Get the friends you want

[Caffeine]

https://getthefriendsyouwant.com/sp/

Does these things work? The guy seems to know my problem exactly, but can he really fix it?

Any ideas or experiences?

 

[Rook]

WONKAVISION's take on making friendsies in this big bad world.

I skimmed through all of this, expecting some kind of miracle cure being peddled, and there it was in the form of an ebook.

Spoiler

Can this guy actually help you make friends?
Well sure, just as psychics help you repair your finances and voodoo priests help you murder your husband.
You JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE.

Rook's guide to making friends:
Step1: Talk to person
Step2: Talk to person more
Step3: See if person talks back
Step4: If person talks back, continue talking with person over a long period of time, preferably 1-5 months
Step5: Engage in sex/board game/high five with person, thus solidifying your friendship for all eternity.
Step6: Have a big picnic with all your new friends, or an orgy if you find picnics to be too pedestrian

My advice is free.

 

[Cognisant]

Work in retail.

Being desensitized is everything imo, the more you talk to people the easier it becomes and the easier it becomes for them to talk to you.

Also to find common ground with people (which really helps) you need to expand your own interests, you may impress people with whatever skills or knowledge you may have but they won't say it and they certainly won't keep you around for the sake of it. People want to surround themselves with others who share their world, their interests, their concerns, so if you take an interest in their lives and their interests they'll take an interest in you.

How's it going? How was your weekend? Are you feeling alright?
What are you studying? Where do you work? What games do you play?

People love talking about themselves and the more you know about them the more things you have to ask about and in short order they'll get embarrassed and ask about you and then if you tell them things that they can ask you about later that makes it easier for them to talk to you.

Getting out of that rut is hard, best of luck to you and stick around I'm sure you'll meet some new friends here too

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Ignore the self-help guru's, people that want to sell a book, etc. You might find useful advice on the internet but I doubt you have to pay for the quality. Sometimes paying for something makes people think they got something real in return.

How old are you?

I'm wary about "getting the friends you want". I'd say you will get the friends you can get, various individuals, people are different and not just images in your brain to satisfy your demands or conditions.
At school:

If you are still in high school then I'd try to find some interesting classmates and spend more time with them. More than 90% of people I have a close genuine connection with at some point used to spend large amounts of time with me on a daily basis, that eventually led to better understanding, more shared activities and a better overall relationship.

Post school:

After you go to work the number of opportunities for connecting with others as a person and not just a social role or a fellow hobbyist drops significantly. You can still do it when you are older but I'd assume it takes careful engineering.

Think of what your would be friends be like, where they'd hang out, etc.

------------
I'd advise against heavy engineering of your responses, be yourself and be open and if someone resonates then you are lucky. Though engineering the environment and situation is fine and helpful.
Pretty much there isn't a simple solution to such a complex problem. You can learn about the conditions required and meet them one by one. This will give you more opportunities to talk and be with people, which will give you a better chance of finding someone you like and them liking you in return and all that.

 

[Caffeine]

I would say my biggest problem is that im quiet, instead of becoming an energy source. I had people tell me that countless times, even though they used different words: quiet, too serious, asleep, absent minded etc.. few people told me straight out "dont be boring", "dont be dead"... lol and the only explanation i have is that

1- my world view/interests are different from everyone else.
2- I have difficulties expressing myself, my opinions, my interests. -> can't loosen up with people, probably a byproduct of #1
3- 99% of the time I dont have anything to say.. im just neutral to whatever is going on. zero fucking emotion. when im in the spot i just think about what is expected and act it.
4- whenever i actually have something to say i have to stop and think, is it offensive to anyone? is it socially appropriate? is it funny? is it naive? etc... and 50% of the times that i say something, i wish that i had remained silent.

my current friends call me "alien", because when we smoke weed i pull myself and watch philosophy, physics, politics, history, psychology videos because these are the only things that stimulate my mind. to be honest I think im only hanging with them to smoke and i have nowhere else to go.

I'm convinced that it's not only because I have different interests. also because I dont get people at all.

Ignore the self-help guru's, people that want to sell a book, etc. You might find useful advice on the internet but I doubt you have to pay for the quality. Sometimes paying for something makes people think they got something real in return.

How old are you?

does that mean a personal consultation might help?
I'm 24 and doing a master degree.

 

[Happy]

Work in retail.

Being desensitized is everything imo, the more you talk to people the easier it becomes and the easier it becomes for them to talk to you.

Also to find common ground with people (which really helps) you need to expand your own interests, you may impress people with whatever skills or knowledge you may have but they won't say it and they certainly won't keep you around for the sake of it. People want to surround themselves with others who share their world, their interests, their concerns, so if you take an interest in their lives and their interests they'll take an interest in you.

How's it going? How was your weekend? Are you feeling alright?
What are you studying? Where do you work? What games do you play?

People love talking about themselves and the more you know about them the more things you have to ask about and in short order they'll get embarrassed and ask about you and then if you tell them things that they can ask you about later that makes it easier for them to talk to you.

Getting out of that rut is hard, best of luck to you and stick around I'm sure you'll meet some new friends here too

I disagree that working in retail is that helpful for introverts. I admit it helps to an extent though. I have worked in both retail and hospitality in the past, and although I gained social skills, I found they weren't that transferable to a public social context.

