How do INTPs express emotion?

[ilike2poison]

Emotions are very hard for me to express. I've always hated birthdays and such things that make me the center of attention because even though I'm feeling excited or happy about something I have no idea of how to make that know to other people.
Just in the past year or so I've tried working on this and every single time I try to show my excitement or interest in something the people around me think I'm being sarcastic and get angry. So I've pretty much given up on trying to express my real emotions and just do my best to act out whatever emotion is appropriate for the certain situation. It seems to be working, people don't look at me like I'm rude or a weirdo anymore, but I feel like a dumbass all the time because I'm just over-exaggerating. Oh well it's kind of like a game now I suppose; see how many people I can convince that I'm normal and not a socially awkward chick.
*I've also found out that consuming alcohol is a good way to help with the whole expressing emotion thing.

I agree with everything you've said. "Hey! Now I get to blow out the cake and everything! Yay me! You guys are great, thanks."

 

[grey matters]

Mellivar, you posted a while ago but I'm just getting around to reading this and felt compelled to reply to it even though you have long since left the conversation so I don't really know why I'm doing this but I'm doing this anyway so there (I like run on sentences).

Quote: "I'd say we just bottle them (feelings) all up inside until they force their way out,"


My answer: Tic, tic, tic...


Quote: "although it seems like older INTPs gradually learn to deal with things in perhaps a more healthy way."

My answer: Appearances are deceiving it's really senility.

 

[Causeless]

My answer: Appearances are deceiving it's really senility.

Excellent! Pressure's off then.

 

[SOLROCK]

I definitely feel them sometimes. It takes a lot to make me feel them though, the more tired i am the more intensely i feel them. Does anyone else feel like level of fatigue affects them greatly?

 

[Dapper Dan]

The truth is that my extremely powerful emotions are the one reason that make me doubt whether I'm actually an INTP.

I can absolutely control them, and supress them. But they exist, and if I let them flow, I can be a feeler. They are not triggered by usual cliche shit though. Music, for instance, can actually make me cry. I've cried my eyes out while listening to some Queen songs, for example (These are the days of my life, The show must go on). It's not that I cry whenever i hear them, but If I start to feel them, I do.

Dunno if you get me.

Having a small F doesn't mean that emotions won't be powerful. It means that they are under-developed, unreliable, and usually naive. Because of this, INTPs tend to suppress their emotions, but they will inevitably still get out.

Having powerful, visible emotions simply implies that you have Extraverted Feeling, which is what an INTP is supposed to have. In fact, I've read before that music is a common emotional release for INTPs.

 

[ilike2poison]

I don't really know how to react to things, usually because it don't know what I'm feeling. I mean, I know what I'm feeling but it's not just one thing. So which one do you express? I could barely understand them, let alone explain them to someone who can barely grasp what I'm saying when I do know what I'm talking about. So you know what? This damn conversation is over! AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!

 

[digital angel]

We show it on a very, very, very small scale.

 

[Solitaire U.]

INTPs are often stereotyped as one of the most unemotional of types.

So how do INTPs show appreciation and or affection?

I knew one INTP who always sometimes seemed indifferent to me, in that he wouldn't compliment me on anything, and would often bash artists I liked.

i.e. typical conversation:

Him: "What are you listening to?"

Me: "Nine Inch Nails"
Him: "Oh I hate Nine Inch nails. They're so overrated"


He'd often talk my ear off about video games, computer projects etc. that he was working on. However, sometimes when I was about to cut the conversation short because I was busy, he'd seem possessive or angry.

i.e. to go back to the conversation:

[get up to leave]
Me: Gotta go back to work.
Him: Wait! They do scores for video games and stuff, which I think is cool. Don't go. Why are you leaving so soon?

Is this how INTPs usually show emotion?

*ignoring all other replies*

No, this is how self-centered dickheads show emotional retardation. The great INTPiquity has nothing to do with it.

 

[thelithiumcat]

Emotions are very hard for me to express. I've always hated birthdays and such things that make me the center of attention because even though I'm feeling excited or happy about something I have no idea of how to make that know to other people.
Just in the past year or so I've tried working on this and every single time I try to show my excitement or interest in something the people around me think I'm being sarcastic and get angry. So I've pretty much given up on trying to express my real emotions and just do my best to act out whatever emotion is appropriate for the certain situation. It seems to be working, people don't look at me like I'm rude or a weirdo anymore, but I feel like a dumbass all the time because I'm just over-exaggerating. Oh well it's kind of like a game now I suppose; see how many people I can convince that I'm normal and not a socially awkward chick.
*I've also found out that consuming alcohol is a good way to help with the whole expressing emotion thing.

