FML

[MunkySpanker]

here you go

2006
father got sick
dropped last 2 classes at USC
ditched law school aspirations (everyone always asked me why I didn’t go to lawschool — it’s really bc my dad got sick and our family ran out of money),
started working in real estate
about this time market was crashing and market saturated by brokers already
went about 11 months without an income
father died before I closed my first deal
closed my first deal
girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me and moved to Hawaii
then it was 2007
became depressed and buried myself in work this year, maybe went out once or twice
did enough deals to survive this year
alienated a lot of friends, became a hermit
2008 real estate got really bad
have 2 dogs and couldn’t even buy food for myself
was putting on suit and tie daily but couldn’t afford a hair cut
started cutting my own hair *cry
had on-again off-again relationship with Hawaii ex-gf
2009 realized that the only saving grace of my career was money
admitted i hated what i was doing admitted i was only going bc I was stubborn and didn’t want to give up
really wanted to be with my gf in Hawaii, combined w/ general job dissatisfaction, so I started a new company
end of 2009 partner leaves (on good terms though) to pursue other opportunities (he was my best friend so I felt hurt he was leaving me, business aside, felt abandoned)
2010 company starts taking off so I quit my commercial broker day job to focus 100%
girlfriend and I break up in May, for good this time (6 yr total)
I lose my passion for new company, mid-life crisis begins at age 27
seriously, father died at 53 yrs and I’ve achieved goals which I now don’t care about, love of my life gone
I buy motorcycle, find surfing, strippers, poker all over again, madden, call of duty, hanging out with college people for some reason
life is worth living again
not working too much, being irresponsible with money and company
employees, who are all friends (I only hire friends), see me going into a bad place and pull a mutiny on me
they give me a 24 hr ultimatum to assign 95% of company to them and full control bc of my insane state of mind…I say no.
to their defense, they really thought they were doing the right thing, and I can’t blame them… too much…
95% of my company is gone the next day, along with all clients.Website gets deleted, no emails, nothing.
my income goes from ‘kind being able to support my lifestyle’ to ‘zero’ within 30 days.
sell my car to pay October bills
car was super sentimental to me and the last thing I thought i would sell bc my father bet me that I couldn’t make a 4.0 GPA my freshman year at USC, I did and he bought it for me and he told me he never really thought I would do it! He thought I would try, get an A minus maybe, and he would get the best of that deal!
can’t afford to keep the condo rent going
moved into office
sleeping on floor with yellow sleeping bag (begging for sympathy I know)
selling motorcycle to pay November bills
cell phone I’ve had for 10 years gets shutoff bc I can’t pay the bill, and frankly, I don’t care anymore!
on plentyoffish.com trying to find a girl that doesn’t mind paying for our dates
considers becoming a comedian

all in all, life for me is better than it has ever been; I feel smarter than I ever have; more in control than ever before; more attractive than I’ve ever been; and all the hardships have given me a 50Cent like bullet-proof vest to tackle the world with.
not sure why i’m sharing this with another soul as i’ve been very kept to myself my entire life but it’s proof to myself that I really don’t give a fuck anymore. I may have been embarrassed before, but it’s actually quite funny if you think about it. Well, not since it’s happening to me right now, but I’m thinking about next year, “hey Weldon, remember when I was sleeping in a sleeping bag on my office floor?”

ttyl.



p.s. the thing that hurts me the most is that I only ever had good intentions too — the whole point wasn’t to make me rich (okay that was always the point assholes, right?). I’ve always had trouble keeping close friends — mostly because the relationships we have are superficial and fleeting, and sometimes I’m the only one honest enough to acknowledge that. I was more concerned with surrounding myself with friends and people I trusted than actually running a business, and it ends up biting me in the ass. I guess the next time around it will be all business. I only cared for you guys and only wanted the best for all of us, I really can’t believe you did this to me.

 

[shoeless]

):

virtual hugs.

things will get better though. life is a pattern like anything else. up and down, up and down.
focus on trying to find an income while maintaining the mindset that life is silly and shit happens.
that's how i get through the day.