In fact, I found that working in a social job as an introvert made me less social outside of work. Now that I work in a firm of 3 people, I am more socially outgoing because I'm not getting that social fix from my work environment.

However, I strongly agree with Cog on the benefits of expanding your own interests.

 

[Grayman]

Possibly it could work but I don't have high hopes for it. He talks like friends are something you collect, the more the better. One big ego feeder bin, stick in a friend.

IMO, One friend who you can count on is better than a town of them.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

I would say my biggest problem is that im quiet, instead of becoming an energy source. I had people tell me that countless times, even though they used different words: quiet, too serious, asleep, absent minded etc.. few people told me straight out "dont be boring", "dont be dead"... lol and the only explanation i have is that

That's what the extroverts will tell you. But being friends with introverts has its own difficulties. First it's more challenging to initiate something and secondly you will find that they won't be as cooperative/reciprocal in maintaining the relationship. So maybe you need a tolerant extrovert for a friend (that would provide you with stuff to do), or a particularly easy going introvert that wouldn't mind the hassle (that would have you provide entertainment and initiative).

does that mean a personal consultation might help?
I'm 24 and doing a master degree.

You could use a personal consultation just to see if you don't have some maladaptive traits.

Other than that retail won't help you, other than not allowing you to straight up fail to speak up, it will teach you to control the conversation or reach a selling point, but that's not how you make friends. I doubt you will have to go into retail with a masters degree.

IMO, One friend who you can count on is better than a town of them.

One friend is totally fine, but it seems they have none...so?

 

[Happy]

my current friends call me "alien", because when we smoke weed i pull myself

If I were smoking weed with my friends and one of them started pulling themself, I'd probably think it unusual as well...

 

[StevenM]

https://getthefriendsyouwant.com/sp/

Does these things work? The guy seems to know my problem exactly, but can he really fix it?

Any ideas or experiences?

My opinion, is you should stay away from those kind of sites. Plagued with con-artistry.

When it comes to not having friends, don't feel alone. A good friend is actually a rarity for anyone.

Even those with tons of contacts will complain about loneliness.

I read somewhere that two people would bond stronger if both have very similar life struggles. I'm sure your current stage in life isn't all that unique.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Oh just realised I didn't make it clear.

What I meant by personal consultation was for you to visit a mental health professional, not a self-help guru or another fraudulent schemer like that.

 

[Oddity]

quiet, too serious, asleep, absent minded etc.. few people told me straight out "dont be boring", "dont be dead"... lol and the only explanation i have is that

1- my world view/interests are different from everyone else.
2- I have difficulties expressing myself, my opinions, my interests. -> can't loosen up with people, probably a byproduct of #1
3- 99% of the time I dont have anything to say.. im just neutral to whatever is going on. zero fucking emotion. when im in the spot i just think about what is expected and act it.
4- whenever i actually have something to say i have to stop and think, is it offensive to anyone? is it socially appropriate? is it funny? is it naive? etc... and 50% of the times that i say something, i wish that i had remained silent.

Ah, the joys of being an INTP.

Rook's guide to making friends:
Step1: Talk to person
Step2: Talk to person more
Step3: See if person talks back
Step4: If person talks back, continue talking with person over a long period of time, preferably 1-5 months
Step5: Engage in sex/board game/high five with person, thus solidifying your friendship for all eternity.
Step6: Have a big picnic with all your new friends, or an orgy if you find picnics to be too pedestrian

My advice is free.

You make this whole sex/orgy thingamabob sound so simple. (I thought that you were saying the author of the stupid book was giving this advice at first)

 

[Vicissitude]

Work in retail.

Being desensitized is everything imo, the more you talk to people the easier it becomes and the easier it becomes for them to talk to you.

Also to find common ground with people (which really helps) you need to expand your own interests, you may impress people with whatever skills or knowledge you may have but they won't say it and they certainly won't keep you around for the sake of it. People want to surround themselves with others who share their world, their interests, their concerns, so if you take an interest in their lives and their interests they'll take an interest in you.

How's it going? How was your weekend? Are you feeling alright?
What are you studying? Where do you work? What games do you play?

People love talking about themselves and the more you know about them the more things you have to ask about and in short order they'll get embarrassed and ask about you and then if you tell them things that they can ask you about later that makes it easier for them to talk to you.

Getting out of that rut is hard, best of luck to you and stick around I'm sure you'll meet some new friends here too

This so much, working as a bagger/cart pusher at albertsons literally changed my life.

 

[Grayman]

One friend is totally fine, but it seems they have none...so?

I have grown accustomed to the phrase "I have no friends.". A lot of people say this but really they mean "I am not satisfied with the friends that I have." They easily forget those around them who go out of their way to associate with them and take it for granted. I quickly assume this is the case since this has been the case about 100% of the people I have met.

I am not the best at friend advice considering I spend some of my time avoiding friendships and never really gaining them. They bring unnecessary complications and take away from time I would rather spend elsewhere.

But, I have noticed that people tend to be attracted to the fact that I demand or expect little from them but am willing to go out of my way to ensure they have what they need, am polite, and will make them feel good about the small things and show my thankfulness for all that they do for me when they feel the need to do it. They often invite me to things and are fully comfortable that I say little except in rare occasions I feel I have something valuable to add. My friends do end up being older but I prefer it that way anyways. I find their conversations more interesting and relevant than the younger ones.

Anyways none of that seems to really go in line with what is portrayed in the introduction to that book...