How do you cheer yourself up/boost your confidence?

[Beholder]

About a month ago I reached a peak of a really good time for me, where I was really confident and happy and outgoing, but as soon as I realized I reached that peak I started going downhill. I've developed some kind of extreme social anxiety (mostly only when I'm high though), I feel like I've lost the ability to have any kind of regular conversation, and I'm just not happy in general. I finished my three year army service last Wednesday, and I should be ecstatic, but I just feel... Nothing.
I decided to stop doing drugs (weed, alcohol, etc'), after realizing that I've become dependent on them for comfort, even though they rarely actually do comfort me.

So I'm wondering, what techniques do you guys use to boost your confidence or make yourself happy?

 

[BridgeOfSighs]

I stopped weed for exactly the same reason. Mostly it was an excuse to use it, as I would tell myself that it helped me calm down.

You could be feeling this way because you've been involved with something everyday for the last three years and now it's gone. Try and find something new to focus on that you enjoy and couldn't really do for three years. I actually read your first blog post and saw that you liked traveling... so plan a trip somewhere.

I am going to imagine that your life has changed pretty drastically and you may just need a period of adjustment.

Sorry that's not terribly helpful...

 

[Vrecknidj]

I work 80 hours a week so that I can feed my family. I don't have much time to worry about things like making myself happier.

You could always try having other people's lives depend upon your actions. It might work.

Dave

 

[Pyropyro]

Kill someone in DOTA hhehehe

but seriously, nothing boosts my morale more than a job well done.

 

[ObliviousGenius]

I sometimes feel a little social anxiety when I smoke if I'm in a situation where I don't know what to do. But it does help me to learn I just have to get over the initial discomfort.

Personally, I have those "down" moments sometimes too, but they never last. I would recommend that you just get up and walk somewhere, doesn't matter where. I went to school in downtown Chicago and it was fun just aimlessly walking. Try to be more aesthetic and get out your head. Once you feel a little bit better think about trying something new that you've never done before; a hobby, writing, etc.

It seems that I'm more likely to lose morale when I literally have nothing to do. Everything just gets dull and as a result so do I. Especially when I don't have any ideas to research or just anything to generally obsess about lol.

OAN, were you smoking while you were in the Army? I'm planning on joining the Air Force soon, already took the ASVAB. Do you think I could get away with smoking (or vaping mostly) and are the drug tests totally random or do they have some sort of system?

 

[Beholder]

I am planning on travelling, but I'm gonna have to work for a long time before I start. The truth is, I think that the source of the problem is this girl I'm sorta going out with. I went out with her twice, I don't really know what I'm doing here, I've never dated before, and it was occupying my mind a lot, causing stress. Also winter makes me depressed.

Spoiler

Yay someone actually read my blog!

 

[Beholder]

OAN, were you smoking while you were in the Army? I'm planning on joining the Air Force soon, already took the ASVAB. Do you think I could get away with smoking (or vaping mostly) and are the drug tests totally random or do they have some sort of system?

I'm not too proud if it, but I was smoking this synthetic THC stuff, which is really close to weed, and it can't be tested for. But since I got out I've been smoking crazy amounts of weed. Also I was in the Israeli army which is very different from your army, I was never tested, but I have friends who were tested alot.

I also walk a lot, on average about two hours a day I just wander around. But ya, I think I need to get new hobbies, and start studying something that interests me.

 

[Beholder]

OAN, were you smoking while you were in the Army? I'm planning on joining the Air Force soon, already took the ASVAB. Do you think I could get away with smoking (or vaping mostly) and are the drug tests totally random or do they have some sort of system?

I'm not too proud if it, but I was smoking this synthetic THC stuff, which is really close to weed, and it can't be tested for. But since I got out I've been smoking crazy amounts of weed. Also I was in the Israeli army which is very different from your army, I was never tested, but I have friends who were tested alot.

I also walk a lot, on average about two hours a day I just wander around. But ya, I think I need to get new hobbies, and start studying something that interests me.

 

[P.H.]

It may sound very hippy, or new age, or whatever, yoga stuff. But I can find happyness in little things.

