inFlux
Redshirt
- Local time
- Today 8:15 AM
- Joined
- May 4, 2012
- Messages
- 5
Wow, so this is where you've all been hiding.
I'm still a little new to the "MBTI light," but my personal growth has accelerated so dramatically since discovering it. I honestly can't believe I'm posting an intro message on a forum, but I guess realizing I'm not insane, plus finding a bunch of people with similar brain software brings a little extrovert out in me. (If you can call sitting at your computer in your crappy apartment being extroverted).
Warning: The following is long and it will not offend me in the slightest if you just want to skip to the bottom and watch a cool video featuring Fiona Apple and Quentin Tarantino talking about her songwriting process.
* * *
Anyway, I'm a musician, actually. I say "actually" because I find this somewhat of a rarity, although not unheard of among INTPs. I actually think that playing music for most of my life has helped my Feeling developed. But I might actually be being too generous with that statement because in some ways, I think I was sort of lying to myself, convinced that I felt emotions because I was a musician. In the back of my mind, though, I knew something was "off." I was always the best musician I knew in middle school and high school. When I got to college, I was first chair trumpet in the jazz orchestra. I was 18; the other guys were juniors and seniors. I'm not saying this to brag, of course, because here comes the big "but": Why didn't I listen to music like everyone else? Why didn't I sit around listening to records and then talk with my friends about how *awesome* that album was because of how it made me feel? Well, first of all I had very few friends, but that's another story.
The real answer was that I didn't feel music the way they did. I loved music for *how it worked* and fuck, trumpet and piano were the only things that even made me any degree of cool. I picked up guitar at 15, too. I didn't have a teacher so I accidentally learned lefty on a righty guitar, but I'm pretty good at it. lol..fuckin...anyway, I guess I'm just kind of bummed a little bit now. To be honest, though, this discovery is actually making me reevaluate my approach to music overall. See, I always tried writing from my feelings. Of course my thoughts would contribute a ton, but for the past couple years I was often consciously shutting out my thoughts in a vain attempt to achieve a better composition. I haven't written a song in about 15 months (although I've composed other stuff) and that one isn't even fully done yet (about 90%, just need to finally decide on an arrangement). All because I was training myself to work against my strengths.
Anyway, I don't know why I started talking about all that, to be honest. Gonna scroll up and see where the fuck I was...
Oh yeah, I was just trying to tell you guys a little bit about myself. Saying "I'm a musician" wasn't sufficient, I guess.
So, other than that, I'm 32, I graduated college last year (after a few years off...another long story), I moved to the other side of the f-ing country where I hate it, I'm broke, have no friends, and have about $100k in student loans that my parents stupidly co-signed (although I completely appreciate their support). But my personal growth is great! Being lonely was kinda of interesting for a while. So was extended depression. Eventually those got boring and I've been down many paths since then, retaining some new knowledge and beliefs (though I'm not a fan of that word), and leaving some of it out, but always ready to jump back in if new evidence supports it.
Anyway, sorry for the long read. If you skipped all that crap (wouldn't blame you), here's the Fiona video. I love how she describes her songwriting; it reminds me of how my truly inspired moments (there have been a few!) usually come.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-DbWyLAQ2w&feature=related
I'm still a little new to the "MBTI light," but my personal growth has accelerated so dramatically since discovering it. I honestly can't believe I'm posting an intro message on a forum, but I guess realizing I'm not insane, plus finding a bunch of people with similar brain software brings a little extrovert out in me. (If you can call sitting at your computer in your crappy apartment being extroverted).
Warning: The following is long and it will not offend me in the slightest if you just want to skip to the bottom and watch a cool video featuring Fiona Apple and Quentin Tarantino talking about her songwriting process.
* * *
Anyway, I'm a musician, actually. I say "actually" because I find this somewhat of a rarity, although not unheard of among INTPs. I actually think that playing music for most of my life has helped my Feeling developed. But I might actually be being too generous with that statement because in some ways, I think I was sort of lying to myself, convinced that I felt emotions because I was a musician. In the back of my mind, though, I knew something was "off." I was always the best musician I knew in middle school and high school. When I got to college, I was first chair trumpet in the jazz orchestra. I was 18; the other guys were juniors and seniors. I'm not saying this to brag, of course, because here comes the big "but": Why didn't I listen to music like everyone else? Why didn't I sit around listening to records and then talk with my friends about how *awesome* that album was because of how it made me feel? Well, first of all I had very few friends, but that's another story.
The real answer was that I didn't feel music the way they did. I loved music for *how it worked* and fuck, trumpet and piano were the only things that even made me any degree of cool. I picked up guitar at 15, too. I didn't have a teacher so I accidentally learned lefty on a righty guitar, but I'm pretty good at it. lol..fuckin...anyway, I guess I'm just kind of bummed a little bit now. To be honest, though, this discovery is actually making me reevaluate my approach to music overall. See, I always tried writing from my feelings. Of course my thoughts would contribute a ton, but for the past couple years I was often consciously shutting out my thoughts in a vain attempt to achieve a better composition. I haven't written a song in about 15 months (although I've composed other stuff) and that one isn't even fully done yet (about 90%, just need to finally decide on an arrangement). All because I was training myself to work against my strengths.
Anyway, I don't know why I started talking about all that, to be honest. Gonna scroll up and see where the fuck I was...
Oh yeah, I was just trying to tell you guys a little bit about myself. Saying "I'm a musician" wasn't sufficient, I guess.
So, other than that, I'm 32, I graduated college last year (after a few years off...another long story), I moved to the other side of the f-ing country where I hate it, I'm broke, have no friends, and have about $100k in student loans that my parents stupidly co-signed (although I completely appreciate their support). But my personal growth is great! Being lonely was kinda of interesting for a while. So was extended depression. Eventually those got boring and I've been down many paths since then, retaining some new knowledge and beliefs (though I'm not a fan of that word), and leaving some of it out, but always ready to jump back in if new evidence supports it.
* * *
Anyway, sorry for the long read. If you skipped all that crap (wouldn't blame you), here's the Fiona video. I love how she describes her songwriting; it reminds me of how my truly inspired moments (there have been a few!) usually come.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-DbWyLAQ2w&feature=related
