Help! (INFP...) (Fallen hard...)

[fullerene]

yeah... neither was I, jesin. His post earlier in this thread was fantastic, but I'm less sure about that last one.

 

[snowyashes]

... So now I just have to make a very unsubtle comment/joke... or should I just wait and see what happens? o.o

So, no responses on this... any thoughts?

 

[zxc]

I wouldn't be in a rush - it seems like things are already progressing somewhat, without much work.

But then, I only know as much about relationships as the next INTP, and probably less.

Perhaps you've already mentioned it, but what sort of music do you and the INTP like? You've referred to music several times.

 

[EditorOne]

Snowyashes, seems like things are moving right along. Stop worrying and enjoy his company.


Tekton, dissatisfaction apparently comes in different forms. With me, and, I understand, some other INTPs, it comes after you reach a certain level of familiarity with some new pursuit and become bored with it. This could be trivialized as the pursuit of novelty, but it seems like my brain constantly wants new material to process. This isn't a cause of dissatisfaction for me, it's more like "OK, what's next?" in a cheerful frame of mind. Can't prove this, but it seems like the longer it takes to reach some degree of mastery over something the better I like it. The only time dissatisfaction creeps in is if it turns out I lack the skills to reach a level of satisfaction with the activity.

 

[Jesin]

This isn't a cause of dissatisfaction for me, it's more like "OK, what's next?" in a cheerful frame of mind.

Yay! I had been trying to figure out how to word that.

 

[Snail]

Yes, I had been trying to explain that and failing to get the idea across clearly in your language. Thank you, EditorOne.

 

[snowyashes]

Perhaps you've already mentioned it, but what sort of music do you and the INTP like? You've referred to music several times.

Um... everything? I mean, there's not much music I can honestly say I don't like, besides hardcore rap, screamo-type stuff, and about 25% of country music. I prefer mostly alternative/rock, some pop, a little bit of hip-hop...

His iPod contains everything from Three Days Grace to Rihanna, and Linkin Park to (thanks to me) Phantom of the Opera. Usually, he is listening to Three Days Grace or Linkin Park.

(I am also in choir, and I love doing jazzy pieces, and, interestingly, I can totally see myself joining some sort of gospel choir in college. Weird, I know, but I just love the passion and the... uplifting-ness. Especially weird, since I mostly listen to depressing music. Anyway, I love doing that stuff in choir, but it's not really the type of music I listen to on my own-- although that's probably just because I get my fill of it in class! )

 

[Jesin]

Yes, I had been trying to explain that and failing to get the idea across clearly in your language. Thank you, EditorOne.

What do you mean "our language"?

 

[Snail]

I mean that INTPs don't communicate the same way as INFPs. They make distinctions between things that INFPs fuse as parts of a single idea. So they require a level of precision that eludes me. I will say something, and they will nit-pick about definitions, because two words that are synonymous according to the dictionary or thesaurus, and that I use to mean the same thing, will have subtle distinctions of meaning for the INTP that I can only guess at. When I paraphrase something an INTP has said, trying to express the exact same concept using different language, the INTP will feel that he has been misunderstood, even if I understand the meaning sufficiently for my more general method of interpretation.

 

[snowyashes]

Really? I never have that problem... In fact, today after school, my INTP friend and I were talking, and I was trying to explain to him about how I do that!

I have heard that a lot of INTPs do this frequently, however, and my dad (INTP) doesn't do that exactly, he does turn anything that I say that isn't precise into some kind of pun. (Which is probably why I have this "problem" in the first place! ... Not that it's really a problem. It's kind of funny with people who don't know you well... they get really annoyed.)

