Going to therapy?

[JR_IsP]

Just not convinced. I know we INTPs tend to be a little weirds, but this is worthed? Telling your life to a stranger to 'help' you? Maybe I'm to reserved and skeptical for that.

Mostly frustration for not being able to express myself properly (it's like being trapped inseide your kind) and some depressive and inferiority complexes developed during High School, anyone relating? Any ways to fix this without actual therapy?

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

You have clearly exhausted all your options. Yes, you need therapy and medication ASAP.

Get diagnosed with something, play around with it. You have the whole DSM at your fingertips.

 

[QuickTwist]

You have clearly exhausted all your options. Yes, you need therapy and medication ASAP.

Get diagnosed with something, play around with it. You have the whole DSM at your fingertips.

Therapists don't diagnose people, only medical doctors can i.e. psychiatrists.

 

[TheManBeyond]

u can do therapy with some good old friend or girlfriend or smth
i don't think it really solves anything
i don't think anyone can really help
you need to do stuff and make as much layers as possible to cover ur shit
it won't go away anyway

 

[Grayman]

I would go to a therapist for information not help. Its like picking the mind of a mathematician about math or a physicist about quantum mechanics. While I would prefer to learn as much as I can through books and though experimentation it is nice to finally have someone who is a specialist to throw your thoughts at and see if they stick. A therapist is a good way to do that with human interaction and self observation.

 

[Pyropyro]

Yeah go for it. Sometimes it's better if you identify your issues or disorders. Kinda pointless to solve a problem that you don't understand.

I actually became better adjusted once I was accurately diagnosed as an autistic. Had I knew about earlier, I could've addressed my faults much earlier.

 

[JR_IsP]

Hmm, thinking about self diagnosis (or kinda), gonna research for a while. In the end I don 't really think a diagnosis would help (or maybe it does, gotta figure it out).

After all, vacations just started, and as a good INTP, I have a lot of time to online research.

 

[QuickTwist]

I would go to a therapist for information not help. Its like picking the mind of a mathematician about math or a physicist about quantum mechanics. While I would prefer to learn as much as I can through books and though experimentation it is nice to finally have someone who is a specialist to throw your thoughts at and see if they stick. A therapist is a good way to do that with human interaction and self observation.

This is a good outlook, but therapy is not limited to only this.

 

[TheManBeyond]

Autism is something quite special
But most of the time naming something inside your head that worries you won't help you. If anything you will have external proof u ain't that bad. So u will feel safer.
You should know these things are normal as long as they are not retrieving yourself from reality like making you see things that are not there or hearing stuff that nobody else hears.
I have a friend who randomly starts making maths operations in his head for no reason and he stops and after a while he goes back to them. All the time.
I used to shut up about things that made me angry in the past and since I learnt to say fuck off motherfucker everything is much easier, my thoughts are clearer. Revenge does solves the problem.

 

[Grayman]

This is a good outlook, but therapy is not limited to only this.

I don't want emotional support, shoulder crying, or hand holding, validation, drugs, or someone who spends the whole time asking about my past instead of looking to the future.

 

[QuickTwist]

I don't want emotional support, shoulder crying, or hand holding, validation, drugs, or someone who spends the whole time asking about my past instead of looking to the future.

Then you have not been to therapy, because that is hardly what I would consider my sessions of therapy amounts to.

Therapy is for getting solutions for problems having to do with the self. Its a hell of a lot more than just validation. In fact, validation is such a small part of my therapy that I do not even consider it a part of my therapy.

 

[Jennywocky]

You have clearly exhausted all your options. Yes, you need therapy and medication ASAP.

Get diagnosed with something, play around with it. You have the whole DSM at your fingertips.

Life became much easier once I started playing Therapy GO on my smartphone. (Gotta collect 'em all!!!)

----

... but this is satire. Therapy can be useful if used correctly and you're matched with a suitable therapist. I was fortunate, but I did drop two therapists who were competent but just not good matches for me. (well, to be honest, I think one of them was a total overhyped flake with cookie-cutter solutions to problems and a little hung up on himself. But hey that's just me...)

 

[ZenRaiden]

Therapist arent gods so they fail many times. I think its possible they can handle lot of common problems a lot faster than you can do. Google is also not you friend in terms of therapy. It takes practical knowledge and theoretical knowledge and some depth of certain aspects of human mind to form a deeper understanding of a problem.

The reason people go to a therapist is that he has the advantage of knowing your problem by virtue of studying the problem in books and seeing the problem in real life with his patients.

