I am not broken

[Solitaire U.]

^ Refresh my memory. When did I say that?

 

[Duxwing]

^ Refresh my memory. When did I say that?

You said so in your "Relationships" thread.

Ne is a very, very powerful tool for socializing, but in the end it is just a false extroversion. You follow patterns, you see what to do and don't do, and you perform accordingly making all neccessary adjustments as the social interaction moves on. But in the end does it make you feel warm inside?

Your metaphor of the car certainly applies to your Ne, which evidently allows you to blend in and interact with others. Unfortunately, by your own admission, it doesn't apply to your Fe, which is left cold and bitter. Therefore, your metaphor of the car doesn't hold because your socialization doesn't provide you with a warm feeling inside.

Hence, you must change your approach before you can achieve the happiness that you seek. How? Well, the first problem is that pure Ne will, as you mentioned, leave you feeling unfulfilled after socializing. Therefore, you must, at some point in the socialization, directly expose your Fe-- an act that places a grear deal of trust in the recipient of the Fe, so don't do it all the time-- in order to alleviate that feeling of emptiness.

How do we achieve successful Fe exposure? Use your Ne to see if the other person is trustworthy, then expose something about yourself, be it a happy or a sad thing. Try something like this: "I saw a picture of two kittens hugging on the Internet yesterday, and they were so cute that I said, 'Awww!'". If they reciprocate in good faith (again, use your Ne to determine that) then try to get them to open up, too. An example would be: "Hey, do you like anyone?". Then you'd try to be supportive of their feelings and the cycle would continue. Of course, the level trust required for such conversations can be high when talking to T-types, especially T-doms, but building that trust is what Ne is for.

Overall, you must allow Fe some time in the spotlight if it is to be satisfied with your social life. Trying to force feelings on it with logic (e.g., "I have lots of friends, therefore I MUST feel happy") will only result in more emptiness because emotion is felt, not mandated.

-Duxwing

 

[EditorOne]

Is it just me or is it very teenage angst-y in here?

except for me, perhaps, I fall into the curmudgeonly older man slot, viewing the angst with disdain and suggesting rude advice to the busy fixersj ust so they can raise their sanctimony to the altitude where it spontan eously combusts.

 

[SpaceYeti]

Is it just me or is it very teenage angst-y in here?

Welcome to the forum!

As E1 said, he's an old bludgeon. I, on the other hand, am just about ready to hit my mid-life crisis. I sometimes act like a child, and I sometimes act like a deaf old man. Depends on my mood and if I understood what you said.

 

[Duxwing]

Welcome to the forum!

As E1 said, he's an old bludgeon. I, on the other hand, am just about ready to hit my mid-life crisis. I sometimes act like a child, and I sometimes act like a deaf old man. Depends on my mood and if I understood what you said.

You sound like you'd look that mid-life crisis right in the face and make lemon jokes. I think that you'll be fine.

-Duxwing

PS But you never know...!

 

[SpaceYeti]

Actually, I think I might have had my mid life crisis a few years ago.

 

[Duxwing]

Actually, I think I might have had my mid life crisis a few years ago.

All the better!

-Duxwing

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Sometimes you get bit. When life gives you lemons, put one in the microwave for ten minutes just to see what happens.

I have to clean out the bloody microwave because of this. It lasted 6 minutes then exploded.

 

[Fukyo]

You said so in your "Relationships" thread.



Your metaphor of the car certainly applies to your Ne, which evidently allows you to blend in and interact with others. Unfortunately, by your own admission, it doesn't apply to your Fe, which is left cold and bitter. Therefore, your metaphor of the car doesn't hold because your socialization doesn't provide you with a warm feeling inside.

Hence, you must change your approach before you can achieve the happiness that you seek. How? Well, the first problem is that pure Ne will, as you mentioned, leave you feeling unfulfilled after socializing. Therefore, you must, at some point in the socialization, directly expose your Fe-- an act that places a grear deal of trust in the recipient of the Fe, so don't do it all the time-- in order to alleviate that feeling of emptiness.

How do we achieve successful Fe exposure? Use your Ne to see if the other person is trustworthy, then expose something about yourself, be it a happy or a sad thing. Try something like this: "I saw a picture of two kittens hugging on the Internet yesterday, and they were so cute that I said, 'Awww!'". If they reciprocate in good faith (again, use your Ne to determine that) then try to get them to open up, too. An example would be: "Hey, do you like anyone?". Then you'd try to be supportive of their feelings and the cycle would continue. Of course, the level trust required for such conversations can be high when talking to T-types, especially T-doms, but building that trust is what Ne is for.

Overall, you must allow Fe some time in the spotlight if it is to be satisfied with your social life. Trying to force feelings on it with logic (e.g., "I have lots of friends, therefore I MUST feel happy") will only result in more emptiness because emotion is felt, not mandated.

