I am not broken

[Tony3d]

So why does everyone tell me I need to be fixed?

 

[joal0503]

i blame coldplay

 

[Tony3d]

i blame coldplay

What is coldplay? Is that some kinky kind of Eskimo sex?

 

[Nocturne]

>.< Veh.
I think joal0503 is referring to the band 'Coldplay'.
More precisely, their song 'Fix You'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY9b6jgbNyc

 

[Duxwing]

So why does everyone tell me I need to be fixed?

And how does that make you feel? We could use some more information in understanding the nature of your problem.

-Duxwing

 

[Tony3d]

And how does that make you feel? We could use some more information in understanding the nature of your problem.

-Duxwing

You are just a big drama queen. An over feely INTP like myself, but one that strays to the soft and cuddly side of things. I perfer to let hate and regret guide me, those are much more reliable emotions for one that can't seem to understand the childish and untamed nature of his own Fe.

The problem is, I have no problem. I am not broken, I don't need to be fixed. I want to know why people seem to think that I do have something wrong with me, because it isn't me that is wrong, it is the world.

 

[redbaron]

Quick! Somebody call the waaaaahmbulance!

 

[TheScornedReflex]

You are just a big drama queen. An over feely INTP like myself, but one that strays to the soft and cuddly side of things. I perfer to let hate and regret guide me, those are much more reliable emotions for one that can't seem to understand the childish and untamed nature of his own Fe.

The problem is, I have no problem. I am not broken, I don't need to be fixed. I want to know why people seem to think that I do have something wrong with me, because it isn't me that is wrong, it is the world.

There seems to be some deep down pain. Come here and receive your medicine. Prepare for a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

 

[Duxwing]

You are just a big drama queen. An over feely INTP like myself, but one that strays to the soft and cuddly side of things. I perfer to let hate and regret guide me, those are much more reliable emotions for one that can't seem to understand the childish and untamed nature of his own Fe.

The problem is, I have no problem. I am not broken, I don't need to be fixed. I want to know why people seem to think that I do have something wrong with me, because it isn't me that is wrong, it is the world.

I queried your memory for additional information regarding the nature of your complaint. Such an action was entirely logical because your OP, as you well know, was comprised of only a single sentence. I suggested emotional information because your threads appeared to be in the theme of "Why me?!".

Regarding my being a "drama queen," I'll further attempt to reduce the emotional feedback in my exchanges with you if you'd prefer, yet I can't help but think that you've entered into an unhealthy emotional rut. For example, you claim to be driven by hatred and regret, both of which indicate that you've experienced some sort of severe emotional pain that isn't healing properly. Moreover, focusing on those feelings is an equally inadvisable route because you end up behaving like a kid throwing a temper-tantrum over a toy that he didn't get and/or a murderer with a guilty conscience. You need to let yourself feel the full spectrum of emotion if you are to claim such a moral high ground as having integrated Fe.

And that feeling is just what I try to do on this forum. I ache when I read sad stories, I laugh at jokes, and I try to help others as best as I can. What you're doing, I wager, is projecting your own tendency to complain (which I sympathize with, everybody hurts sometimes, dude) onto me in order to ignore what I'm pointing out to you.

-Duxwing

 

[Tony3d]

There seems to be some deep down pain. Come here and receive your medicine. Prepare for a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

Hugs are for the weak, those that want acceptance for being too weak.

I will not be weak, I will not forsake my logic and fall into a pit of Fe pitty and look to others for comfort. If the logic I have presented thus far in my life is not good enough, then I shall simply become stronger, I shall simply provide better logic unitl my existance is undeniable.

 

[Tony3d]

...yet I can't help but think that you've entered into an unhealthy emotional rut. For example, you claim to be driven by hatred and regret, both of which indicate that you've experienced some sort of severe emotional pain that isn't healing properly. Moreover, focusing on those feelings is an equally inadvisable route because you end up behaving like a kid throwing a temper-tantrum over a toy that he didn't get and/or a murderer with a guilty conscience. You need to let yourself feel the full spectrum of emotion if you are to claim such a moral high ground as having integrated Fe.

Healing is for the weak. Healing is for those that are weak enough to accept the emotional scars of life. I reject them, I don't accept the pain, it is logistically wrong and thus it cannot hurt me.

If it brought me pain, it is my fault for wrongly veiwing the situation as something that could bring me pain. The pain is not true, I am.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Hugs are for the weak, those that want acceptance for being too weak.

I will not be weak, I will not forsake my logic and fall into a pit of Fe pitty and look to others for comfort. If the logic I have presented thus far in my life is not good enough, then I shall simply become stronger, I shall simply provide better logic unitl my existance is undeniable.