 

[The Gopher]

I buy motorcycle, find surfing, madden

Madden?

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Hey Munky, you ever think about selling your story to a producer/writer?

I think INTPs have some of the most interesting stories to tell because of the way we perceive things and delay judgment.

 

[MunkySpanker]

Hey Munky, you ever think about selling your story to a producer/writer?

I think INTPs have some of the most interesting stories to tell because of the way we perceive things and delay judgment.

I feel like I'm the star of a really, realllly, shitty B-version of The Social Network Facebook movie. Except I don't get to date the hot crazy asian girl. That would make this all better.

 

[Lobstrich]

I really do not get why you are posting this. Why are you posting this? I realise that you mentioned that you were unsure about why. An alternative question: Why are you doing it then?

However, I like how you you mentioned that you are stronger because of this. I agree, well. I don't know wether or not YOU are stronger. I just know that my own 'experiences' have made me stronger! And that experiences such as yours and mine, which are generally considered bad. Should not be used as a reason to give up and whine about it. But a reason to keep moving, cheesy as it may sound.

 

[MunkySpanker]

I really do not get why you are posting this. Why are you posting this? I realise that you mentioned that you were unsure about why. An alternative question: Why are you doing it then?

However, I like how you you mentioned that you are stronger because of this. I agree, well. I don't know wether or not YOU are stronger. I just know that my own 'experiences' have made me stronger! And that experiences such as yours and mine, which are generally considered bad. Should not be used as a reason to give up and whine about it. But a reason to keep moving, cheesy as it may sound.

if you can imagine the stress of not being able to pay your cell phone bill for the first time in 10 years.

 

[Melllvar]

I'm guessing it feels good to let some of it out every once in a while. It kind of eats at you when you're having the most miserable fucking time for years on end and there's no one to even bitch to. (turns out the internet is good for something)

I think you made the right decision not giving control of your company over to your employees. Not knowing them, but hunch would be that they were seeking to take advantage of you in a weakened emotional state. People can be rather opportunistic and cruel, even when they seem to be your 'friends.'

Best of luck with all that. Hope everything turns around some time soon. Maybe you need to find a new kind of lifestyle or life-path. It seems like the stuff you've tried hasn't worked out very well for you.

 

[MunkySpanker]

I'm guessing it feels good to let some of it out every once in a while. It kind of eats at you when you're having the most miserable fucking time for years on end and there's no one to even bitch to. (turns out the internet is good for something)

I think you made the right decision not giving control of your company over to your employees. Not knowing them, but hunch would be that they were seeking to take advantage of you in a weakened emotional state. People can be rather opportunistic and cruel, even when they seem to be your 'friends.'

Best of luck with all that. Hope everything turns around some time soon. Maybe you need to find a new kind of lifestyle or life-path. It seems like the stuff you've tried hasn't worked out very well for you.

thx. the degree of how private I am, many of my close friends I did not even tell when my father died. I went back to TX to see him die on his death bad, came back to Los Angeles like everything was fine, and many people didn't find out for years later. I've bottled stuff up my whole life and this was the first time I really just stopped caring.

One would thing I have trouble trusting people again but I have such a lighthearted attitude that haters have started hating me again today because I seem like I'm in such a happy place. Not kidding, insecure people seem to really hate me like they have a radar for me and fire heat seeking missiles as I approach. You'd have to have experienced this yourself or witnessed it to know what I mean... ya know?

 

[Melllvar]

One would thing I have trouble trusting people again but I have such a lighthearted attitude that haters have started hating me again today because I seem like I'm in such a happy place. Not kidding, insecure people seem to really hate me like they have a radar for me and fire heat seeking missiles as I approach. You'd have to have experienced this yourself or witnessed it to know what I mean... ya know?

No, that seems like the standard behavior: people really don't like to see someone doing better than they are. Although it doesn't seem like you're doing that much better than other people are, no offense.

