How Many Best Friends Have You Ever Had?

[spinner]

I tend to judge the quality of my life of course by how well I finally come to understand complex questions that cross my mind being intp, but also by whether I have one person who "gets me" unconditionally at any given time.

I remember being five years old in kindergarden and being very unhappy because I didnt have anyone who got me. I thought I was Clark Kent without the superpowers living in an alien civilization. Nothing anyone did or said made any sense to me, and they all seemed to move through life with the slightest of ease, mastering the social networking game even at that age as if they were drinking a glass of water. I watched from a distance of a few feet and marveled at how bad I was at lifes most important game.

At age 11 it finally happened, I had a best friend. We'd play sport, talk, hang out, and most importantly we were the first person we sought out every morning and walked to school together.

Like most best friends, it lasted about 3 or 4 years which seems to be the window on best friends before the stage where you sort of burn each other out like a fading star and its gravitational pull over its planets.

Next came eighth grade when I'd changed schools and felt alone again. We were inseperable for a few years before he moved to Colorado. This time we had more cognisence of "being outsiders" and occasionally we'd mention the pain of that in passing---how he had braces and instead of being a jock he was a brain, and how I didnt hit puberty until really late.

Then again in eleventh grade, freshman year roomate, and then a series of women at predictable frequencies. The first was Jennifer. We sat and listened to sappy folk music until 5 am many nights after the world went to bed, and we slept when exhaustion finally overtook us and our dreams and ideas. Sometimes we'd walk the campus in the dead of night in the freezing wind.

Ive also gone longer periods of time without a best friend, and I always want more social life, although I dont want it bad enough to be around people that dont interest me. I dont say arrogantly, theres just absolutely nothing to say.

Have you ever had a best friend, and did you tell them everything or did you hold back? Was the world you made sense of together a better place with them along, and did the relationship come to an abrupt end, or fizzle out? Did you ever tell them you loved them even if they were the same gender and heterosexual like you (if you are)?

 

[Oedipus]

I've had two. One from age 8-11 and the other from 12-present. I don't share personal stuff with anybody in real life, though. The earlier friendship ended when I went into high school, she was in the year below.

 

[HDINTP]

Two
first 10-13
and second 17-present

 

[Architect]

Three during HS. All extroverted sensors, and they were friends with each other (and still are). I fell out, too many differences between me and them, and it was/is a ganging up of them vs me.

A difficulty with an INTP and Sensor friends especially is that we can often become ... court jesters to their court? Sensors have iNtuition in their inferior so they often have an attraction for us, since the inferior is the attractor point (interestingly it doesn't always go the other way it seems). Sensors generally prefer light conversation (jokes and small talk) to deep discussions, and if extroverted can have rather forceful personalities. So it can often happen (usually happens in my experience) that we end up playing the Fool in their court.

It's not as bad as it sounds, but it's bad enough. I've played to this stage so much in my life I just don't do it anymore. I interact with S types in small ways, not at all, or one at a time when possible. The truly interesting conversations generally happen with N types. Though interestingly my present best friend (one of them) is an ISFP, so you can't be too quick to generalizations.

 

[snafupants]

I went to prom with my right hand.

 

[Jennywocky]

I've had five or so. I'm still in contact with most of them; it's just that life can take us far away from each other, so we naturally can find others to handle the daily interaction chores that build a close tight bond.

And yes, I've told my same-sex best friends that I love them and vice versa. Not a ton, but on occasion. They're also my best friend because I CAN tell them everything, so no, I don't not tell them things.

Looking over that group, only one has been the same type as me.

 

[MichiganJFrog]

Have you ever had a best friend, and did you tell them everything or did you hold back? Was the world you made sense of together a better place with them along, and did the relationship come to an abrupt end, or fizzle out? Did you ever tell them you loved them even if they were the same gender and heterosexual like you (if you are)?