So a huge problem for you maybe a common problem of a scratched knee to a therapist. Something he deals with everyday or so frequently that he has thought about it in so many ways that you simply arent were not able to. Also he has the ability to see your problem from outside in a way that you yourself might not be able to see it due to your blind spots. We all have blind spots. Parts of our personality and mind that we dont observe.

 

[QuickTwist]

BTW I consider talking to friends and family far more fitting into the vein of validation than talking to my therapist fwiw.

 

[Minuend]

Yeah, I believe they can be helpful if you find a good fit. I've seen three types of therapists, but all were a bad fit. Over time that becomes frustrating and annoying. They often misunderstand you or are unable to get what you're saying (me being bad at formulating my thoughts doesn't help either). Personality and value wise we were quite different as well. I should mention that sometimes your therapist can be quite different from yourself and that is a good thing that opens your eyes for other perspectives. So even if you have a bad first impression, sometimes that will turn around. Knowing when to move on or when to stay can be tricky to identify, though

If you're able to choose yourself, I'd try finding out more about that person and his/ her therapy. I never made the choice myself, I was just referred.

I have known a few nontherapist-people in my life who were able to help me get through some stuff and get better at other stuff (this might be surprising, but I was even more of a fucked up mess when I was younger). So I do think I'd be able to improve in therapy if I found a good fit. Once, I also got to observe a therapist's approach to people's problems on a forum, and I found that type of approach would've probably worked better with me than whatever my former three therapists were doing.

 

[Crystabelle]

I don't want emotional support, shoulder crying, or hand holding, validation, drugs, or someone who spends the whole time asking about my past instead of looking to the future.

... Which leads me to this statement: Finding the RIGHT therapist is extremely important and you should feel free to "interview" several and find the one who is right for you. If you don't want to be pushed to share your feelings, you'll probably have to find a pretty specific counselor.

 

[Crystabelle]

Then you have not been to therapy, because that is hardly what I would consider my sessions of therapy amounts to.

Therapy is for getting solutions for problems having to do with the self. Its a hell of a lot more than just validation. In fact, validation is such a small part of my therapy that I do not even consider it a part of my therapy.

I've only been to 3 psychiatrists over my lifetime so I'm not an authority on the subject but 2 of the 3 were much more focused on what Grayman mentioned than simply solutions & problem solving. There are all types out there.

 

[QuickTwist]

I've only been to 3 psychiatrists over my lifetime so I'm not an authority on the subject but 2 of the 3 were much more focused on what Grayman mentioned than simply solutions & problem solving. There are all types out there.

That is because you are ESFJ and not ISTP. ESFJs typically need more validation than ISTPs. The psychologist is likely going to give you what you need. If that is validation, then you are going to get validation. If you go into a therapy session thinking you just want to vent, then validation is what you are going to get.

I go into therapy often with a plan on what I want to accomplish in that session. It doesn't always go the way I imagine. One time I went into therapy thinking I wanted to talk about a concrete problem and I ended up talking with my therapist about a couple of suicides I had known my peers to do and was subconsciously dealing with that.

Even in validation there is a degree of "problem solving" that the psychologist must try to get you to work through.

I was thinking it also depends on the region you are in and individual therapist that you have. I think my psychologist is an INTJ, but hard to tell for sure because he is quite guarded. One thing I do know about my therapist for sure is that he is an incredibly well adjusted individual who has few personal issues of his own. Either that or he is going to therapy himself.

The other thing is that he rarely says something to the effect of "that sucks, that must be hard to go through" that mostly has to do with the chemistry we have with each other. I don't need to be pitied and he is more focused on solving the problem. I have found a very good therapist and its a really really good match. Like even when I am feeling kind of "down" and depressed, he tries to get me to see through reason that things are not as bad as I am imagining. This is an incredibly good thing for me because I can be rather pessimistic at times. He knows that I will listen to reason and that I am not just looking to be pitied.

Every combination of patient and therapist is going to be different and there are reasons for that.

 

[Puffy]

I've tended towards not going to therapy in the past as I'm perceptive when it comes to people and have good self-understanding of what my core issues and motivations are. Psychology feels like a natural language to me. I'm engaged in self-analysis all the time, and so talking therapy based around making connections isn't as useful for me.