Two reasons I've often had people start shit with me: being "overly jovial" and generally goofy and happy, or daring to try and talk about something showing the slightest amount of academic or intellectual interest. Er, specifically, if you're in a social setting and talking too much, laughing a bit too loud, etc. someone will give you shit about it. Or if you dare to bring up anything showing the slightest amount of education or thought, they'll give you shit about that too.

I really don't bother leaving my house much anymore.

But maybe that isn't what you were referring to. It just seemed like you're experiencing the same behavior, in the way you phrased it. If you're really in that great a mood in kind of makes me wonder if you're gonna "come down" and end up being really depressed in not too long. I've noticed my really good moods are often followed by bad ones, and vice versa. (I'm not bipolar or anything, I've just noticed this trend over the years - I assume it's some sort of mild biochemical dynamic equilibrium at work)

Edit: Also, what's wrong with cutting your own hair? I've been doing it since like 2003. Saves money, and you don't have to deal with strangers. It's no big deal.

 

[MunkySpanker]

Although it doesn't seem like you're doing that much better than other people are, no offense.

LOL. That's what I said. For some reason, when I'm walking down the street in Santa Monica, people don't seem to be able to sense how 'shitty' my situation is. Probably bc I, whether doing a good job of fooling myself or not, walk around with the peacock chest like I'm on top of the world.

Have you seen Eat, Pray, Love? I have a feeling a lot of us can relate to Julia Roberts in that movie, even though I'm a guy and felt really uncomfortable watching that movie at first, but it was with a girl, so that's okay.

Anyways, I mention that movie because I remember that Julia Roberts (spolier) said that she had to lose everything first in order to gain, or some crap like that.

Well -- I can attest that -- after losing everything, there is this wonderful sense of liberation, of non-responsibility, same feeling as when your parents were taking care of your ass in highschool -- or even college, when all you cared about were grades, girls, and working out.

and then real life settles in again. haha. but it's been great to find this forum.

 

[Lobstrich]

if you can imagine the stress of not being able to pay your cell phone bill for the first time in 10 years.

That doesn't really answer my question, does it?

EDIT: To answer your question: No. I can't imagine the stress, for two reasons. I rarely get stressed, and I haven't experienced the inability to pay my bills. But I've experienced alot of other stuff. So don't talk to me like you think I'm some kind of little kid who has had it all happy and sunny his whole life (Which is what your comment made me feel you were doing. Sorry for the burst, if that wasn't you intention)

 

[MunkySpanker]

That doesn't really answer my question, does it?

EDIT: To answer your question: No. I can't imagine the stress, for two reasons. I rarely get stressed, and I haven't experienced the inability to pay my bills. But I've experienced alot of other stuff. So don't talk to me like you think I'm some kind of little kid who has had it all happy and sunny his whole life (Which is what your comment made me feel you were doing. Sorry for the burst, if that wasn't you intention)

I should say sorry, I'm too good at stirring up trouble. People love to give me all their money at the poker table.

 

[Lobstrich]

I should say sorry, I'm too good at stirring up trouble. People love to give me all their money at the poker table.

I see.. Yet you still haven't answered my initial question.

 

[Fukyo]

I see.. Yet you still haven't answered my initial question.

He wants to vent and receive some acknowledgment of his past tribulations.

Let me spell it out for you: sympathy.

 

[Lobstrich]

He wants to vent and receive some acknowledgment of his past tribulations.

Let me spell it out for you: sympathy.

I figured as much, I'm not an idiot. I just don't really see the point in it. And certaintly not the point in seeking that on a INTP forum.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Let me spell it out for you: sympathy.

Mmm. I think empathy is the better word. We understand each other so much, our problems mostly do not even need to be discussed.

 

[Fukyo]

I figured as much, I'm not an idiot. I just don't really see the point in it. And certaintly not the point in seeking that on a INTP forum.

Well me neither. *shrug*

 

[Lobstrich]

Well me neither. *shrug*

Which is why I decided to ask MunkySpanker to begin with. And not you! =)

 

[MunkySpanker]

I see.. Yet you still haven't answered my initial question.