 

[Kuu]

Tekton, dissatisfaction apparently comes in different forms. With me, and, I understand, some other INTPs, it comes after you reach a certain level of familiarity with some new pursuit and become bored with it. This could be trivialized as the pursuit of novelty, but it seems like my brain constantly wants new material to process. This isn't a cause of dissatisfaction for me, it's more like "OK, what's next?" in a cheerful frame of mind. Can't prove this, but it seems like the longer it takes to reach some degree of mastery over something the better I like it. The only time dissatisfaction creeps in is if it turns out I lack the skills to reach a level of satisfaction with the activity.

That sounds pretty much what I would have said if I had been in a better mood for the last week or so, but no, cause January is in the way, and I'm all Fe'd up about it...

And perhaps you guys have a more negative association on the word "dissatisfaction" than what was on my mind. If I had given more thought, perhaps I would have chosen "restlessness" as a better term to translate my thoughts.

Anyway, I'll stop hijacking this thread now... and let's see how things work out for our brave snowy.

(wait. Linkin Park still exists? *is flabbergasted*)

 

[AndOhh]

... lot's of stuff...

Alright, from what I have gathered it would seem very obvious that this guy likes you more than a friend.

No, he did not just realize he was walking the long way to his class... the fact that he does this reinforces his affection towards you.

It seems that often times women will want the guy to make the moves and if he doesn't will assume he's uninterested. This is very often not the case -- he probably is just uneasy and inexperienced. I also think guys that are assholes are more likely to come on stronger where as kinder more laid back guys seem slower to make that move. (nice guys finishing last?)


If you like him I would strongly recommend that you make the "moves" and with confidence because I would be willing to bet that anything you do in that direction would make his day. You may have to be quite forward.

Good luck! You seem sweet.


/What is it about romance that brings about the ability to be naive to the obvious?

 

[snowyashes]

I also think guys that are assholes are more likely to come on stronger where as kinder more laid back guys seem slower to make that move. (nice guys finishing last?)

...I totally agree. Which is probably why I always tend to fall for the quieter guys. Which is a huge problem, because it means that neither of us wants to make the first move. Which leads to... nothing. Which sucks. So I agree with you about me having to do something.

What is it about romance that brings about the ability to be naive to the obvious?

Yeah, no kidding... my friend was actually kind of saying this to me today. She went so far as to list a bunch of the reasons why it's totally obvious that he likes me, and basically tell me that I shouldn't trust my own judgement in this case because I'm too involved. Which is probably right...

Except I do think he likes me. I can tell. But I'm constantly second-guessing what my intuition tells me because I just finally got over this other guy I liked for a really long time who I thought liked me... but then it turned out that was just how he interacted with everyone because he's a nice guy, which was fine, I guess-- but THEN he decided to fall madly in love with one of my best friends... who didn't really like him back. Long story short, huge mess... it was extremely difficult for me.

I really thought he liked me! And he didn't, and it was really disappointing. So that's kind of why I'm a bit hesitant to be optimistic this time... I'm afraid of the pain if I'm wrong.

 

[Jules]

What's worse? The pain of being wrong or the uncertainty for as long as you don't know if you're wrong?

 

[snowyashes]

Honestly? I would have to say the pain/awkwardness of being wrong.

For the last guy, I probably would have said the uncertainty. Well... the awkwardness was still pretty bad.

The thing is, right now, I think he likes me. Even if he doesn't, I think he does, so I'm happy. If I find out he doesn't, I go straight back to being the loser who's never had anyone like them. Plus, I have to deal with the awkwardness, PLUS I have to deal with all the sympathy--*cough*-pity-*cough*--that my friends will dole out, all on top of the actual disappointment. And, of course, the feeling of stupidity for making such a big deal out of nothing.

So, totally valid and logical question. I just have a twisted and psychotic answer.

 

[Vexbeast]

This post will be big, so before I start, this is a disclaimer. Not really about the size, just about how seriously you take what I say...

