckon as the right thing to do.

ESFJs care a lot about other people and do everything to acchieve justice and harmony in their environments and will do just about everything to achieve this. They have a natural talent of convincing people and usually get their way. They never take a bow and admit they're wrong because most of the time they wholeheartedly believe that morally, they never are.

An unhealthy ESFJ can be verbally and violently abusive, but still be of the belief that they have the right to do so and usually succeed in convincing other people about this too.

Again - I don't see ESFJs as bad people(and don't believe anyone objectively are). Everything an ESFJ does, they do in the purpose of protecting the people around them. They just tend to be very "I know better than you what's the best for you", which can be extremely irritating to INTPs. I just find them so damn intrusive and can't stand it.

There are things I appreciate about ESFJs. They are very loyal and never lie for their own benefit. If they have given you their word, you don't need to doubt it for a second. They don't have bad intentions in them, and their main motivation in life is to keep the people around them safe and happy. To an INTP, they may seem very petty and over-domineering and intrusive. But I think, that if both parts provide enough time and effort into their relationship and tries to understand and accept each other better, they can make an unstoppable team.

 

[Brontosaurie]

When someone opposes an ESFJs views, they will get the message that "you're doing something wrong and I'm trying to tell you what it is", even when that was intended was a friendly discussion.

very true

but their Ne isn't bad at all when they're in the mood

 

[chatelking]

Well, my sister is ESFJ and I can't stand her. She just too bossy and control freak, on top of that very dramatic. It's very exhausting..
Sometime I think she has split personality, this fun loving person and this queen bitch. The rest of family usually just avoid confrontation with her although usually my ESFP sister just fight her.
What I hate the most of her is she never listen to me. She always think that she always right and she just ignore the facts that contradict her opinion. And when she is proven wrong instead of accept it she just grumble.
She is my sister, but I love her when she's far away.

 

[fnordprefect]

The concept of "Duality" and the rest of Socionics is mostly baseless conjecture.

 

[Ink]

The concept of "Duality" and the rest of Socionics is mostly baseless conjecture.

If you have ever hung out with a jungian opposite of the opposite sex where you both liked/ were attracted to eachother and were comfortable with eachother I don't think you would say that, there's definitely this kind of psychological comfort that can only be achieved under those circumstances. But of course, no theory of psychology can be proven.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

According to socionics the ESFJ is our dual, best relationship match. I just don't see how it is, in my experience there's just conflicting points of view all the time... Anyone can make sense of it all?

ESFJ are the most directly dangerous people I have met (Indirectly could be XNTJ). I have the most problems around them, my argumentation is ignored, my freedom taken, time wasted, forbearance and endurance tested. Most of the calamities in my life included one or more ESFJ's or ESTJ's. However the damage is significantly less than damage I sustained from XNTX types.

The idea that I would choose to create a better relationship with an ESFJ is reasonable, why not?

If only there was a person sufficiently tolerant, patient and open I can be interested in getting to know that person.

It just seems that things I want to keep safe and things I have to offer would be inappropriate for this type.

but their Ne isn't bad at all when they're in the mood

I agree, I saw that channel in practise and it can work.

I hate the selfish Fi... so big no from me

I can dislike it, on the other hand it leaves me more freedom than Fe many times.

 

[Lordran Nights]

I think the following relationships are examples of INTP-ESFJ pairings.
My favourite first:

Summer and Seth from the OC. Rachael Bilson is an ESFJ and Adam Brody is INTP. They are noted as having great onscreen chemistry and were a couple in real life too. Unfortunately their success led to their break up because of them having to do a along distance relationship. This caused a lot of fan outrage as many saw the pair as made for each other. In my opinion it was Rachael Bilson falling for Hayden Christensen on the set of one of their films which caused the most damage. Hayden Christensen is an ISFP. ISFP/ESFJ is either the best match according to the Personality Page (the one with the pink background) MBTI site or an “extinguishment relationship” if you go with Socionics. There is an undeniable attraction that occurs in this type of relationship - a “love at first sight” kind of thing. But they can lead to psychological issues/depression/controlling relationships in my experience. I therefore speculate that Rachael Bilson is not happy in her current relationship. Adam Brody has moved onto Leighton Meester from Gossip Girl who I haven’t typed but she looks like an INFP.

Rory Gilmore (Alexis Bledel – INTP) and Dean (Jared Padalecki - ESFJ) from Gilmore Girls
This is similar, they did have what looked to be a solid relationship and comfortable on screen chemistry– but as far as I know they didn’t date in real life. Rory falls for Jessie (Milo Ventimiglia – ENTJ) and dumps Dean in the show. Alexis goes on to date Milo in real life (another extinguishment relationship) too but they aren’t still together. She is now married to Pete Campbell from Mad Men who looks like an INFJ but I haven’t studied him in depth.

Larry David (INTP) and his wife Cheryl Hines(ESFJ) from Curb your Enthusiasm.
There is so much improvised material on this show that it gives a good idea of what the INTP-ESFJ pairing is like in real time.