Initially, I'd assume that I just want attention. Upon closer inspection, it's because you guys obviously don't want anything from me and don't have the ability to stab me in the back. Any niceness shown (or mean-ness for that matter) comes purely from deep down inside your heart, purely from love or hate, and no ulterior motives.

This is a very relaxing place for me. You are all so easy to read, your motives, your intentions -- you emotional creatures. It's so easy to push your buttons.

It seems that when I'm stressed I exhibit ISTP qualities when my entire life I've been an INTP.

So to answer your initial question, I've never had the opportunity to share exactly what was on my mind with anyone, and here, for some reason, I feel that not only are there zero consequences, I may even find a friend or two who agrees with me and sympathizes, where throughout my life, throughout college, the fraternity, and the working world, all I find are a bunch of selfish robot like nits whose only function is to maximize their own utility.

 

[Anthile]

I'm afraid you're in the wrong place. This is where you want to be: https://www.livejournal.com/create.bml

 

[Melllvar]

Have you seen Eat, Pray, Love? I have a feeling a lot of us can relate to Julia Roberts in that movie, even though I'm a guy and felt really uncomfortable watching that movie at first, but it was with a girl, so that's okay.

Anyways, I mention that movie because I remember that Julia Roberts (spolier) said that she had to lose everything first in order to gain, or some crap like that.

I don't think I've ever even heard of that movie. Although it more reminds me of the same line from Fight Club (only seen the movie), where they run the car off the road. It's pretty true though, so much misery in life is caused by holding yourself to expectations, and when you just give up on it all it is very liberating.

I've been through a lot of the same stuff honestly (although maybe not as bad as you have), so it's easy to relate. Dropping out of college was pretty painful the first time, cause I had rather high expectations for myself, and dropping out again after going back was only slightly less difficult. In retrospect I'm pretty sure I was having some kind of nervous breakdown both times, but it's hard to rationally analyze what's going on with you when you're in a such a shitty state.

Actually I've seen a few "chick flicks" that were fairly enjoyable, despite having a penis. Sideways comes to mind (does that count as a chick flick?), and to a lesser extent Punch Drunk Love. I think I can tolerate romancish movies as long as they're very cynical and depressing.

Well -- I can attest that -- after losing everything, there is this wonderful sense of liberation, of non-responsibility, same feeling as when your parents were taking care of your ass in highschool -- or even college, when all you cared about were grades, girls, and working out.

Um, can't really relate here, high school and college were two of the hardest times of my life. Things have gotten progressively easier the older I get. I rather laugh at people who talk about how easy kids have it, how it's "the best time of your life," etc. I wouldn't go back to that hell for all the money in the world.

 

[MunkySpanker]

I'm afraid you're in the wrong place. This is where you want to be: https://www.livejournal.com/create.bml

You technologically ungifted nit. I'm on wordpress dude, it's much better, you're stuck in 2009.

 

[pjoa09]

maybe when you straighten up they will give you back some of that 95%

You did say you were getting lazy somewhere... you got a company,you went lazy, you are off your own band wagon.

 

[MunkySpanker]

maybe when you straighten up they will give you back some of that 95%

You did say you were getting lazy somewhere... you got a company,you went lazy, you are off your own band wagon.

you'd hope they'd be nice enough to give me back some of my own company

 

[Lobstrich]

Initially, I'd assume that I just want attention. Upon closer inspection, it's because you guys obviously don't want anything from me and don't have the ability to stab me in the back. Any niceness shown (or mean-ness for that matter) comes purely from deep down inside your heart, purely from love or hate, and no ulterior motives.

I agree, partly. People can still 'act' on forums.

This is a very relaxing place for me. You are all so easy to read, your motives, your intentions

No, there's not alot of hidden agendas.

you emotional creatures. It's so easy to push your buttons.

I don't like this generalization. Emotional creatures? Easy to push our buttons??

So to answer your initial question, I've never had the opportunity to share exactly what was on my mind with anyone, and here, for some reason, I feel that not only are there zero consequences, I may even find a friend or two who agrees with me and sympathizes, where throughout my life, throughout college, the fraternity, and the working world, all I find are a bunch of selfish robot like nits whose only function is to maximize their own utility.