-Duxwing

Whoa, slow down. I think you're mixing up members in your relentless quest to dispense relationship advice.

 

[SpaceYeti]

I have to clean out the bloody microwave because of this. It lasted 6 minutes then exploded.

That's pretty much what I expected. I don't have any lemons, or else I'd have already done it.

Did you youtube it?

 

[joal0503]

That's pretty much what I expected. I don't have any lemons, or else I'd have already done it.

Did you youtube it?

i did, pretty anticlimactic...it just sprayed lemon vapor all around the microwave.

metal is much more entertaining (88 mph...)

 

[redbaron]

Is it just me or is it very teenage angst-y in here?

@psion If by here you mean all of INTPf, then yes I agree.

 

[SpaceYeti]

i did, pretty anticlimactic...it just sprayed lemon vapor all around the microwave.

metal is much more entertaining (88 mph...)

Yes, but that ruins the microwave. Most things are anticlimactic in the microwave, but it's still fun to find out what is and what isn't, the hard way.

 

[Solitaire U.]

You said so in your "Relationships" thread.

You have the wrong guy...

http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=15043&highlight=relationships

P.S. It's cold in here.

 

[SpaceYeti]

I said there must be some Toros in the atmosphere!
I said oh, eh oh, eh oh, ice, ice, ice.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

That's pretty much what I expected. I don't have any lemons, or else I'd have already done it.

Did you youtube it?

Unfortunately no. It was a spur of the moment thing. I saw a lemon. I saw the microwave. Then I remembered your post and went for it.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

P.S. It's cold in here.

Siberian purgatory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mNj32_4L24

 

[Duxwing]

You have the wrong guy...

http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=15043&highlight=relationships

P.S. It's cold in here.

No, I do have the right guy. Here's a linked quote:

-snip-

Ne is a very, very powerful tool for socializing, but in the end it is just a false extroversion. You follow patterns, you see what to do and don't do, and you perform accordingly making all neccessary adjustments as the social interaction moves on. But in the end does it make you feel warm inside?

Now, with that matter sorted out, please respond to the questions about what a true friendship would look like in your eyes and how other people could invest in you. And regarding mental health itself, your repeated unrequited romances have led you to engage in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaction_formation in order to prevent the unacceptable emotion (hurt, loss, regret, etc.) from ever hurting you again. Note that reaction formation is a psychological defense mechanism, not valid line of reasoning.

Q.E.D. Something deep inside you hurts and you've built up this wall of logic to protect yourself from it. Doing so will only prevent the pain of loss by cutting relationships off before they reach the critical point at which both you and your friend or partner make yourselves vulnerable to each other, thereby preventing the "warm feeling" (bonding) from occurring.

-Duxwing

 

[Solitaire U.]

Duxwing. You're responding to Solitaire U. but quoting Tony3d.

I'm not Tony3d. I promise, guarantee, and assure you that I was never Tony3d in the past, nor do I have any plans to become him in the future. I'm Solitaire U. The Last of the V-8 Interceptors. The only member here (far as I know) with a black hot rod as his avatar.

Sincerely,

Solitaire U. (NOT Tony3d).

 

[Etheri]

The problem is, I have no problem. I am not broken, I don't need to be fixed. I want to know why people seem to think that I do have something wrong with me, because it isn't me that is wrong, it is the world.

You are a drama queen, Dux...

I am not here to discuss me, I am here to discuss the world.

How does it go in buddhism? To change the world, first change yourself?

I'm not saying the world is any more or less wrong than you are, but I do think you're part of the world... And probably the part you can most easily change. Since nobody is perfect, we can always improve. I'm sure some of your views could be overthought and, if you see fit, adjusted.

 

[Duxwing]

Duxwing. You're responding to Solitaire U. but quoting Tony3d.

I'm not Tony3d. I promise, guarantee, and assure you that I was never Tony3d in the past, nor do I have any plans to become him in the future. I'm Solitaire U. The Last of the V-8 Interceptors. The only member here (far as I know) with a black hot rod as his avatar.

Sincerely,

Solitaire U. (NOT Tony3d).

................... SON OF A GUN! Sorry. Oi vay, I'm sorry. Consider me bested, I concede.

*exit, stage left, pursued by a bear*

-Duxwing

 

[Solitaire U.]

Heh, don't worry about it.

 

[Tony3d]

Don't be ridiculous, Dux, I don't owe you and explination of my own personal life.

I come here to discuss situations that vaguely resemble the kind of issues I might find myself in, but never the actual isues I have, because in that case you could never truly understand, and the effort I would spend in the process would be tireing.

 

[psion]

@psion If by here you mean all of INTPf, then yes I agree.

Yea I've been noticing that.

 

[pjoa09]

Yes, you are. BITCH.


lol