My usual immediate, indiscriminate reaction to people asking about relationships in a forum would be: "ASK THE INTERNET. IT KNOWS. " (Sarcasm being something I rarely employ so blatantly)

But since you have the initiative to not only find an appropriate place to ask, but also provide enough details for people to make some presumptious rukus about, I'll spare you the unnecessary idiosycratic rudeness that makes my life fun~

Point being, well... the same point I usually make, only with less being an asshole. You've already gotten a lot of great advice and opinions from people, but in the end, it's up to you what you make of it. To be honest, it sounds like you're not making much of it. (Not saying you're not taking it all in, just that the majority of posts on this twelve page thread have in some way implied or told you that you should make a move.)

And as much as I'd like to be the authoritive force of truth on the internet, which the massive amount of quoting I'm about to do might infer some kind of irrational justification to, as with everyone else, it's simply what you make of it that counts.

He seemed really interesting, and nice, so I started talking to him. That day at lunch he started talking to me (it took him like three tries to get my attention-- I didn't think he was talking to me-- which probably made him feel really stupid and awkward), and we had an extremely interesting conversation, and within five minutes we were both listening to his iPod. (He's really into music, which is great for me.)

Was there by chance a very small silence in the conversation, which he broke by bringing up music? From that, I'd be willing to bet there was... :3

If that's the case (and most likely, even if it's not), then music is probably his safe-zone for conversation. Personally, I feel completely comfortable discussing music with complete strangers who've never even heard of the genres I listen to. (I'm rather fond of trip-hop, rapcore, jazz fusion and symphonic metal, just for some examples.)

That'll probably be a useful thing to keep in mind. Try to find a way to bring it up if you get an awkward silence at some point. ;3

Since we became friends, he walks with me to the end of the hall (where we go different directions) after science class-- we always wait for each other-- where he hugs me goodbye. Then we sometimes talk at lunch, and then at the end of the day I wait by his locker and then we walk downstairs and outside to the buses together, where he hugs me goodbye before he walks home. When my bus passes him, we wave to each other.

I'd read into the hugs more than the 'realization'. Hugs can (from my experience, often do) mean different things depending on the person. Or possibly even different things to the same person. I actually find hugs to be very sexual, but at the same time, I have no qualms about giving them to someone I've talked to for a minute, just to show some miniscule platonic appreciation of something they said, or the colour of their hair.

You can't really know what it means to him, but it's a very definitive way of showing appreciation, and more to the point, he feels the need to remind you constantly that he appreciates you.

I'd advise against asking what the hugs mean to him though. I had someone do it to me once, and it comes off as a very roundabout way of asking 'what's our relationship mean to you?'... which it was in that situation <.< I'm just saying I doubt you could make it sound casual.

One interesting thing. Once I asked him what his parents did, and he told me that his mom was an attorney or something

Wouldn't be a longshot (though still presumptuous) to assume he respects her because of her intelligence then.

Huh... do you think maybe his mom is an INFP? I mean, all I really know about her (besides the attorney thing) is that she's a Jane Austen buff, but of all my friends (all of whom loved Pride and Prejudice), the only ones who get really into it are me and my ISFP friend. ISFPs and INFPs have a lot in common... such as (mostly) being closet romance junkies. So do you think it's possible that, if we're working under the theory that how he treats/ thinks of his mother is somewhat representative of how he will treat/think of women in general, he also will be attracted to someone who is similar to his mother, and that his mother is an INFP? (Or at least an ISFP or something comparable?)

That was just an idea that popped into my head. I don't know if any of that is just wishful thinking/me leaping to conclusions, or if it's actually plausible... what do you think?

Honestly? That trail of thought sounds extremely creepy and I'd rather not think about it. XP

Now I just have to get over my fear of (another) rejection.

It may not be so bad, not just because he'd be kind either. He clearly treasures you. I'd say the worst-case scenario is he won't want a relationship, but will still explain to you that he cares for you more than he conveys.