I have a core group of three guys I've known since we were 13 y.o. Our friendships have waxed and waned, but I feel like they're really solidifying now that we're in our "autumn years" and have gotten most of our oneupmanship out of the way. There were some points I thought our friendship had fizzled out; I was fortunately mistaken in reaching that conclusion.

As far as telling them everything, no, there is some stuff I have not told even my bestest friends. At least in my case, there is some "shadow work" I have had to do pretty much on my own, through self-help books and such like.

I may have said "I love you, man!!" to one or all of them at some point, but even with liberal guys like us, that's not easy. It's more implied in our actions.

I met this one guy much later in life who is so much like me it's scary. Last time I saw him, I mentioned that I had stumbled across a bibliography of science fiction book reviews, and his eyes lit up. It was like talking to myself.

If I had to type the people who get me most of the time, I would say they're I-something-something-P. Just total space cadets, driving away with their coffee on the roof of their car, stuff like that.

 

[Lot]

I've had/have some really close friends in my life, but there was only one true best friend. We met in third grade. We hung out because of our shared interest in Star Wars and Legos. We remained friends through shared religious beliefs and video game nerdoms. We started to fall apart around 18 or 19, when he joined the marines and thought I was going to join with him. An area we never talked about until it was too late. We reconnected after he got back from basic training. I haven't spoken with him much since he got married and moved to Colorado. He's finally convinced her that moving to Arizona would be good, but now they are stuck in a house for a while longer, because of the Obama housing credit thing. I'm still at a loss on typing him. I originally thought SP then he joined the marines and it brought out some very SJish traits. And yet he still will grab a stick and pretend it's a sword and kill imaginary villains. Possibly ENT? Oh well, doesn't matter.

It's great when I see him, though. We pick up from where we left off. It doesn't matter too much how we change philosophically, because after spending more than half our lives knowing each other, we are like brothers. Even his father and I have become very close. And yes, I've told him I love him. Every time I speak to him, in fact.

I do have a great group of close friends right now. I've sort of alienated myself from them, mostly because of my depression. I noticed that the loneliest times in my life were self imposed, like my current situation. When I feel like no one understands me, it's MY feeling.

Does my cat count as a best friend?

 

[EyeSeeCold]

One that had I deep connection with (FiSe)
One that was my partner in crime (NiFe > FiNe)

If you count family, I could count one more. (SeTi)


The others I had good times or compatibility with, but there was always something that kept me at a distance(including not having enough time).

 

[Agent Intellect]

Just one, since we were both the age of four. We are still friends now. Most other people I've been on friendly relations with I've considered acquaintances, co-workers and schoolmates, nothing more.

 

[Jennywocky]

Does my cat count as a best friend?

I don't know.

If you happened to die in your apartment and the little hungry bastard would pick at your body before help arrived... well, probably not.

 

[Duxwing]

I've had one since the age of two; unfortunately, our schedules don't give us much time to socialize. He's an ISTP from what I can gather: he's a thinker and very, very good with his hands and sports. Only now do I realize that he's a Sensor, too, but I think he's fun nonetheless. Our auxiliary functions complement each other, especially when we're doing engineering projects in our garage: I can think of idea after idea and problem after problem while he has the technical know-how to make it work. Apart from him, I've had an ISFP best-friend who really understood and accepted me for who I was; in fact, she liked me so much that she fell for me! Unfortunately for her, my Fe was a lifeless corpse baking in the mid-day sun of my Ti when we met, which, combined with her shyness, left me oblivious (and flirting with plenty of other girls) for two-and-a-half years; at that point, she mustered the courage to ask me out to our school's Winter Ball as we walked down the hallway to leave for home.

I was stunned. She was beautiful on the inside: kind, smart, funny, crazy-- every personality trait that I could ever ask for in a girlfriend. But she was repulsively ugly on the outside: quasi-albino Asian with orange hair. I was torn. If I said yes, then I'd be with a girl who had a stellar personality but could not be hugged; if I said no, I'd lose her forever. Thus agonizingly stretched between the towering stakes of the moment, I uttered words that no insult, however cruel, no scream, however violent, no glare, however piercing, could have ever held a candle to: "I, I don't know".

