Hilarious Ads that Market to Me for Some Reason on Hotmail

[Cobra]

So, I don't know if you guys have Hotmail or not, but there's a right-side banner bar that advertises things that it, for whatever reason (or algorithm), believes are relevant to you. Mine are different from others', but I cannot, for the LIFE of me, figure out why I get adverted with some of this stuff. Perhaps banner ads are like this for all INTPs (?).

Sometimes it's just outright ridiculous, other times it's damn near insulting. Steroids? Really? Ok.

They're funny to me mostly because the images they use are just so... arbitrary and weirdly juxtaposed... (?) Help me out here. I really can't describe these. Who makes these things? Really.

Hope you enjoy these screen caps. I'll post more as they come as I've been compiling these for some time at work during breaks, and I believe I have more at home.

Also, share your own, if you have Hotmail or another banner ad regularly abusing your intelligence, composure, and dignity.

No, I'm asking the questions here. Why an umbrella? Why?

The awkward face and amount of visible shoulder area combined with the microphone on his shirt make this a great ad. Throw in a name like "Allan Hug," and it's perfect.

Not yet tested on reindeer hair.

Free them. Please.

A serious dilemma of mine. I literally have to be strong, but steroid use makes me glow yellow and mimic the face my panther tattoo is making on my right pectoral.

Why don't you shut the fuck up?

Here's a couple that appear on this weird button ad that I think advertises Hotmail-related things, but I've never left clicked on it. The ads are usually never forthcoming and say the stupidest things.

I believe I've spoken with this customer service rep before. Was a great conversation.

I bet she did.

 

[bluesquid]

LMAO!

 

[warryer]

haha Cobra

your comment on Roid Rage is lol

 

[echoplex]

I wonder who's actually clicking on these things. I mean, someone has to be or else they wouldn't keep posting them, right?

 

[Cobra]

I know, right? And they always have some really vague reference hidden in them that applies to me, so obviously they've collected information about me.
Par example:
- I've done research on my last name in the past. I didn't use Ancestry.com or anything, but they seem to know I was looking.
- I have great credit.
- I have a pet dog. The pet product ads I get have never contained pictures of cats. Coincidence? I don't know.
- I am rather scrawny and out of shape.
- Indeed, I do not have life insurance. Unbelievable, right?

The tiny ads don't change per person, I don't think. The banner ads make sense in weird ways. But not in good marketing ways, I don't think. Maybe I'm a hard demographic to capture. I never clicked on them. I also had a whole slew of those teeth whitening ones that persisted, but I didn't mention those because I'm not sure those were marketing toward my smoking and profuse consumption of coffee or if those were just pretty much showing up for everyone.

Hotmail is also a bit creepy in that, if you look into your profile and junk, you might find something that says "What's New with [so and so]" or something to that effect. I found that pretty much every public network I use the e-mail address for (sans intpf) was updating my Hotmail profile. I don't have MySpace, Facebook, or Twitter anymore, so those aren't showing up anymroe, but I do have Photobucket, and it likely has recorded these picture updates there.

Similarly, StumbleUpon happens to know a lot of shit about me. If you're not familiar, StumbleUpon is something you can create a username for, and it will send you weekly links to things of interest. You can then give them a Thumbs Up (I think Digg works like this, too?) on the StumbleUpon frame present in the browser, if you like it, and it will learn more about what you like so they can send you more things like it. Then, if those things aren't enough, you can hit the Stumble Upon button and it will take you to another recommended link. I signed up as a test, and surprisingly enough, they do a pretty good job. Every Saturday I wake up and enjoy pictures of nerdy kids who sneeked floppy chess boards onto roller coasters with pieces glued to the squares so they could show in the scare cam picture as being deeply involved in a chess match, articles about animals with multi-cranial mutations, phobia databases, ascii and pixel art galleries, and awesome interactive maps of the Milky Way. All over coffee, of course. But I'm sure they're just selling all my information to the people who create banner ads. Wish they'd sell them to Hotmail.

 

[Cobra]

How 'bout you don't tell me what to do?

And furthermore, I don't feed anything to children with the words "meth" or "date" in it anymore.

 

[bluesquid]

you are a funny dude.

 

[Cobra]

And I gave it to her.

 

[snowqueen]

Makes we want to sign up to Hotmail. Gmail gives you links based on the email content but not with banner ads ...

 

[Cognisant]

- Indeed, I do not have life insurance. Unbelievable, right?

*twitch*

 

[Cobra]

StumbleUpon and Hotmail are now best friends bent on driving me insane.

 

[Cobra]

For what? A PS3? Coz I have one. Ya I no I can't afford one; wats ur point?

 

[Cobra]

I solved it.

 

[phantome]

this made my day soo much better ^.^

 

[Cobra]

Word. I got one: Walking an old lady across the street. No wait - Giving a bum the kind of change he really needs.

 

[Cobra]

"Financial Aid to Those Who Qualify (...like this asshole.)"

 

[aracaris]

"Financial Aid to Those Who Qualify (...like this asshole.)"

Could be fun to make up potential reasons for why this guy qualifies. He looks like the stereotypical stoner. Maybe he blew all his money on weed, and then lost his job (could happen in either order). Now he can go back to school and continue his favorite recreational activity.

The life insurance and roid rage ones are without a doubt the most hillarious though.

 

[bluesquid]

Word. I got one: Walking an old lady across the street. No wait - Giving a bum the kind of change he really needs.

That made me laugh so fucking hard.

 

[echoplex]

Results may vary? Dammit, I was hoping this product would leave me bald and looking like some kind of veiny freak. Oh well.

So just because he's making less than $45,000 a year he can't afford a hair cut and a shave? Maybe he should do that before worrying about an education. Just a thought.

I know, right? btw, what the fuck is that thing?

 

[echoplex]

Oops, I was ninja'd on the hairy guy. Nevermind that.

 

[Cobra]

No, I'm totally happy you sent both because a. it's good to know I'm not the only one getting these! and b. I've been wanting to post the get ripped fast one for a while, but I haven't seen it in a while!

Results may vary? Dammit, I was hoping this product would leave me bald and looking like some kind of veiny freak. Oh well.

"READ MORE"

I know, right? btw, what the fuck is that thing?

LOL, OMG

 

[echoplex]

Yeah, and I've seen that same hairy dude on multiple ads. They just recycle the same pictures it seems.

 

[Cobra]

Plus, why would I wanna be fed a product that promises to improve my strength, endurance, and recovery with a slogan like "get ripped fast?" Seems counterintuitive. Ripped where? In half? Before or after? Why am I taking these pills? Oh, shi- I forgot to take my tiger repellent. Brb.

Please tell me you've seen the mortgage ads with the creepy duo of computerized women running in unison like so much zombies ate my neighbors.

 

[echoplex]

lol yes, I've seen that one too and I still can't figure out how it's relevant to the ad. Where are they running? Are they being chased by bad mortgages?

And there's another one, I think, with those same women attempting to dance or something that could only be some kind of cult-like ritual. Weird.

 

[Cobra]

I have no quip.

 

[Lithorn]

I keep getting ads to reconnect with high school classmates. Why in this humorous?
I graduated in June 2009.