This is just a more elaborate explanation of my own conclusion, that you seek attention. But my question was why you do this. Why do you seek sympathy. Why do you care wether or not people's think you've had it tough? Why do you want their pity and attention?

That is what boggles my mind.. I've never really understood why people have this need for people to feel sorry for them, in order to make them feel better about themselves.

EDIT: Don't get me wrong though. Sure, It's always good to tell your story to people. I've told my own story, I bet we all have. But I do it because I want people to know who I am, or because they ask. Not because I want them to feel bad for me. Which is what you're doing.

 

[MunkySpanker]

I agree, partly. People can still 'act' on forums.



No, there's not alot of hidden agendas.



I don't like this generalization. Emotional creatures? Easy to push our buttons??




This is just a more elaborate explanation of my own conclusion, that you seek attention. But my question was why you do this. Why do you seek sympathy. Why do you care wether or not people's think you've had it tough? Why do you want their pity and attention?

That is what boggles my mind.. I've never really understood why people have this need for people to feel sorry for them, in order to make them feel better about themselves.

EDIT: Don't get me wrong though. Sure, It's always good to tell your story to people. I've told my own story, I bet we all have. But I do it because I want people to know who I am, or because they ask. Not because I want them to feel bad for me. Which is what you're doing.

it's nice that you people feel "bad" for me -- whatever that means. whether or not that's what I want is a different story.

do I "look" like someone who cares?

but at least the fact that you're talking to me means that I'm alive.

 

[JoeJoe]

it's nice that you people feel "bad" for me -- whatever that means. whether or not that's what I want is a different story.

do I "look" like someone who cares?

but at least the fact that you're talking to me means that I'm alive.

Ironically, the fact that we're talking to you doesn't mean we're alive, does it? Couldn't we just be products of your sordid imagination? What is there to assure you, that you are not alone on this world?

 

[Lobstrich]

Ironically, the fact that we're talking to you doesn't mean we're alive, does it? Couldn't we just be products of your sordid imagination? What is there to assure you, that you are not alone on this world?

Oh, haha. Yes. I'm wondering that as well. Vice versa, we could just be your imagination! =)

 

[Lobstrich]

it's nice that you people feel "bad" for me -- whatever that means. whether or not that's what I want is a different story.

do I "look" like someone who cares?

but at least the fact that you're talking to me means that I'm alive.

I never said I felt bad for you. I said that is what think you're seeking.. Pity, sympathy, soothing.
And don't play coy - "whatever that means"? Wether or not that's what you want? Well. You just told me you posted here because you wanted sympathy, right? To me sympathy is just a posh word for "feel bad for" or 'pity'

Anyway. If it's NOT what you want.. Why don't you answer my intial question then? I mean that's what I've been trying to figure out all along. What is you want? Why post your life's story?

Do you look like someone who cares? Why the sudden hostility? I never intended to be mean or offend you. I'm just curious of your motivations.

 

[MunkySpanker]

I never said I felt bad for you. I said that is what think you're seeking.. Pity, sympathy, soothing.
And don't play coy - "whatever that means"? Wether or not that's what you want? Well. You just told me you posted here because you wanted sympathy, right? To me sympathy is just a posh word for "feel bad for" or 'pity'

Anyway. If it's NOT what you want.. Why don't you answer my intial question then? I mean that's what I've been trying to figure out all along. What is you want? Why post your life's story?

Do you look like someone who cares? Why the sudden hostility? I never intended to be mean or offend you. I'm just curious of your motivations.

I question your curiosity, more like trying to fit me into a square peg, or a round one. You just can't rest until I admit I'm just looking for sympathy or attention!

but maybe it's because you care

 

[MunkySpanker]

I never said I felt bad for you. I said that is what think you're seeking.. Pity, sympathy, soothing.
And don't play coy - "whatever that means"? Wether or not that's what you want? Well. You just told me you posted here because you wanted sympathy, right? To me sympathy is just a posh word for "feel bad for" or 'pity'

Anyway. If it's NOT what you want.. Why don't you answer my intial question then? I mean that's what I've been trying to figure out all along. What is you want? Why post your life's story?