She ran down the hallway, arms wrapped around her chest, head bowed, white soles of her shoes flashing in the fluorescent light. And I barely ambled along, shocked gaze fixed upon her receding form until she became taken up by the endless crowds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~Fin

They say that telling a sad story over and over again makes the pain go away, and I guess that that's true. But in a way, I don't ever want the memory to stop hurting; I want it to serve as a reminder that I should pay attention to others' feelings lest they build up into looming cliffs off which I will one day step. And perhaps you all can take a lesson from it, too: Pay attention to your friends, for though they tell you all they know, you're never privy to their thoughts.

-Duxwing

 

[Nezaros]

Two, I think? The first one may or may not count, I wouldn't say we "connected" on a deep level but we still shared many interests, and if ever I had a friend during that spell of clusterfuckitude known as middle school it was him. Might be more that he was (and still is) a good friend in retrospect, even though we only communicate via text nowadays. The second one is certain. Only been friends for not even a whole semester of college but he gets me, I get him, and this seems like it'll last a while.

If counting significant others, that'd make it three.

 

[Arc.Demi]

1 in 8th grade we didn't have allot in common though , i liked the way she laughed so i lied a few white lies and everything ended
such a tragedy ~

now i have 2 we'r a group of 3 and we share many interests and similarities they'r very fun to be with and they don't really mind my silence i do talk though not as much as they do ..

 

[own8ge]

0

 

[The Gopher]

One, 6 til, 16. I've had several other friends but best friend implies only one(at a time)

 

[TheScornedReflex]

I have three that are Es who are fun in small doses such as weekends. And one I, my main brother who is INTJ. Not relatives but damn near close enough. We have those in depth conversations/debates that cause me to think. Whilst I can think in circles around him, he can cut through to the heart of a matter. Much love for you brother.

 

[Yourmother]

I've had one since the age of two; unfortunately, our schedules don't give us much time to socialize. He's an ISTP from what I can gather: he's a thinker and very, very good with his hands and sports. Only now do I realize that he's a Sensor, too, but I think he's fun nonetheless. Our auxiliary functions complement each other, especially when we're doing engineering projects in our garage: I can think of idea after idea and problem after problem while he has the technical know-how to make it work. Apart from him, I've had an ISFP best-friend who really understood and accepted me for who I was; in fact, she liked me so much that she fell for me! Unfortunately for her, my Fe was a lifeless corpse baking in the mid-day sun of my Ti when we met, which, combined with her shyness, left me oblivious (and flirting with plenty of other girls) for two-and-a-half years; at that point, she mustered the courage to ask me out to our school's Winter Ball as we walked down the hallway to leave for home.

I was stunned. She was beautiful on the inside: kind, smart, funny, crazy-- every personality trait that I could ever ask for in a girlfriend. But she was repulsively ugly on the outside: quasi-albino Asian with orange hair. I was torn. If I said yes, then I'd be with a girl who had a stellar personality but just hugging her would be revolting; if I said no, I'd lose her forever. Thus agonizingly stretched between the towering stakes of the moment, I uttered words that no insult, however cruel, no scream, however violent, no glare, however piercing, could have ever held a candle to: "I, I don't know".

She ran down the hallway, arms wrapped around her chest, head bowed, white soles of her shoes flashing in the fluorescent light. And I barely ambled along, shocked gaze fixed upon her receding form until she became taken up by the endless crowds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~Fin

They say that telling a sad story over and over again makes the pain go away, and I guess that that's true. But in a way, I don't ever want the memory to stop hurting; I want it to serve as a reminder that I should pay attention to others' feelings lest they build up into looming cliffs over which I will one day step. And perhaps you all can take a lesson from it, too: Pay attention to your friends, for though they tell you all they know, you're never privy to their thoughts.

-Duxwing

That was a sad story.

 

[Cavallier]

Does my cat count as a best friend?

I don't know.

If you happened to die in your apartment and the little hungry bastard would pick at your body before help arrived... well, probably not.