I said, "Oh, you took the test?" He said "Yeah! You're... INFP, right?" This kind of surprised me since none of my other friends remembered what my type was

I bet he researched it to get to know you better, too. ;3

However, I did beg him to come to the homecoming football game (neither of us went to the dance... bleh, dances) (... although dances would be fine, I'm sure, if one had a date...), because I had been to my first football game a couple weeks before and had a blast, and I wanted him to come too. He said he didn't think he could come, and didn't appear that interested, but when I showed up and met up with my friends... he was there! He talked to everyone, but for the most part we spent the entire evening listening to his iPod (did I mention he LOVES music???) and having very deep discussion about sci-fi novels (especially stories by people like George Orwell and Aldous Huxley, if you considered that sci-fi, which I don't, really), sci-fi films/computer games, and milk. He also educated me on the basic principles of (PLEASE FORGIVE ME I'M GOING TO KILL THE SPELLING HERE) nihilism (???), which I found very interesting, and he seemed very enthusiastic about. Probably mostly because, you know, I actually seemed interested. :-) We were sitting extremely close the entire night and hardly looked at anyone else (let alone the football game) (... except when he also attempted to explain football to me, but he doesn't get it much better than I do, so that didn't work out too well), and my friends all spent the entire evening sitting behind us tittering, which he seemed completely oblivious to... but he wouldn't really have a reason to expect that the reason for the giggles of my unsurpassably immature friends were due to the "...sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..." text messages they were sending each other!

I must have forgotten what I was going to say about this post (the dangers of quoting twelve pages of posts)(I think I interrupt myself too much when I'm talking), so in the place of a (possibly) useful comment: Milk is awesome!

Yeah, you better be kidding... the sad thing is I actually considered sending the thread to him. Or at least a couple of quotes that some of you guys have said. Unfortunately, that would be too pointed for me! However, I can rationally justify not doing it (at least to myself... you guys might be tougher critices ) by saying that I rely so much on my Ie that it would be totally useless for me to email him such a thing, because I wouldn't be there to observe his reaction, and I also wouldn't be there to explain if he misinterpreted something or influence his interpretation.

While it would be better for you to face the awkwardness in person, I think it's not such a bad idea. If you can't bring yourself to take any more direct action, it would be better than sitting around waiting.

And lastly, as to the part about him unloading his "burdens" on me... I want that. I want to help him. I want to know his deepest self, and if that's someone that has hurts, I want to help him heal. I want to know all the good stuff; I want to know all the bad stuff; I want to know all the stuff that he doesn't think really matters, because sometimes that's the most important stuff of all. I don't have anyone who trusts me like that, and that's something I need, something I literally ache for.

There are a lot of people who can handle that. But there's also a chance you'll come to find there are things you can't heal, and that's a hurt worth being warned of.

I wish I could say that without sounding discouraging though.

Um, you could interpret it that way, I suppose... But what I meant when I wrote that was that I didn't think he would be that... subtle, I guess. However, I personally might at least consider doing something like that, so I just wanted to check with you guys to make sure that my theory was correct, so that I could stop worrying about it.

Music is primarily an artform, not a study of aesthetics. It's purpose is to create an atmosphere. If someone makes you listen to music, it's because they want you to enjoy (or want to see your reaction to) the atmosphere. Ultimately, they want you to think or feel something, subconsciously if not consciously. Whether the lyrics hold a message to you is probably impossible to determine, but the music does. :3

If I really wanted you to tell me what I want to hear, I would have been disappointed by this confirmation. I would have preferred it if he was trying to tell me something, because that is the kind of puzzle I absolutely ADORE... and it would mean I would be a lot more sure about his feelings before I ever brought it up in direct conversation. I don't mind, of course; that's just how he is.

You don't necessarily want to hear what you think you want to hear. People will doubt before they trust, even themselves. If they're seeking clarity or control, they'll often take a confirmation of their doubts easier than a confirmation of their hopes.

Not sure if that's what you were trying to say in the last part of that post or not.