I can also find it in thinking a lot about stuff (this is what generally makes me happy), but that can turn around and make me unhappy; thinking too much. So whenever I'm stuck in "thinking too much" I try to let that go and just be happy. I let little, or new, things marvel me. Plain experiencing in stead of analysing can be freeing sometimes and I think the mind needs it now and then.

I also walk a lot, on average about two hours a day I just wander around. But ya, I think I need to get new hobbies, and start studying something that interests me.

Sounds like a great plan.

 

[HDINTP]

I enjoy process of thinking in general, I have already felt down few times in my life but it never lasted for long time. I think trying something new could help. When i find something i am interested in i have no notion of time then and so i can´t think of myself as unhappy. But still i don´t think i am happy or unhappy i just am.

 

[HDINTP]

And to boost my confidence i just go to my place where i feel relaxed so i can maybe say even happy...

 

[Affinity]

A few things that I do... Go to the gym, eat well, take multi-vitamins/fish oil/5-htp daily, try to smile as much as possible, be more mindful and trying to enjoy the present to the fullest (ie eating meals at the dinner table as opposed to on the couch watching TV), breathe (for it is the simplest pleasure in life ), keep myself busy, positive outlook, go to school, getting proper sleep, surround yourself with motivated people, etc....

 

[Execution Commentary]

A very good way to cheer yourself up, in my experience, is to learn to play a musical instrument. For instance, you can buy a quality electric guitar (Epiphone Les Paul) for $250 and a quality amp (Fender Mustang I) for $100. A great step-by-step lesson method can be found on YouTube by Justin Sandercoe, and away you go! Improvisation very much calms my mind, and improvisation on the violin purportedly helped Einstein gather his thoughts. Playing music is one of the most cheery things I've ever done.

 

[Laladaisies]

cheer up :smiley_emoticons_mr That's what I do in a nutshell lol.
But a program thingy called the lasting happiness and success formula by joe rubino has greatly helped me in the past. Look at The Lasting Happiness and Success Formula

 

[Dr. Freeman]

TF2. Few things cheer me up more quickly than stabbing my way to the top of the score board while playing with worth opponents.

 

[A22]

Getting off the rut gets me up. I don't like doing it and I don't usually do it, but I get cheered up when I do it. Don't try to understand

 

[wadlez]

Here's what I do:

Open up face book friends list. Starting from the very top I look at each name and ask myself If I would rather be that person than myself. I always answer no for each.

I think this cheers me up as many of my problems are due to not having a big group of friends and not going out all the time like others, but this is because I'm imagining everyone else is living some ideal life where they have lots of fun/sex. This image I have in my mind is completely wrong when I actually look at real average people and their lives.

Maybe some INTP's on here can try this out when they are down and let me know how it goes. (exchange friends list with just other people you know if you don't have fb)

 

[snafupants]

About a month ago I reached a peak of a really good time for me, where I was really confident and happy and outgoing, but as soon as I realized I reached that peak I started going downhill. I've developed some kind of extreme social anxiety (mostly only when I'm high though), I feel like I've lost the ability to have any kind of regular conversation, and I'm just not happy in general. I finished my three year army service last Wednesday, and I should be ecstatic, but I just feel... Nothing.
I decided to stop doing drugs (weed, alcohol, etc'), after realizing that I've become dependent on them for comfort, even though they rarely actually do comfort me.

So I'm wondering, what techniques do you guys use to boost your confidence or make yourself happy?

Happiness is a neurochemically informed brain state, whereas confidence is probably closer to an innate personality trait. That is, surrounded by an extreme amount of pain, guilt and other negative feelings you could snort, shoot or orally consume some substance and perhaps feel a little better, for a little while. Another way of looking at this issue: the brains of happy people, if cracked open and examined, would share an appalling amount of happy neural substrates and organization and ultimately boring commonality.

Tolstoy's opening might apply to families and happy brains: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Happiness is more neurochemically homogenous than unhappiness; there are a million ways to be unhappy. Confidence, however, is less labile: when you have high confidence, failure is seen as an aberration and it's just sort of forgotten about.

Confidence may have something to do with an internal locus of control coupled with competence. I would focus on slow personality development and solidification of your own goals and priorities and less on feeling good per se. Perhaps feeling good is only important to the extent that it enables bigger stuff to come into the picture. America sort of promotes this idea of hedonism and gratification: that indulgence is for children. If you live it up you won't live it down; chasing fun is almost always self-defeating.

