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FUN AND CHALLENGING POST!!

intpperson

Redshirt
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Yesterday, I was embarrassed and humiliated by my college professor today in front of the whole class. The old hag basically said I was stupid and lazy for not being prepared because I failed to answer one of her questions. It was supposed to be a group report but one of my group mates failed to show up.

I also did the written and oral presentation by myself because my group mate almost never replies to any of my texts but when he does it mostly consists of "oks" and "i'll get right on that" even though he doesn't. It's rare for me to actually step up and do the work by myself. I really thought I did well but, apparently, that wasn't the case.

I asked my professor to give me a second chance but she said I was hopeless and wasting my parents' money and told me to never to talk to her again or something like that. I feel shitty and emasculated. I have to pass this course or else I'll probably get delayed and screw up my whole transcript. I feel like I'm constantly being fucked in the asshole by life and, no, I'm not being overly dramatic.

Have any of you experienced anything like this? How do you deal with it? Is this depression? Porn? Any advice?
 
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1. You should have informed the prof of your group dynamics sooner. Many profs have peer grading for exactly this reason. Having said this, it's not over yet. You have time to change her perception of you, i.e. produce quality work.

2. Why are you desperate for escapism? Porn? Really? Everything you need is within your grasp, you just need to step up and make it happen. If you're depressed, see a doctor.
 

The Gopher

President
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Yeah informing the prof of group dynamics can mean you get the highest grade (or at least an ok grade) and someone else in the same group fails. Normally this is done with peer review though....
 

intpperson

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1. You should have informed the prof of your group dynamics sooner. Many profs have peer grading for exactly this reason. Having said this, it's not over yet. You have time to change her perception of you, i.e. produce quality work.

2. Why are you desperate for escapism? Porn? Really? Everything you need is within your grasp, you just need to step up and make it happen. If you're depressed, see a doctor.


This is the type of professor who would literally scream at you when she's in a bad mood so I highly doubt that talking to her about group dynamics and such would've given me a higher grade.

Case in point, another class, during Valentine's Day, gave her a bunch of flowers and balloons then she exempted them from having to take the midterm exam while another class did. One friend of mine presented his written report and was given a barely passing grade and was berated in front for being "arrogant."

I was looking for advice which would help me deal with this psychologically. The "porn" thing was a joke. Thanks for the advice though!
 

Jennywocky

Creepy Clown Chick
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Yesterday, I was embarrassed and humiliated by my college professor today in front of the whole class. The old hag basically said I was stupid and lazy for not being prepared because I failed to answer one of her questions. It was supposed to be a group report but one of my group mates failed to show up.

Seriously? A prof did that? That's rather unprofessional, although in college they don't coddle you like some do in high school.

I also did the written and oral presentation by myself because my group mate almost never replies to any of my texts but when he does it mostly consists of "oks" and "i'll get right on that" even though he doesn't. It's rare for me to actually step up and do the work by myself. I really thought I did well but, apparently, that wasn't the case.

I asked my professor to give me a second chance but she said I was hopeless and wasting my parents' money and told me to never to talk to her again or something like that. I feel shitty and emasculated. I have to pass this course or else I'll probably get delayed and screw up my whole transcript. I feel like I'm constantly being fucked in the asshole by life and, no, I'm not being overly dramatic.


I agree with what others have said. Note that I would have probably felt just like you feel right now in that situation, when I was a college student, but what I have learned over time is to stand up for myself. You're only emasculated if you LET yourself be emasculated. It sounds like you carried the workload for your peer, and now are getting blamed for something not your fault.

I'd go talk to her and tell her the facts -- which is you worked your ass off while one of your teammates blew off the work. Yes, there was a flaw in the presentation / a question that wasn't answered. You'll get it right the next time, but frankly you were already carrying more than your fair share of work. Right now you're approaching her as if you are still in high school, not as an adult with power and self-pride.

Don't look at it as if your future is ruined. This is just one incident, not one that necessarily will dominate your academic future, and you still have time to remedy it. Just treat it as you got blamed for something that -- while you might beat yourself up for not being "perfect" and anticipating EVERYTHING -- you certainly still had gone beyond the call of duty and your peer did not step up.

Have some faith in yourself. Yes, you'll make mistakes; but you can take a more proactive stance in this situation and set the record straight regardless of how she responds.

This is the type of professor who would literally scream at you when she's in a bad mood so I highly doubt that talking to her about group dynamics and such would've given me a higher grade.

She might not correct herself or listen, but will it help you feel less passive and less emasculated if you approach her?