Ha! Thank you Jenny. I needed the chuckle.

I had one best friend as a kid. I told her a secret and she told my secret to everyone. That was the end of the relationship.

I did not have another friend much less a best friend until college. I formed three relationships then with two guys and a girl. One is my closest friend. One I married and one travels around a lot so our relationship is off and on but never bad. We all know that if one of us gets in trouble the others will always, and honestly have always, help out if they can. We've all been through a lot together. I have told them all I love them and I do in various ways.

 

[Proletar]

I have moved around a lot during my life. Last time I counted, it was 25 times. Moving around from appartment to appartment that is. I've been changing schools four times and have lived in four different cities. I've had two or three best friends so far. People that understood me and shared my playfulness towards everything theoretical and with a good sense of humor.


First off, I had an ESTP (I should think). We met around the age of 12, when we ended up in the same class. We were total gangsters along with our gang of around 8 boys our age. All year round we got out after school (or during longer breaks) and stole, broke into places, vandalized and pulled all different sorts of pranks on people. He had a certain hunger for excitement, and I was good at analyzing different situations we were in. I remember on one occation when we were planning on entering a pool in a sort of community college in the evening. I had told the boys to wait in some bushes outside the back-door and the ESTP and another to throw some old food at the window where the janitor sat, at the other side of the building. When the food hit the window, he was outraged and came after the two running. As soon as he had left the door, I snuck past him through the school and let my other friends in at the other side of the building. The two went in through a window about ten minutes later, and we had a great evening with the pool to ourselves. ESTP + INTP = Fun, trouble and success. I miss those days.

My second would be my current best friend. We had known eachother for years but were really just friends of friends until our mutual one started to get depressed and not hang around with us anymore. He is an INTJ, and with all his information I started to get interested in the world and what was happening. Today, we tend to bicker, probably much because our aux-functions ties a knot around our interactions. Ti vs Ni is a very good combination, but with Te and Ne in the picture, we started to contradict eachother more and more. Still my best friend today, but there is not really an intellectual symbiot going on anymore. We shaped eachother, and now we don't match anymore. Ironic. INTP + INTJ = Information and understanding. Do people need safety? I think so, sometimes. At the very peak of my gangster-period, I moved and got affilliated with him instead. I wouldn't have had it otherwise.

My third one I met in the swedish equivalent of high-school. An ISFP, and about the best damn musician I have ever met. I had been playing for six years and he had caught up to my skill in just two. We started sharing music, playing together, searching for others to play with and finally started a band, where we as a part of a project recorded four songs that we wanted to make our versieon of. Oh, and he also physically introduced me to cannabis, one of my favourite things. I had already been reading about it for years but not really scored any contacts. ISTP-people are too good for me at sensor-stuff but ISFPs have the perfect amount of compassion, understanding and vision to both being heard and hearing me. Working together with him was amazing. Sadly, The Superwave is broken up since we all live in different corners of the country right now. For shame. I can't really say why exactly I felt that I bonded with him. It may be an IP-thing. IPs are awesome.


As of now, I'm lonely again. My INTJ-friend lost his appartment and had to move back to his father two hours down the road, making his efforts to get a promotion much harder. My ESTP-friend is currently already dead or about to die, since he drinks way too much.. My ISFP-friend also moved with his parents to the other side of the country, and since they are both very sick at the moment I think he finds himself obliged to help them, and to help them any way that he can for the time they have left. Even though mischeivous all of them, they are still all honest people with honest intentions.


Thanks OP. Now I'm all nostalgic and sentimental. Maybe it's time to go back to World of Warcraft.

 

[spinner]

amazing how people stay in touch with people from elementary school if they have a connection. I foolishly was one who couldnt wait to get away from my hometown, only to realize that the waspy suburb was actually a hotbed of intuitive conversations compared to the world I found. I do have one brother-like guy ive reconnected with from there. He's the one who got me saying I love you to friends, but it was a jolt to my system at first, im still not used to it.