I started going to therapy more recently as my life has been becoming accumulatively more intense for some time and I've started fraying at the edges and been dangerously ungrounded. I feel like I'm working through some deep personal issues, accompanied with physical character changes, and see going to therapy as an act of commitment to grow for the better. Partly support, partly having an external voice of continuity throughout the process, but largely as a means of trying to learn how to do things I literally don't know how to.

I think finding someone you click with is important. We both have very symbolic ways of describing things. If I say, 'I feel like a butterfly trapped in a cocoon', the image feels very real and multi-faceted in what it conveys, and I often feel he gets it as if we're mentally transferring images, and so I can trust we're working from the same place.

Finding an approach or school of thought you can work with also feels important.

 

[Minuend]

That is because you are ESFJ and not ISTP. ESFJs typically need more validation than ISTPs. The psychologist is likely going to give you what you need. If that is validation, then you are going to get validation. If you go into a therapy session thinking you just want to vent, then validation is what you are going to get.

I go into therapy often with a plan on what I want to accomplish in that session. It doesn't always go the way I imagine. One time I went into therapy thinking I wanted to talk about a concrete problem and I ended up talking with my therapist about a couple of suicides I had known my peers to do and was subconsciously dealing with that.

Even in validation there is a degree of "problem solving" that the psychologist must try to get you to work through.

Btw, do you know what type of therapy it is?

I've been trying to read up on the various forms and get a more clear picture of how their approach differ. I think that CBT would be a terrible fit for me

 

[QuickTwist]

Btw, do you know what type of therapy it is?

I've been trying to read up on the various forms and get a more clear picture of how their approach differ. I think that CBT would be a terrible fit for me

I am seeing a psychotherapist.

 

[Crystabelle]

I'd like to ask my husband to try counseling with me again. I found a therapist with a crappy website but good credentials. He has 25+ years utilizing the personality type information within his counseling which was not a consideration at all our first time around. I'm now convinced that's one of the main reasons our original counseling failed -- I don't think typical cookie cutter marriage counseling is very helpful for INTPs. This guy suggested I read "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" -- which sounds right up my husband's alley (and possibly every male I know).

I'm planning on seeing the counselor regardless of my husband bc I'm seeing more deep seated issues I need help with. (I know you guys don't want "help" but I do. And even though I'm certain I've grown to be more balanced, when the situation is personal, I see that I revert to unhealthy ESFJ processes all too easily.)

I've had a draft email open on my laptop for days trying to figure out the right way to ask him to join me. I've gathered a lot of information and have a much better idea of what turns you guys off or on. Almost pulled the trigger on sending the email last night but thought I'd sleep on it.

If any of you have any suggestions of how a request for counseling might be least off-putting for you and you're willing to share, it would really help a girl out.

So far I'm thinking:

--Keep it short
--Acknowledge he doesn't need "help" the way I do/want
--Suggest his coming to listen and investigate whether the counselor could be a useful source of information
--Let him know I would like to go regardless
--Give him the time & date of the appointment
--Not sure what else?

P.S. As I've stated and others on this forum have mentioned, it's possible -- even likely -- my husband has completely written us off at this point and perhaps nothing will convince him otherwise. If so, I will need to face that reality. Not quite ready to give up yet.

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

Don't make it short. If it's short it looks like you just decided to do it and don't care about his opinion.

In general, if you want someone to do something they don't want to do, either plant the seed inception style and make it look like their decision, or tell them you need their help.

Maybe with INTPs, a logical argument for why it is necessary is also a good option.

 

[Crystabelle]

Don't make it short. If it's short it looks like you just decided to do it and don't care about his opinion.

In general, if you want someone to do something they don't want to do, either plant the seed inception style and make it look like their decision, or tell them you need their help.

Maybe with INTPs, a logical argument for why it is necessary is also a good option.

Thanks for this. I think I still have it stuck in my mind that emotional = long = overwhelming for INTPs. So, in general, I try to keep my communication as brief and succinct as possible -- which I still think my husband prefers in most cases. However, and please correct me if I'm wrong, what I think I've seen on this forum and am understanding from you, is if there is logic and fact, then length in order to convey a well-thought argument is actually preferred. It will likely show more effort and carry much more weight.

My problem is I still communicate like an S & F for sure. However, I know I'm capable of using my head to override my instincts so I'll give what you suggested a shot.

 

[Crystabelle]

Also, I know I've said this multiple times on this forum already, but I appreciate everyone who is willing to engage on here and explain their thoughts very much. It's been very helpful to an ESFJ(ish) trying to understand. Not sure if I can ever live with one of you again but I definitely have a deeper appreciation for you. (:

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

Not sure if I can ever live with one of you again but I definitely have a deeper appreciation for you. (:

What!? But.. I thought we had something special, Crystabelle!