Case in point, another class, during Valentine's Day, gave her a bunch of flowers and balloons then she exempted them from having to take the midterm exam while another class did. One friend of mine presented his written report and was given a barely passing grade and was berated in front for being "arrogant."

That sucks. There are college profs who enjoy wielding power, or maybe she's just batshit crazy.

in any case, then, I would advise just focusing on you. If it'll make you feel more empowered and take more pride in yourself to talk to her (even if she blows you off), then I would do it. We're talking about life patterns that will follow you from college into the job market. Think long-term and about what will give you some healthy self-confidence.

I flunked a class in college. It was pretty demoralizing... it was even in my major. It was also the class I worked hardest to pass. It was kind of humiliating to me, but it also taught me my limits and that it was okay to not be great at everything. I knew I had did my best; so despite the failure I was still proud of it in an odd way. I think that is probably what you can salvage out of this -- feeling proud of how you stood up for yourself, even if your prof isn't really interested in being fair.
 

Valentas

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Relax. Understand that you are not a dumbass but if professor is unhappy, it means it's your fault. Always do the work. She is right about wasting money if you don't do the work. However, bullying you is not professional. Even high school teachers don't do this and it's professor...

I deal with this by going to the same professor and apologizing. Then, you must ask why it is important in the future course. Also stop being so moody. One person told you are lazy and omg I'm going to the forum pouring my troubles. Stop worrying over a thing you can fix. If you can't then accept it and move on. What's the point in being worried?

Also don't watch porn. Quit that shit and never turn it on. If you can't use software to block all websites associated with it.
 

intpperson

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I don't really have a problem if she failed me or gave me a ZERO and actually presented a rational and logical criticism of my work. But the fact that she had to fuel my embarrassment in front of the whole class and told everyone that she was the one who felt embarrassed really sucks.

Honestly, I don't expect any coddling on behalf of one student or even the whole class. There's a difference between coddling and disrespect. She could've moved on instead of hammering me for 20 minutes about her sons and how much of an idiot I was. Thanks for the advice though especially on 'life patterns' and how I should consider it in the long run.

Edit: The 'porn' thing was a joke as I've said a hundred times.
 

Jennywocky

Creepy Clown Chick
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Honestly, I don't expect any coddling on behalf of one student or even the whole class. There's a difference between coddling and disrespect. She could've moved on instead of hammering me for 20 minutes about her sons and how much of an idiot I was.

I totally agree with that. College profs often will ask you to "step up" (which is kind of what I was referring to), but what you said she did has no real productive purpose that I can see, only destructive. I hope things work out.
 

Lot

Don't forget to bring a towel
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had a teacher like this in college. She implied I was retarded and should get help for my mental disability. I almost burst into tears over it. So I dropped her class. She was one of those teacher, that if you were a white male, she instantly thought less of you. English was her second language, which also made things hard. After dropping her class, I looked her up on ratemyprofessor.com. Nothing but negative reviews.

There is nothing you can do about a bad teacher, but submit, or drop their class and and get a new teacher. If you really want to feel good. After you get the drop slip signed, tell her off. Make some comment about her dried up, unused genitals. (Don't really do that last part:D... Unless you think you can get away with it:evil:)

It's not the end of the world. If you don't think you can pass, try to drop the class, and retake it with a new teacher. If you can hang in there and pass, just put up with her shit and report her to her superiors for being unprofessional.
 

Architect

Professional INTP
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I would remind her who is the customer (you) and who is the service provider (her). Really you're wasting your parents money paying her salary, and if you're not measuring up its her job to help you get on track. Giving you the tough uncle browbeating is presumably a part of that.
 

Valentas

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Just do your job. Continue to achieve what you aspire to become. This beating in front of the class would make me feel guilty and force me to reconsider my current state of learning. I tell you: do not give any shit about this event. Think about it as a kick to the butt and a hint that you need to work harder. It's not worth your nerves and time to ponder over this event.

The professor is an idiot for doing this but it may be important to actually listen what she told you. Get yourself up and do the work. You will encounter worse troubles in your life in the future and I advice you to save your energy for those ones.
 

walfin

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If you flunk, familiarise yourself with the appeals procedure. Bias is normally grounds for a grade review.

Great post title, by the way. I thought you were a spambot.
 

kvothe27

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She sounds like a narcissist. Grade her poorly and rely more on professor reviews in the future. It's also helpful to sign up for extra classes at the beginning of the semester, attend all the classes to analyze the professor and course material, and then drop the least tolerable classes. Most professors kind of suck, in my experience, so it's useful to shop for professors at the beginning of the semester.
 