 

[Words]

Ne+People=hilarity --> "Cheer yourself up."

Confidence becomes a default when you stop worrying about judgments and start focusing on exciting possibilities. It'll feel different/innapropriate/unnatural at first, but eventually you'll get the hang of it.

 

[BigApplePi]

About a month ago I reached a peak of a really good time for me, where I was really confident and happy and outgoing, but as soon as I realized I reached that peak I started going downhill. I've developed some kind of extreme social anxiety (mostly only when I'm high though), I feel like I've lost the ability to have any kind of regular conversation, and I'm just not happy in general. I finished my three year army service last Wednesday, and I should be ecstatic, but I just feel... Nothing.
I decided to stop doing drugs (weed, alcohol, etc'), after realizing that I've become dependent on them for comfort, even though they rarely actually do comfort me.

So I'm wondering, what techniques do you guys use to boost your confidence or make yourself happy?

There are peaks and valleys. You climbed a peak. Now you must find something new to climb. Doesn't matter if big or small except if small you need more of them. Getting things to climb requires a little thought, luck and organization. If you are short of hills, nothing helps more than contact with other people. They will supply plenty of hills to climb.

 

[Roran]

A four hour adrenaline rush does it for me. Well, for four hours at least.

 

[wadlez]

Happiness is a neurochemically informed brain state, whereas confidence is probably closer to an innate personality trait. That is, surrounded by an extreme amount of pain, guilt and other negative feelings you could snort, shoot or orally consume some substance and perhaps feel a little better, for a little while. Another way of looking at this issue: the brains of happy people, if cracked open and examined, would share an appalling amount of happy neural substrates and organization and ultimately boring commonality.

What came first, happiness due to higher levels of functioning in the brain areas associated with happiness and the release of neurotransmitters, or is the brain looking like this because the person is happy. Breaking psychology down to MRI's and what we can physically observe about the brain is very limited due to this problem. For depression I think that a neurotransmitter imbalance is only in true in some rarer cases.
Regardless of whether its true or not, if you accept this view then you believe you are doomed to not be as happy as others and there is nothing you can really do about it. Subjective experience, mental development, self concepts and even objective factors have to not be able to cause any psychological change for this to hold true.

Tolstoy's opening might apply to families and happy brains: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Happiness is more neurochemically homogenous than unhappiness; there are a million ways to be unhappy. Confidence, however, is less labile: when you have high confidence, failure is seen as an aberration and it's just sort of forgotten about.

Confidence may have something to do with an internal locus of control coupled with competence. I would focus on slow personality development and solidification of your own goals and priorities and less on feeling good per se. Perhaps feeling good is only important to the extent that it enables bigger stuff to come into the picture. America sort of promotes this idea of hedonism and gratification: that indulgence is for children. If you live it up you won't live it down; chasing fun is almost always self-defeating.

I think this is massive simplification of the subjective experience of the world. Breaking down what direction and experiences to chase in life to: happiness /unhappiness and confidence is too limiting a paradigm to be usable.

 

[snafupants]

What came first, happiness due to higher levels of functioning in the brain areas associated with happiness and the release of neurotransmitters, or is the brain looking like this because the person is happy. Breaking psychology down to MRI's and what we can physically observe about the brain is very limited due to this problem. For depression I think that a neurotransmitter imbalance is only in true in some rarer cases.
Regardless of whether its true or not, if you accept this view then you believe you are doomed to not be as happy as others and there is nothing you can really do about it. Subjective experience, mental development, self concepts and even objective factors have to not be able to cause any psychological change for this to hold true.




I think this is massive simplification of the subjective experience of the world. Breaking down what direction and experiences to chase in life to: happiness /unhappiness and confidence is too limiting a paradigm to be usable.

Yeah, when you buy that fatalistic interpretation they can sell you meds.

So true, delayed gratification and long-term planning are underappreciated.

 

[Melkor]

Play gameboy.

Drink myself silly.

Sleep.

Repeat the following day if depression ensues or until money runs out.

 

[snafupants]

Play gameboy.

Drink myself silly.

Sleep.

Repeat the following day if depression ensues or until money runs out.

What if money does run out?

I can't imagine financing the gameboy is too problematic...