I never really want to show positive emotion around most people (except a few who are much more likely to make me unintentionally do so) and on things like my birthday or when I get presents I too have no idea how to express my emotions to other people. I feel like I should go through them one by one and thank them but I'll always overdo it because my overriding desire is to open all presents to get an overview and then go back over them.

This also kinda shows itself in my driving because I always over-exaggerate acknowledging other drivers.

Really though, I'm in a neutral or negative state most of the time. In fact, I often have to explain to my mother that if she's saying something about me which involves me having a strong emotion - expecially if it's a positive one - she's probably exaggerating or saying it wrong. My mum's an ESFJ so she doesn't understand how I work much...

 

[Zionoxis]

My emotions (particularly anger and happiness) get shown naturally, but I have a bad tendency to over exaggerate them in hopes of them not dampening to the point of being perceived as non-existent. So I do show emotion, and my anger and happiness is shown in extremes (anger is dependent on if I can successfully do it with that person, otherwise it will be withheld and internally sulked over), but it is largly controlled and manipulated in conscious. I have gotten to the point where I laugh at jokes out of habit, but I wonder how they were even funny later.

 

[thelithiumcat]

I noticed that the INTP uses the Fe. This kind of makes sense to me because I can be very affectionate to those I am close to and usually display this by giving hugs, and spending time with them and doing things with them or for them. I suppose that's all outward Fe kind of stuff.

I do the same thing. My hugging of others can be very compulsive, which is rather odd, but I think that's rather specific to myself; it's a habit I started as a game while a child.

I also wonder if the distinction between the "F" and the "T" is not so much that INTPs don't feel, but they just don't have the same handle on there emotions because it's not their greatest strength. I think this results in either blocking out the emotions that are hard to deal with, or erupting in anger or crying because those unresolved emotions can't be bottled up any more at some point.

This is my most recent decision on this matter: it's not so much that INTPs don't have emotions, but more that we're not as good at dealing with them.

I will also compare my two children: the younger one gets angry quite quickly, cries more etc. The older one is more patient, things don't set her off or make her cry as much. I would label the younger a "T" because it's harder for her to deal with what she's feeling. I would label the older one an "F" because she seems to be stronger emotionally: more steady, better at comforting others and showing compassion.

I find your following theory very interesting. However (and I could be wrong here) aren't F and T supposed to be the decision functions? To use my family as evidence, myself and my father (IxTxs) are calm in argument - myself more so. My mother and sister (ExFJs) get very emotional in arguments and take things very personally. So, generally, I think that perhaps Ts are slightly calmer because they suppress them and don't let them show as much rather than dealing with them.

This leads to the next point: that where we Ts really lose the control is where we can no longer suppress the emotion. Due to not having dealt with it, and, as you say, not having "the same handle on [their] emotions" the emotion which does show is disproportionate to the trigger event (what caused it). This is where I understand the lack of emotional experience to show. I think on a more general basis it is Ts who are more restrained emotionally than Fs; we, for example, process through our Ti; our dominant function.

Those two children sound like myself and my sister. I am the elder (17) and she is the younger (16, I believe). I am an INTP and she is an ENFJ. She is far, far more emotional than I am. I do see sense in your reasoning, but from an insider's perspective (in my own situation, and then applying it to yours) I would say that the elder is a T and the younger is an F. On a cognitive functions test, I scored quite highly on Fi and very low on Fe (it qualified as "unused"). It can be hard for me to deal with how I feel, but I am quite experienced in analysing myself so often when I'm through with the emotion enough to think clearly I will dissect it and figure out what happened. I find it very difficult to understand how my younger F sister processes things because to me she seems, frankly, childish and irrational when she is being emotional. A fellow T friend of mine also restrains her emotions. I have very rarely seen her emotional.

Just my thoughts =] Hope they help.

 

[Dapper Dan]

My mother was as solid as a rock. She was always kind, patient, didn't yell at me. She was very controlled. I only saw her cry twice in my life. Me, on the other hand (around those I'm close to) have seen me in fits of rage, followed by crying etc... too many times. At first I thought this meant that I was more of a "F." But now I think those people who don't have those kind of outbursts really are more "F" because they have the emotional intelligence to process and CONTROL their emotions better.