Affinity

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She sounds like a narcissist. Grade her poorly and rely more on professor reviews in the future. It's also helpful to sign up for extra classes at the beginning of the semester, attend all the classes to analyze the professor and course material, and then drop the least tolerable classes. Most professors kind of suck, in my experience, so it's useful to shop for professors at the beginning of the semester.

x2. IME, the professors who can't teach for shit assign group work so they in turn have to do less work. They also have this knack of getting mad at you for their inability or lack of passion to teach. I'd take a shit on her desk.
 

Duxwing

I've Overcome Existential Despair
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I've yet to go to college, but she sounds loonier than any highschool teacher that I've ever had; I would have felt the same way in your position, and I agree that her assessment of your work was completely off-base and that her twenty-minute shouting down was just plain cruel. Yet in the interest of your emotional health during your year with her, consider the following. (I know that this is long, but I've fought essentially this battle before).

Emotions
Think of how she made you feel--"emasculated"--and think of how that makes her feel: powerful. Imagine her as an emotional vampire who sucks the power from you to but temporarily plug the bottomless pit of insecurity in her heart; every time that she gets a rush out of hurting you, she will view you as an even better bullying target and want to inflict even more pain to get an even bigger rush, ad infinitum until either you or she turn to violence. The only way to escape this escalating spiral is to find your courage and strength and be proactive, either by fighting her now, fighting her later, or making the best of your current situation if neither of the previous two are good options.

And unless you have very good reason to think that she can somehow ruin your academic or professional future (if she does, but only while you are in her class, then wait until you have passed her class to continue with what I describe but secretly collect as much evidence of her misbehavior as you can beforehand) I suggest the former on the grounds that you do not deserve to endure her emotional batterings for even an instant longer than practicality allows and that a sufficient body of evidence could lead to her firing, freeing future generations from her bullying. Yes, that's a hopeful, almost idealistic statement to someone who has just been emotionally beaten down and feels powerless: to succeed in this endeavor, you must maintain the mental discipline to distinguish between your feelings--whatever they may be--and your knowledge of your options for recourse.

Logisitics
Review your college's handbook on recourse regarding mistreatment of students by teachers and try to understand what evidence needs to go where to get the result that you want. Tireseome? Bothersome? Yes, but not nearly so much as being in her class for a year: remind yourself of your goal and set smaller ones as you pore over the tomes.

Meanwhile, avoid unnecessary confrontation with the teacher and try to appear your best even when so doing seems irrational so as to minimize any reason for her to beat you down. If she lashes out at you at length, then look into her eyes with a calm, blank expression and don't look away and don't say a word.

Fighting Now
OK, so you know that you're protected from harm? Good: strike while the iron is hot. You've already figured out the first way to stand up for yourself, which is to correct her understanding of the workloads in your project. Overcoming your bad feelings to be polite and calm in your discussion with her will gain you a temporary respite from her behavior by demonstrating your power and removing the emotional fuel for her aggression. However, she may just lash out again.

In that case, first assemble a written record of what happened during your project, during her lashing out, and during her second lashing out, and then inform her that you will ask her immediate superiors (figure out how to contact them beforehand to minimize the chance of her calling in ahead of you) to resolve the dispute. If she continues to refuse to accept your explanation, then contact her superiors and present your written record (preferably with quotes) to them. Her superiors might ignore your plea. If they do, then do not despair: ask them for their reply in writing and repeat the process with their superiors until you get results. And if even that fails, you have a second way.

Get others to testify against your professor, preferably in writing (with their signature and date) or video. The abuse of one student can be misconstrued as misbehavior; two, as a bad class; three or more, especially with the same story (and corroboration of others' stories!) and doubts about the teacher start getting raised. Ideally, she will at least be reprimanded for her deeds. Hopefully, she will be fired on the spot.

Fighting Later
If fighting now would ruin you, then adhere to paragraph two of "Logisitics" whenever she lashes out and collect the best possible record of her misbehavior while ensuring that you look as good as you can during the post-graduation confrontation, which should proceed as described in paragraphs two and three of "Fighting Now" except without talking to her and with an emphasis on the harm to future students.

Submitting
In this worst-case scenario, adhere to paragraph two of "logistics" and find a confidant to relate your problems to. You're not a coward in this case (provided that you are certain that you cannot redress your grievances) just screwed.

I hope that my advice helps! You're not alone and not powerless, as absurd an idea as that may seem. You can survive this year and perhaps rid your college of a gross malefactor. Find some activity or artwork that inspires and empowers you and keep it around during this rough time.

Good Luck!
-Duxwing
 
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