I suppose, actually, that depends on how extravagant your gaming tastes are and the severity and frequency of your depression, which by your jovial comments I can't imagine being that dire.

 

[Gather_Wanderer]

I ask a lot of different people a lot of questions about whatever it is that affected my mood. I half-listen to everything everyone says and basically tire myself of the many different ways to look at a situation/become tired of thinking about it.

If that doesn't work or if I'm too depressed for it, I'm usually just stuck until enough time goes by for me to get distracted by something else. This second thing doesn't usually work out well though.

 

[Melkor]

What if money does run out?

I can't imagine financing the gameboy is too problematic...

I suppose, actually, that depends on how extravagant your gaming tastes are and the severity and frequency of your depression, which by your jovial comments I can't imagine being that dire.

Good Whisky is nearly thirty quid a pop Jack. :P

Heh, I know. From my comments here you'd imagine me to be a straight talking, bi acting, forward and chirpy sorta guy, but God...

The real Melkor is much more 'dire', and consequently much less interesting. :3

 

[snafupants]

Good Whisky is nearly thirty quid a pop Jack. :P

Heh, I know. From my comments here you'd imagine me to be a straight talking, bi acting, forward and chirpy sorta guy, but God...

The real Melkor is much more 'dire', and consequently much less interesting. :3

I would always mooch the hooch. Good pun with Jack though. Most of us are probably more dire than our virtual personas would lead others to believe.

 

[masterpeez]

Good call on the drugs. If your anything like me, then weed can be a bit of a problem, and for the reasons you mentioned.

I wouldn't worry about not being ecstatic about things you supposedly should be pumped about; that's just the type of person you are.

Normally when I'm down its either because I'm not exercising my mind or I'm lonely or both.

I get more confident in myself when I'm good at things. I recommend strategy games. I play Magic: The Gathering a lot, and doing well at that helps my confidence.

I've noticed the same thing in myself; in that I go through times where I just randomly suck at talking. And then when I get depressed, I'm self-conscious of this fact and the problem only gets worse. What helps me is spending time with close friends. But normally I just wait it out.

Like BigApplePi said, there are peaks and valleys. Good or Bad, feelings pass. If the mind is working right, you can't always be happy and therefore you can't always be depressed.

Synthetic weed sucks ass. Its crazy that you mentioned that, because I literally just threw mine away tonight after the worst experience in my life. I've been smoking it every day all day for about a month now. I had one bad trip and got over it. I thought that my tolerance would prevent that from happening again. I was wrong. All of a sudden I didn't know who I was. I saw myself as some mindless, burned-out idiot who had shat his entire life down the tubes to get high off of some sleazy drug. I was completely trapped in my high. I know that doesn't sound very scary, but the experience was so vivid and real. I was bawling my eyes out and crying out how my mind was gone and how I was fucked. I completely embarrassed myself in front of my roommate. I didn't calm down until I started forcing myself to remember who I was.

I don't know how synthetic weed effects you, but it seems to make me depressed just as often or more than it makes me happy. Also it may be where your conversing problem is coming from. I've noticed that it has made me even worse at talking. I stammer a lot more and it takes me slightly longer to comprehend what others are saying. So many negative effects and I somehow kept smoking it. haha.

 

[kamari rised]

vyvanse.

 

[Cosmic]

read textbooks if it's appropriate (i'm usually behind, so it's almost always appropriate lol), read whatever i want. . . i don't force myself to finish books anymore (i'm really good at starting them but not finishing them), but i'll come back to them if it feels right later. i used to not really read a lot and just spend my reading time on forums and the internet, but doing that exclusively can't be good for your mind. . . there's not as much analyzing, focusing, etc.

if i'm feeling particularly ballsy and not too down, i'll try to orchestrate some kind of group outdoorsy adventure. . . for example swim and at least two of his friends are all free on thursday, so they're going to make an adventure out of going around town looking for lucy or something and then going to a free music festival at the park. but this is pretty eventful, it's generally less ambitious stuff like walking to the creek and swimming and stuff.