Today I saw him at school, and he seemed glad to see me. As soon as he put his iPod away once he got to science, he came over to where I was standing and started talking to me. When we walked after class, he was joking about how cool the blue plastic flower ring that I got out of one of those 25-cent machine things and gave to him was. At the end of the hall he gave me a big hug and a huge smile and said he'd see me later. After school, I was almost late to meet him, because I wasn't packed up when the bell rang, but he was standing at his locker looking in the direction I usually come in while he got his stuff, and when he saw me fighting through the crowd, he gave me a huge grin and waved.

Are you sure he was joking? I got a neon green plastic spider ring in a christmas cracker, and it's AWESOME.
You don't need to be told this, since you obviously found it significant enough to post, but again, he's showing you how much he appreciates you, and random things you give him, even if they are small and plastic. XP

The most interesting thing, though, was back in science... we changed seats recently, and I'm in the back right corner, and he's three rows in front of me on the opposite side of the classroom. So, I can see him, but he can't see me. Normally he's pretty focused on his work, or if the teacher is lecturing, he just watches her and listened, but today he seemed really spacey (although he was more focused than usual when he was talking to me), and he was turned in his seat toward the teacher, and I saw him look over at me a couple of times (more like a few than a couple-- like, five or six), and I don't think he knew I saw for most of them, but the couple of times we made eye contact I smiled and he gave me a huge smile in return, and once he waved.

A lot of people have told you not to read into things too much (which I agree with, to be fair...), but I want to commend you on your observance. And honestly, I think you'd be surprised to find out how often you're right if you actually knew.


Sorry for making you read all that, I couldn't help but reply to everything. Your story is adorable! >.<;
Seriously. You are SO cute. XD
I actually thought this post would be longer...


You'll drag him here once you have him in your claws, yes?

 

[snowyashes]

Oh, of course!!! The only reason I haven't already is because I'm not sure I want him to stumble upon this thread. Might be good, might be bad... haven't decided yet. That's something I have to figure out on my own.

But, yes, you have my word that the first place me and my claws will be going once we've snagged him is straight to intpforum!

And thank you for replying to everything... I really appreciate it. Your post was actually extremely helpful... it's nice to have some new insights, and I greatly appreciate the encouragement.

I bet he researched it to get to know you better, too. ;3

... really??? 'Cause most of my other friends could barely even get through their own. I really wanted SOMEONE to do that... 'cause I'm the only one who actually wants to spend the time to read about other people. I don't know how likely it is that he did that, but even the possibility that he might be interested in that is enough to make me happy. (Pathetic? Yes. Am I ashamed? Absolutely not.)

So, thank you. That was an incredibly insightful post, and it makes me feel slightly better to see someone post something that is almost as long as one of my posts, even if yours is mostly quotes. XD

 

[Vexbeast]

... really??? 'Cause most of my other friends could barely even get through their own. I really wanted SOMEONE to do that... 'cause I'm the only one who actually wants to spend the time to read about other people. I don't know how likely it is that he did that, but even the possibility that he might be interested in that is enough to make me happy. (Pathetic? Yes. Am I ashamed? Absolutely not.)

I actually don't like to pigeonhole people's personalities, despite the fact that I'm posting on a forum kinda designed to do just that, but rolling with the punches, an INTP will love being presented an opportunity to analyze something as complex as a human mind. Especially when presented with something that makes it look systematic and ultimately understandable. (Which I don't believe human minds are, hence my aversion to pigeonholing)

At the moment, I'm wondering how many of the people on this site went on to read up about all the personality types immediately after they finished the quiz the first time...


And yeah, I post like that a lot. Usually I have quite a bit more to say, but once I'm finished quoting everything, I either decide to shorten most of what I'm saying, or have already forgotten...