There, there let it all out.

Who is questioning your existence? Who has hurt you?

 

[Tony3d]

There, there let it all out.

Who is questioning your existence? Who has hurt you?

Don't mock me, I reject your pity, I reject your weakness.

Only the strong have the strength to survive, and only the strong can protect the weak. But there is no one on protect me, so the only option is to become stronger.

Anything else, I simply reject as illogical.

 

[Duxwing]

Healing is for the weak. Healing is for those that are weak enough to accept the emotional scars of life. I reject them, I don't accept the pain, it is logistically wrong and thus it cannot hurt me.

If it brought me pain, it is my fault for wrongly veiwing the situation as something that could bring me pain. The pain is not true, I am.

Healing is necessary because it makes you strong once more. Healing is not an acceptance of emotional scars, but their treatment and removal. And I don't pity you in the least: I see you as perfectly capable of climbing out of this hole-- that's why I write these posts. As for Fe, it's part of your stack and you need to acknowledge it lest you become unbalanced. I'm using mine to draw yours out so that we can examine it and heal its scars with logic.

*brings some Kleenex and pillows* When we say let it all out, we really do mean it.
-Duxwing

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Don't mock me, I reject your pity, I reject your weakness.

Only the strong have the strength to survive, and only the strong can protect the weak. But there is no one on protect me, so the only option is to become stronger.

Anything else, I simply reject as illogical.

Oh, I am not mocking you. Just learning to understand you. There is a pain and hurt that clutches at you. Deeply. It has made you who you are today. You don't need to tell me or anyone. Just let that anger out. Don't turn it inward. And what Duxwing said.

 

[Tony3d]

Fe cannot be turned inward, it can only be healed through external validation. External validation cannot be earned however, through being needy of external validation. So the only logical thing to do is just totally reject and not accept the fact that I was hurt to begin with. Then there are no scars to heal, there is no neediness of external validation. Thus, I will meet the only requirment of earning external validation, which is not needing external validation.

Does that not make sence to you? No? Good, because it doesn't make sence to me either. But it is the only truth I know.

 

[Cavallier]

I'm definitely getting a Sasuke vibe here. If this thread had a theme song it would be...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ab0E8duvuMs

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Sometimes you must reject logic. Let loose your illogical emotion. Let it be free. As Duxwing said. You should attempt to find balance. Is it not illogical to ignore something because it hurts? To pretend it never was? Wounds need attention. It is the only way to judge the severity. Only then can they be attended to and thusly healed correctly.

 

[SpaceYeti]

i blame coldplay

I blame cosplay.

 

[Kuu]

When did this forum turn into a damn carebear fest?

What to do, what to do...

 

[TheScornedReflex]

When did this forum turn into a damn carebear fest?

What to do, what to do...

Spanking?

 

[Cavallier]

When did this forum turn into a damn carebear fest?

What to do, what to do...

I chose trolling .

 

[Fukyo]

duuuuuude.

the arrogant wangst and pretension make my eyes bleed.

 

[Duxwing]

duuuuuude.

the arrogant wangst and pretension make my eyes bleed.

Berating him isn't helping things, ma'am.

-Duxwing

 

[SpaceYeti]

Spanking?

Seconded.

 

[Fukyo]

Berating him isn't helping things, ma'am.

-Duxwing

You know, coddling isn't always the answer.

 

[SpaceYeti]

You know, coddling isn't always the answer.

Sometimes cuddling is the answer.

 

[Fukyo]

Sometimes cuddling is the answer.

I think he might bite if you try to touch him tho.

 

[SpaceYeti]

Sometimes you get bit. When life gives you lemons, put one in the microwave for ten minutes just to see what happens.

 

[Duxwing]

You know, coddling isn't always the answer.

I have to actually get his feelings out before I can challenge them. Otherwise, he'll get very defensive and frustrated because he thinks I don't understand his problems, which, at that point, I wouldn't.

-Duxwing

 

[Duxwing]

Sometimes you get bit. When life gives you lemons, put one in the microwave for ten minutes just to see what happens.

That brightened my evening. Thanks, Space Yeti.

-Duxwing

 

[SpaceYeti]

I'm glad you appreciate me.

 

[Fukyo]

I have to actually get his feelings out before I can challenge them. Otherwise, he'll get very defensive and frustrated because he thinks I don't understand his problems, which, at that point, I wouldn't.

-Duxwing

It's not your responsibility to help people and solve their problems. Your approach is going to make some people see you as a bothersome busy body. Why are you so insistent even when people don't want it? Don't you think you should be more respectful of boundaries?

Not every display of negative feelings or distress is a desperate cry for help. I can't help but think you read too much into people's troubles.