Alexander Armstrong (ESFJ) and Ben Miller (INTP)
They funny thing about this is that you don’t see Ben Miller as having typical INTP characteristics but that is because I think his proximity to Alexander Armstrong gives him confidence and composure.

My sister is ESFP and is going out with an INTJ and that isn’t going well although I thought it would according to the dual theory but I think she is self-esteem issues. Also Adam Brody and Rachael Bilson didn’t work out in the end – so I’d take my opinion with a grain of salt.

 

[samjonathan]

My mother is an ESFJ, i'd suggest that if you don't have a good reason to take the time, effort, and pain (on both sides) then it isn't really worth it. Having said that, when everything is running smoothly, or if there is nothing that directly requires co-operation for completion then they can be pretty decent to hang out with. And they can can be pretty thankful for your advice if they have an emotional dilemma and they need a rational perspective, if you're on their side that is. But i have found that it is possible to rationalise most perspectives, especially to people with no grasp on logical thinking, even if they do end up cherry-picking the bits that suit them best.

Also I find it helps to keep in mind that they they (ESFJs) are just as frustrated by us (INTPs) as we are by them.

Having said all that I return to my original statement that it's not really worth it unless you really have to or really want to (for whatever reason).

 

[fnordprefect]

ISFP/ESFJ is either the best match according to the Personality Page (the one with the pink background) MBTI site or an “extinguishment relationship” if you go with Socionics. There is an undeniable attraction that occurs in this type of relationship - a “love at first sight” kind of thing. But they can lead to psychological issues/depression/controlling relationships in my experience.

Personality Page is right. Those so-called "extinguishment" relationships are the most inspirational type relations out there. They are what "soul mate" stories are all about. As an INFJ male, I've always found ENFP females to be my ultimate inspirational goddesses.

Rory Gilmore (Alexis Bledel – INTP) and Dean (Jared Padalecki - ESFJ) from Gilmore Girls

Alexis is INFP and Jared is ENFJ. Being inspirationals, their on-screen chemistry comes very naturally.

There are a number of "chilly" INFP females who tend to get casually misread as INTP. Carrie-Ann Moss (best known as Trinity from The Matrix trilogy) is another one of these who comes to mind.

Larry David (INTP) and his wife Cheryl Hines(ESFJ) from Curb your Enthusiasm.
There is so much improvised material on this show that it gives a good idea of what the INTP-ESFJ pairing is like in real time.

I don't want to speculate their character types too deeply, but I think both actors are INTJ.

Regarding Socionics, I don't think their functions directly correlate with the Jungian functions. The Socionics IM elements seem to more represent specific character role archetypes than energetic cogntive preferences of the psyche. Also, there's way too many deterministic rules involved in their relations theory. Complex and unique humans are reduced down to a series of predictable, robotic behavioral algorithms. Finally, their sensing functions don't correspond at all to Jung's sensing functions. Their Si seems like one facet of Jungian Se and their Se is generic "J" willpower from the MBTI, probably best matching up with Te dominance.

Basically there's very little cross-correlation between MBTI/JCF and Socionics.

 

[Narcoleptic]

Since this thread is on the particular topic I'll borrow some space here. I'm an INTP and I've been in love with an ESFJ for the last 6 years and known her for 7.5 years. She is, and has been, in love with me to varying degrees during this time. Though we haven't been able to have a proper relationship due to the difference in our personalities. So my question mainly goes to those who have experience with ESFJs. How have you managed to learn to show enough affection for the ESFJ to become satisfied? This is the major issue I'm facing. Apart from that we've learned to overcome most other obstacles over the years.

 

[Lordran Nights]

The concept of "Duality" and the rest of Socionics is mostly baseless conjecture.

Here is a link to an article which explains the differences between MBTI and Socionics and how Socionics owns MBTI. It's by Victor Gulenko, who has written books and many articles on functions, intertype relations, subtype theory, group theory and conducts workshops in Socionics at his school.

http://translate.googleusercontent....i.html&usg=ALkJrhgG6McSveKkK6Oj8QVFqPNPnpQSeQ

I don't have time right now to explain why I think Alexis Bledel is INTP but I'll do it tomorrow.

Katy Perry is an INFJ and she got married to Russell Brand after a whirlwind romance. Russell Brand is ENFP. That's an extinguishment relationship - which is probably the main reason it didn't work.

Her new boyfriend is also an ENFP, guitarist John Mayer. Recently they were interviewed together for a breakfast television show and everyone after commented upon how awkward their body language was. There was a lot of speculation about why but in the end it is probably due to them unable to maintain a steady psychological distance when other people are around.

http://www.celebitchy.com/340058/john_mayer_drops_an_f-bomb_on_gma_acts_squirmy_next_to_katy_perry/

But extinguishment partners get on great when they are alone.

Extinguishment relationships are dealt with well in the film 500 Days of Summer.