People make a point of noting out loud that the post only looks big because it's all quotes. Which would annoy me, but I'm too busy laughing at how messy it makes the forum when I quote massive paragraphs to reply with one sentence. XD

 

[snowyashes]

haha... nice. I do the same thing, with forgetting... with shortening, I wish. I think about it, but then I'm like "...nah, let's be obnoxious one more time... get it all out there." Okay, not really, but I do decide not to shorten to one sentence because there's just so much to say! Actually, what you guys see IS shortened. Like, a lot. Crazy... but whatever.

 

[FusionKnight]

So, have you given him the fatal smooch yet, or what?

 

[snowyashes]

Um, not exactly... but I was in such a good mood Friday that it literally crossed through my mind as I went to meet him after school. Like, I actually felt that I had the courage to do it right then... unfortunately, we had a very interesting conversation on the way outside, and I completely forgot about it until about ten seconds after he walked away. But he seemed really happy to see me today, and so I'm kind of thinking maybe tomorrow...?

It seems like he's always REALLY happy to see me on Mondays. I have several theories, but none of them seem very plausible to me... what do you think?

 

[Jordan~]

Does he know at all that you're in love with him? If not, I suspect that any hint he gives that he might reciprocate is either a total fluke or confirmation. I'm in love with someone, and I don't know how drunk I'd have to be to outright say it. Giving a hint requires a very good mood. I don't know if he's the same, but if it was me, I would be very reluctant to act on any feelings I had unless I knew they were "safe". INTPs don't trust their hearts. In my case, nothing would make me happier than confirmation that the other party recriprocated. I don't know if I'm the best person to give advice at the moment, though, I'm a mess right now.

 

[snowyashes]

are you okay? what happened?

 

[snowyashes]

Hey guys, just thought I'd give you a little update on the situation. Sorry it's been awhile since I've come on here... I've been way busy. But I missed you guys.

Anyway... so, it's been kind of weird. Sometimes I think he likes me, sometimes I think he doesn't. This past week, he's been REALLY out of it. He sometimes randomly gets all spacey, which I totally understand, 'cause I do that too. But this is different. It's not so much that he's off in space, he's more preoccupied. It's like he's been... emotionally distant. I couldn't tell if it was just around me, or if he was like that with everyone, or if I was just imagining things, so I was actually planning on asking him today if he was alright, and possibly if I had done anything to upset him (or if anyone else had... etc.) But that didn't happen.

Today at lunch, I saw him standing in the lunch line, COMPLETELY out. You know, headphones on, standing like a zombie.... What was weird was that he was all by himself. Normally, he's standing with a couple of his friends, and they're talking and laughing and all... but they were nowhere in sight. Wondering why in the world they had ditched him, I came over. After trying several times to get his attention, he finally pulled his headphones off and apologized, showing me his iPod and saying that he had been "really deep in a game of tetris." I told him it was fine and asked where his friends were. He was speaking really quietly, and it was hard to hear him in the noisy cafeteria, and his voice sounded a little weird-- not quite hoarse, but like when you're just starting to get sick, or you're just really tired. I couldn't hear everything, but I was able to make out something about a "bad day" and "just need to kind of zone out for awhile" before he promptly put his headphones on. A little late, I said "Oh, sorry. I'll leave you alone," kind of patted him on the back or something, and walked away to get in line with my friends. (When we got up to the front of the line, I bought him a chocolate chip cookie. Chocolate makes everything better. ) I went and gave him the cookie later at lunch, and as far as I know that was the only other time he spoke to anyone at lunch-- I walked over and gave it to him, and, a little surprised, he smiled and thanked me, and I left. (I watched him from my seat a couple tables away... he held the cookie up for like ten minutes and stared at it as if it contained the secrets of the universe... then he ate it.) Later, in class, I went over to his desk before the tardy bell rang and asked him how the cookie was, and he smiled and said "It was good, thanks." I asked him if he was okay, and he said he was, but he was just having a really horrible day. So of course I asked him what happened, and he said (somewhat bitterly), "Well, to start with, ______ rejected me." [insert the name of a girl at our school, whose name has obviously been removed for privacy reasons... plus I don't know how to spell it. ] I had just enough time to say "Oh no! I'm so sorry..." (which I really, truly am, despite the fact that I don't think she deserves him, but he was upset, so I almost wish she'd said yes. Okay, maybe not, but I do wish she hadn't said no. Not sure how that would work, but I don't care.) Then, the bell rang and I had to go back to my seat.