 

[Duxwing]

I have moved around a lot during my life. Last time I counted, it was 25 times. Moving around from appartment to appartment that is. I've been changing schools four times and have lived in four different cities. I've had two or three best friends so far. People that understood me and shared my playfulness towards everything theoretical and with a good sense of humor.


First off, I had an ESTP (I should think). We met around the age of 12, when we ended up in the same class. We were total gangsters along with our gang of around 8 boys our age. All year round we got out after school (or during longer breaks) and stole, broke into places, vandalized and pulled all different sorts of pranks on people. He had a certain hunger for excitement, and I was good at analyzing different situations we were in. I remember on one occation when we were planning on entering a pool in a sort of community college in the evening. I had told the boys to wait in some bushes outside the back-door and the ESTP and another to throw some old food at the window where the janitor sat, at the other side of the building. When the food hit the window, he was outraged and came after the two running. As soon as he had left the door, I snuck past him through the school and let my other friends in at the other side of the building. The two went in through a window about ten minutes later, and we had a great evening with the pool to ourselves. ESTP + INTP = Fun, trouble and success. I miss those days.

My second would be my current best friend. We had known eachother for years but were really just friends of friends until our mutual one started to get depressed and not hang around with us anymore. He is an INTJ, and with all his information I started to get interested in the world and what was happening. Today, we tend to bicker, probably much because our aux-functions ties a knot around our interactions. Ti vs Ni is a very good combination, but with Te and Ne in the picture, we started to contradict eachother more and more. Still my best friend today, but there is not really an intellectual symbiot going on anymore. We shaped eachother, and now we don't match anymore. Ironic. INTP + INTJ = Information and understanding. Do people need safety? I think so, sometimes. At the very peak of my gangster-period, I moved and got affilliated with him instead. I wouldn't have had it otherwise.

My third one I met in the swedish equivalent of high-school. An ISFP, and about the best damn musician I have ever met. I had been playing for six years and he had caught up to my skill in just two. We started sharing music, playing together, searching for others to play with and finally started a band, where we as a part of a project recorded four songs that we wanted to make our versieon of. Oh, and he also physically introduced me to cannabis, one of my favourite things. I had already been reading about it for years but not really scored any contacts. ISTP-people are too good for me at sensor-stuff but ISFPs have the perfect amount of compassion, understanding and vision to both being heard and hearing me. Working together with him was amazing. Sadly, The Superwave is broken up since we all live in different corners of the country right now. For shame. I can't really say why exactly I felt that I bonded with him. It may be an IP-thing. IPs are awesome.


As of now, I'm lonely again. My INTJ-friend lost his appartment and had to move back to his father two hours down the road, making his efforts to get a promotion much harder. My ESTP-friend is currently already dead or about to die, since he drinks way too much.. My ISFP-friend also moved with his parents to the other side of the country, and since they are both very sick at the moment I think he finds himself obliged to help them, and to help them any way that he can for the time they have left. Even though mischeivous all of them, they are still all honest people with honest intentions.


Thanks OP. Now I'm all nostalgic and sentimental. Maybe it's time to go back to World of Warcraft.

No! You're in no danger, so lean into the pain and feel your emotions. Let them come and go as they please, rocking you with sobs and sighs and screams of pain. I know, you and I are INTP's, and Fe is our inferior function; allow it to roam is unpleasant and difficult. Nevertheless, distracting yourself from its anguished cries is a cruelty unto your own heart, for feelings don't just disappear after you suppress them; they'll remain fresh wounds until processed. So, provided that you have some leisure time and no inclination to harm yourself or others, talk to someone about your troubles-- you're clearly sad.

To better days, O champion of the Proletariat,
-Duxwing

 

[Introspective]

I had an ENTP in my grade from 2nd to 6th year. We were long-time rivals, united in our bizarreness. One day, she popped out of nowhere and asked me to be her best friend. I was taken by surprise.

So this is what they call friendship...

I had always viewed it as a foreign concept.

 

[own8ge]

0