It may also be possible that your mother had a strong Fi, which does NOT show up the same way Fe does.

 

[Plain Jane]

I also noticed that the inferior function of the INTP is the Fe which, from what I read, can get out of controol in times of stress. I must say, my enitre life has been one long stream of stressful events so perhaps this makes it hard to understand my authentic self. With all of the negative influences out of my life right now, I feel I'm gravitating toward the INTP way of doing things. This seems to be where I am most comfortable. Much of my life I have involved myself with helping people, not necessarily because that was my comfort zone, but because I fealt guilty not to. But I presently just want to involve myself in something that has no human element at all. I feel terrible to say that but it just feels the least stressful that way. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm a pretty mixed up person. Sorry to ramble.

 

[kayne]

My mother was as solid as a rock. She was always kind, patient, didn't yell at me. She was very controlled. I only saw her cry twice in my life. Me, on the other hand (around those I'm close to) have seen me in fits of rage, followed by crying etc... too many times. At first I thought this meant that I was more of a "F." But now I think those people who don't have those kind of outbursts really are more "F" because they have the emotional intelligence to process and CONTROL their emotions better.

this is me. well except ive seen my parents openly weep before and my mom especially loves to hear the i love you and say it constantly though i suspect a combination of my INTP nature and some past fighting we had i never say it. not that i dont i just cant express it verbally to her or really anyone too well. though she has come to terms with that and realizes me doing errands for her or helping or some other action is my way of saying it.

but yea i am normally in control of my emotions but those i am close enough too and comfortable enough with have seen me on some rather impressive displays of raw emotion whether anger frustration or crying and there is little reason to what triggers it but when it is triggered i have no control of it. it takes hours for me to calm down. if i start crying seriously it will take like 3-4 hours before i calm down. yet 90% of the time i am generally in control calm and dont display emotion.

yea i really think this hits it correctly at least for me and it makes sense. the INTP brain doesnt handle emotions very well it just buries it to be dealt with later so it is natural that when emotions come surfacing we have little clue on how to handle it. further more the INTP brain tends to anaylze things to an unhealthy fault at times which probably means when an emotional fit is triggered we do by nature what we always do anaylze and dwell on it endlessly i think that prolongs it at least for me anyway.

even at 27 if something triggers an emotional fit inside of me i will cry for and go into a fit of rage or just or or the other that lasts for hours. its quite bad actually but there is no reason for it really this is just how my emotions handle themselves. and i really know no other way to so. i try to deal with my emotions now somewhat but i cant always do that i dont instinctively do that. like 2 or 3 weeks ago something occured that triggered it. i wasnt home at the time which was just lovely. it took i mean one hell of an incrediable amount of strength to surpress it before i finnally snuck into my room and just cried/fell asleep silently for like 5 hours. this cant be normal but maybe for the INTP brain pattern it is.

i kind of wish i could deal with my emotions better like normal people that just let it out as is. oh well thus is life.

 

[Doodle]

Emotions are very hard for me to express. I've always hated birthdays and such things that make me the center of attention because even though I'm feeling excited or happy about something I have no idea of how to make that know to other people.
Just in the past year or so I've tried working on this and every single time I try to show my excitement or interest in something the people around me think I'm being sarcastic and get angry. So I've pretty much given up on trying to express my real emotions and just do my best to act out whatever emotion is appropriate for the certain situation. It seems to be working, people don't look at me like I'm rude or a weirdo anymore, but I feel like a dumbass all the time because I'm just over-exaggerating. Oh well it's kind of like a game now I suppose; see how many people I can convince that I'm normal and not a socially awkward chick.
*I've also found out that consuming alcohol is a good way to help with the whole expressing emotion thing.

Word. Iv always hated birthdays (in a sense) as well. Especially opening presents when you have the pressure of showing some sort of emotion. I always did appriciate the gifts but when you've got an audience expecting some sort of emotion out of you it just makes it so much harder

 

[Akuma]

When expressing happiness (or polite smiles for socializing, I can't really tell), depending on the person I can express fine.
When expressing appreciation, sadness or "I missed you" it is simply unbearable.
I would like to get better at expressing appreciation, I criticise far too much, my friends are probably sick of it.

On the rare occasion, if I'm not in a "neutral mood"; in my head and when I'm alone I can feel and express these emotions fine.