Other Extinguishment/Bad hollywood relationships:

Ryan Reynolds ENFJ Blake Lively INFP
Jennifer Anniston ESFJ Justin Theroux ISFP
MacCauley Culkin INTP Mila Kunis ENTJ
Jennifer Lopez ESFJ Casper Smart ISFP
Jennifer Lopez ESFJ Mark Anthony ISFP

 

[Lordran Nights]

Topical example:

You may or may not be aware that Francois Hollande, French President, has been having trouble with his love life lately.

Valerie Trierweiller, his wife, bears a striking resemblance to an ENTJ I know in real life, and her mannerisms and walk are very similar too. I've noticed this type of ENTJ walk in a certain way and you can see this at the start of this clip. Plus other things like her smile are the same as ENTJ's I know. So I'm going to go with ENTJ for her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIi_9A0IkjU

In the same way, Julie Gayet reminds me very much of an ESFJ that I know in real life. Happy, bubbly personality, always smiling, expressive. So I'm going to pigeon hole her as an ESFJ.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj34whV8Lo8

So that leaves Hollande, who I'll say is INTP. He seems quite businesslike for an INTP but he'd have to be to be a President. The logical INTP subtype is more serious (and successful) than the intuitive subtype. My boss is logical subtype INTP and I'm intuitive subtype so we get on quite well but that's another matter. There is more on subtypes on the wikisocion website. Let's say for the sake of the point I'm trying to make that Hollande is INTP.

Hollande leaves his first wife for Trierweiller after they have an affair. This would be an example of the mysterious allure of an extinguishment relationship. Then he realizes it isn't working and he has another affair but this time with an ESFJ dual (Gayer). It will be interesting to find out where Hollande goes from here.

 

[Lordran Nights]

I'd like to mention that this sort of thing is a means of typing people.

Hollande would be hard to type based on the material available.

But if you know the system, and you have two correctly (I reckon!) typed persons then you can triangulate to find the type of the other person.

I'd also like to point out that the brunette in the clip above has got to be INTP.

 

[bee]

I'm in a serious relationship with ESFJ, it's been about 4 years. The interesting part is i'm female and i'm the INTP. It's been really challenging i'm not gonna lie. He is a fun loving man, really caring, and warm, has great responsibilities towards his job. But on the other hand he annoys me as fuck. He's pretty clingy and demanding in emotional support and intimacy which i feel unimportant most of the time. It's hard to have an argument with him because he'll be really defensive and close minded to my suggestion, he can't understand my abstract thinking and my excitement about theory and philosophy. For him i'm a weird individual, he's never been in relationship with an INTP before, he felt that i'm a cold hearted bitch i have no feelings whatsoever and he felt that i always think that i'm better than him just because i know so much more than him. i'm not gonna lie and say that all of his statement was untrue. I often feel better than him because i'm more logical and he always think with his emotional heavily involved. So we annoys each other equally.

With all been said, we're pretty compatible when all in good mood. We're learning to understand each other needs, i try to be more sensitive about his feelings and he try to give me more space. And it's been pretty good. it's hard but it's not impossible

 

[ddspada]

I have attempted to woo ESFJ ladies before. It works for a couple of weeks (some permutation of me being funny and smart in her eyes and she being caring and cuddly in mine), then the issues bee outlines spring up. I've learned that it's probably never really going to work -- but anything can happen.

Welcome, bee, btw.

 

[BrainVessel]

All ESFJs I have met tend to repel me.
I can't stand their conventional thinking and their intolerant/closed-minded regard to my way of thinking. I've debated with them and they only parrot what they've heard people they admire say without question and flail emotions everywhere when there is zero need or benefit from it.
They just overall annoy me and don't seem to have a rational or unconventional bone in their bodies.
I can sometimes deal with male ESFJs because it seems that they conform to the less annoying male stereotype(cars, muscles, testosterone, rationality, hear me roar!), but female ESFJs(flowers, emotions are always right, pretty little irrational housewife ) pretty much unconditionally rub me the wrong way.

I genuinely want an ESFJ to prove me wrong about their kind, but it has not yet happened.

 

[ddspada]

All ESFJs I have met tend to repel me.
I can't stand their conventional thinking and their intolerant/closed-minded regard to my way of thinking. I've debated with them and they only parrot what they've heard people they admire say without question and flail emotions everywhere when there is zero need or benefit from it.
They just overall annoy me and don't seem to have a rational or unconventional bone in their bodies.
I can sometimes deal with male ESFJs because it seems that they conform to the less annoying male stereotype(cars, muscles, testosterone, rationality, hear me roar!), but female ESFJs(flowers, emotions are always right, pretty little irrational housewife ) pretty much unconditionally rub me the wrong way.

I genuinely want an ESFJ to prove me wrong about their kind, but it has not yet happened.

Yes!!, this is exactly what happens after (a couple of weeks of) interacting with an ESFJ, especially the parts in blue.

Additionally, many a female ESFJ I've known tends to significantly underplay the importance of words -- by calling completely ordinary and mundane events, ideas and people perfect, wonderful, beautiful (both bello and hermoso in Spanish), incredible, and the like -- while claiming to be well-read. I experience some sort of primal disgust when this happens, most especially with the word "perfect". *shudders*