 

[Jennywocky]

Don't make it short. If it's short it looks like you just decided to do it and don't care about his opinion.

In general, if you want someone to do something they don't want to do, either plant the seed inception style and make it look like their decision, or tell them you need their help.

"honey, why are you lying on those tracks?"

"Waiting for a train. You need to come too."


... but yeah, those are both great strategies in general, to get someone to engage.

 

[Crystabelle]

What!? But.. I thought we had something special, Crystabelle!

 

[Nebulous]

I'm too lazy/ sleepy to read the other replies on this rn but
I've gone through my fair share of therapy.
Some therapists I hated with a strong rage
Others I friking loved and idolized

Anyway blah blah woof woof yes I would recommend it but it's not going to work unless you're actually willing to put in your side of the work

For me currently its mostly just nice to know I have the option to talk to someone. It's a relief. And my therapist has some sway over my parents, which means I don't feel so crushingly controlled by them.

Some therapists are rlly cool. They'll let you go on philosophical or theoretical thought trains and often they'll be interested AND have input that you find interesting or valuable.
Also I love getting my ego stoked and it feels cool when someone who's well read in psychology etc says they find you impressive or intriguing.

 

[TheManBeyond]

Yeah I haven't been to a physiologist since I was 8 but I think if I say everything I have in my head about life and humanity and purpose I'm sure they will call the police

I would start by something like u know? I understand terrorists, I'm very empathetic

 

[Nick85]

I've been to 2 therapists.

1st one I liked. I basically just unloaded everything that was on my mind onto her, and that's basically it. Forcing myself to try to explain things to her made it more clear to me what I had to do, and then I just told her what I should do and "committing" to another person like that helped me stick to it. Occasionally I'd ask her some questions or she might say things that might steer me towards a certain topic, but mostly she was just listening to what I had to say.

Then I moved away (and she went on pregnancy leave) and went to my university therapist. She was trying to draw conclusions about what kind of person I was or what I should do and they seemed like they were partially valid but not quite right and I needed more time to think about why and it felt a bit like I was stuck having to agree or disagree before I was ready to form an opinion. I guess I felt like there was more pressure on me too. Anyways I didn't go back to that one and just dealt with stuff on my own.

 

[Jennywocky]

HAHAHAHA!

The trial of Arya went exactly how I hoped it would go down. That is all I will say right now.

This actually was a pretty decent episode, aside from the "magically teleporting army" that opened things. There were some very strong dramatic moments. I'm glad they could at least stick the landing, even if the rest of the season had some major issues.

 

[Username909]

Just not convinced. I know we INTPs tend to be a little weirds, but this is worthed? Telling your life to a stranger to 'help' you? Maybe I'm to reserved and skeptical for that.

Mostly frustration for not being able to express myself properly (it's like being trapped inseide your kind) and some depressive and inferiority complexes developed during High School, anyone relating? Any ways to fix this without actual therapy?

Try physically demanding activities such as contact sports.

 

[majohnso]

i think therapy has its place, for me, and i did it for a few years, i think it has helped me resolve complications from a bad upbringing and make me make sense of the outcomes and my life - would i have concluded the same things without therapy - yes, but likely take even longer.

however, having now stopped for a variety of reasons, i dont ever intend to go back, as some elements were a total waste of time, and too much focus on analysing stuff that i had a fair handle on.....i dont need to solve every bloody riddle, i just need to get up and get moving and do stuff to improve my life....

in the end, its only you who can control your change and destiny whatever your issues and starting point is.....but having the power and momentum to get going can be very hard also.....so its a balance, if you have blockers, you may need help....if you cannot solve them or even see them yourself.....therapy can help point out issues,....but it wont change who you are, you need to do that

 

[Cleopatra Selene II]

I personally found that therapy is the best way to get thoughts out. I found that if you confide in people you know they get irritated or they tell other people your problems. Therapists will not do that.

I honestly was reluctant about therapy at first and I only went a while after my mom died. I realized I should have probably went sooner. It helps so much to be able to trust that what you tell them will not be spread around to everyone (do not trust school guidance counselors!).

My therapist I think is either an INTP or an ENTP so they understand my thinking. They do not make me do anything I don't want to and do not make me express emotions if I don't want to.