 

[redbaron]

It's not your responsibility to help people and solve their problems. Your approach is going to make some people see you as a bothersome busy body. Why are you so insistent even when people don't want it? Don't you think you should be more respectful of boundaries?

Not every display of negative feelings or distress is a desperate cry for help. I can't help but think you read too much into people's troubles.

Well, I have to agree. If I had to pick one person on the forum to punch in the larynx, it would be Duxwing for making me dry-reach while scrolling over wave after wave of sappy drivel and soliloquy's of extra concentrated suck.

The only reason I don't simply vomit outright, is because I know better than to stop and actually read his posts in their entirety.

 

[EditorOne]

Tony3, sometimes you just need to tell people who want to fix you to mind their own damn business, fuck off, stick their head up their ass and fart, etc.

And to some extent why they do what they do is recognizable but not fully understandable, because you look at it like an INTP and they look at it from some kind of "anyone who is different is broken" perspective. Like trying to explain pain to a rock, in both directions.

 

[BigApplePi]

So why does everyone tell me I need to be fixed?

Everyone could use a good fix. Look. I had my cat fixed last month and he's all the better for it.

 

[Solitaire U.]

So why does everyone tell me I need to be fixed?

The Dr. Phils (*giant light bulb illuminates over Duxwing's head*) of the world have mortgages to pay, therefore you ARE broken if they say so. That's why Dr. Phil is on prime time. Programs of his ilk are basically pharmaceutical infomercials. Their message filters down to you through all the idiots who unquestioningly believe anything they see on TV.

Read the DSM 5, and you'll quickly discover that The American Psychiatric Association's intent is to diagnose every man, woman, and child on the planet with a $treatable$ mental disorder.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...last-plea-dsm-5-save-grief-the-drug-companies

If I take my perfectly-running car to a mechanic for a diagnostic, 9 times out of 10 they will find something 'critical' that needs to be '$fixed$'. Psychiatry follows the same $principle$.

So fuck what people tell you. Know yourself.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

So why does everyone tell me I need to be fixed?

 

[Duxwing]

It's not your responsibility to help people and solve their problems. Your approach is going to make some people see you as a bothersome busy body. Why are you so insistent even when people don't want it? Don't you think you should be more respectful of boundaries?

Not every display of negative feelings or distress is a desperate cry for help. I can't help but think you read too much into people's troubles.

Then what does "People tell me I'm broken, but why do I need to be fixed?" mean? Tony's post was too short for me to precisely determine whether it was a cry for help or a social commentary, so, I considered his relationships thread and assumed the latter.

Sappy drivel? Posting late at night lets my Fe out. Doing so isn't the best call, so I'll sign off at ten in the future.

-Duxwing

 

[Duxwing]

It's not your responsibility to help people and solve their problems. Your approach is going to make some people see you as a bothersome busy body. Why are you so insistent even when people don't want it? Don't you think you should be more respectful of boundaries?

Not every display of negative feelings or distress is a desperate cry for help. I can't help but think you read too much into people's troubles.

You misunderstood "have to". If you want it stated fully, here is what I meant:

That which is not known cannot be understood.
Tony's feelings are unknown to me.
Therefore, I cannot understand them.

And if Tony didn't want people talking about his relationship tribulations, then why on earth would post about them on a forum? It's like complaining that art critics wrote about your sculpture in the Pairisian Le Monde after you had successfully submitted it to the Louvre. No-one but you took your sculpture and bundled it off to that museum to be questioned, interpreted, and criticized. Likewise, no-one but Tony brought his relationship problems to this forum, and we are therefore free to question, interpret, and criticize his post at will, for that is the purpose of the forum: the interchange of ideas.

-Duxwing

 

[Tony3d]

I do not have a problem that needs to be fixed... That is the whole point of this...

The point of this was to start some sort of discussion on how the world seems to want to "fix" people and wittle them down to some kind of least common denominator in order to fit what they want.

I am not wrong for being cold and logical and learning how to move other people around like pawns on this chessboard I call life, that is just survival.

I am not wrong for having this untamed Fe shadow inside of me that begs for some sort of external validation from someone close to me.

Don't tell me to change what I want, don't tell me it is wrong. It is the world that is wrong for telling so many people that other things will make them happy, that you can somehow fill the void of what you really want with therapy and medications or money and fancy cars and fancy clothes.

It is not me that is wrong, it is the world. That is what I wanted to discuss...

 

[Duxwing]

I do not have a problem that needs to be fixed... That is the whole point of this...

The point of this was to start some sort of discussion on how the world seems to want to "fix" people and wittle them down to some kind of least common denominator in order to fit what they want.

I am not wrong for being cold and logical and learning how to move other people around like pawns on this chessboard I call life, that is just survival.