by the way, weed fucked me up for the longest time. i totally transformed into a shy creeper after smoking weed regularly. i wasn't really a smoke all-day-every-day kind of guy (i barely had a tolerance), so it took me a while to make that connection. i would, however, experience self-conscious anxiety/paranoia often enough while i was high too, so that should've been a red flag. i've read information floating around the web stating that becoming anxious while high makes and strengthens neurological connections involving anxiety/paranoia, leading to long-term changes. i never researched too heavily into this, but the information checks out with my own subjective experience. but anyway, it wasn't until i stopped smoking weed for probation altogether that i started to feel like myself again. it took months for me to even start feeling like myself again (that's when i knew for sure weed had to do with my slump), but when i realized i WAS more comfortable in my own skin, i just went with it. as an intp, i observed this change for the better moreso based on behavior/interaction than actually being completely in tune with how i felt. i still don't feel as confident as before i started smoking weed, but i'm working on it

also fuck spice. D= i know two people who've had seizures from it, and i myself experienced a spice flashback.

 

[Ptah]

Engage in a hobby that involves creating/expressing/producing something.
Go jogging or undertake some other aerobic physical activity.
Failing any of that: Take a good, long look at the slack shuffle of the moojority all around me, reminding myself I'm nothing like them for even being aware of them, as such; the "at least I'm not like them" re-calibration of motivation.
Failing that, draw from the above a form of deeply motivating spite, the satisfaction of which through action can be quite rewardingly cheerful.

 

[Katie]

I've seem to have created a goal me, that the older I got, the more I morphed into it as I forced myself to believe I'm like that. And it came true. I now am my preteen dream, and I love myself to the point it's pretty insane. The fact that I know I love myself just makes me love myself even more.
1. You need to find a bright side to what you don't like yourself.
2. Abide by your morals.
3. Once you have reached slight confidence, do what you want and realize you're fucking awesome for not caring about what others think of it.
4. This is where I am, and I'm still unsure to take it good or bad, but I've reached selfish conceit. I seem to have fallen inlove with myself, and I don't care about my selfishness and lack of empathy to others because it feels great. I care only for me, my boyfriend, and my family.

If you have low self confidence, realize that you (should?) be your highest aspect, because when it comes down to it, people are selfish. Don't confide in others for reassurance when at the end of the day, it's only yourself that is truly there for you.

Small things I do for quick cheer up:
Sleep) whatever is wrong, it usually goes away after the day break.
Go outside) my sanctuary is indoors, it's new and mind clearing to leave the inside, it clears my mind.
Make coffee
Take a long bath
a. lay in bed naked after said bath
b. engage in naked coffee drinking/music listening in bed after said bath
Talk to someone who makes you forget.

If you're depressed, get dressed and cleaned, do something new that you would not normally do, like gardening, baking, make a homemade card for someone, ANYONE.

Walk in a straight line as far as you can go, make sure to split the time it takes to get there x 2 if you don't want to walk at dark.

 

[Nibbler]

About a month ago I reached a peak of a really good time for me, where I was really confident and happy and outgoing, but as soon as I realized I reached that peak I started going downhill. I've developed some kind of extreme social anxiety (mostly only when I'm high though), I feel like I've lost the ability to have any kind of regular conversation, and I'm just not happy in general. I finished my three year army service last Wednesday, and I should be ecstatic, but I just feel... Nothing.
I decided to stop doing drugs (weed, alcohol, etc'), after realizing that I've become dependent on them for comfort, even though they rarely actually do comfort me.

So I'm wondering, what techniques do you guys use to boost your confidence or make yourself happy?

I went through social anxiety after I left the army, too. I was in for 7.5 years. I went through culture shock, too. But I don't use drugs. I tried it twice years later, but I hated it.

When you stop doing pot, you will be forced to deal with your social anxiety and sudden new lifestyle while sober. Stay strong.

What makes me confident or happy is finding a way to add value (solutions) somewhere be it a job, volunteering, taking a class and learning something and being good at it, etc. These things confirm that my mind is working and has good ideas.

I lose confidence when I feel useless, lazy, mentally unstimulated and unproductive in my mind. Watching a lot of television or spending too much time on the internet day after day is dangerous.

 

[Peripheral Visionary]

A lot of "down" feelings can be traced to a few causes. Some have already posted excellent advice, so at the risk of being superfluous...

If you're feeling down, ask yourself: When is the last time I ate, and what did I eat?