*deep breath* Okay, sorry, I know this is really long, but I just want to get down as much information as I can so that if I'm missing anything, someone else might be able to catch it... anyway, after class, I asked him "So, I just need to ask-- do you want to talk about it, or not?" He said he thought he'd had enough talking for now, so if it was okay he was just going to walk with me. I said "Sure, and in that case-- this is totally unrelated-- I think I told you, like, two months ago that I was going to burn you a CD, and I've been super busy, and then I kind of forgot, but I have tons of music and I'm not sure specifically what you like, so..." and then I asked him a couple questions (he basically said he didn't really care), and then we parted and I told him if he ever did want to talk he could call me.

So that was probably completely unnecessary (writing this all out, I mean), especially seeing as how I'm not positive I really like him a lot anymore... which doesn't even seem possible, since when I like someone I like them for a LONG time (I'm talking years, not the six months it's been since I started liking him), and I don't just STOP liking them. Something has to happen... it doesn't just gradually fade away. Well maybe it does... I don't know. I'm too tired to figure it out right now. You may as well disregard this paragraph, as I'm not sure it even makes sense, and I think there's a lot of things in it that aren't even accurate. But I think I'll just leave it in here in case there happens to be someone out there who can somehow make sense of my jumbled train of thought.

Okay... this is really long, and I still have to get up in the morning and face a day knowing that the guy I like (maybe?) doesn't like me back (or at least not as much as he likes another girl, who treats him like crap), and (although it's wonderful that he had the courage to actually ask someone out) I seriously doubt he'll be asking anyone out again anytime soon-- plus, he's gonna be all mopey and sad, and (whether or not I like him romantically) I really care about him a lot as a friend, and apparently I'm some kind of emotional sponge-- I just absorb the emotions of people around me. So I'm gonna be feeling sorry for him, and wanting to help, and he'll want space, and I'll wish I could do something, and probably say something that will make it worse. And, in addition to all THAT crap, I just know my friends are going to have some kind of drama. Plus, you know, the actual reason any of this is happening in the first place-- the hell hole that is high school.

Wow, I just made that even longer. Nice. Okay, I'm just gonna hit the post button now, before I make myself any more depressed than I already am...

Any comments, questions, ideas, suggestions, etc. would be welcomed and greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading about my angst. I know I'm pathetic-- I'm sorry that I'm here taking up your guys' space. Feel free to tell me what an idiot I am.

See y'all later...

 

[secretsmile]

Okay! An older, wiser female INFP (who is married to an INTP) is here to give you advice.

I haven't read this entire thread but I read enough to be up to date on your situation. First, though, I have to say I find your posts totally adorable. I can completely identify with pretty much all of it, although from an "older" perspective (I'm 22 now). How old are you? I know you're in high school, but there's a difference between 14 and 18.

I want to address some of the things you've brought up...

You said your INTP recently asked a girl out and was rejected by her. Even after I first expressed interest in my husband (in other words, after I told him I was into him, and he told me he liked me too), he STILL asked another girl out and went on a date with her. I knew he wouldn't like her. I was 21 and he was 19, and the girl he took out on a date was 18. He is intelligent and witty and likes girls who are different, and yet he took out this very typical ESF type girl. I knew he would not like her.

I am not going to pretend to know your INTP or how he feels about you, but here's what happened with my guy. He told me he liked me so much that he was terrified of being hurt by me. He knew if he went out with this other girl and didn't end up liking her, it would never hurt him as much as it would if I were to ever leave him. Whereas his interest in this other girl was very shallow, his feelings for me ran deep and he knew I had the ability to cause him much worse heartache. So for that reason he hesitated when it came to me. He has, on many occasions, expressed how I intimidated him and made him nervous in the beginning because of how much he liked me.