I am not wrong for having this untamed Fe shadow inside of me that begs for some sort of external validation from someone close to me.

Don't tell me to change what I want, don't tell me it is wrong. It is the world that is wrong for telling so many people that other things will make them happy, that you can somehow fill the void of what you really want with therapy and medications or money and fancy cars and fancy clothes.

It is not me that is wrong, it is the world. That is what I wanted to discuss...

Please substantiate your thesis. How, exactly, does the damage done to people by "the world" at all make you any better or worse? Are you saying that other people are so shallow and so stupid that trying to deal with them requires feats of Machiavellian logic? I could understand how dealing with the stereotypical ESTJ would require appeals to authority or how befriendsing the stereotypical ESFP would require rapid-fire small talk, but if such necessities are bothersome, why perform them? Look, I know that people can be nasty, but trying to make them like you is a recipe for disaster.

The answer is Fe. Fe wants a friend, Fe wants to be close to someone, Fe wants some validation of its existence. But turning friendship into a game of "if I do this, then he'll do that, and then I'll be happy" is to turn friendship into a cold, clinical experience that will leave you feeling unsatisfied because being friends with someone means that you don't need to do such things with them. And the statement "I am not wrong for being cold and logical and learning how to move other people around like pawns on this chessboard I call life, that is just survival." is just immature. You're hurt, but instead of dealing with it, you're screaming at the world and pretending that you're tough by acting like a pint-sized Machiavelli. You're not.

And that's a good thing. The whole purpose of friendship and love is to provide you and your friends and lovers a place to relax and be themselves without worry of reprisal. But, since you're so frustrated by your lack of the relationships that you, just like everyone else, you've become bitter and jealous toward those who have, in your eyes, gotten by "without doing the work" that you had to do. You see yourself as superior due to your suffering, but in reality, you are just like everyone else-- only in a worse place. So start processing your emotions instead of shutting them away and understand that everybody hurts sometimes.

To better days,
-Duxwing

 

[Tony3d]

You are a drama queen, Dux...

I am not here to discuss me, I am here to discuss the world.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

In that case: The world's already fucked, so roll with it.

 

[BigApplePi]

@Tony3d

Don't mock me, I reject your pity, I reject your weakness.

Only the strong have the strength to survive, and only the strong can protect the weak. But there is no one on protect me, so the only option is to become stronger.

Anything else, I simply reject as illogical.

An amazing statement because I don't know what to do with it. We are ALL dependent on one another. There is not a single message here that was not made in public. Every message requires a certain strength to make it and another vulnerability for its non-independence. We are all moving targets and we all calibrate our aim.

 

[Duxwing]

You are a drama queen, Dux...

Your statement commits the ad hominem fallacy even if it were true.

I am not here to discuss me, I am here to discuss the world.

Your OP makes clear that the theme of this discussion is not the world itself, but your relationship to it and vice versa in terms of friendship and love. To paraphrase that sentence: "I'm not broken, so why does everyone want me to be 'fixed'?" In my posts on this thread, I have disproved your premise of "I'm not broken". This is a purely logical matter, Tony.

-Duxwing

 

[SpaceYeti]

I am curious how you know you're not broken.

 

[Solitaire U.]

I am curious how you know you're not broken.

Because he always starts up in the morning, idles smoothly, and runs flawlessly all day long. His brakes don't squeak, his transmission never misses a shift, and his climate controls function perfectly to cool him off or warm him when his cabin temperature is above or below his comfort zone.

Hmmm...yeah right. Everyone's got their quirks. I think it's more important to use what you've got to work with to get from point a to point b. Hitting some Dux potholes along the way is unavoidable. The trick is to either circumnavigate 'em or hit 'em softly to minimize the chances of becoming incapacitated by them.

Excuse the metaphors; it's the only way I really know how to wade through the icky fe.

 

[psion]

Is it just me or is it very teenage angst-y in here?

 

[Duxwing]

Because he always starts up in the morning, idles smoothly, and runs flawlessly all day long. His brakes don't squeak, his transmission never misses a shift, and his climate controls function perfectly to cool him off or warm him when his cabin temperature is above or below his comfort zone.

Hmmm...yeah right. Everyone's got their quirks. I think it's more important to use what you've got to work with to get from point a to point b. Hitting some Dux potholes along the way is unavoidable. The trick is to either circumnavigate 'em or hit 'em softly to minimize the chances of becoming incapacitated by them.

Excuse the metaphors; it's the only way I really know how to wade through the icky fe.

But that car doesn't get you from point A to point B. You said so yourself when you complained about not having anyone invest in you. Your metaphor doesn't hold.

-Duxwing