You might be feeling bad because your blood sugar is low, your insulin is high, or you aren't eating enough protein to produce sarotonin. Try having a hamburger, or if you're a vegetarian, a bunch of tofu.

Ask yourself: When is the last time I did something physical? Go for a walk, do some pushups, do some yoga. Your body is crying out for activity.

Ask yourself: Is my bad feeling related to some worry or anxiety? Did something happen to me recently that would be causing this lingering feeling?

In fact, try talking to the feeling. It sounds crazy until it works the first time. Sit down and speak to the bad feeling: "Bad feeling, I want to know what it is you are trying to communicate to me so that we can resolve any problem I need to address."

Believe it or not, you might find the answer just popping into your head. It might be something you can't do anything about, but that is often okay. Sometimes the feeling just needs to be acknowledged. If so, then just say to yourself: Bad feeling, I understand you are signaling me about X, but I can't do anything about it now so if you don't mind I'd like you to recede for the time being and I'm going to distract myself by watching a movie/reading a book/talking to a friend, etc,

 

[snafupants]

How do I boost myself up? Well, first I stick my hand down my pants...

 

[pjoa09]

How do I boost myself up? Well, first I stick my hand down my pants...

... and I confirm that I have a penis. YAY

 

[pjoa09]

I work 80 hours a week so that I can feed my family. I don't have much time to worry about things like making myself happier.

You could always try having other people's lives depend upon your actions. It might work.

Dave

You get satisfaction from that? IMO, it sounds miserable to be working 80 hours a day unless if it was fun and I was good at it. I don't know something that I am good at or find fun.

But hell that makes me want to masturbate forever and never run the risk of impregnating a female.

 

[Beholder]

A lot of "down" feelings can be traced to a few causes. Some have already posted excellent advice, so at the risk of being superfluous...

If you're feeling down, ask yourself: When is the last time I ate, and what did I eat?

You might be feeling bad because your blood sugar is low, your insulin is high, or you aren't eating enough protein to produce sarotonin. Try having a hamburger, or if you're a vegetarian, a bunch of tofu.

Ask yourself: When is the last time I did something physical? Go for a walk, do some pushups, do some yoga. Your body is crying out for activity.

Ask yourself: Is my bad feeling related to some worry or anxiety? Did something happen to me recently that would be causing this lingering feeling?

In fact, try talking to the feeling. It sounds crazy until it works the first time. Sit down and speak to the bad feeling: "Bad feeling, I want to know what it is you are trying to communicate to me so that we can resolve any problem I need to address."

Believe it or not, you might find the answer just popping into your head. It might be something you can't do anything about, but that is often okay. Sometimes the feeling just needs to be acknowledged. If so, then just say to yourself: Bad feeling, I understand you are signaling me about X, but I can't do anything about it now so if you don't mind I'd like you to recede for the time being and I'm going to distract myself by watching a movie/reading a book/talking to a friend, etc,

Ya that's EXACTLY what I do, I usually just sit down and make a list of all the things that are stressing me out. Here's what I wrote last night for example:

Spoiler

Things I'm stressed about - Finding a job, Exam, the study, how I pay for Bulgaria, exercise, Money.
Finding a Job - Construction.
Exam - I have a month now until the course where I won't be busy - STUDY!!
The study - Nothing to do about it now, how do I tell Ima? It comes up when it comes up.
How I pay for Bulgaria and psychometric - Two thousand from the Ma'anak, two thousand from work.
Exercise - Tomorrow morning I will run.
Money - Here's my situation - I have a hundred shekels in the bank, I have a four thousand shekel debt, and I'm supposed to get 12 thousand over the next two months. Call the יל"ח tomorrow, find out how much money I get in April, call Lahman tomorrow to sort out payment, go to the bank and sort out loan. Look for jobs I can do during April. Keep track of how much I spend from now on, as soon as I start working and my balance goes back up to 12k, take 10k and put them aside.

Tomorrow - First thing in the morning, go for a run. Come back, shower, eat. Go out, buy shaver and make all the phone calls (Ma'anak, Lahman, Construction job), come back and go to the bank.

OK!!!

The funny thing, is that even though I only did one of the things I planned to do today, the stress is all gone. Turns out I don't actually have to do anything to relieve the stress, just plan on doing it
anyways, I'm gonna go for a run now.