When I finally decided I HAD to have him, I had to be very, very direct and exercise assertiveness. I had to be the aggressor. I'm an INFP too, girl, so I know it's hard. Luckily for me I am 22 and I already had my ENFJ ex-boyfriend bring me out of my shell. I know one of the first people who responded to this thread told you that an ENFJ is supposedly your ideal type. No. Don't let someone else tell you what your ideal type is. lol. That's ridiculous. I was with an ENFJ on-and-off (which is very important to note) for three years. On-and-off. Meaning it was a roller coaster of extreme emotions, with lots of fighting and lots of crying, and lots of time spent feeling hurt. We broke up a million times. It is not worth it. I love my INTP for his calmness and stability, and that is something I need. I suspect INTPs can be very complementary to INFPs. And I know in my case this is true. It may be true in your case as well!

Enough about that though. I think INTPs sometimes need to be persuaded that a relationship will work. They don't seem to trust their own feelings in the beginning. It's not that the feelings aren't there, it's just that they use logic to dictate feelings until they accept that love doesn't work that way and stop trying to rationalize and analyze every emotion they have.

IMO, if you like this guy you should tell him. If you are afraid of ruining your friendship, don't be. INTPs understand the fear of rejection, so even if he isn't interested in you, I doubt he will decide to end the friendship.

Good luck and keep us updated.

 

[echoplex]

What's the deal with all this INFP/INTP romance? Do they really love us that much? Awwww! That's so cute of them and their over-emotional selves.

 

[secretsmile]

What's the deal with all this INFP/INTP romance? Do they really love us that much? Awwww! That's so cute of them and their over-emotional selves.

I suppose we do.

And yes we are cute.

 

[Concojones]

Hey Snowyashes,

I found this thread today, and these are my thoughts (right or wrong):

I really have the impression that the guy had feelings for you, given the plenty of clues. For instance, you wondered whether words in an iPod song were a hint from him, and I think they very well may have been, because these are the kind of subtle clues INTPs give (well at least I do!). (By the way, a clue like this is a perfect opportunity to joke about it and tease him, giving him a clue as well ).

Halfway thru this thread, when I realized you weren't going to make a move, I wondered how long the guy was going to hold on before getting disappointed. And I perfectly know how I'd act after such disappointment:

Anyway... so, it's been kind of weird. Sometimes I think he likes me, sometimes I think he doesn't.

He concluded that you weren't interested, got disappointed, and as his feelings for you lessened, he got a crush on the other girl. This may not happen from one day to another, but here we're talking many weeks.

This is what I guess that happened. Could I be wrong? Definitely.

Anyway, I think you've had plenty of opportunity to make a move earlier but missed your chance. On the other hand, I think there's still hope. Try to restore the happy relationship between the two of you and then don't miss your chance again.

Hey, this is how it happens in the movies!

 

[Fluffdaddy]

I don't want girls as friends. Use your imagination.

All my friends are girls, i just don't like the way most guys think. I'm serious to I have one close guy friend and the rest are girls, and for those that don't know, im a guy.

As for the question, go for it. He is not going to end the friendship, i know from past experience. i was asked out by a very close friend ( an ENTJ I think) and i just wanted to be friends. So i told her that and she understood, and we are just friends today. Her liking me never changed our relationship even the most remotely. Plus i see a lot of hints in what you posted, i don't think there is any way that he "didn't notice" he was going the long way to class with you, that is a HUGE hint, trust me that is something I would do. Think about what would happen if you didn't try, would you regret it? would you forgive yourself? I know it may be weird because NTs don't like to take risks, but knowing would be worth the pain if you ask me. Besides i think if you ask him out of the blue he be to shocked to say no, i know i would.