Do you look like someone who cares? Why the sudden hostility? I never intended to be mean or offend you. I'm just curious of your motivations.

I'm glad you ask me cuz not sure myself. I do know that I'm at a place where I question all the friendships I have and figured what the hell, I've spent my life keeping my feelings to myself. Now, I tell strangers how I feel.

I blew up at this lady who got mad at me for not picking one of my dog shits last week. I gave it to her real good. Like, she had it coming, but still, my outburst didn't make sense to her. But she still deserved it. I told her to "keep your fucking opinions to yourself you stupid whore." Normally I would have just kept jogging and minded my own business. It's this sense that I normally give off like, "oh he won't do anything -- I can use him as an emotional tampon" -- kind of like my ex gf (haha I take any chance I can to throw in a bitch reference to her).

It's because I brought 3 dog shit bags with me. I have 2 dogs. Sometimes one of the dogs likes to shit 2 times (thus 3 baggies). But Mr Shitsalot decided to go 3 times, and the other dog decided to go twice today, so 2 shits don't get picked up. And then all of a sudden I'm this horrible dog owner that doesn't pick up my dog shit. No no! that's entirely not the case! But no, I don't get the benefit of the doubt ever.

I get old ladies muttering things under their breath and shaking their heads as they walk by.

No longer shall I stand for the injustices of the world! (kind of mocking myself and my fellow INTP brethren) -- I figure that even here I must let people know when I'm being sarcastic, lest I continue hurting anyone's feelings.

 

[Lobstrich]

I question your curiosity, more like trying to fit me into a square peg, or a round one. You just can't rest until I admit I'm just looking for sympathy or attention!

You're wrong.. I can't rest until you answer my question. Which you've been avoiding for a long time (and that is the reason I can't rest. I'm just becoming more and more curious) And by avoiding it you're just adding fuel to my fire.

but maybe it's because you care

Clever point. I hadn't thought of that myself, to be honest. Thinking about it. No. You just kind of annoy me with your evading.


How about answering me? Then I can stop trying to fit you into something you might not be. Then I would just know what is. Obviously I could decide that I do not believe you and just carry on. I doubt that's going to happen if you actually give me a proper answer instead of your clever remarks about buttons and poker tables.

 

[MunkySpanker]

You're wrong.. I can't rest until you answer my question. Which you've been avoiding for a long time (and that is the reason I can't rest. I'm just becoming more and more curious) And by avoiding it you're just adding fuel to my fire.



Clever point. I hadn't thought of that myself, to be honest. Thinking about it. No. You just kind of annoy me with your evading.


How about answering me? Then I can stop trying to fit you into something you might not be. Then I would just know what is. Obviously I could decide that I do not believe you and just carry on. I doubt that's going to happen if you actually give me a proper answer instead of your clever remarks about buttons and poker tables.

I get to be myself here.

 

[s0nystyle]

Interesting story you have. Though filled with many tragedies they make up who you are i would like to think that you have no regrets about your decisions.

Speaking of which you're still in LA right? Are you looking for a job in the real estate industry still (granted business is ALWAYS slow this time of year)? My friend's dad is the owner of diversified mtg company and if you send me your resume i can put in a good word for you if you'd like.

 

[MunkySpanker]

Interesting story you have. Though filled with many tragedies they make up who you are i would like to think that you have no regrets about your decisions.

Speaking of which you're still in LA right? Are you looking for a job in the real estate industry still (granted business is ALWAYS slow this time of year)? My friend's dad is the owner of diversified mtg company and if you send me your resume i can put in a good word for you if you'd like.

awww thx Sony (not being sarcastic)

that's about the sweetest thing anyone's done (or offered to do for me this year) hah

but I've realized that I'm unable to work for anybody -- thus if I can't get my company going again it's Hustler Casino and sleeping on the sidewalk

 

[s0nystyle]

Just doing what i can