Inequity, the feeling of

[Jah]

I'm feeling completely indifferent, blasé.

I have no interest in food or sex.
No interest in social games, or personal endeavors.
Not even sleep is a comfort.
Like all the primal urges are dissolved.


It's like I couldn't care about anything.

As though the dopamine-pathways are shut down for the duration. Seasonal Maintenance or something.


And this is coupled with a feeling that we, as a species, are hugely inadequate, that we are terribly underdeveloped, Blind, Deaf and Lame to the world.
Incapable of doing even the simplest tasks.

Like I'm the only cripple who notices we're all cripples, the others merrily ignorant of the fact that they cannot partake in the real dance of Life.


All the while feeling slightly discomforted by those that do feel natural urges, who divulge themselves in acts of gluttony, lust and all these other "sins".

Disassociated with the human experience, people seem like animals;
Unconscious to their actions, driven by natural urges and social conditioning.
Happy in their illusions of freedom, trapped in their cage.





What I mean is; Is this just me, who go through bouts of feeling like this, or is this a common phenomena ?

It seems to crop up every now and again, and I'm curious as to whether this is something common within this group, within all human beings, or whether it is just arrogance combined with a slight depressive state.

(Following the theory that everyone fits into a scale of manic depression, but most with infrequent fluctuations of lower amplitude than those who carry the title "Bipolar".)

 

[Nocturne]

Hmmmm... I think the occurence you just described to me happens more during the summer, for a reason I am not totally sure of. Life just gets alarmingly boring. Oddly, I constantly feel that people I see does not deserve pity or empathy of any kind.

Like I'm the only cripple who notices we're all cripples, the others merrily ignorant of the fact that they cannot partake in the real dance of Life.

Hmmm... Plato's Story of the Cave?

 

[Jah]

Hmm.. Yes, a little like that.

 

[smithcommajohn]

Jah, you pretty much summed up my exact mood right now.

I'm watching the human experience between other people as almost a tv show; A poorly written one at that.

The characters in this travesty are so boring and predictable. I long for someone to bring depth and randomness yet it never happens. It's as if I am being punished in having to live with these animals. I call them animals, Jah, because I can barely see any human qualities in them. This is the world in which we live. A world full of animals and a scarce commodity of humans interspersed in their masses.

I have become so tired of these animals. In my younger years I could easily find simple pleasures enjoyable with these animals, but I fear that time has passed. It sounds condescending, but I would gather that most people who can understand my point of view are humans that I put on equal footing as myself, so please don't take offense.

I'm not even sure that I'm saying I'm better than the animals. More that I am tired of playing this game with them. So very very tired. The pointlessness of life is a constant thought on my mind as of late. Apathy consumes me.

 

[Hadoblado]

I've limited time, so I'll make this quick and prob get back to you later. I do from time to time go through these phases, coupled with an intense lack of the ol' pleasure drip; everything is stale repetition and I just want to sit and ooze away. It is a state that has become far less common with the use of anti-depression medication. It almost seems like a Socratic perception of humanity, but far more negative and lifeless. It's probably too dismissive of human qualities other than thought. kk gtg bai!

 

[Jah]

Hmm...

I'm not particularly fond of SSRIs as I think serotonin is linked to creativity and the ability to intuit and think in ways which draws connections. (However, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, in this case it leads to Schizophrenia (the proper kind, not just split personality) where you draw too many connections, and go ballistic ape-shit, firing conspiracy-theories in any which direction.)


No, It varies between the feeling of hopelessness and the tragicomic perception.

Like it's all just another divine comedy, but one performed in an empty theater, I hasten to add.
There is no audience, just us and our demons (the Socratic kind, poetically phrased).

This requires George Carlin:
YouTube - ‪George Carlin on God, the planet, and "the freak show" - EMMYTVLEGENDS.ORG‬‏

And also Terence McKenna:
YouTube - ‪Terence McKenna: Culture is not your friend‬‏


It seems this is a recurring problem for intelligent people.

 

[Meer]

Yep, I often can't seem to care about anything.

I'm watching the human experience between other people as almost a tv show; A poorly written one at that.

Recently, while chainsmoking on the sidewalk in the middle of the night, I thought of something similar; life is just a bad movie, and that's all it can be, but it might be better if it were more interesting.

...draw too many connections, and go ballistic ape-shit, firing conspiracy-theories in any which direction.

No, It varies between the feeling of hopelessness and the tragicomic perception.

That sounds like me on drugs and being Zen is good, seriously.

 

[systembust]

I can definitely relate to a lot of that.

INTPs need to be allowed at least the option of living on government reservations.

 

[Zensunni]

I find creating something gets rid of that feeling for me.

 

[Minuend]

I mentioned something similar in the "feel different"- thredie.

But mine doesn't always have melancholy attached to it, and at least nowadays, it's not very prolonged.

I am actually on SSRIs, done a great deal for my anxiety, to such a degree that it doesn't bother me anymore. I think the levels are down to a normal person and no wonder they can't understand "us"! Having this low level of worry is a non-issue. Being this stable emotionally helps me deal with situations that are a bit scary. I have more resources spared for such events, instead of being constantly drained. I used to be mildly depressed, but not anymore.

Creativity? Well, I have considered that. Arena fights seems a bit more difficult to engage in, but perhaps this just depends on my mood generally. But I'm still fairly creative in my writing, drawings, at work etc.

Connections? Well, I haven't noticed any decrease in my ability to connect dots. But then again, how would I know?

 

[Awaken]

Ahh, good ole anhedonia. I know you well. I get this way sometimes, but for the most part I think it is mainly just indifference in general. I think it is important to figure out if it is a part of depression, bipolar, or a dysthymic disorder. I think that it is important for people to research the mnemonic "SIGECAPS" as your brain will not say, "hey Im depressed". You need a more objective measure to decide.


On a side note, Buproprion(wellbutrin) is an antidepressant, adult onset ADD tx, smoking cessation drug, anxiety(?) and does not cause the sexual side effects of all the other antidepressants. I mention this because I have read all of the above mentioned several times on this forum.

 

[Reluctantly]

Happy in their illusions of freedom, trapped in their cage.

You know honestly, I'm not sure illusion of freedom and freedom are different things.